Wwyd If Your Partner Moved Out Of The Home You Shared

The Jamaican man being the worst guys one could be with made me think of this guy. I hate his bumbo claat guts.

The mama is having a high risk pregnancy after 2 miscarriages and a baby that died a couple days after birth.

I asked her what was her plans regarding her kang and she said she is leaving it in gods hands.

Though he moved out he comes by and still has a key. I think he found another woman.
 
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And, stay out!
 
I have to replace that with "Husband" for the home I shared and baby I'm going to have because living with a guy beforehand isn't happening. But either way, put on my big girl panties, suck it up, sob, suck it up some more, sob again, and resolve myself to move on. Learn from my mistakes (of the type of guy) and when I'm ready, pull a Ciara (only with the right guy) or else stay alone (because it's better to be alone than desperate) until it's time to (and I meet) the right guy. Meanwhile, work on myself and destress while preparing to bring a baby into the world. And yes I gree with @beingofserentity, I'd need some family support. But I wouldn't have to ask because I'm quite certain my mom would ring my doorbell if I did not get on a plane and fly down to see her first :)

Either way, ole dude would not have a key and would not get within feet of me, would not even know where I am because I'm pretty certain I would move stat. I wouldn't want ole dude to have a chance to come around and stress me out because I know I would not give him another chance. BUT regardless, I would not want him coming around stressing me out in the first place (while I know he's running around with some other woman).
 
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What I see so far responses is a theme of reacting as opposed to doing nothing.

So my questions are:

1) you change the locks, so does that mean you will NEVER let him back in? (Same question applies to calling a divorce attorney)

2) are you assuming he’s going to a woman’s house?

3) could he possibly feel like the whining is truly too much for him? If you accept and acknowledge this, what happens next? What will you do? What environment will you now create?
 
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007PMP said:
What I see so far responses is a theme of reacting as opposed to doing nothing.

So my questions are:

1) you change the locks, so does that mean you will NEVER let him back in? (Same question applies to calling a divorce attorney)

2) are you assuming he’s going to a woman’s house?

3) could he possibly feel like the whining is truly too much for him? If you accept and acknowledge this, what happens next? What will you do? What environment will you now create?
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She's a pregnant woman. Things weren't going to be all smooth sailing. She was bound to complain about being uncomfortable, about being tired, about being sick maybe. I can't imagine a man who truly loves his woman hearing those things and not trying to make things better for her but instead leaves. He needs to be worried about the environment he creates for his pregnant partner and unborn child. This man walked out on her when she probably needed him the most. What kind of life partner is that? What kind of parent is he going to be?! When will he do it again? The kid is crying too much so I'm leaving? You can't just leave whenever you feel like it and then come back when things are rosy again. If it was me he could stay gone.
 
KammyGirl said:
She's a pregnant woman. Things weren't going to be all smooth sailing. She was bound to complain about being uncomfortable, about being tired, about being sick maybe. I can't imagine a man who truly loves his woman hearing those things and not trying to make things better for her but instead leaves. He needs to be worried about the environment he creates for his pregnant partner and unborn child. This man walked out on her when she probably needed him the most. What kind of life partner is that? What kind of parent is he going to be?! When will he do it again? The kid is crying too much so I'm leaving? You can't just leave whenever you feel like it and then come back when things are rosy again. If it was me he could stay gone.
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I hear you and understand your point. The issue I’m trying to highlight is the extremity in the responses. Heck, some women (to include myself—I have two kids 12 & 19) can’t stand whining let alone a whiny baby sometimes and need to dip out for a break from the madness.

But to move to straight changing locks and divorcing doesn’t match the situation. Furthermore, to then assume he is cheating is even worse. He just may not be able to handle excess whining and if he’s gotten to the point of leaving then he must have reached his maximum tolerance. There’s still opportunity to work it out, let him have his break, and then come back to the table like adults to figure things out—hurt feelings and all. Now if he refuses to do that, well then he’s established that he doesn’t want to be in the relationship. However, it doesn’t mean he wishes to be a deadbeat father. Again unless he says such.

That’s just how I see the scenario.
 
Ganjababy said:
I know. I am literally in tears. He could not even collect her and the baby from the hospital. It is really difficult to witness such treatment of a family member and you cannot do anything.

And yes it is real life.
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Okay so now there’s more to the story. In this case, I would interpret his actions as not wanting to be in a relationship with me and I will have to get support from family and friends.

Is he a trifling partner? Yes.

Would he be the same with his child? Maybe not, maybe yes only situations and time will tell.

This is unfortunate and sad to hear.
 
007PMP said:
I hear you and understand your point. The issue I’m trying to highlight is the extremity in the responses. Heck, some women (to include myself—I have two kids 12 & 19) can’t stand whining let alone a whiny baby sometimes and need to dip out for a break from the madness.

But to move to straight changing locks and divorcing doesn’t match the situation. Furthermore, to then assume he is cheating is even worse. He just may not be able to handle excess whining and if he’s gotten to the point of leaving then he must have reached his maximum tolerance. There’s still opportunity to work it out, let him have his break, and then come back to the table like adults to figure things out—hurt feelings and all. Now if he refuses to do that, well then he’s established that he doesn’t want to be in the relationship. However, it doesn’t mean he wishes to be a deadbeat father. Again unless he says such.

That’s just how I see the scenario.
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The responses don't seem extreme to me. The OP didn't say he left for a break. It said he moved out. What sort of adult person who cares about his mate would do such a thing. A break, ok. People get stressed (even though I still have a problem with a "break") but ok maybe I can understand that. But moving out over whining? Nah. Ain't no talking you can stay gone.
 
This is hard. I would be devastated. Coupled with taking care of a new born and all the hormonal changes that come with pregnancy and child birth its all a bit much. Hopefully, she is getting the support she needs from her family and close friends.

Unless he is helping with the bills, there is no real reason for him to have a key so he can pop in and out at his leisure. So, locks need to be changed. Once the dust has settled and she is in a good routine with the baby then they can come together and discuss the relationship. Although, I don't know what there is to discuss. Dude left.
 
007PMP said:
I hear you and understand your point. The issue I’m trying to highlight is the extremity in the responses. Heck, some women (to include myself—I have two kids 12 & 19) can’t stand whining let alone a whiny baby sometimes and need to dip out for a break from the madness.

But to move to straight changing locks and divorcing doesn’t match the situation. Furthermore, to then assume he is cheating is even worse. He just may not be able to handle excess whining and if he’s gotten to the point of leaving then he must have reached his maximum tolerance. There’s still opportunity to work it out, let him have his break, and then come back to the table like adults to figure things out—hurt feelings and all. Now if he refuses to do that, well then he’s established that he doesn’t want to be in the relationship. However, it doesn’t mean he wishes to be a deadbeat father. Again unless he says such.

That’s just how I see the scenario.
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I strenuously disagree. Since his behavior was extreme, it warrants an immediate and equally extreme response. Some things in life and relationships are deal breakers; and a man disrespecting and emotionally abusing a SO during a time of pregnancy is one of them. How hard and how long is she supposed to "work it out" with his character flaws? His dishonorable behavior? His immaturity? His apathy? Until she's broken and defeated? Until she's taught her child to imitate and/or accept such treatment? Nah. This is not baseball with the three strikes and your out; sometimes once is more than enough. He's showing her who he is; all that remains is for her to accept that truth and press on for the sake of her child. She's a mother now; she's working for a higher, nobler cause - her kid.
 
PJaye said:
I strenuously disagree. Since his behavior was extreme, it warrants an immediate and equally extreme response. Some things in life and relationships are deal breakers; and a man disrespecting and emotionally abusing a SO during a time of pregnancy is one of them. How hard and how long is she supposed to "work it out" with his character flaws? His dishonorable behavior? His immaturity? His apathy? Until she's broken and defeated? Until she's taught her child to imitate and/or accept such treatment? Nah. This is not baseball with the three strikes and your out; sometimes once is more than enough. He's showing her who he is; all that remains is for her to accept that truth and press on for the sake of her child. She's a mother now; she's working for a higher, nobler cause - her kid.
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Agreed. If he decides to be a father later, he can work out custody agreements with the court and I'd honor them. until then he can stay gone. I'm assuming he's dead beatish with that attitude so he won't come crying around until later...if ever, in order to take responsibility for his child. This kind of immaturity has to be immature in other places in his life besides leaving a relationship (and pregnant woman) over whining.
 
PJaye said:
I strenuously disagree. Since his behavior was extreme, it warrants an immediate and equally extreme response. Some things in life and relationships are deal breakers; and a man disrespecting and emotionally abusing a SO during a time of pregnancy is one of them. How hard and how long is she supposed to "work it out" with his character flaws? His dishonorable behavior? His immaturity? His apathy? Until she's broken and defeated? Until she's taught her child to imitate and/or accept such treatment? Nah. This is not baseball with the three strikes and your out; sometimes once is more than enough. He's showing her who he is; all that remains is for her to accept that truth and press on for the sake of her child. She's a mother now; she's working for a higher, nobler cause - her kid.
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Well I agree based upon the additional information. However my original post was from a different perspective and didn’t include the details shared by the OP after my post.

To me—-there are tons of situations that could be resolved on a gradual basis. I’m just not one to jump to a position halfheartedly. What I have seen is women take a position, swiftly reacted, only to allow the man back in their life without really resolving or addressing the issue holistically.

This is why I asked the questions to the group because some of the responses seem extreme (to me), which could be related to the fact that women seem to take on way too much in parenting, their household and within a relationship and sometimes ignore the early red flags yet expect a different result when a life event occurs. How many times did dude walk out on her before? Emotionally or physically? Was this the first time? Again these are root factors and him walking out now is just another symptom.

But overall I agree but when taking it a step further look at the situation, actions and reactions slightly different.
 
007PMP said:
Okay so now there’s more to the story. In this case, I would interpret his actions as not wanting to be in a relationship with me and I will have to get support from family and friends.

Is he a trifling partner? Yes.

Would he be the same with his child? Maybe not, maybe yes only situations and time will tell.

This is unfortunate and sad to hear.
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He's not contectualizing her whining though. She's lost several babies already and this pregnancy is just as high risk. How about her fear is to have, yet again, another dead baby. Theres a situation here and not just an incident. This mother is terrified.

Maybe he is too but to state it being about her whining is immature at best, and cold heart narcisstic at worst.

He could stay gone.
 
For him to leave like that over a weak excuse, he's been wanting to go for a while so......BYE. And I'm going to call my brother and have him black his eye.

There is no reconciling either. He obviously can't handle pressure. As a man with responsibilities, you suck it up, listen to the whining and be supportive instead of selfish!
 
DarkJoy said:
He's not contectualizing her whining though. She's lost several babies already and this pregnancy is just as high risk. How about her fear is to have, yet again, another dead baby. Theres a situation here and not just an incident. This mother is terrified.

Maybe he is too but to state it being about her whining is immature at best, and cold heart narcisstic at worst.

He could stay gone.
Click to expand...

So why wasn’t all this on the orginal post?!
 
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