Would you leave your soulmate for cheating on the internet

[ElizaBlue]

What if you met the perfect man? He was a kind and very considerate lover. Well off financially and owns his own business, which keeps him busy from the time he gets there until he leaves for school. Very attractive and in great shape. College educated and very well read.

He likes doing all the things you like to do like driving down country roads just to see where they lead. Adores your children and parents. Is very close to his parents and sister. Cannot stand the thought of a man assaulting or in any way hurting a female.

Does not go out and is pretty much a homebody. Likes to be at home with you or without you......because every night when he comes home and is alone he gets on the internet to chat with, look at other women on dating/sex sites.

And if your are not there he won't answer the phone and won't call. If you had bonafide proof that he was visiting sex sites. Making promises to women to meet them when there is no way he could because they are not local or are but you have too much access to him otherwise. I mean like you don't have to call before you come to his house. But then again I met him online. So there.

And it's not even the looking at the porn part, hell I enjoy watching porn and would not be opposed to doing it with him as a couple. But not females, I don't mean that way.

Would you leave this man if he was other than this character flaw the perfect man for you. I'm talking spending cash on you like you were his wife. Giving you the keys to his big A house and telling you to stay in bed and sleep while he goes to work. Taking classes so that he can become the partner in your business that you told him you always wanted to have.

I just don't get it. And here I was thinking my only concern was agreeing to a pre-nup. Which I for sure would not. Have any of you ever dealt with this sort of thing and if so how did it play out? I mean now I know what he meant when he told me that if a woman finds a man that treats her like gold but is in someway broken maybe she should take the good with the bad. I never really understood this. Until now.

Should I tell him that I know his secret? I did once tell him that if we ever became serious and got married that I would fight him and anyone else to save our marriage and not just walk out. Which is exactly what his first wife did. I would bet money she found out his dark secret and bailed. Is there couseling for this and how would I even bring up the subject? "Hey honey I hacked into your email and see you are quite busy in the wee hours?" I just don't see that going over very well.

Help me! I am falling for this man because he is so sweet and so perfect for me otherwise. I mean it's like God actually read my checklist and said send this chile this man so she can quit asking me for him. I do practice LOA and wonder if this was the one thing I forget to say don't let him be. A serial internet addict.

I say serial because at one point I went in and just deleted the one website he was on, deleted the address book and all messages. He was pretty baffled about that one for a minute. He stayed off for about two weeks and then we had an argument about me not answering my phone because he called and I was talking to another male, which was all business. But it was our first fight. A couple of days later he signed back on.

All posts appreciated....I truly don't know what to do ladies. Help!!!!!!

 

[winterinatl]

Dump him.

God has not answered your checklist...unless it has porn addict on it?

Don't get hung up on the whole soulmate thing either. I don't believe in the theory that there is ONE dude out there for me and we have to find each other against all odds. This belief leads women to put up with ish they shouldn't, and is behind many breakups ("I thought I married my soulmate, but then I met him).

So just move on. He is not what you want. And apparently, he isn't what his ex wife wanted either (she may be onto something, we women usually like to hold onto a good thing).

Sorry to be blunt, but I am wishing I hadn't spent time 'waiting out' certain relationships in the past. Now I'm pushing 32, with 10 years invested in the wrong relationship.

Dump him to make way for the true "checklist" guy .

 

[Keen]

I'm not one to give relationship advice so this is just my hunch. It seem as if this men is not committed to you. Maybe he is treating you so well so that you can look the other way and let him do his thing. I would confront him now. You need to decide if you are willing to live with him as he is now or not. Once you decide, you should tell him how you feel and don't go back on your word no matter what. If you keep on looking the other way now, it wouldn't make sense for you to be bothered by it later. Bottom line, no flip flopping.

 

[ElizaBlue]

Dump him.

God has not answered your checklist...unless it has porn addict on it?

Don't get hung up on the whole soulmate thing either. I don't believe in the theory that there is ONE dude out there for me and we have to find each other against all odds. This belief leads women to put up with ish they shouldn't, and is behind many breakups ("I thought I married my soulmate, but then I met him).

So just move on. He is not what you want. And apparently, he isn't what his ex wife wanted either (she may be onto something, we women usually like to hold onto a good thing).

Sorry to be blunt, but I am wishing I hadn't spent time 'waiting out' certain relationships in the past. Now I'm pushing 32, with 10 years invested in the wrong relationship.

Dump him to make way for the true "checklist" guy .

But of course. I just dang....everything else was so right. I mean will you ever meet anyone that is entirely perfect that doesn't have something odd or broken in some way. I know what you are saying is right. But of course like most women we want to think we can be the one to fix him.

He told me that his ex left him four times, filed for divorce and then they got back together and then she left him for the final time. That sounds to me like she was giving him chances and he kept lasping.

Actually now that I think about it my ex of 10 years was doing the same thing. We broke up because I caught him cheating. Now he doesn't even own a computer and won't go near one except for work. He hates the fact that he ruined our relationship because of this but I have no feelings for him now that he's fixed.

Thank you for the advise.

 

[JFemme]

Wow. I can feel your angst, EBerplexed

In many ways, I feel you have answered your own question(s)... Obviously, the internet/porn issue is a none negotiable one for you, or it would not bother you to this degree...

If it were me, I'd have to step... especially since you two are not married.. It sounds like an heavy-duty addtition..

I'm so sorry{{hugs}} he does sounds like a good catch, though... and I understand your pain...

Q * How long could you live with his duplicity ? Does he think this behavior is a problem ?

 

[winterinatl]

Oh I see what you are saying...he is perfect in every way but then there is that one thing? I guess you just have to decide how important that one thing is to you. And yes, I've been there definitely! But every time I overlooked that one thing, the relationship didn't work out anyway.

I think those little character issues go away when you find a really good guy. The few little things he does to irritate you aren't actually character flaws, just things that might grate your nerves a bit...like a man that is often a few minutes late to things. I would rather that than a LIAR. Or a cheat.

 

[ElizaBlue]

I'm not one to give relationship advice so this is just my hunch. It seem as if this men is not committed to you. Maybe he is treating you so well so that you can look the other way and let him do his thing. I would confront him now. You need to decide if you are willing to live with him as he is now or not. Once you decide, you should tell him how you feel and don't go back on your word no matter what. If you keep on looking the other way now, it wouldn't make sense for you to be bothered by it later. Bottom line, no flip flopping.

Thanks Keen. He makes it clear that he wants a monogamous relationship. I just don't think he thinks this is cheating. I think I will confront him.

 

[ElizaBlue]

Wow. I can feel your angst, EBerplexed

In many ways, I feel you have answered your own question(s)... Obviously, the internet/porn issue is a none negotiable one for you, or it would not bother you to this degree...

If it were me, I'd have to step... especially since you two are not married.. It sounds like an heavy-duty addtition..

I'm so sorry{{hugs}} he does sounds like a good catch, though... and I understand your pain...

Q * How long could you live with his duplicity ? Does he think this behavior is a problem ?

Thanks for the reply. I have not brought my knowledge out in the open and he takes great pains to make sure I don't find out. Like calling me first thing in the morning and talking to me all day long. It's just this night time activity.

He is a good catch as is my ex, but my ex wasn't when he was caught up. Now he would make someone the perfect husband. And I guess that's my hesitancy. In that I see how my ex finally matured and came to realize how his activities cost us our relationship. And I just wish this one who is much older could look at my ex and see where we could be headed.

 

[ElizaBlue]

Oh I see what you are saying...he is perfect in every way but then there is that one thing? I guess you just have to decide how important that one thing is to you. And yes, I've been there definitely! But every time I overlooked that one thing, the relationship didn't work out anyway.

I think those little character issues go away when you find a really good guy. The few little things he does to irritate you aren't actually character flaws, just things that might grate your nerves a bit...like a man that is often a few minutes late to things. I would rather that than a LIAR. Or a cheat.

i got you. I'm probably going to end it. But then I know I'll always be wondering if I should have stuck by him. I mean would it be different if he were an alcoholic or drug or gambler or even sex addict. Or even if he was doing it all day and it was affecting his company. But here he is going to school to get his license so that we can go into another business together.

I feel that because he doesn't want me to leave it's almost like he knows he won't do it if I'm there. And is in that way binding his addiction.

 

[aja1121]

Are we dating the same person........lol. I have/am experiencing the same thing. Met someone online, fell very fast. Didn't know he was an internet whore. I mean aim, yahoo messenger all crazy. If I was in my right mind at the time I would've left because it isn't about trust, love, cheating....it's about RESPECT. And we shared the same computer for a minute, so I could see everything he was doing. It was ridiculous, he said it was entertainment....he even slipped up and sent me text messages meant for of women. Nothing crazy just lies....he told some chick he went to Vegas to watch the Mayweather, De La Hoya fight and we bought on pay-per-view. At 30 years of age, I think he is too old for this ish.

He has calmed down a bit, new career.......and the worst part is we live together, have been for over a year now. We no longer share a computer, lol.

His famous line is "those were not my intentions", whatever....

I got over it and started focusing on myself and when the time is right, I'm out. I pray about it everyday...I guess my lesson is not over yet!!! The lord is still teaching me some things. I am trusting him (GOD)in this situation. I will say that I finally know mostly everything I want and don't want in a relationship.

So, with that said....feel it out, pray about it. Make sure that if you decide to leave you can leave with your head held high and you won't look back, like what if. Set a date and if he hasn't shaped up by then, keep it moving!!

I HAVE MINE!!

 

[Bunny77]

Hey Eliza!

First of all, no man is perfect. Even with all the good qualities you listed (and not counting the "one thing"), he's not perfect. Just as there's no perfect woman.

The issue is, whether their imperfections are significant enough that they destroy relationships. Some imperfections are just quirks that spouses/partners have to deal with. Some are complete deal-breakers, unless that person decides to change.

I also agree with Winter that this soulmate stuff is crap. We are capable of connecting to multiple people, and if you leave one, it doesn't mean that you won't have the same type of connection (if not better) with another person.

I met two men this year who I thought were just IT... and now I hardly talk to either. But at different times, each one seemed like he could be a "soulmate" -- so I'm sure it can happen again for me.

My final thing is this... just because a man appears to have everything we've prayed and asked for, it does NOT always mean that he's sent from God. I think back to the book of Job and how God allowed Satan to test Job... now I'm not super religious and I don't really get into this "devil" stuff, but I do believe that sometimes these people who look heaven-sent could be tests for us to throw us off track and make us more hurt, more unhappy and more disgruntled than we were before... and it makes it harder for us to shift our energies to finding a better man.

Maybe by wasting time with the wrong man, we're doing things that would prevent us from finding the right one.

I wish you luck girl. I know it's easier said than done in these types of situations.

 

[ElizaBlue]

aja1121 and bunny,

Thanks for the responses. I have done some extensive research on this matter both here on the board and on the internet and here is what I have found:

Many women both married and dating have SOs who are doing this. It is not as uncommon as I first thought. Some are okay with it as long as there is not actual meeting and some are just not due to religious beliefs, morals, insecurities...etc. And certainly by insecurity I am talking about feeling threatened that the looking could actually escalate into more.

That said, I can also tell you that you are both right the problem does not lie so much in the activity itself but in the secrecy. And I feel very seriously if the secret was out in the open then it would either just go underground or manifest itself in some other way. Maybe not as easy to detect.

That's the only thing that kept me from just deleting this ish, because I need to know just how far he plans to go with it. In the meantime there will be no physical activity between us because that would not be safe or practical not knowing exactly what I'm dealing with.

He is really on just two sites one is yahoo personals under a dummy profile, but of course I know it's him. But he is just looking because no messages have gone out or come in. The other one is a straight up sex site. On this site you can initiate everything from internet conversation to hookups, as well as watching live porn for amatuers. He has not paid therefore he can only look and no contact can be made. He can't even see an entire profile because again they want your money first.

If either one of these profiles goes live with the ability to contact, then I will look to see what kind of communications/plans are being made.

This may seem like a lot to do for a relationship and maybe to some extreme wasting my time. But I really like this guy and want to know before I pull the trigger just how detriminal to our relationship it is.

Thanks so much everyone who responded, please share your stories I would like to know how others have faired in this situation.

 

[ElizaBlue]

Are we dating the same person........lol. I have/am experiencing the same thing. Met someone online, fell very fast. Didn't know he was an internet whore. I mean aim, yahoo messenger all crazy. If I was in my right mind at the time I would've left because it isn't about trust, love, cheating....it's about RESPECT. And we shared the same computer for a minute, so I could see everything he was doing. It was ridiculous, he said it was entertainment....he even slipped up and sent me text messages meant for of women. Nothing crazy just lies....he told some chick he went to Vegas to watch the Mayweather, De La Hoya fight and we bought on pay-per-view. At 30 years of age, I think he is too old for this ish.

He has calmed down a bit, new career.......and the worst part is we live together, have been for over a year now. We no longer share a computer, lol.

His famous line is "those were not my intentions", whatever....

I got over it and started focusing on myself and when the time is right, I'm out. I pray about it everyday...I guess my lesson is not over yet!!! The lord is still teaching me some things. I am trusting him (GOD)in this situation. I will say that I finally know mostly everything I want and don't want in a relationship.

So, with that said....feel it out, pray about it. Make sure that if you decide to leave you can leave with your head held high and you won't look back, like what if. Set a date and if he hasn't shaped up by then, keep it moving!!

I HAVE MINE!!

Please let me know how yours turns out. I say that what he is doing is just looking, but I have to keep in mind that like you, he and I met on the internet. So it's not like he won't take it there.

Dang...I just hate the thought of having to start over.

 

[ElizaBlue]

Hey Eliza!

First of all, no man is perfect. Even with all the good qualities you listed (and not counting the "one thing"), he's not perfect. Just as there's no perfect woman.

The issue is, whether their imperfections are significant enough that they destroy relationships. Some imperfections are just quirks that spouses/partners have to deal with. Some are complete deal-breakers, unless that person decides to change.

I also agree with Winter that this soulmate stuff is crap. We are capable of connecting to multiple people, and if you leave one, it doesn't mean that you won't have the same type of connection (if not better) with another person.

I met two men this year who I thought were just IT... and now I hardly talk to either. But at different times, each one seemed like he could be a "soulmate" -- so I'm sure it can happen again for me.

My final thing is this... just because a man appears to have everything we've prayed and asked for, it does NOT always mean that he's sent from God. I think back to the book of Job and how God allowed Satan to test Job... now I'm not super religious and I don't really get into this "devil" stuff, but I do believe that sometimes these people who look heaven-sent could be tests for us to throw us off track and make us more hurt, more unhappy and more disgruntled than we were before... and it makes it harder for us to shift our energies to finding a better man.

Maybe by wasting time with the wrong man, we're doing things that would prevent us from finding the right one.

I wish you luck girl. I know it's easier said than done in these types of situations.

You are entirely right about the soulmate. I should have said met 9 out of 10 items on my checklist. Okay it's a lot more than 10 things. But as far as coming as close as possible to someone being a perfect match it is him. I think I am going to focus more on those items he doesn't meet. That will certainly keep my heart in check.

And you are so so right about looking back. When I think about guys I thought I was in love with...now....I don't even want to take a phone call from them. That is something that I use to keep me grounded that hey you've felt this way before about so and so and look at him now. That has a really sobering affect on all this gotta have him bull.

 

[Suerte]

Something is wrong with him, you're not enough for him, he wants someone else...he is still looking.

LET IT GO.

 

[~*~ShopAholic~*~]

Yup and he's sounds like he may have a problem. Have you done a back ground check or ran his name through the meagan law?

 

[Shimmie]

What if you met the perfect man? He was a kind and very considerate lover. Well off financially and owns his own business, which keeps him busy from the time he gets there until he leaves for school. Very attractive and in great shape. College educated and very well read.

He likes doing all the things you like to do like driving down country roads just to see where they lead. Adores your children and parents. Is very close to his parents and sister. Cannot stand the thought of a man assaulting or in any way hurting a female.

Does not go out and is pretty much a homebody. Likes to be at home with you or without you......because every night when he comes home and is alone he gets on the internet to chat with, look at other women on dating/sex sites.

And if your are not there he won't answer the phone and won't call. If you had bonafide proof that he was visiting sex sites. Making promises to women to meet them when there is no way he could because they are not local or are but you have too much access to him otherwise. I mean like you don't have to call before you come to his house. But then again I met him online. So there.

And it's not even the looking at the porn part, hell I enjoy watching porn and would not be opposed to doing it with him as a couple. But not females, I don't mean that way.

Would you leave this man if he was other than this character flaw the perfect man for you. I'm talking spending cash on you like you were his wife. Giving you the keys to his big A house and telling you to stay in bed and sleep while he goes to work. Taking classes so that he can become the partner in your business that you told him you always wanted to have.

I just don't get it. And here I was thinking my only concern was agreeing to a pre-nup. Which I for sure would not. Have any of you ever dealt with this sort of thing and if so how did it play out? I mean now I know what he meant when he told me that if a woman finds a man that treats her like gold but is in someway broken maybe she should take the good with the bad. I never really understood this. Until now.

Should I tell him that I know his secret? I did once tell him that if we ever became serious and got married that I would fight him and anyone else to save our marriage and not just walk out. Which is exactly what his first wife did. I would bet money she found out his dark secret and bailed. Is there couseling for this and how would I even bring up the subject? "Hey honey I hacked into your email and see you are quite busy in the wee hours?" I just don't see that going over very well.

Help me! I am falling for this man because he is so sweet and so perfect for me otherwise. I mean it's like God actually read my checklist and said send this chile this man so she can quit asking me for him. I do practice LOA and wonder if this was the one thing I forget to say don't let him be. A serial internet addict.

I say serial because at one point I went in and just deleted the one website he was on, deleted the address book and all messages. He was pretty baffled about that one for a minute. He stayed off for about two weeks and then we had an argument about me not answering my phone because he called and I was talking to another male, which was all business. But it was our first fight. A couple of days later he signed back on.

All posts appreciated....I truly don't know what to do ladies. Help!!!!!!

Angel, no man is perfect if he is doing something that you cannot live with. AND what he is doing is not only harmful but a destruction to a committed relationship, let alone an honorable.

This is not good! I'd leave right away. You do not need this type of life. You will never have peace. Allow God to bless you with a man who does not indulge in such sick behavior and it IS sick. Very sick.

He has an addiction to pornography which is an illness that takes serious intervention and deliverance. Addictions are very destructive not only to the person addicted, but to those who are in his life.

You deserve far better than this. Get out before it gets too involved where you begin to lose yourself and your self-respect.

I wish you well.

 

[sunnydaze]

I mostly agree with Shimmie.

But

Its not so much the porn that disturbs me about it (even though I'm not crazy about that) its the reaching out to other women (even if it is lies) while you two are supposed to be in a committed relationship. I don't understand that.

Take the money and formalities out of the equation and ask yourself do you trust him?

I thnk it is relevant for you to confront him on it and let him know that in order for you guys to move forward he needs to stop and if he can't , get some counseling. See if he is willing to do that for you. That will tell all.

I really hope things work out

 

[Bunny77]

Please let me know how yours turns out. I say that what he is doing is just looking, but I have to keep in mind that like you, he and I met on the internet. So it's not like he won't take it there.

Dang...I just hate the thought of having to start over.

I hate that too.

I don't know if you said this in your first post, but did you talk to him about this issue yet? It would be interesting to hear what he has to say about this and IF he finds this behavior as acceptable (despite your objections), then you know all you need to know about this man.

A good partnership involves sacrifice... if something you do is hurtful to your SO, a truly good partner will stop that behavior.

Also, I don't think you're giving enough attention to the other issue that you mentioned... that he acts possessive and jealous when you are on the phone with another man who just happens to be a business associate. That right there is an added concern -- so you're dealing with more than one problem, really.

Before you do anything though in terms of ending the relationship, just talk to him, but do begin to get accustomed to the fact that you "might" have to make a clean break and move on.

 

[locabouthair]

Would you leave this man if he was other than this character flaw the perfect man for you. I'm talking spending cash on you like you were his wife. Giving you the keys to his big A house and telling you to stay in bed and sleep while he goes to work.

Plenty of men do the above. For example, Diddy does things like this and we've seen what happened with him and Kim Porter.

My opinion might be unpopular (I havent read the replies yet). But if he's still looking at dating sites and flirting with other women he's not your soulmate. That is of course if you don't mind him going on dating sites and it's obvious you don't or else you wouldn't have made the thread.

What i have learned about men is that you either have to move on or accept their ish and don't complain.

If you have used LOA to find this man but you left out one quality then you can definitely use LOA again to get the man you do want.

Don't settle for less. It's not worth it. I met a guy that i REALLY liked he had 99% of what i wanted in a guy but he didnt put in any time for me. It really hurt me cuz he had so many qualities that i wanted in a man but I needed someone who wanted to spend time with me, so I'm moving on. Life's too short to settle and we all deserve the best.

 

[Bunny77]

I met a guy that i REALLY liked he had 99% of what i wanted in a guy but he didnt put in any time for me.

Did we date the same guy?

And the crazy thing is, folks were saying that I was being too impatient and particular and ignoring the positive... but come on, HE COULDN'T PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL ME FOR TWO WEEKS!!! And I left one or two messages and he'd e-mail and say, "Thanks for your call."

And he'd never call me back. Now seriously, WHY should I put up with that? And why were people telling me to????

(sorry, got off on a tangent there)

 

[ElizaBlue]

Thanks ladies for all the advice. Today has been leaps and bounds for me. Meaning that I have moved farther away from him. It's like when he called me today, I found myself getting annoyed.

I told myself earlier after reading everyone's post that what I needed to do to break the bond that was forming was to find as many negative things as I could about him and focus on that all day. By the time he called I was like...just not so enamored anymore.

We as women are blessed to be very loving creatures of nature. As such we all want to be with someone to love and be given love in return. Sometimes we get caught up in just that and fall for the wrong person.

He doesn't have class this weekend and usually I would stay at his place. But I've already decided that I'm not going. It hurts like the devil right now but yet I feel so much better than I did yesterday.

Thank you all so so much.

 

[envybeauty]

Plenty of men do the above. For example, Diddy does things like this and we've seen what happened with him and Kim Porter.

My opinion might be unpopular (I havent read the replies yet). But if he's still looking at dating sites and flirting with other women he's not your soulmate. That is of course if you don't mind him going on dating sites and it's obvious you don't or else you wouldn't have made the thread.

What i have learned about men is that you either have to move on or accept their ish and don't complain.

If you have used LOA to find this man but you left out one quality then you can definitely use LOA again to get the man you do want.

Don't settle for less. It's not worth it. I met a guy that i REALLY liked he had 99% of what i wanted in a guy but he didnt put in any time for me. It really hurt me cuz he had so many qualities that i wanted in a man but I needed someone who wanted to spend time with me, so I'm moving on. Life's too short to settle and we all deserve the best.

true

 

[caltron]

Thanks ladies for all the advice. Today has been leaps and bounds for me. Meaning that I have moved farther away from him. It's like when he called me today, I found myself getting annoyed.

I told myself earlier after reading everyone's post that what I needed to do to break the bond that was forming was to find as many negative things as I could about him and focus on that all day. By the time he called I was like...just not so enamored anymore.

We as women are blessed to be very loving creatures of nature. As such we all want to be with someone to love and be given love in return. Sometimes we get caught up in just that and fall for the wrong person.

He doesn't have class this weekend and usually I would stay at his place. But I've already decided that I'm not going. It hurts like the devil right now but yet I feel so much better than I did yesterday.

Thank you all so so much.

I think you're doing the right thing. I really admire your strength, because it is so hard to break things off in situations like this. There's always that temptation that if they could just fix that one little thing....and then that one little thing turns into a hundred big things and before you know it you've wasted ten years of your life with someone who's not worthy of you. I've been there.

Hang in there. Letting him go just frees you up so you can find the guy who is truly meant for you.

 

[aja1121]

Please let me know how yours turns out. I say that what he is doing is just looking, but I have to keep in mind that like you, he and I met on the internet. So it's not like he won't take it there.

Dang...I just hate the thought of having to start over.

Yes, and all the secrecy had me going crazy, acting like a detective. I'm not gonna lie, my situation was really bad....but I'm only stronger now. Let it ride...you'll know when and if it's time to go.

 

[ElizaBlue]

Yes, and all the secrecy had me going crazy, acting like a detective. I'm not gonna lie, my situation was really bad....but I'm only stronger now. Let it ride...you'll know when and if it's time to go.

I know. I totally feel like I am going crazy.

Well ladies I did it. After finding that he was in multiple groups in yahoo and on a paid site for straight up meeting for sex. He had sent out quite a few hellos but the only women who answered were either out of state or he never responded back. Regardless enough was enough.

I drove over to his house this morning unannounced and told him we needed to talk. He seemed somewhat annoyed and wanted to know what could be so important. Mind you he was on that same site at 7:50am this morning.

I finally worked up the nerve to tell that I knew what he had been doing. That it was probably this that cost him his marriage. That my ex and I broke up because of the internet addiction. That I would understand and be willing to go to counseling with him. That I loved him and did not want to lose him but that when I walked out of that door either we would be together or done for good.

That knee-gro looked at me and asked me what the hell did all that have to do with him. Then he told me that he suspected I had been looking at his emails, sending dummy profiles at him and monitoring his internet use for the past two weeks. He basically denied everything. Said that yes he might go on adult sites but had no intent to meet anyone. And that I had violated his privacy and his trust to the point that he just feels very uncomfortable with me.

We went on and around for a minute. My heart was breaking and he was getting more and more annoyed looking. I apologized for violating his trust and told him that I had a responsibility to protect me. He wasn't buy any of it.

Oh well....suffice it to say he ask me if I needed help carrying my stuff out to the car and that was that.

 

[jrae]

So sorry, EB, but you did the right thing. Sounds like he had no defense except to attack you. Be proud of yourself!

 

[apemay1969]

I know. I totally feel like I am going crazy.

Well ladies I did it. After finding that he was in multiple groups in yahoo and on a paid site for straight up meeting for sex. He had sent out quite a few hellos but the only women who answered were either out of state or he never responded back. Regardless enough was enough.

...he told me that he suspected I had been looking at his emails, sending dummy profiles at him and monitoring his internet use for the past two weeks. He basically denied everything. Said that yes he might go on adult sites but had no intent to meet anyone. And that I had violated his privacy and his trust to the point that he just feels very uncomfortable with me.

I just went through the same thing but it was my husband. I'm praying about it because I want to leave. This is the third time I've caught him with a profile set up. This time I pretended to be 21 years old and send him emails. I confessed because I was miserable and there were other things like him looking at every a$$ that went by, even younger ones, and a crazy phone message from an ex on his cell phone. I didn't check his messages he accidently pressed the wrong button when asking me to hear another message. It is crazy that we find these things out and still have doubts about our own sanity and righteousness.

How did this work for your emotionally, mentally and spiritually?

 

[jwhitley6]

Sounds like you're dating my ex.....please move on, sweetie. He's not the one for you...at least not now.

ETA: Oops, I'm just now realizing how late I am with this post....Hope it all worked out.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

Any updates?