Would You Date Then Ultimately Marry A Man Who Moves His Mother Into Your Home?

[**SaSSy**]

That Elvin from the Cosby show thread got me thinking how many women would allow their husband's mother to live in the same house (single or two family home) with them? So many people were defending him for working at Trader Joe's but no one said anything about him and his wife living with his mother in a two family home in New Jersey. What would ya do?

 

[lesedi]

Is she old and sick? Then, yes.

I wouldn't date someone who lived with his mother in the dating phase, no. But I can understand moving an ailing parent in with you when that time comes.

 

[**SaSSy**]

Is she old and sick? Then, yes.

I wouldn't date someone who lived with his mother in the dating phase, no. But I can understand moving an ailing parent in with you when that time comes.

They didn't mention of the mother being sick, but I personally won't date a single child-free man who's living with his able-body mother after 30 and play if off like she's living with him

 

[oneastrocurlie]

I know someone dating a man who's mom lives with him. She perfectly fine as far as I know. She moved into the house after him and his hopefully soon to be ex-wife got their place.

He moved back in once him and his wife broke up.

So maybe he's actually living with her? Lol. Iono.

 

[PopLife]

No. It would be a deal breaker for me.

 

[LdyKamz]

I was contemplating dating a man when he told me that he "takes care of" his mother. And he made a point to say she lives with him not the other way around. So I said ok that's sweet, is she ok? What's wrong with her. He said she's fine, nothing is wrong with her. My very next sentence was "Sorry, I don't think this is going to work out"

I told my mother a long time ago that when she gets old, if I'm able to do it she will live with me and my husband and she will have an aid. She said what if your husband wants to move his mother in I stupidly said fine then you can have a friend. Chile my mother will never let me forget that. And I've since changed my mind. So short answer, no and no.

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

My friend's dude let his mom move in with him. It's been awkward to say the least, and she now is always asking if his mom is there before she goes over LOL! I think if it's like a multi-unit or MIL apartment where she's in her space and he's in his, it's not a big deal, otherwise no.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I answered yes because I was a caregiver so I get it. If I had to do it all over again, I would consider a man who was a caregiver with a big * next to what would be required of me in the situation.

That said, I don't know about living in a sfr with a perfectly healthy mother-in-law and a 2 family flat might still be pushing it.

 

[Charmingchick1]

I answered no. My MIL asked to move in with my husband and I. I told my DH it would be a no. She has since passed on, but she was very co-dependent and I’m sure she would have caused the break up of my marriage.

My mother has lived with us on occasion and she drove me nuts. I would not want to do it again. Of course, I would not turn my back on her. I would have to move into a multi family home or something like that.

 

[mrselle]

It depends. My mother-in-law and I have a decent relationship, but if she is in her right mind and able bodied, no. What for?

 

[Browndilocks]

I don't think I'd have a problem with it if it's a 2-family home, because that's just 2 separate apartments. Getting up every morning and having to actually look at her face in the same dwelling is a no. Boundaries.

 

[MizAvalon]

I'm ok with a caregiver situation because that will probably be all of us at some point. But moving your perfectly able bodied parent into our house for no reason? NO.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

If I end up marrying SO, no as long as she’s able-bodied, healthy, and able to care for herself. I’m already watching her because she’s got abandonment issues and fears losing her children as they grow up and establish adult lives. I have no problem with them being close but I draw the line at her living with us.

 

[Petal26]

No.

 

[SpiritJunkie]

I just spent a week at my BF 's Momma's house. She's cool. We had no issues. I would agree to it with boundaries in place.

 

[momi]

It's not really a scenario that you can prevent if you plan to remain married. My MIL cannot stand me and the feeling is mutual, but if she had to move in with us because of an illness or something I'd be fine with that. She already has early onset dementia so she will end up with us or his sister eventually.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Not in the dating phase, if we're married then she's family.

 

[Theresamonet]

I answered no. My MIL asked to move in with my husband and I. I told my DH it would be a no. She has since passed on, but she was very co-dependent and I’m sure she would have caused the break up of my marriage.

My mother has lived with us on occasion and she drove me nuts. I would not want to do it again. Of course, I would not turn my back on her. I would have to move into a multi family home or something like that.

You wouldn’t turn your back on your mother, but you required it of your DH? Was she a terrible person?

 

[PopLife]

It's not really a scenario that you can prevent if you plan to remain married. My MIL cannot stand me and the feeling is mutual, but if she had to move in with us because of an illness or something I'd be fine with that. She already has early onset dementia so she will end up with us or his sister eventually.

It is best for some married couples not to let let an in law move in, in order to stay married.
Moving another person into your household can cause a lot of discord, especially when it's a MIL/Wife situation.

 

[Charmingchick1]

You wouldn’t turn your back on your mother, but you required it of your DH? Was she a terrible person?

Actually, she did some things to him that I won’t get into here that were awful. Yeah, I know two wrongs don’t make a right, but she “turned her back on him” during a time when he needed her. I don’t want to describe her as a terrible person, but there were a lot of issues there.

 

[Lylddlebit]

.......................

 

[Crystal22]

It's not really a scenario that you can prevent if you plan to remain married. My MIL cannot stand me and the feeling is mutual, but if she had to move in with us because of an illness or something I'd be fine with that. She already has early onset dementia so she will end up with us or his sister eventually.

Umm...

 

[momi]

It is best for some married couples not to let let an in law move in, in order to stay married.
Moving another person into your household can cause a lot of discord, especially when it's a MIL/Wife situation.

To clarify - when I say "remain married" I am speaking in terms of the natural order of aging, not that the husband would bounce and choose the MIL over his wife...

Of course there is always a choice but whats the alternative? Leaving her to fend for herself out in the streets?

 

[LeftRightRepeat]

To clarify - when I say "remain married" I am speaking in terms of the natural order of aging, not that the husband would bounce and choose the MIL over his wife...

Of course there is always a choice but whats the alternative? Leaving her to fend for herself out in the streets?

I get what u mean. All the people married 25 years and up will have to face this at some point. And even when mother or mil don’t want to move in there’s additional expense with maintaining a separate household or worry about their inability to take care of themselves

 

[qchelle]

We said we gonna get our moms sheds in the backyard for when they get old

 

[LdyKamz]

We said we gonna get our moms sheds in the backyard for when they get old

Lol This was kind of the idea I had when I told my mother she could live with me. I was engaged at the time and I was like then y'all (her and his mother) gonna be 2 peas in a pod. But now I'm like nah!

 

[KimPossibli]

why not retirement home situations...
does and aging parent always have to move in with children?
its weird that no one mentions taking care of fathers... :/

oh yeah my answer is no, and i'm not brining mine either...

 

[LeftRightRepeat]

why not retirement home situations...
does and aging parent always have to move in with children?
its weird that no one mentions taking care of fathers... :/

oh yeah my answer is no, and i'm not brining mine either...

fathers usually go first and then mom is living on her own.
Nursing homes? i feel like after all they did for me that would be selfish . and unless they have made contigencies for a nursing home, it is not cheap.

 

[KimPossibli]

fathers usually go first and then mom is living on her own.
Nursing homes? i feel like after all they did for me that would be selfish . and unless they have made contigencies for a nursing home, it is not cheap.

I think you can recognize all they have done for you as well as acknowledge having in-laws who require significant caregiving can be impractical / not ideal depending on what you have going on in your own family.

some nursing/retirement homes are nice and where I am the cost is comparable to being able to pay trusted in home care, which will be necessary unless someone is staying home to take care of the parent in question.

for reference both of my parents had to deal with significant caregiving responsibilities for elderly relatives and it was difficult enough that they decided that they would make provisions to avoid having to add that 'burden' to their children.

Ppl are acting as if caregiving for an elderly relative is easy... it really isn't... ppl have full time jobs doing this...

 

[LeftRightRepeat]

I think you can recognize all they have done for you as well as acknowledge having in-laws who require significant caregiving can be impractical / not ideal depending on what you have going on in your own family.

some nursing/retirement homes are nice and where I am the cost is comparable to being able to pay trusted in home care, which will be necessary unless someone is staying home to take care of the parent in question.

for reference both of my parents had to deal with significant caregiving responsibilities for elderly relatives and it was difficult enough that they decided that they would make provisions to avoid having to add that 'burden' to their children.

Ppl are acting as if caregiving for an elderly relative is easy... it really isn't... ppl have full time jobs doing this...

yes i know it's not easy, my grandmother and her sister lived with my us (parents, siblings and me) until they passed away.

i would prefer to have in home nursing care for my parents.