Self-conscious about having long hair?

[Nayeli]

Why is she so bothered by what you have to go through to maintain your hair? It's not like if you ask her to help you detangle. She needs to go sit down somewhere.

 

[MayaB12]

Today, my friend and I went to a wig store to try some wigs on..more her than me. She's been having some hair issues lately and wanted a quick fix for those bad hair days and needing to rush out for work.

It was your typical Asian-owned AA beauty/wig store.

We walk in there and went straight for where the wigs were in the back. An Asian woman came to assist my friend. So she's picking out wigs and what not and while she was doing her thing, I saw this short-haired wig I wanted to try on.

For some reason though, I felt stupid. All these women in here with short hair looking to try some wigs because they barely have hair, and here I am with my MBL hair looking for a wig. But I reeeally wanted to try this particular wig on. It was cut into a bob with bangs, and the color combination was hot. So a different lady came to help me and when it came time to put the wig cap on, she was all, "Oohh, look at all this hair." And talking in a different language and had to ask another lady to help put this wig on. I felt embarrassed. It seemed like such a big deal.

Anyway, later in the day my friend was telling me I should cut my hair; that it's gotten too long and the long-haired look was getting old and boring on me. I started to feel self-conscious about my hair and now feel I should cut it. Even having my hair out and walking around town I sometimes feel like these women are just looking at me negatively. erplexed

Do any of you feel this way?

Don't worry about your friend is JEALOUS.

 

[coconow2007]

OP don't believe the hip - u better keep all of that hair. LOL, seriously do what works for u. Its good to get feedback from people u trust but make sure their feedback comes from a place of caring and not someplace else.

 

[SophieDulce]

Okay, Im probably going to get a lot of critism for this, but here goes! I think your hair is beautiful curly and straight, and i dont think you should cut it. My sister in law, who is a latina from honduras has butt length hair, thats pretty plain, straight and black, When we go out, particulary to latin clubs, we see 50 women who look the same has her, straight long black hair. She asked me what I thought she should do to her hair, I suggested that she cut it about mid back length , and dye it a reddish brown color. I didn't say it because i was jealous or any malice intentions. I just thought on her it looked boring.

 

[CurlyMoo]

DON'T CUT YOUR HAIR! Women do this to each other every now and then. Sabatoge even friends because of petty jealousy. You have beautiful hair and should not feel like you owe anyone anything. Of course you will feel self-consious every now and then because so many women are running around buying long hair, while you have grown yours out naturally and healthy. Don't feel ashamed in fact, feel proud that you have accomplished something that many others wish they could.

I have a similar situation at work. 98.9% of the ladies at work have busted weaves/wigs. It's a mess. One day we were taking company ID photos and there were a group of us in the rest room. When they were combing their weave/wig, I undid my bun and all this hair came tumbling out. (I had flatironed a few days before with my Maxiglide and it was silky straight.) I could feel the stares. Some even stopped in mid comb. One lady made a comment about how beautiful my hair was and how real it was with no weave. She proceeded to let me borrow her comb while she kept mentioning to me that she wore weave so the comb never touched her scalp. She was very nice to me, I only exchange polite pleasantries with the people I work with so they don't feel comfortable enough to get offensive.

When I started this job I felt selfconsious because I was wearing my hair up in a bun to protect the ends and there were so many rough heads that needed moisture and TLC. I thought to myself, why in the hell am I hiding my hair, feeling self consious when many of these lades have no problem showing their tracks and some wigs were even crooked. WTF????

Then I realized that I have a goal and I'm sticking with it. I plan on reaching WSL this year so I will continue to bun and stick with my regimen.

BTW, I plan on getting the Halle crop wig, when I reach waist length.

 

[darlingdiva]

Today, my friend and I went to a wig store to try some wigs on..more her than me. She's been having some hair issues lately and wanted a quick fix for those bad hair days and needing to rush out for work.

It was your typical Asian-owned AA beauty/wig store.

We walk in there and went straight for where the wigs were in the back. An Asian woman came to assist my friend. So she's picking out wigs and what not and while she was doing her thing, I saw this short-haired wig I wanted to try on.

For some reason though, I felt stupid. All these women in here with short hair looking to try some wigs because they barely have hair, and here I am with my MBL hair looking for a wig. But I reeeally wanted to try this particular wig on. It was cut into a bob with bangs, and the color combination was hot. So a different lady came to help me and when it came time to put the wig cap on, she was all, "Oohh, look at all this hair." And talking in a different language and had to ask another lady to help put this wig on. I felt embarrassed. It seemed like such a big deal.

Anyway, later in the day my friend was telling me I should cut my hair; that it's gotten too long and the long-haired look was getting old and boring on me. I started to feel self-conscious about my hair and now feel I should cut it. Even having my hair out and walking around town I sometimes feel like these women are just looking at me negatively. erplexed

Do any of you feel this way?

I'd be looking to get rid of this "friend." She sounds like a major hater.

ETA: I just read post #59 where you said that she envies the curls more than the length. The point is: she's envious of your hair, and she's telling you to cut it because of her envy. She said she wouldn't know how to handle all of that hair. She doesn't have to handle it because it's YOUR hair on YOUR head. Why does your hair matter so much to her that she's telling you to cut it?

I stand behind my original opinion: I'd be looking to cut her from my life. It's just something about her comments and "requests" that don't sound or feel right.

 

[dynamic1]

Anyway, later in the day my friend was telling me I should cut my hair; that it's gotten too long and the long-haired look was getting old and boring on me. I started to feel self-conscious about my hair and now feel I should cut it. Even having my hair out and walking around town I sometimes feel like these women are just looking at me negatively.

This makes no sense. If she was coming from a good place, she would have suggested a short wig for a change of pace rather than a hair cut. Afterall, she went to buy a wig so why can't you? This reminds me of friends who will tell you to put on something unflattering intentionally.

A few years ago I went with some friends to try on wigs for style and color examples. The store rep repeated, "you hair, you own..you too much hair...no can put on...hair you own", in an agitated tone. Friends indicated she probably didn't think I would actually purchase a wig and didn't want to waste time with the wig cap.

 

[Nice & Wavy]

I'm a wee bit confused about your friend's comment

She is in the store, looking to purchase a long wig, but tells you that you should cut your hair because your long hair is getting old and is boring on you....to her?

 

[testimony777]

Today, my friend and I went to a wig store to try some wigs on..more her than me. She's been having some hair issues lately and wanted a quick fix for those bad hair days and needing to rush out for work.

It was your typical Asian-owned AA beauty/wig store.

We walk in there and went straight for where the wigs were in the back. An Asian woman came to assist my friend. So she's picking out wigs and what not and while she was doing her thing, I saw this short-haired wig I wanted to try on.

For some reason though, I felt stupid. All these women in here with short hair looking to try some wigs because they barely have hair, and here I am with my MBL hair looking for a wig. But I reeeally wanted to try this particular wig on. It was cut into a bob with bangs, and the color combination was hot. So a different lady came to help me and when it came time to put the wig cap on, she was all, "Oohh, look at all this hair." And talking in a different language and had to ask another lady to help put this wig on. I felt embarrassed. It seemed like such a big deal.

Anyway, later in the day my friend was telling me I should cut my hair; that it's gotten too long and the long-haired look was getting old and boring on me. I started to feel self-conscious about my hair and now feel I should cut it. Even having my hair out and walking around town I sometimes feel like these women are just looking at me negatively. erplexed

Do any of you feel this way?

I don't now but this was a big issue for me years ago and the reason I cut all of my hair off (the first time). I have always gotten lots of attention because of my hair. When I was growing up my hair was the way peopel identified me. My name is pretty common so I was never just Michelle, i was "Michelle with the long pretty hair." It made me feel very self conscious.

Cutting my hair was great and I discovered that I got just as much attention with short hair as I did with long hair. I was able to get over my own hair hang ups and learn to just do me.

Now, I don't feel self-conscious about my hair at all. When people make a huge fuss over my hair I have learned how to take it as a compliment and keep it moving. I don't like a lot of attention so I always try to steer focus away from myself, but I don't take it to heart.

Cutting your hair is a big step. It is not a decision you should let someone else make for you. Doing it because you want to, rather than because others have made you feel self-conscious, is the difference between feeling liberated when you cut and spending the next three to four years regretting your decision as you grow it back.

 

[Jewell]

Let me say this: do not cut your hair or feel bad because other women say you need to, or b/c they say that the "long-haired look is becoming boring." Who asked them? Everyone may not look the best with long hair, and the same for short hair. I, for one, could care less about what other ppl say. And, many women with short hair who might say something admiringly to a long-haired lady suspiciously always say, "Yeah, I used to have BSL (<--insert whatever length here) hair, but I cut it." Either you instantly know they are lying, or maybe they did stupidly cut it at someone else's foolish advice (envy motivated). I've heard it too many times.

ETA: I don't ever feel self-conscious about having long hair. I don't like a lot of attention, but I like long hair on me just for me. Not for anyone else's props or admiration. I've cut my MBL hair short (a la Rihanna 2007) just b/c I myself was TIRED of it. I felt good about it, and enjoyed the short hair. However, after a few months, I was pleased when it began to get long again. Since I've done the experiment, I no longer wonder what the results will be. Don't cut your beautiful hair, and please kick that "friend" to the curb. Sounds like a jealous {female cow} to me. ;-/

 

[butterfly_wings]

JEALOSY, Keep you MBL hair girl!!!

 

[PhonyBaloney500]

Hair that has shrinkage (naturals) + haircut= makes no sense

 

[MaintaintheSexy]

I can't imagine being self conscious about having long hair. When I wear long hair weaves, I feel self conscious because it is not my hair. However, if it were my hair, growing from my scalp, I would shake it all over the place and wouldn't give a damn what anyone has to say. You know why? Because it's all mine! I swear, I can't wait to reach long lengths like many of the ladies up here because it is something to be proud of. "They" said "we" can't have long hair, so my goal is to prove them wrong!

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Wow! I was just checking out your fotki and you have gorgeous hair!!!

Long hair is NEVER boring or out of style. If it was, the weave/wig shops would be out of business. Ignore her and keep growing out your hair.

 

[SEMO]

OP, I understand just how you feel. And posted a similar thread awhile back. It's not so much having long hair, but the immediate stereotyping and judgments that you sometimes worry come along with it (i.e. being stuck up).

I don't have to deal with this issue day to day because my hair only seems really long when straight. But then when it is straight I try not to worry too much. I put a lot of time and effort into my hair and there's nothing wrong with wanting to showcase that. It's not like I'm whipping my ponytail into people's faces.

Eta:
I think your friend was showing a jealous streak when she said you should cut it. She would probably take your long, "boring," hair in a minute if she could.

 

[Ivey14]

***Deleted***

 

[Nice & Wavy]

I don't understand why she should be jealous. Her hair is beautiful, given the proper care, and I love her coils. She recently did a BC (for the 2nd time) after perming her hair herself. It didn't turn out too well and she ended up having to cut. When her hair is natural, it's pretty. She just doesn't have the attention span for hair care I guess.

Given the 'proper care' are the key words. She is constantly doing something wrong to have to cut her hair twice. She doesn't have the attention span for 'HER' hair, but she surely has it for yours

Listen, I saw the pics of your hair....I will come through this screen right to your door and tell you a little sumthin-sumthin...if you cut your hair, young lady...your hair is beautiful and LONGGGGGGGG!!!!!

Keep growing and doing your thang

 

[Ivey14]

***Deleted***

 

[AmyRose92]

I know that where I'm coming from with my SL hair, if (more like when ) I made MBL, I'd be wearing it long and proud! Whoever said the long hair look is old and overplayed is obviously drinking that strong haterade. This is your chance to show other AA women that they can have long hair. Cutting your hair would defeat the purpose of that. Why should you give them the satisfaction? Just to make them feel better about their poor hair habits? Wear that long hair like your prized possession, because it is.

 

[Yellowflowers]

Oh man, the last time I went in to a BSS store with my hair down (I was letting it finish off drying), this one lady kept giving me the serious stinkeye. I was standing in one of the aisles looking at the V05 conditioner prices and she was all

and sucking her teeth.

Now, I don't why, maybe it had something to do with her hair looking like a pack of rats had been chewing on it? Maybe she thought I was someone else? Maybe she didn't like the look of me? In any case, I snatched my conditioner and hightailed it to the register. Just in case she decided to cut my hair or something. Absolutely last time I go into a BSS with my hair down. Already, a lot of those women are going in there all frustrated about their own hair, they don't need me in there with my pretty curls and have them thinking I'm showing off or flaunting.

I've had something similar happen to me too. They want to come too close up on you in the store, faking like they are looking for something.

I don't want them walking up and standing behind me. If I see them slithering up to me I go to another area, until they leave. I don't wan't to hear the usual lie, "I used to have long hurrrr but I cut it off".

If they really don't want long hurrr, why are they soo intimidated by yours and feel like it is soo important for them to follow you around to tell you about what they used to have or to suck up in those old nasty crusty teeth or to pop that nasty piece of gum.

When I wore my hair short, I never even cared enough to walked up to a lady I didn't even know with long hair and tell her that.

Like she doesn't know that's it's just an insecure envious comment. Haters need to stop that stank behavior. They're really trying to put you down but it makes them look even worse. Haters are really hating on themselves.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Black Queens, please don't let jealous women get in your way and try to cut you down about your hair or anything else in your life. They just can't stand to see you have something they don't.

 

[GodivaChocolate]

Girl, you better not cut your hair based on someone else insecurities and hateration.
Most people would like to have your hair length, instead of being self-conscious be thankful that you have beautiful hair and be and inspiration to other black women, letting them know that they can achieve this length also.
Boost your own self-esteem by helping others!

 

[cocosweet]

Today, my friend and I went to a wig store to try some wigs on..more her than me. She's been having some hair issues lately and wanted a quick fix for those bad hair days and needing to rush out for work.

It was your typical Asian-owned AA beauty/wig store.

We walk in there and went straight for where the wigs were in the back. An Asian woman came to assist my friend. So she's picking out wigs and what not and while she was doing her thing, I saw this short-haired wig I wanted to try on.

For some reason though, I felt stupid. All these women in here with short hair looking to try some wigs because they barely have hair, and here I am with my MBL hair looking for a wig. But I reeeally wanted to try this particular wig on. It was cut into a bob with bangs, and the color combination was hot. So a different lady came to help me and when it came time to put the wig cap on, she was all, "Oohh, look at all this hair." And talking in a different language and had to ask another lady to help put this wig on. I felt embarrassed. It seemed like such a big deal.

Anyway, later in the day my friend was telling me I should cut my hair; that it's gotten too long and the long-haired look was getting old and boring on me. I started to feel self-conscious about my hair and now feel I should cut it. Even having my hair out and walking around town I sometimes feel like these women are just looking at me negatively.

Do any of you feel this way?

Don't fall for it. It's a trick! It will be a hot day in Iceland before somebody can convince me to feel self conscious about the hair I worked so hard to care for.

They're not looking at you negatively, they're looking at you jealously.

I will admit, I used to feel weird about having my hair out because I don't like feeling like a spectacle or exhibit. It was never because anybody made me feel bad for having something they want.

Keep your hair, girl.

 

[Lesha]

LOL... so been there... Dont dare cut your hair dear.. sounds like your friend is a hater, maybe not. You can get all the wigs; short,longer than your hair, different colors, girl its your perrogative, never second guess what the Lord has blessed you with! BTW, your hair is beautiful!

 

[Janet']

I know that I can't fully answer this question, but when I get this problem...I think that I am going to have to remind myself when I go out in public to NOT be so confident...

 

[Solitude]

I don't have long hair (by board standards), but I can sympathize with feeling self-conscious in the BSS.

The majority of the store is weave products and I'm usually looking for something to do my real hair like rollers or moisturizer. When I walk up to the counter with stuff like that, I feel like the people in line/behind the counter are wondering why I'm not asking for a pack of 20inch something or other....

OP, you know what's best for your hair! Ignore them!

 

[SHEANITPRO]

Today, my friend and I went to a wig store to try some wigs on..more her than me. She's been having some hair issues lately and wanted a quick fix for those bad hair days and needing to rush out for work.

It was your typical Asian-owned AA beauty/wig store.

We walk in there and went straight for where the wigs were in the back. An Asian woman came to assist my friend. So she's picking out wigs and what not and while she was doing her thing, I saw this short-haired wig I wanted to try on.

For some reason though, I felt stupid. All these women in here with short hair looking to try some wigs because they barely have hair, and here I am with my MBL hair looking for a wig. But I reeeally wanted to try this particular wig on. It was cut into a bob with bangs, and the color combination was hot. So a different lady came to help me and when it came time to put the wig cap on, she was all, "Oohh, look at all this hair." And talking in a different language and had to ask another lady to help put this wig on. I felt embarrassed. It seemed like such a big deal.

Anyway, later in the day my friend was telling me I should cut my hair; that it's gotten too long and the long-haired look was getting old and boring on me. I started to feel self-conscious about my hair and now feel I should cut it. Even having my hair out and walking around town I sometimes feel like these women are just looking at me negatively.

Do any of you feel this way?

No, I don't feel this way. Don't cut it. Some folks just can't stand it if you're not a part of the status quo.

Wear your covering proudly. I know I do!

 

[dlewis]

I know how you feel. It normally doesn't bother me but sometimes it does.

I've also been thinking about sport a short wig just for fun.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

I know how you feel. It normally doesn't bother me but sometimes it does.

I've also been thinking about sport a short wig just for fun.

I STAY wearing a short wig. DH is so erplexed about it lol. It's a cute little bob that's like razor cut in the back... I find the long wigs feel too fake (even when they are shorter than my real hair )

 

[dlewis]

I STAY wearing a short wig. DH is so erplexed about it lol. It's a cute little bob that's like razor cut in the back... I find the long wigs feel too fake (even when they are shorter than my real hair )

I think I might get one.