Would you marry a person if you knew they were infertile?

[Glib Gurl]

In my confessions post, I wrote that I'm afraid I'll never find a man to love me. Part of this fear results from the fact that I don't think I can have children (this results from a non-weight-related problem I have, although carrying an extra 100lbs doesn't help!). I can't imagine a man wanting to be with me knowing that I might not be able to have kids with him. (Then again, I don't want to marry no joker who would run off if he found out later on that I couldn't.) I mean, there's always surrogacy, but that can be expensive and have some ethical issues.

So, I'm wondering what people think about this? Would you? Do you know others who would or would not?

 

[Priss Pot]

It would hurt to find out that my guy is infertile, but I wouldn't leave him. There's always adoption, something that I've always wanted to do anyway.

ETA: Another option would be for me to get a sperm donor. That way, I could still give birth, and my guy could still raise the child as if it were his own.

 

[seraphinelle]

I don't know how I feel about it.
At this point, I would say that I couldn't do it. But I may find someone that ticks every other box, and adoption wouldn't be something I'm opposed to.

But I think many women want that biological child. And so do men.

 

[MizAvalon]

Yes, I would!

 

[WhipEffectz1]

I couldn't do it!

 

[Arcadian]

knowing that I'm infertile I made sure SO was ok with that. I still have eggs, just no uterus. (it is what it is you know??)

He didn't want kids and dosen't have kids so it worked out. Would he marry me? If thats what I ultimately wanted, yeah in a heartbeat.

If a person is infertile and its something they know about themselves, they should disclose that to the other party so THEY can also decide if thats what they want.

Some do learn to live with it and just adopt.


-A

 

[Priss Pot]

Arcadian, I'm glad that things worked out for you and your SO.

I wouldn't want someone dumping me because I'm infertile...so no, I couldn't dump him, especially if he was what I wanted in other aspects. I pray that my SO and I aren't infertile, but if it ever were to happen, there are thousands of kids out there who are waiting on loving families to take them.

 

[dlewis]

I thought for many many years that I couldn't have babies. I always told the guys I thought I would get serious with and no one ever had a problem. So I don't think I would have a problem with my SO not being able to have kids.

(My DH says he has supper-sperm because he was able to get me pregnant so easy )

 

[ashmack]

I thought for many many years that I couldn't have babies. I always told the guys I thought I would get serious with and no one ever had a problem. So I don't think I would have a problem with my SO not being able to have kids.

(My DH says he has supper-sperm because he was able to get me pregnant so easy )

Dlewis: I hope I have the same good fortune in my future as you have had. You and your family are such an inspiration for me. I am not sure if I will be able to have a child or not. I have a history of medical problems and have been advised by many doctors to get my ovaries removed. I keep holding on to them with the hopes that one day I will have kids. My SO is ok with this, even though he wants kids. I can't imagine letting go of someone I loved because of their infertility. I'm glad my SO has not left me. Only time will tell what the future holds for us.

 

[dlewis]

Dlewis: I hope I have the same good fortune in my future as you have had. You and your family are such an inspiration for me. I am not sure if I will be able to have a child or not. I have a history of medical problems and have been advised by many doctors to get my ovaries removed. I keep holding on to them with the hopes that one day I will have kids. My SO is ok with this, even though he wants kids. I can't imagine letting go of someone I loved because of their infertility. I'm glad my SO has not left me. Only time will tell what the future holds for us.

I had just had sugery 6 month before I became pregnant. On this visit the doctor was about to make his recommendation about what I should do, when I asked for a pregnancy test because Dh (then my boyfriend) kept saying I was pregnant, they thought no-way but just did not to pacify me. I often think had I listen to that doctor, I wouldn't have had that first child or any children. Doctor don't know everthing.

 

[Glib Gurl]

Totally off-topic

DLewis -- I love your new siggy and icon pics!

* * *

Thanks for sharing everyone. I really appreciate your candidness and honesty. (((Hugs all around)))

 

[AKA-Tude]

Being the fact that I was/am in this very situation, yes I would marry/be with him.

I have been blessed on not one but two occassions to have MEN who didn't let my inability to procreate hinder how they felt about me, stayed with/married me in spite of it, and for that, I am truly greatful.

Nor have they made me feel inferior about the situtation. So to them (even the ex)- KUDOS!

My ex once said if a man rejects a woman based on fertility, he never loved her to begin with ( I was like WOW!- & he wasn't even talking about me at the time!). He had a little sense!

You are with someone because they are (supposedly) your soulmate. If & when children come, however they come, is the blessing of that couple being together, not a requirement of being together.

JMHO

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Yes, I would. I don't think I would feel "incomplete" without physically giving birth although I would certainly choose to adopt in the event that I married an infertile man. So, if he didn't mind adopting, I wouldn't have a problem with it. We could still raise one or two well-adjusted and productive members of society whether we conceived them or not.

Besides that, I happen to be one of those people who believes that nothing is impossible so there's no way I'd throw the love of my life away over infertility.

However, my SO doesn't feel the same way. He's not sure that he could marry an infertile woman (we've had this talk several times before). I'm not sure whether I consider that selfish or stupid, but it does make me wonder.

 

[NeeSee]

In all honesty, I would marry him with the quickness because I don't want to be a mom. It would be a big relief to me.

 

[SweetCaramel1]

don't worry. there are plenty of men out there that dont want kids plus you'd be surprised what a person would do for you when they love you.

i personally would be uncomfortable at first but if he was willing to explore more options it wouldn't be a deal breaker.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

I really want to have biological kids with the man I marry. I can't imagine marrying a man who is sterile. I voted NO but dont' let that get you down. There are many couples who knowingly enter relationships where the possibility of (or want of) conception is non-existent.

 

[matuncks]

Yes I would! Especially since I still have major fear issues of giving birth. I would adopt.

 

[dlewis]

Totally off-topic

DLewis -- I love your new siggy and icon pics!

* * *

Thanks for sharing everyone. I really appreciate your candidness and honesty. (((Hugs all around)))

Thanks...............

 

[deltagyrl]

Glib, I thought you were married.

That's a deep question. In all honesty, if I were childless, I probably wouldn't because I REALLY wanted to experience pregnancy, birth, yada, whoo-whoo....

Don't be discouraged. There's someone out there who will love you.

 

[Mortons]

I would!

If you truly love someone infetility wouldnt keep you away from them. I just cant see that being a stipulation in my relationships.

 

[prettypuff1]

Personally, where is this man so i can lock him down. We all know i dont want any more kids so i would love him.

 

[Glib Gurl]

Glib, I thought you were married.

Girl, I am so single it ain't even funny . . . I don't even *like* anybody right now.

I REALLY wanted to experience pregnancy, birth, yada, whoo-whoo....

So do I, but my current health issues make me wonder if it's a good idea.

Don't be discouraged. There's someone out there who will love you.

Aww, thanks, hon.

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

Yes i surely would. Something like this should not stop you from marrying your soul mate... You can adopt just as well. I thought about it because for a minute i thought that i was infertile because of a surgery that i had, so my husband knew that there was the possibility... so i would want a man to love me regardless, and i would love him regardless.

 

[Glib Gurl]

BTW, I don't think I mentioned this in my original post - I fully intend to adopt at least one child in my lifetime. There are so many young black kids who need families . . . .

 

[cutiebe2]

I would marry a man who was sterile if he was open to sperm donation. I would adopt kids but if I can I want to carry a child. He should understand that

 

[CaramelPrincezz]

i dont think I would get involved with someone who i knew was infertile right off the bat. I wanna experience pregnancy and everything so hopefully thats something that would come out in the beginning before feelings get involved so no hearts are broken

 

[locabouthair]

i would cuz i dont think i want kids. and if i met someone i really loved even if i did want kids, i would marry them. when u find true love you gotta hold on to it.

 

[camellia]

If I had met DH and everything about him was exactly the same, except for his ability to have children I would have married him anyway. We both always wanted children, so we probably would have adopted.

At least that way, I would definitely get the daughter I wanted.

 

[FlowerHair]

At this age I think No, because adoption and sperm donating is a long process in this country.

If I had been younger it wouldn't have mattered because then we would have had all the time in the world to explore different options of having one or two children.

In general, I don't think it should be a dealbreaker.

 

[Blaque*Angel]

love conquers all

My DH and I thought i could not have kids naturally as I have fallopian tube problems, We were awaiting IVF treatment.
low and behold we are expecting our first miracle now! and have cancelled that IVF treatment