Would you leave your soulmate for cheating on the internet

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[esoterica]

The question is not "Would you leave your soul mate for cheating on the internet?" The real question is "If someone is really your soul mate, why would they be cheating on you via the internet?". Either they're not really cheating or they're not your "soul mate". Surely both cannot be true.

 

[Lindy]

Ummm... do you live in NY?? I know a guy who seriously seems like he's addicted to dating sites... erplexed

I actually think that this sort of thing is not uncommon. The internet can be great in one respect, allowing single people to network and meet people they otherwise might never get the chance to meet, but in other ways, it is a lot of temptation for men (and women!!) who may already be dating or in a relationship with (or even married to) someone great, but to them, the thought that there are sooo many men and women out there on these sites who are willing to provide easily accessible entertainment and titillation to bored or restless people... it can be a recipe for disaster...

I would not like the idea of my man perusing dating sites whenever I wasn't around... it just wouldn't sit right with me. How about if he comes across someone that intrigues him more than just for entertainment purposes, and she's local?? Then what??

ETA:: OOps; I posted this before realizing that this is an old thread... OP, glad you left that fool!! He needs counseling... seriously.

 

[MissScarlett]

I would dump him. Men aren't oil changes, they can't be 'changed'. He seems good on the surface but these issues will come up time and time again. I would honestly be glad to know now so I could get out and not be hurt further. You deserve someone who is INTO you and not some online fantasy.

 

[MissScarlett]

Please let me know how yours turns out. I say that what he is doing is just looking, but I have to keep in mind that like you, he and I met on the internet. So it's not like he won't take it there.

Dang...I just hate the thought of having to start over.

I think this is a good honest reason as to why women choose to marry and stay with men that are disrespectful and/or perhaps cheat. Its the fear of the unknown, being single or having to 'start all over'. I'm sorry you're going through this, I can tell its really hurting you.

 

[ElizaBlue]

I guess fate would have it that this thread would somehow get revived. Because earlier today at work I was truly missing this man.

Well here is an update. I am still totally in love with this fool. I actually saw him at his office about two months ago when I had to return something to him. OMG he had gained like 20 lbs and looked so so good. I just felt like crying because he looked at me like "I can't believe you did this".

His secretary was just looking back and forth at us like at a tennis match. I just left. I've called him a couple of times and I won't even lie because lying never helped any situation, yes I was drunk dialing and drunk emailing. Crying my *** off.

The strange thing is, I'm in a weird way afraid of him. I mean like he might do me something. Like maybe I don't know. Get me naked in bed and then when he takes off his clothes he's got that tatoo on his back and *** like in Red Dragon. Replete with the grandmother's false teeth and all. That ish scares the hell out of me.

I say that because a couple of times we talked or text and he was like oh I was going to ask you to come over here. I'm thinking hmmmm....out there on that lake in that big *** house all alone....nah. I'll be okay just emailing your behind from time to time.

I do miss him. And though I've dated there is no one but no one who even comes close. I mean I get mad when guys try to kiss me. Some of these guys I've been dating since we broke up and we have never even held hands. Because I feel like I would be cheating. I really really wish I knew how to break this dag gone spell. If I thought giving up the goodies to someone else just to get over him would do it I would seriously consider it.

But in some lame part of my brain that I totally did not know existed until this man. I don't want to have to tell him that I was with someone else...when he comes to his senses. Which as I write this I so know that I am void of my own at the moment. But I am just giving it to yall as real as it is.

I can't imagine what I would do if he was my husband. When I read the earlier post about that I was like wow. But thinking about it I guess I would be exactly where his wife was.

This chick packed up the paint off the walls and I'm not kidding and bailed. Took both mercedes and even took his damn clothes. What but a Red Dragon tat would make someone give up a 6k sq. ft. house.

She was serious. What's strange is I was at my office today wanting to call him so so so so bad. And I said to myself, just imagine if he was your husband and you walked in and caught him with some white chick on your bathroom counter in it knee deep. I thought I would throw up.

But sadly this is what I force myself to do when I think I love him so much. I just remind myself I probably only saw the tip of the iceberg. Who knows what the wife actually got hit in the face with.

Where's my Reisling? Ya'll go make me drink.

 

[ElizaBlue]

I know. I totally feel like I am going crazy.

Well ladies I did it. After finding that he was in multiple groups in yahoo and on a paid site for straight up meeting for sex. He had sent out quite a few hellos but the only women who answered were either out of state or he never responded back. Regardless enough was enough.

...he told me that he suspected I had been looking at his emails, sending dummy profiles at him and monitoring his internet use for the past two weeks. He basically denied everything. Said that yes he might go on adult sites but had no intent to meet anyone. And that I had violated his privacy and his trust to the point that he just feels very uncomfortable with me.

I just went through the same thing but it was my husband. I'm praying about it because I want to leave. This is the third time I've caught him with a profile set up. This time I pretended to be 21 years old and send him emails. I confessed because I was miserable and there were other things like him looking at every a$$ that went by, even younger ones, and a crazy phone message from an ex on his cell phone. I didn't check his messages he accidently pressed the wrong button when asking me to hear another message. It is crazy that we find these things out and still have doubts about our own sanity and righteousness.

How did this work for your emotionally, mentally and spiritually?

I really do feel for you. I hope ya'll don't have kids because he probably is not going to change and you will eventually (no time soon though) wind up leaving. You have to get enough and then that will be too much.

That's what happen with me and the person I had been with for 10 years. I kept forgiving him and trying to make it work. I won't go into detail but eventually his sexual addiction led him to do something that almost cost me my badge and my freedom. My daughter didn't tell me until she was 18 because she thought her and her brother would wind up in foster home. This is the main reason why why I am so non-trusting with the whole internet addiction thing.

Writing this now helps. This is an awesome forum. It has helped me to stay grounded in many ways. Just pray sister, read about this illness learn how not to be co-dependent and recognize the signs that his behavior may have moved from the net into reality.

I can tell you first hand it will hurt like hell. But I figure better me hurt myself than let someone else do it. I'm still hurting because I really do love this man, but hey there are worse things I could still be dealing with.

PM me if you need to talk off line. It's been three months and I still cry sometimes for what I "think" or "thought" we could have been. I prayed for God to give me this man, but fixed. You know? But someone wrote in another post that sometimes God's greatest blessings are prayers gone unanswered.

Makes sense to me.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

EB, I'm so sorry to hear that your heart is broken over this man. If you really want him back -- or if you want him to even consider changing, then you are going to have to stop calling, stop emailing, stop texting...and make him miss you. Give the man a chance to know what it feels like to miss you. I am sure you are a catch yourself, so let him start fishing for once.

Good luck on this

 

[ElizaBlue]

Aww...thank you for that you are sweet. Well I broke down and called him today. Obviously before I read your saged wisdom. This **** asked who was calling as if he didn't know my name, then said oh hey hold on for a minute and never came back to the phone.

That was like it. He likes to play these f-ing games. He texted me two days before Xmas amd last night. Then he acts like this. He told me once that his ex-wife cusses him out on the regular because he will text her but refuses to talk to her on the phone. So I am just done. Now it's gone from wanting him to hating him. Well that is too strong, just really really not liking him. At all.

I actually went out to dinner tonight with my ex who is still totally in love with me. He's a record producer and about to finish his first book. The only reason I cannot get into this man is because he is half white. My issues, I know. He is very handsome and wants to get married. But the problem is he has been divorced 4 years and has three kids all under 9.

He is totally supportive of me and my endeavors but the fact that his mom is white (even though he is militant as hell) just bothers me. And not so much because of that. He at times acts like the rich white kid that he is. I mean like the jewish side and talking about things that I have yet to experience because I wasn't raised with a silver spoon in my mouth.

I don't know. People tell me he looks like a tanned Kevin Costner, green eyes and all. He is very attractive and fine. But loud like rich white people can be, I mean in the sense that they don't care what other people think about them. I on the other hand am very very reclusive and quiet and withdrawn at times. Like tonight he was laughing loudly and telling the waiter that the cheesecake just wasn't that good. He paid the check without even glancing at it.

I suppose I should give him another chance. He keeps asking me if we can start over. But he doesn't believe in Jesus. And I just cannot get past that....or can I....hmmmm

 

[sky_blu]

Yes! Because if he was my soulmate he wouldnt be on the internet still looking. I know someone that this is happening to right now....all that doesnt start well doesn't end well.

 

[Lindy]

This **** asked who was calling as if he didn't know my name, then said oh hey hold on for a minute and never came back to the phone.

WTH??!! Please, oh please lose his number and don't waste any more of your time thinking about this fool... You need to make a New Years resolution to put this whole episode TOTALLY behind you and move on!!

And don't use your ex as the rebound guy... It sounds like you have issues with him as well... Time for some fresh meat!!

 

[firecracker]

I am sorry to hear you fell for a jackazz manwhore. Please stop calling him. If you really want that kneegrow back up off that *** til he comes chasing you. I think you should spend time with yourself for a little while instead of hooking up with your ex or starting up a new thing. Its time for reflection.

 

[Butterfly08]

Yes, and all the secrecy had me going crazy, acting like a detective. I'm not gonna lie, my situation was really bad....but I'm only stronger now. Let it ride...you'll know when and if it's time to go.

I'm sorry ladies, but all this checking behind your man stuff is too much work! It shows that there is no trust, and where there is no trust there is never true peace and intimacy. This would be a different situation if the OP and her man were married, then there would be a true connection and reason for her to stick around and make the relationship work. But having to go through all this and you're not even married yet?! I just couldn't do it.

I will never be the wife to search tI hrough receipts and pockets, unless I have a legitimate reason to do so. DH is the only man I trusted enough to marry. I feel that what is done in darkness will always come to light in due time, and that God will protect the both of us against undue harm. So I choose to live in trust and peace (until evidence proves otherwise).

OP, don't ignore something this serious. Like another poster said, he's still searching. Otherwise, you would be enough for him.

 

[ElizaBlue]

EB, I'm so sorry to hear that your heart is broken over this man. If you really want him back -- or if you want him to even consider changing, then you are going to have to stop calling, stop emailing, stop texting...and make him miss you. Give the man a chance to know what it feels like to miss you. I am sure you are a catch yourself, so let him start fishing for once.

Good luck on this

It's been almost a year. And I have to tell you, your advice was so on point. He's back and trying oh so hard. But...alas...I have another.

 

[Keen]

It's been almost a year. And I have to tell you, your advice was so on point. He's back and trying oh so hard. But...alas...I have another.

Girl, I just read that thread without looking the date. I didn't realize this was last year. I was like

Oh well, that was a blessing in disguise. When you stop answering his calls, you free yourself for the real blessing.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

Go with your gut feelings. If you're uncomfortable with it now, you'll be even more uncomfortable with it after marriage. Decide whether or not you can live with this kind of thing within your marriage. I think it's a form of emotional cheating.

 

[LBoogie]

A soulmate wouldnt cheat....on or offline.

 

[LBoogie]

It's been almost a year. And I have to tell you, your advice was so on point. He's back and trying oh so hard. But...alas...I have another.

Oh damn!


Who bumped this and why? UGH!

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

Oh damn!


Who bumped this and why? UGH!

I just noticed how old this thread was after I replied to it like a dummy, Lately a lot of old thread out coming out of the woodwork. There must be some technical problems going on around here.

 

[ElizaBlue]

No. I bumped it with a response to the last poster. I have been asked and the question had been posed in other threads as to what happened. Well it's been a year and we are friends now.

I just wanted to give an update because I'm just so in another place now. Back then I was just really in another place. A bad place no less. I had a lot of guilt and regret on how I ended the relationship. He refused to even speak to me for almost a year. Another time another place.

Now that place is South Carolina....

 

[MzShay]

I'mma cut you Eliza!!! (oops did I just threaten the FEDS) LOL...U know in my delicate condition I can't be taking this stress!!! I'm reading and never bothered to look at the date like OH HELLZ NAW, this why she hasn't updated...Now u know u need to run and update us for real now, I mean u sending me into preterm labor and ish lol

 

[ElizaBlue]

I'mma cut you Eliza!!! (oops did I just threaten the FEDS) LOL...U know in my delicate condition I can't be taking this stress!!! I'm reading and never bothered to look at the date like OH HELLZ NAW, this why she hasn't updated...Now u know u need to run and update us for real now, I mean u sending me into preterm labor and ish lol

Hey MzShay. Don't you go pushing out my namesake before his time. It's still all good in South Cacky....just well, dang....let's just say the EX is really being himself.

I'll see you ova in our regular thread....in a minute...in a minute.