Lilmama1011
Well-Known Member
No because need attention and I'm clingy
Would You Enter a Serious Relationship ...
- Thread starter loolalooh
- Start date
This here, so important!
LoveBeautyKisses
Well-Known Member
Do i get access to the funds??!?
Runs out.
If we have a child i would need financial help at least.
Runs out.
If we have a child i would need financial help at least.
but that depends on the job.
If you're a lawyer or doctor and perhaps in consulting- working smarter is very limited. work is work is work
Bun Mistress
Well-Known Member
This is disturbing for me. Because I work 10 to 12 hours a day. I'm not in training, I may be a YUPPIE, but I have a job/career that is and can be time consuming and is demanding.
What do you all do with your free time?
You want a man lying around his or your house to keep you company. A man without ambition is not am an worth having around.
I'd rather have some one doing something for himself (almost regardless of the job) than to have a man who can lie around 18 hours of the day. WTF. You wouldn't be saying that when every time you had to work late he was out with his boys.
Sorry, I know harsh. But think about this people.
What do you all do with your free time?
You want a man lying around his or your house to keep you company. A man without ambition is not am an worth having around.
I'd rather have some one doing something for himself (almost regardless of the job) than to have a man who can lie around 18 hours of the day. WTF. You wouldn't be saying that when every time you had to work late he was out with his boys.
Sorry, I know harsh. But think about this people.
firecracker
Well-Known Member
Bun Mistress I don't know why you would think any man or woman would be laying up for 18 hours outside of work. LOL QT doesn't mean spending all day and every hour with your mate.
Relationships are hardwork and takes alot of nurturing. Working loads of hours makes it hard to establish and maintain a new relationship. All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. LOL
I think it depends on the individual. If you are a homebody then just laying up and around the house when your man is off work is cool. So him working alot of hours won't make alot of difference.
My guy works graveyard and runs his own plumbing business. We still find time to go out and schedule qt around his busy schedule but its because he knows the importance of having an active life outside of work. It took him overworking and almost dying to learn what balance meant and not defining himself by his business or job. Stress and overwork can kill and isn't worth life passing me by.
Relationships are hardwork and takes alot of nurturing. Working loads of hours makes it hard to establish and maintain a new relationship. All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. LOL
I think it depends on the individual. If you are a homebody then just laying up and around the house when your man is off work is cool. So him working alot of hours won't make alot of difference.
My guy works graveyard and runs his own plumbing business. We still find time to go out and schedule qt around his busy schedule but its because he knows the importance of having an active life outside of work. It took him overworking and almost dying to learn what balance meant and not defining himself by his business or job. Stress and overwork can kill and isn't worth life passing me by.
You've lost me with the extremes in this response. If you don't want someone who works long hours, that doesn't mean you would prefer him to lay around all day
you'd prefer him to be able to leave work at 6pm instead of 9pm. There are some jobs where shorter hours are inherent. Does this mean those people lack ambition?? Law clerks (extremely prestigious and competitive job) do not work 12 hours. I don't think long hours are necessarily indicative of ambition. It just means, on its face, you work long hours 
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Bun Mistress
Well-Known Member
I'm sorry if some one is working a standard 8 hours day job what are you doing the rest of the time? That is at least 16 hours of "free time" call is laying up whatever.
And I'm sorry FROM experience (myself and my professional friends) yes these people Doctors, Lawyers, Pharmacists, and business owners (not residents, students, or clerks) work these hours. No one pays you 150K plus money for 8 hours a day. This is a dream world. My father (did basic business) worked these hours when I was a kid. Afterward, he worked full time then went into full time ministry.
And by "Laying up" I don't mean with you. I mean laying around the house. Waiting for some one to come along. You can't be pulling an any real money with a career, with ambition with a 9 to 5. I know teachers that are passionate at their job and work way more than6 days a week (men).
I obviously have lost this fight b/c everyone in here is saying me me me. You wouldn't work with a man trying to get somewhere. Sorry, I can't join this boat ride.
And I'm sorry FROM experience (myself and my professional friends) yes these people Doctors, Lawyers, Pharmacists, and business owners (not residents, students, or clerks) work these hours. No one pays you 150K plus money for 8 hours a day. This is a dream world. My father (did basic business) worked these hours when I was a kid. Afterward, he worked full time then went into full time ministry.
And by "Laying up" I don't mean with you. I mean laying around the house. Waiting for some one to come along. You can't be pulling an any real money with a career, with ambition with a 9 to 5. I know teachers that are passionate at their job and work way more than6 days a week (men).
I obviously have lost this fight b/c everyone in here is saying me me me. You wouldn't work with a man trying to get somewhere. Sorry, I can't join this boat ride.
fasika
Well-Known Member
Bun Mistress, I think you went off on a tangent here.
Working 12 hr days every single day = 9 am to 9 pm, Monday through Monday. If we say that he has the average American commute (25-30 minutes each way), that means he should get home at 9:30 pm. So if you want to go on a date with him, you have to schedule it for 9:30-10 pm, every single time, on any day of the week. If you live in NYC or something, you may find a few restaurants that take late diners, but elsewhere, you'll have a hard time finding a decent place. Meals are also probably the only thing you can do, since there's no time for anything else, and you'll probably get home 11-11:30pm. And all this is assuming he has any energy left to go out with you.
I'm sorry, but that's excessive for most of us. I'd have no problem with someone working 12 hr days 2-3 days a week, and regular 8 hour days the rest of the time, specially if he works 6 days a week instead of 7. But 7 days at 12 hr days is just too much. We'd never get to go to events together, to spend weekends together, to go to a dinner AND a show/movie, to spend a day at the beach together, or taking a walk on a sunny day. That means we would never see each other during daylight - we'd have to meet like vampires, in the dead of night. Heck, how would we even meet each others' families? There's no way I'll take him over to my parents house at 10 pm
Working 12 hr days every single day = 9 am to 9 pm, Monday through Monday. If we say that he has the average American commute (25-30 minutes each way), that means he should get home at 9:30 pm. So if you want to go on a date with him, you have to schedule it for 9:30-10 pm, every single time, on any day of the week. If you live in NYC or something, you may find a few restaurants that take late diners, but elsewhere, you'll have a hard time finding a decent place. Meals are also probably the only thing you can do, since there's no time for anything else, and you'll probably get home 11-11:30pm. And all this is assuming he has any energy left to go out with you.
I'm sorry, but that's excessive for most of us. I'd have no problem with someone working 12 hr days 2-3 days a week, and regular 8 hour days the rest of the time, specially if he works 6 days a week instead of 7. But 7 days at 12 hr days is just too much. We'd never get to go to events together, to spend weekends together, to go to a dinner AND a show/movie, to spend a day at the beach together, or taking a walk on a sunny day. That means we would never see each other during daylight - we'd have to meet like vampires, in the dead of night. Heck, how would we even meet each others' families? There's no way I'll take him over to my parents house at 10 pm
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Bun Mistress
Well-Known Member
Most professionals don't go to work at 9AM so your off on that point, example a surgeons (in the hospital) day can start at about 4AM and lawyers day starts at 6 AM (in the office). Not based on what I think but what myself, my colleges, and friends habits are.
What you all don't know is most professionals that work 12 hour days also can take lunch here and an early afternoon there too. I do it, if I have to come back and finish work or work from home.
I work 7 days a week most days (even if I don't "go in"). I just think that if you write off every man that is taking care of business 7 days a week you are writing off the catches. That is all. The catches (esp in the early 30s late 20s) are going to have these hours.
If a man likes you he'll make time for you. Period. That may mean taking a day off here of there. The women I know that married the "busy" 7 days a week working man (my colleges wives) understand this. Hey I'm not with them, I take care of my business first, I was never wanting a meal ticket husband. But there are many women out there that are and I applauded their ability to catch these men. They take care of their business of getting married.
But once again this is a sector that a lot of people are not familiar with and can only impart their own I think that this is how is would work view. I'm the only MD in my family and NO ONE unsderstands my work load or why I "work so hard". I have stopped trying to explain "its the job". My day starts at around 4:30. I'm taking care of business by 5:30 or 6AM. I work a 12 hour (or more day). So I guess I'm undateable because I'm too unavailable too?????
I'm only trying to explain that this is a very one sided view and why a lot of BM with my hours in my field or others aren't dating some sisters b/c WM some how understand that successful men have a bit of unavailability about them. Seriously they have some sort of snare that I have never understood. I don't blame the guys that go for the "Oh baby I understand you're working late" woman.
I didn't get it til just lately. But its true. Just like I'm unavailable at times, so are they. If you want a catch you may have to put up with things like this.
What you all don't know is most professionals that work 12 hour days also can take lunch here and an early afternoon there too. I do it, if I have to come back and finish work or work from home.
I work 7 days a week most days (even if I don't "go in"). I just think that if you write off every man that is taking care of business 7 days a week you are writing off the catches. That is all. The catches (esp in the early 30s late 20s) are going to have these hours.
If a man likes you he'll make time for you. Period. That may mean taking a day off here of there. The women I know that married the "busy" 7 days a week working man (my colleges wives) understand this. Hey I'm not with them, I take care of my business first, I was never wanting a meal ticket husband. But there are many women out there that are and I applauded their ability to catch these men. They take care of their business of getting married.
But once again this is a sector that a lot of people are not familiar with and can only impart their own I think that this is how is would work view. I'm the only MD in my family and NO ONE unsderstands my work load or why I "work so hard". I have stopped trying to explain "its the job". My day starts at around 4:30. I'm taking care of business by 5:30 or 6AM. I work a 12 hour (or more day). So I guess I'm undateable because I'm too unavailable too?????
I'm only trying to explain that this is a very one sided view and why a lot of BM with my hours in my field or others aren't dating some sisters b/c WM some how understand that successful men have a bit of unavailability about them. Seriously they have some sort of snare that I have never understood. I don't blame the guys that go for the "Oh baby I understand you're working late" woman.
I didn't get it til just lately. But its true. Just like I'm unavailable at times, so are they. If you want a catch you may have to put up with things like this.
Bun Mistress
Well-Known Member
Congrats to you and your man.
So he has two jobs and makes time for you relationship? Hmm. How many hours does he work a day? I think you may have just proved my point. He can work a 12 hour or close to that day and be in a committed relationship? And you still dated hom even though he was busy with work.
firecracker
Well-Known Member
Bun Mistress No congrats are in order for me and My man but thanks anyways. My situation doesn't prove anything and cannot be used for comparison. This is not a new man in my life. I am not at work presently and won't be returning for a while. We don't have alot of obstacles or time constraints because we are working with one schedule/his schedule. He owns his own business and has employees that he delegates work. He works 9 hours a night ONLY at a government facilities. The only other time he is physically working is maybe every other weekend or a few weekends straight for special projects for his own business. Oh I forgot he does spot checks during the week at varied work sites.
We plan our activities etc around his outside jobs and the government job. Which is very easy to do. We get to do spontaneous things. His job is near my place and on his way to work. When I go back to work it won't be the same because I work days and he may still be on graveyard for a few more months.
After he had to have a triple by pass from overworking and stress in 2004. He has a different outlook on work and life. We are not young. So working smarter and not harder is important. Which is why he finally took the cush cush government job for the benefits&matched retirement and a easier work life/load. We are enjoying life not working like slaves.
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firecracker
Well-Known Member
So I guess you feel some kinda way due to your own personal experience Bun Mistress. I went back and read your responses. Like I stated everyone is different and has preference. I value time and freedom so I carved out a life that makes that possible. Some women want workaholics some don't. I don't know where that black men go to white women fits for ya but okkkkkkk.
closertomydreams
New Member
Yes of course I would! I would promptly resign from my job, climb in my bed and relax for a full month while he works his behind off. I deserve the break, for real....
He would come home to a three course meal and a sparkling clean house everyday. Lol
He would come home to a three course meal and a sparkling clean house everyday. Lol
fasika
Well-Known Member
Bun Mistress,
I want someone who has a good work-life balance. If he's working 12hr days 7 days a week for eternity, there's no way we're compatible. If he's a young lawyer and he's still establishing himself, I'm more open to that. But otherwise, if he's seasoned on the job and plans to continue working that kind of schedule, I just don't see how we would work. I am not going to want to get married and have a family with someone who is never there. Apart from the financial benefit, what would be the point? I would not want to feel like I'm a single parent while I'm married. I wouldn't want my children to grow up with a father they never see - what's the point of that kind of father?
If white women are okay with that, I don't really care. I don't know why that should be a consideration for me
erplexed I'm not in competition with white women, and I'm not limited to black men so I couldn't care less.
I want someone who has a good work-life balance. If he's working 12hr days 7 days a week for eternity, there's no way we're compatible. If he's a young lawyer and he's still establishing himself, I'm more open to that. But otherwise, if he's seasoned on the job and plans to continue working that kind of schedule, I just don't see how we would work. I am not going to want to get married and have a family with someone who is never there. Apart from the financial benefit, what would be the point? I would not want to feel like I'm a single parent while I'm married. I wouldn't want my children to grow up with a father they never see - what's the point of that kind of father?
If white women are okay with that, I don't really care. I don't know why that should be a consideration for me
erplexed I'm not in competition with white women, and I'm not limited to black men so I couldn't care less.
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