Would you date the Other Man?

[Laginappe]

Situation: You've met a new guy and during those one of those first "get to know you" dates, he reveals that his last serious relationship was with a married woman, lasting several years.

What's your reaction?

 

[gone_fishing]

Does he regret it or he's just saying it as an FYI kind of thing and he thinks it's ok?

My inclination would be, "next" because those type of integrity violations don't sit well with me.

He obviously does not respect the sanctity of marriage no matter who it is (and I'd bet money that includes himself).

 

[sonce]

Situation: You've met a new guy and during those one of those first "get to know you" dates, he reveals that his last serious relationship was with a married woman, lasting several years.

What's your reaction?

Is he hot? Is he $ucce$$ful? Psych! I have a personal problem with oath-breakers and their enablers. I wouldn't date that dude if he was the Last Nukka On Earth (starring Tom Hanks...come on, who's a Dave Chappelle/Paul Mooney fan here? ).

 

[MizAvalon]

Is he hot? Is he $ucce$$ful? Psych! I have a personal problem with oath-breakers and their enablers. I wouldn't date that dude if he was the Last Nukka On Earth (starring Tom Hanks...come on, who's a Dave Chappelle/Paul Mooney fan here? ).

I don't know that particular one-liner but I saw Paul Mooney's special the other night on Showtime and I was howling!

As for the original question, HECK NO!! He clearly doesn't respect the sanctity of marriage so there is no way that I could go forward with him.

 

[envybeauty]

That you would even asks means that you are considering it (if the question was not entirely hypothetical).

Keep us posted on what you do.

 

[sonce]

I don't know that particular one-liner but I saw Paul Mooney's special the other night on Showtime and I was howling!

That dude is trying to kill me! Every single time I see a show of his, I damn near die laughing.

 

[Laginappe]

That you would even asks means that you are considering it (if the question was not entirely hypothetical).

Keep us posted on what you do.

Right...I'm going to date someone with that kind of history. I probably should've put Spinoff in the title. Just tossing the question out for discussion.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

If he knowingly was involved with a married woman, I'd choose not to be involved with him because that, IMO, points to a character deficiency.

 

[LaShanne]

No I would not. I'm the wife of a husband who cheated on me. I am in the process of divorcing this man. The hurt I feel is beyond comprehension. His betrayal has devastated me to my soul. 15 years down the drain. I'm forever changed. My daughter's life is forever changed. I wonder if the woman who laid with my husband ever considered her role in the destruction of my family. The sad thing is, she thinks she's won a prize. I feel more pity for her than anger.

I would NEVER date a man who knowingly had sex with a married woman. He's a f#*kin' scumbag

 

[envybeauty]

Right...I'm going to date someone with that kind of history. I probably should've put Spinoff in the title. Just tossing the question out for discussion.

what was there ever to discuss..........

*shrugs shoulders* even before i posted my initial resonse, i didn't see what kind of discussion would come from it. pretty much everyone (the few that responded) so far said they wouldn't date such a person. i would think most (like 99%) would say no.

 

[Much2much41]

No. If he can't respect the sanctity of someone else's relationship, I can't see how he'd respect ours.

 

[Laginappe]

what was there ever to discuss..........

*shrugs shoulders* even before i posted my initial resonse, i didn't see what kind of discussion would come from it. pretty much everyone (the few that responded) so far said they wouldn't date such a person. i would think most (like 99%) would say no.

I wasn't sure that most would say no. Mainly because I still get hung up on people's view about the role of the "other person" in an affair. In other threads its been stated over and over that the other person didn't cheat. That they had no responsibility to respect the marriage and that the weight of non-betrayal rests solely on the person who committed him/herself to his/her spouse.

So my purpose in asking this question was to see if that's really true. If the other person's actions mean nothing in relation to an affair, and they're in no way responsible for said affair, then why would they be off limits when considering a relationship with them?

 

[secretdiamond]

I totally see what you're saying Lag! I never understood the whole "the other person has done no wrong" excuse. I think that's what people use to make themselves feel better IMHO.

You creating this thread just proves the discrepancy.

 

[sonce]

I wasn't sure that most would say no. Mainly because I still get hung up on people's view about the role of the "other person" in an affair. In other threads its been stated over and over that the other person didn't cheat. That they had no responsibility to respect the marriage and that the weight of non-betrayal rests solely on the person who committed him/herself to his/her spouse.

I think you might be confused here. People say that when speaking of what the wife/husband should do and on whom s/he should focus. I haven't seen anyone absolve the "other person" of all guilt in the sense of saying that s/he did nothing absolutely wrong and is a sinless as a newborn babe. It's that s/he is not the one the spouse should focus on because s/he is not the one who made promises to the spouse.

I think that the "other person" is an ungodly, immoral piece of shyt. However, I also think that any spouse who cases after the "other person" is a fool and probably too cowardly to face the real problem: the spouse who cheated. For a faithful spouse, a cheating spouse is the real issue to be tackled. "Other people" come and go, and get replaced, but the common theme is the cheating spouse, and that is who needs to be dealt with.

 

[dlewis]

IDK if I would. I would like to think that I wouldn't but if he's all that and super rich I prob would.

Anyone who would be the other person in a relationship has some serious issues going on (IMHO).

 

[LaShanne]

IDK if I would. I would like to think that I wouldn't but if he's all that and super rich I prob would.

Anyone who would be the other person in a relationship has some serious issues going on (IMHO).

Unless I'm reading you wrong, your statements directly contradict one another. First you said you'd probably do it, then you say anyone that does it has serious issues. I'm confused erplexed

 

[dlewis]

Unless I'm reading you wrong, your statements directly contradict one another. First you said you'd probably do it, then you say anyone that does it has serious issues. I'm confused erplexed

Yes it does read that way. Money makes most things better.

 

[locabouthair]

No I would not. I'm the wife of a husband who cheated on me. I am in the process of divorcing this man. The hurt I feel is beyond comprehension. His betrayal has devastated me to my soul. 15 years down the drain. I'm forever changed. My daughter's life is forever changed. I wonder if the woman who laid with my husband ever considered her role in the destruction of my family. The sad thing is, she thinks she's won a prize. I feel more pity for her than anger.

I would NEVER date a man who knowingly had sex with a married woman. He's a f#*kin' scumbag

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

To answer the OP, no i wouldnt date him because he obviously doesnt respect fidelity.

You should have done a poll because they might be someone who might be with him but just doesnt want to post it.

 

[Laginappe]

I think you might be confused here. People say that when speaking of what the wife/husband should do and on whom s/he should focus. I haven't seen anyone absolve the "other person" of all guilt in the sense of saying that s/he did nothing absolutely wrong and is a sinless as a newborn babe. It's that s/he is not the one the spouse should focus on because s/he is not the one who made promises to the spouse.

I think that the "other person" is an ungodly, immoral piece of shyt. However, I also think that any spouse who cases after the "other person" is a fool and probably too cowardly to face the real problem: the spouse who cheated. For a faithful spouse, a cheating spouse is the real issue to be tackled. "Other people" come and go, and get replaced, but the common theme is the cheating spouse, and that is who needs to be dealt with.

I guess our interpretations of various posts are just different. I have seen people here (and IRL for that matter) say point blank that the other person doesn't owe anyone anything. It has been a running theme.

As for my question not making sense to you, again its an apparent difference of interpretation. My question was not in regards to who should be focused on if you’ve been betrayed in a relationship. Rather our views about a person who has said history and our judgment regarding them and their character. My apologies if that wasn’t clear to you.

 

[sonce]

I guess our interpretations of various posts are just different. I have seen people here (and IRL for that matter) say point blank that the other person doesn't owe anyone anything. It has been a running theme.

Yes, but you are assuming that just because people are saying that someone doesn't owe anyone anything, they are also saying that the person hasn't done anything wrong. Those two things are not necessarily the same. There are many wrongs that do not stem from betraying anyone or owing someone something.

 

[Laginappe]

Yes, but you are assuming that just because people are saying that someone doesn't owe anyone anything, they are also saying that the person hasn't done anything wrong. Those two things are not necessarily the same. There are many wrongs that do not stem from betraying anyone or owing someone something.

Thank you for clearing that up for me.