You can tell how someone feels about you based on who they set you up on a date with

[caribeandiva]

How true that is. Someone I considered a very close friend and relative texted me she found me a guy she thinks I might be interested in. Her long time friend who she’s not interested in she said. I was immediately skeptical since she’s single too and around my age. Then she sends me his picture and he’s this old looking geeky dude with gray hair, short and out of shape. He’s almost 50, widower, with kids, low ambition level, etc…She knows the kind of men I’m into and what my dealbreakers are. I’m of course insulted. My mom is heated! I’m like: *noted* I’ve never asked you or anyone to find me a man or set up on a date. Yet here we are. Not her first offense either. So lesson learned.

 

[Plushottie]

Not sure how direct you are but I would call that out directly. Thanks for the thought but he doesn’t fit my desired contender based on his character and looks. I feel for many women who don’t have a lot of men knocking they begin to just accept scraps in order to appear a way not saying this is you but women who bring very lackluster matches to others. I have had similar w a lady on this site but it was more delicate because it was her brother. Your cute so only elite need apply.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

Maybe he saw your pic and asked her to make an introduction and she didn’t know how to say no? She’s still dead wrong but I think there’s more to this story. It’s too random.

 

[caribeandiva]

Not sure how direct you are but I would call that out directly. Thanks for the thought but he doesn’t fit my desired contender based on his character and looks. I feel for many women who don’t have a lot of men knocking they begin to just accept scraps in order to appear a way not saying this is you but women who bring very lackluster matches to others. I have had similar w a lady on this site but it was more delicate because it was her brother. Your cute so only elite need apply.

Thank you! I called her out on it. This was her response.

 

[Nay]

You reminded me of something that happened over 30 years ago. So I had this friend and she would sometimes have this kind of geeky male friend over when she needed help with her computer or whatever. One day she told me this story about how whenever he would use her bathroom, she would notice that he would obviously not dab very well and would have a slight pee stain on his pants. It grossed her out.

Well, some time went by. Then one day my friend said, 'Hey, Nay, maybe you and __________ should go out." Lady, I don't want to have any parts of your pissy pants friend just like you wouldn't want any parts of him. I was insulted that she even fixed her mouth to say that. Anyway, we stopped being friends because she was just a user, but I never forgot that little exchange.

 

[Sosoothing]

Nah, good guy doesn't mean good for you. Good guy doesn't mean compatible with you either. Has she not known you for a while?
I have single friends of both sexes. I've known them for years and don't have to be a match maker to know their preferences.

 

[Plushottie]

Thank you! I called her out on it. This was her response.
View attachment 481997

So both of you being single was the only criteria? Baby the standard is on the floor. If this was a one time occurrence I would be like meh but since you have had similar dealings I wonder if she has a oz of desperate or something or maybe doesn’t have similar standards. Like you put effort into yourself desiring similar should be a given. Good guy has never paid bills not satisfied anything. So many thoughts but this ain’t the place

 

[caribeandiva]

Maybe he saw your pic and asked her to make an introduction and she didn’t know how to say no? She’s still dead wrong but I think there’s more to this story. It’s too random.

There’s definitely more to it. I think what it comes down to is I’ve felt jealous vibes from her for years. She’s also done shady things to me specifically but I made excuses for all of it because I considered her a sister basically.

 

[caribeandiva]

Maybe he saw your pic and asked her to make an introduction and she didn’t know how to say no? She’s still dead wrong but I think there’s more to this story. It’s too random.

Who knows? I actually had a phone call with the guy trying to see why she thought we’d be a good match. It sounds like it was his first time seeing me or hearing about me. There’s definitely more to this.

 

[caribeandiva]

So both of you being single was the only criteria? Baby the standard is on the floor. If this was a one time occurrence I would be like meh but since you have had similar dealings I wonder if she has a oz of desperate or something or maybe doesn’t have similar standards. Like you put effort into yourself desiring similar should be a given. Good guy has never paid bills not satisfied anything. So many thoughts but this ain’t the place

Right! She knows my standards and criteria. They’re hers too supposedly. Feel free to share more of your thoughts. I’d love to hear them.

 

[caribeandiva]

Nah, good guy doesn't mean good for you. Good guy doesn't mean compatible with you either. Has she not known you for a while?
I have single friends of both sexes. I've known them for years and don't have to be a match maker to know their preferences.

Gurlll we grew up together. So this was definitely an attempt to humble me.

 

[NaturalEnigma]

I had a "friend" do that to me too. She tried to hook me up with her friend, who I later found out she thought was gay, smh. Like why would you do that? I remember talking to him on the phone and he sounded so zesty. I stopped being her friend for other reasons. It's sad but it's usually the closest people to you that you have to watch out for.

 

[caribeandiva]

I had a "friend" do that to me too. She tried to hook me up with her friend, who I later found out she thought was gay, smh. Like why would you do that? I remember talking to him on the phone and he sounded so zesty. I stopped being her friend for other reasons. It's sad but it's usually the closest people to you that you have to watch out for.

Your story and mine, heck this whole thread:

 

[Plushottie]

Right! She knows my standards and criteria. They’re hers too supposedly. Feel free to share more of your thoughts. I’d love to hear them.

The fact that her standards are supposed to be similar makes me beg the question does she really believe that it’s possible for her and then projecting that onto you? I’m 36 and have been told your standards aren’t obtainable so just be happy w whatever comes your way. This pricey and I just can’t do less than what I know I deserve even if everything says impossible. She may have some hater ways.

 

[caribeandiva]

The fact that her standards are supposed to be similar makes me beg the question does she really believe that it’s possible for her and then projecting that onto you? I’m 36 and have been told your standards aren’t obtainable so just be happy w whatever comes your way. This pricey and I just can’t do less than what I know I deserve even if everything says impossible. She may have some hater ways.

Yes to the hater ways. This incident really woke me up and I could no longer stay in denial. I’m 38 and have been told I’m asking for too much sometimes too. She and I used to laugh at how absurd it sounds when people say that. No I’m not asking for too much. I think you’re right that she might not really believe she can get a man of that caliber and secretly projecting her fears onto me. Who knows? What gets me is: if that’s what you want then keep that man for yourself. You’re single too after all.

 

[caribeandiva]

The lesson I keep having to re-learn this year:

 

[Black Ambrosia]

Yes to the hater ways. This incident really woke me up and I could no longer stay in denial. I’m 38 and have been told I’m asking for too much sometimes too. She and I used to laugh at how absurd it sounds when people say that. No I’m not asking for too much. I think you’re right that she might not really believe she can get a man of that caliber and secretly projecting her fears onto me. Who knows? What gets me is: if that’s what you want then keep that man for yourself. You’re single too after all.

She doesn’t want that man. She’s trying to accept the idea that she’s not gonna get the kind of man she wants and you settling would pave the way.

 

[caribeandiva]

She doesn’t want that man. She’s trying to accept the idea that she’s not gonna get the kind of man she wants and you settling would pave the way.

That makes sense. I’m sorry to disappoint her but not really. I’m not settling. I’d rather die alone.

 

[Plushottie]

That makes sense. I’m sorry to disappoint her but not really. I’m not settling. I’d rather die alone.

That was a test from your are you going to settle broadcast. Believing people for who they are is always a hard reminder because we can find their good but it’s often not reciprocated.

 

[awhyley]

This thread makes me sad.

She doesn’t want that man. She’s trying to accept the idea that she’s not gonna get the kind of man she wants and you settling would pave the way.

Paving the way for what?

 

[Black Ambrosia]

This thread makes me sad.



Paving the way for what?

Lower standards.

 

[awhyley]

Lower standards.

Ok, I see, the "if she can't even get the man of her dreams, then neither can I"?

 

[caribeandiva]

Ok, I see, the "if she can't even get the man of her dreams, then neither can I"?

Exactly! Totally messed up. I know

 

[blessedandfavoured]

There’s definitely more to it. I think what it comes down to is I’ve felt jealous vibes from her for years. She’s also done shady things to me specifically but I made excuses for all of it because I considered her a sister basically.

Girl, you know what to do.

 

[caribeandiva]

Girl, you know what to do.

agreed!

 

[ckisland]

I have nothing insightful to add, but this thread made me realize that I was a step away from settling mentally. I got bigger dreams than the dudes that I'm currently getting to know. They're just training wheels. That's it.

 

[Plushottie]

I have nothing insightful to add, but this thread made me realize that I was a step away from settling mentally. I got bigger dreams than the dudes that I'm currently getting to know. They're just training wheels. That's it.

You cute you better not settle. Like ever. They are a fun time.

 

[ckisland]

You cute you better not settle. Like ever. They are a fun time.

Thank you

 

[caribeandiva]

You cute you better not settle. Like ever. They are a fun time.

I second that! You better never ever settle just because your guy hasn’t shown up yet. @ckisland

 

[Plushottie]

Like this is my energy when I say better not settle. Like the investment you have made to be cute and smart oh no baby. I feel this deeply because so many have told me how dare you have expectations when your not skinny/fair skin etc and now at 36 it’s like easy to get caught up that maybe I can work w a dude but that’s a recipe for betrayal.