Wwyd: Meet With Your Ex Or No?

[Black Ambrosia]

Girl, yes. My expertise is Communication and this shift is freaking insane. Technology has made ppl think it is cool just to disengage from ANYTHING that makes them uncomfortable... Bc they are so used to blocking somebody or deleting an email/profile and keeping it moving. Like fully-grown, capable-of-communicating-directly ppl.

I don’t think that kind of avoidance is healthy for anybody, but you know. It’s whatever.

I agree with this 100%.

 

[giigii613]

If I didn’t extend you the courtesy of being faithful I won’t be extending you the courtesy of a face to face closure conversation. And you shouldn’t expect that since it’s obvious I don’t care about your feelings.

 

[kupenda]

I highly doubt I would willingly sign up for closure. I learned early on that closure is for women. And no one who seeks closure is truly looking for answers. They are looking to vent and share their emotional turmoil.
So no, I won’t be volunteering for a verbal lashing. What is the benefit?

Anytime I’ve had a relationship of any sort end, the guys have been so beyond wack at communicating that “closure” wasn’t even an option. I’ve always been better off filling in the blanks for myself. No details. But the overall gist is “I’m not at fault for someone else’s behavior. They had other options”

 

[PrissiSippi]

I'm assuming he lost his job? I don't have to stick through:

Unemployment
No housing
No money
Your Healing

His closure will be from better himself and finding someone that wants to be with the new improved him. NOT from disrupting my peace. I'm good on that.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

No. First this would have to be an imaginary world because it wouldn't be me. BUT as I'm imagining this is my reality, I still know that there is no reason for this meeting. The person isn't interested in a reunion and I assume neither am I. We already broke up. I assume apologies happened and so on. What is the point of going through details? How does this benefit anyone? Even if they wanted to know details it will only hurt them more. And if they are just interested in lashing out, I'm not there to be someone's verbal punching bag. I will wish them well and ask them to move on with their life knowing that I apologized for my actions and that's pretty much that. There is no reason to sit down and rehash. I'm not a fan of reopening wounds. If they want to rip off a band aid and pick at a scab, they're not doing it on my watch nor are they going to pull me into whatever this situation is based on guilt. I don't owe them anything nor do they owe me anything. I've already extended my sincere apologies and ideally worked on myself and moved forward. They should do the same.

 

[SpiritJunkie]

Just a few random thoughts:

I think people used to accept things more readily, take a hint, and would move on, but now people want to talk through and discuss things more. But what people aren’t getting is that if the person had that level of compassion for you and maturity and honesty, they likely never would have done what they did in the first place. People want the person who hurt them to help them heal. Unfortunately life doesn’t work like that.

Also, people are always saying I wish he would just tell me he wanted to break up, just tell me. But just like people have different love languages, people also have different ways of communicating. If I stop texting you as often, stop asking you out, pay less attention to you, etc. that is communicating, that is saying I’m not interested or not as interested as I used to be, just not saying it how you want me to. If I cheated on you at your lowest state, I’m far too cold and selfish to also own up to it and help you get closure. If I’m that kind, loving, and mature I would have broken up with you beforehand.

Some people enjoy cheating far more than being faithful. Some people simply have a greater capacity to lie and cheat than others. I think wanting others to own up to you is naïveté and an inability to accept how dark some people are and that everyone isn’t like you, and that you better become more astute and tougher if you want to survive in this world. Life is hard. People are capable of all kinds of terrible things. Accept that, really let that sink in, then try to figure out how to survive and thrive. Doesn’t matter if you are a lion or gazelle. But you better know which one you are and act accordingly because everyone has a weakness and a strength. Anyone has the potential to be a predator or prey.

My point is begging someone to own up to and apologize to you for hurting you is dumb. Move on and let it go. You got played. And this is from someone who got played hard. Seek revenge if that makes you feel better. But expecting a cold-hearted person to be warm and cuddly is silly. We live in a wicked and wonderful world. And it’s always been that way and always will be.

We need to quit telling people, women especially, to communicate, share their feelings, be hopeful, pray about it, etc. Instead we need to also teach women to hone their intuition, trust their instincts, be more selfish, and be careful out there. I’ve shared an article on here a couple times where a relationship coach asked people who had been cheated on when they started feeling unsafe, and every single person said that honestly they never felt safe. We gotta teach people (women especially) how to be safe and keep themselves safe.

Listen, slavery was abolished just 153 years ago in the United States, segregation was deemed unlawful just 64 years ago, a black man was lynched in Alabama 37 years ago, we have seen scores of men in power over the past couple years being exposed for atrocious behavior toward women, beautiful young black women and girls have been preyed on in our communities for years and more often than not she gets called “fast,” when the men should be flogged and ostracized, terrible things happen every single day.

We don’t want to accept how hard life is or how wicked people can be. Or how tough we have to be to get the lives we want and deserve. Not wanting to accept reality doesn’t change anything.

I have a work place situation & most of this applies there too.

In all aspects of life, we need to be self aware of how people act & speak around us. They always slip if they ain’t 100 with you.
From that you will know how they really feel.

 

[caribeandiva]

+1
They gone have to get that closure from Jesus. I'm all set.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

Hayle no. I got what I needed from him. Thank you, next.

 

[Evolving78]

Girl, yes. My expertise is Communication and this shift is freaking insane. Technology has made ppl think it is cool just to disengage from ANYTHING that makes them uncomfortable... Bc they are so used to blocking somebody or deleting an email/profile and keeping it moving. Like fully-grown, capable-of-communicating-directly ppl.

I don’t think that kind of avoidance is healthy for anybody, but you know. It’s whatever.

Doesn’t this usually happen during the break up? Or are we talking about people that have already went their separate ways, and one person still can’t make sense of it all?

 

[MissNina]

Doesn’t this usually happen during the break up? Or are we talking about people that have already went their separate ways, and one person still can’t make sense of it all?

Not really. Most ppl take some time sort through their emotions, esp if it happened very quickly/blindsided. They are so shocked or angry at first that other emotions & the permanency of it all doesn’t hit til later.