Would You Date Then Ultimately Marry A Man Who Moves His Mother Into Your Home?

[Browndilocks]

I know plenty of people who have purchased property or leased apartments for their aging parents. The first time I ever saw it was when someone I looked up to purchased the house next door to her, for her grandmother. I actually thought it was dope. If my parents were still here, I'd totally do that for them. They just couldn't live in my house unless it was a true life and death situation.

 

[greight]

Honestly I think my mom would want to remain independent - separate place but close by enough to see me and her future grandbabies. I wouldn’t put her in a nursing home if I could help it

You just don’t marry the man. You marry the family. So I fully expect to support my husband if something happened to his parenrs

 

[GeorginaSparks]

My parents and his dad can move in but not his mom. She can go to a nursing home(she's planning to do this anyway).

 

[Maracujá]

In the dating phase: absolutely not. While we're married? Sure. For a long time I wanted to move my mother in with "us", once I got married. Been single for over a decade so that never came about.

Getting along with my in-laws is an area I think/pray about a lot. Should I ever have children, I pray I won't be one of those mothers-in-law that constantly criticizes the daughter-in-law/son-in-law. This is why this time as a single woman is so awesome for me: being a woman is hard, running a household is even harder, learning how to cook is the hardest....and I don't even have children. Women do all of this and more, while maintaining a nice attitude. Kudos to us.

 

[BrownBetty]

A friend of mine has lived with his mom for as long as I have known him. He moved and she came with him. He meets his gf, she needs a place to stay, she moved in also. GF is now his wife. Mom still lives there.
The wife can't change a curtain or decorate her house w/o input from the mom. Now you would think the mom was on her deathbed or that she required some sort of care? Nope, he just likes having his momma in the house.
My other married guy friends have told him to get her a condo close by so him and his wife can have their own home he refuses.
I be damned if I can't walk around naked or get it in the livingroom or be quiet cause your momma is here 24/7. Hard pass.

 

[lesedi]

A friend of mine has lived with his mom for as long as I have known him. He moved and she came with him. He meets his gf, she needs a place to stay, she moved in also. GF is now his wife. Mom still lives there.
The wife can't change a curtain or decorate her house w/o input from the mom. Now you would think the mom was on her deathbed or that she required some sort of care? Nope, he just likes having his momma in the house.
My other married guy friends have told him to get her a condo close by so him and his wife can have their own home he refuses.
I be damned if I can't walk around naked or get it in the livingroom or be quiet cause your momma is here 24/7. Hard pass.

Oh hell no to this whole setup.

 

[intellectualuva]

As long as she has her own inlaw suite or granny pad or something, it's fine if hes a caregiver or as family they decide it's a waste of money to pay rent elsewhere, though buying her a condo should be an option. I wouldnt want her thinking she run my house though. Nah son. We would need boundaries.

I don't want to spend the early years stifling moans and groans because your momma can hear us getting it in. Lol.

 

[mrselle]

A friend of mine has lived with his mom for as long as I have known him. He moved and she came with him. He meets his gf, she needs a place to stay, she moved in also. GF is now his wife. Mom still lives there.
The wife can't change a curtain or decorate her house w/o input from the mom. Now you would think the mom was on her deathbed or that she required some sort of care? Nope, he just likes having his momma in the house.
My other married guy friends have told him to get her a condo close by so him and his wife can have their own home he refuses.
I be damned if I can't walk around naked or get it in the livingroom or be quiet cause your momma is here 24/7. Hard pass.

The bolded would be some of my concerns.

 

[sunnieb]

We will celebrate 25 years of marriage next year so my perspective is from that angle.

We have an understanding that any of our parents can come live with us if needed. We will arrange for in-home care and deal with whatever.

Only in extreme cases will we check one of them into a nursing home. The nice ones cost way too much and I am NOT putting one of our parents in just any old facility.

Of course things can change, but we are firm in taking care of our parents if we had to.

 

[oneastrocurlie]

A friend of mine has lived with his mom for as long as I have known him. He moved and she came with him. He meets his gf, she needs a place to stay, she moved in also. GF is now his wife. Mom still lives there.
The wife can't change a curtain or decorate her house w/o input from the mom. Now you would think the mom was on her deathbed or that she required some sort of care? Nope, he just likes having his momma in the house.
My other married guy friends have told him to get her a condo close by so him and his wife can have their own home he refuses.
I be damned if I can't walk around naked or get it in the livingroom or be quiet cause your momma is here 24/7. Hard pass.

Wonder how this impacts their sex life

 

[sunnieb]

More women are waiting longer to get married, so this is definitely an issue that needs to be addressed upfront.

A friend of mine just got married last year. She's 48 and her husband is 55. That's way different from me and dh getting married in our early 20s.

We had plenty of time (and sex ) to cement our marriage before having to consider moving a parent into our household.

 

[BrownBetty]

Wonder how this impacts their sex life

The bolded would be some of my concerns.

Oh hell no to this whole setup.

Our friend group tried to tell him this wasn't a great setup. All of the men in our group are married, have been married for 5+ yrs. They all spoke to the impact of his mom to their marriage, especially early on. He doesn't care.
I wasn't surprised seeing that it took him 8 yrs to propose. Smh... I watch how the wife has to deal with him and the mom, it is very stressful. All in all she signed up for it.

 

[Ms. Tarabotti]

A friend of mine has lived with his mom for as long as I have known him. He moved and she came with him. He meets his gf, she needs a place to stay, she moved in also. GF is now his wife. Mom still lives there.
The wife can't change a curtain or decorate her house w/o input from the mom. Now you would think the mom was on her deathbed or that she required some sort of care? Nope, he just likes having his momma in the house.
My other married guy friends have told him to get her a condo close by so him and his wife can have their own home he refuses.
I be damned if I can't walk around naked or get it in the livingroom or be quiet cause your momma is here 24/7. Hard pass.

Well Momma must like it as well otherwise she would have either told him to move or moved out herself when he got married. You might still need your parents when you become of age but this kind of codependency is not helpful.

 

[mrselle]

Our friend group tried to tell him this wasn't a great setup. All of the men in our group are married, have been married for 5+ yrs. They all spoke to the impact of his mom to their marriage, especially early on. He doesn't care.
I wasn't surprised seeing that it took him 8 yrs to propose. Smh... I watch how the wife has to deal with him and the mom, it is very stressful. All in all she signed up for it.

Some good friends of ours were in a similar situation. The only time he didn't live with his mother was the few years he was in the service. He and his mom were living in his childhood home and then the wife moved in. Of course the wife didn't feel comfortable changing things around. They moved to another home with more space, but she still felt like she needed the mother's input/approval on certain things. Its definitely not a situation a lot of people can handle.

 

[PopLife]

I think a lot of this depends on the personality type.
Which is why I am so adamant about never living with my MIL. She has a very controlling personality and likes things her way, I am not the accommodating type. We all would be miserable, and she would definitely change the dynamic of our household.

On the flip, we have a 90 year old neighbor that still drives & lives by herself ...her daughter comes by every weekend & my DH checks in one her during the week. She is such a pleasant/humorous person to be around and still drinks wine, lol. I could totally see myself being like her in my golden years.