Would you date an atheist?

[coachchica]

I married one! We both discussed religion early on ( benefit of ldr, lots of late night conversations) so we knew we were on the same page.

 

[shortycocoa]

This post raised my eyebrows. No one should break down and adjust her standards because she can't find the right man for her right now. Is there something so wrong with continuing to search? Possibly change up one's strategy and not one's standards? Some people don't meet Mr. Right until their late 30s or 40s. What's so wrong with that if it's worth the wait?

Girl you know some women think it's the end of the world if they are by themselves and don't have a man...they start making all kinds of concessions so they can say "at least I got a man..." Or in this case, a stud...I guess it's hard out here for a single person.

I don't see this type of behavior in a lot of men though...if a woman is not what they are looking for, they don't continue wasting time with her, unless there is some other ulterior motive (i.e. low self-esteem, no confidence, etc). They keep it pushing until they find a suitable mate.

I just caught this part when seeing it quoted in another post. I swear I hear so many negative things about Atlanta...that mess is scary as all get out. But I know as a straight woman, nothing could ever make me become otherwise. If I was single and things were that disappointing, I'd leave.

Exactly....it leads me to believe that they aren't really straight to begin with. You made a good point with your last sentence-there is a choice to leave, there's nothing wrong with making that choice. There are plenty of available men, you have to go where they are if you want to find one. Or, put yourself in an environment where they will come to you, if you subscribe to the school of thought that a woman should not put forth any effort to look for a mate.

I'm noticing this as well, but didn't want to bring it up since it might offend some.

But, for the topic, I'm open to giving dating an atheist a try if he is one of the few atheists who isn't disrespectful against Christians/Christianity. I'm not sure how far it will go. I'm more spiritual than Christian, but I need a person who is respectful of all religions, not just pick and choose.

Good point...from what I have seen, some Christians themselves are not respectful of all religions.

 

[shortycocoa]

I married one! We both discussed religion early on ( benefit of ldr, lots of late night conversations) so we knew we were on the same page.

Yay! Good for you! coachchica tell us what your union/marriage is like (if you don't mind sharing) Maybe I missed it upthread or in another thread, but are you Atheist as well?

 

[loolalooh]

Girl you know some women think it's the end of the world if they are by themselves and don't have a man...they start making all kinds of concessions so they can say "at least I got a man..." Or in this case, a stud...I guess it's hard out here for a single person.

I don't see this type of behavior in a lot of men though...if a woman is not what they are looking for, they don't continue wasting time with her, unless there is some other ulterior motive (i.e. low self-esteem, no confidence, etc). They keep it pushing until they find a suitable mate.

Tell me about it. Most men are so quick to drop a woman (e.g., she won't have sex, she gained some weight, she has kids, she's not cute anymore, she's getting on my nerves, etc.).

 

[Fine 4s]

It got to the point where finally when I was SEVEN years old and in the second grade one morning my mom got me up and told me to get ready for church and I point blank told her I wasn't going and that was the end of that.

I can totally relate!!!!!

Somewhere around the same age, my mom was forcing me to say my prayers and also trying to get me to go to Sunday school. One night she told me to say my prayers, I said no, she said yes, I said no, she said yes and I said no. She looked at me and fell out laughing. That's the last I heard about anything involving the book of great stories.

In college I felt the pressure to be Christian, to go to church etc. so I tried and it felt disingenuous. I'd be giving folks the side eye the whole session. I just simply let it go. I'm much more interested in other world views.

I must say I find it quite refreshing to hear some of you ladies (I'm assuming of color) with such views. I thought it was taboo in the AA community. Maybe that's changing?

I can see the devout praying on this thread now! Lol

 

[shortycocoa]

Tell me about it. Most men are so quick to drop a woman (e.g., she won't have sex, she gained some weight, she has kids, she's not cute anymore, she's getting on my nerves, etc.).

Girl did you come in here and edit this post? Because there was another 2 statements that made me LMAO this morning while I was getting ready for work, and I made it a point to come to this and reply and now I don't see it....but those last 2 statements were funny as hell!!!!!

I can totally relate!!!!!

Somewhere around the same age, my mom was forcing me to say my prayers and also trying to get me to go to Sunday school. One night she told me to say my prayers, I said no, she said yes, I said no, she said yes and I said no. She looked at me and fell out laughing. That's the last I heard about anything involving the book of great stories.

In college I felt the pressure to be Christian, to go to church etc. so I tried and it felt disingenuous. I'd be giving folks the side eye the whole session. I just simply let it go. I'm much more interested in other world views.

I must say I find it quite refreshing to hear some of you ladies (I'm assuming of color) with such views. I thought it was taboo in the AA community. Maybe that's changing?

I can see the devout praying on this thread now! Lol

I love your whole post...very similar stories indeed. @the first bolded....I would love to hear more about your experiences and what your mother's religious affiliation and involvement was.

I think as parents they want to set good examples and they want to feel like they are doing their part to raise "good" children and they feel the only "right" way to do that is to push church (read: Christianity) and nothing else.

I have been eyeing this book to get on amazon Kindle for several months now...I think I may go ahead and get it. It talks about how parents can raise children with good values without the presence of religion.

@the second bolded...I feel you. When I got to college my freshman year I was totally in this realm of self-exploration and I definitely thought more about myself as an Atheist. I wondered if I was "right" so to speak and thought about reading up on other religions but then I never followed through with it.

I had moments of confusion where I thought maybe I should believe in something and I questioned why I didn't believe in God. I was also just wanting to understand the diversity that was happening around me. Eventually I came to terms with it and realized that it was ok to not believe in God.

There was this one guy in my world history/world studies type class (which was really interesting by the way...) and he was very outspoken on a lot of things and he was also Atheist. I think there was an Atheist club on campus but that was during the time that I was extremely private about being Atheist so I didn't join the club although I wanted to.

@ the third bolded...I agree...I think it is always refreshing to meet other Atheists or read about their perspectives online, whether it's here or other places I visit online sometimes.

I feel like there needs to be more, but maybe with time that will continue. In another thread on here I posted this blog that I was reading where the author was writing about the black Atheist. It is definitely something that is still somewhat of a taboo in the AA community, especially in the deep south, but like I said, that is changing a lot.

I remember I was seeing this guy several years ago in the spring/summer of 2003 when I first graduated from college and moved back home. I didn't tell him I was Atheist right away, but I did reveal it after a while because it was starting to bother me. He was upset that I didn't tell him before, but I was also in this mode back then that if someone didn't ask me something, I wasn't telling.

He wanted me to go with him to his family reunion and there were going to be a lot of church-related events going on...I think that's why I finally came out and told him. Suffice it to say, we stopped dating/speaking (due to this issue and some other reasons) but I remember him asking me what I was going to say to his grandmother when he introduced us and she asked me what church I went to, etc.

So I told him that I was going to tell her that I am Atheist and I do not go to church. You would have thought that I said something so horribly wrong because he got all in a conniption and started yelling and his eyes got real big and he said "OH NO....YOU CANNOT TELL HER THAT!"

So I turned to face him, looked him dead in his eyes and said, so Travis, do you want me to lie? Is that what you're saying to me right now? You want me to lie to your grandmother and pretend that I'm Christian when I know and you know that I'm not? hmmmmm....isn't that one of the ten commandments that you Christians supposedly follow?"

You could have heard a pin drop after that. He didn't have anything else to say, but what could he say, really?

 

[firecracker]

Theo, we've been dating for a month.

You don't really know him know him yet if you've only been dating a month. If your belief system is of importance, his lack of one will be an issue one day if you guys were to marry and have children. Hopefully he is open to attending services with you and getting to know your religion.

I'm sorry but it does sound like your settling because its supposedly sooooooo hard for a black woman to find a good man. So not true but if that is the way you think things will pan out as such.

I wish you well and hope you find real love one day.

 

[loolalooh]

Girl did you come in here and edit this post? Because there was another 2 statements that made me LMAO this morning while I was getting ready for work, and I made it a point to come to this and reply and now I don't see it....but those last 2 statements were funny as hell!!!!!

Yes. I wasn't sure if some of the women could handle it.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Telling my parents that my husband to be is an Athiest was not easy but I did it. Ever since then my mother has invited him to church and everything. He's respectful and we did go. But what she didnt realize is that he likes to be educated in as many belief systems as he can, his interest and attention was purely educational to him, yet she was overjoyed at his attendance. I respect both of them. Who knows what the future holds for each of our hearts. All I know is what is personal to me. I learn and grow just like anyone else. I admit that I am and have always been stuck somewhere in this whole thing...But me unsticking myself and finding my own understanding and what resonates with my soul is no one else's job. I cannot and will not accept judgment nor will I judge.

 

[sunnydaze]

I can totally relate!!!!!

Somewhere around the same age, my mom was forcing me to say my prayers and also trying to get me to go to Sunday school. One night she told me to say my prayers, I said no, she said yes, I said no, she said yes and I said no. She looked at me and fell out laughing. That's the last I heard about anything involving the book of great stories.

In college I felt the pressure to be Christian, to go to church etc. so I tried and it felt disingenuous. I'd be giving folks the side eye the whole session. I just simply let it go. I'm much more interested in other world views.

I must say I find it quite refreshing to hear some of you ladies (I'm assuming of color) with such views. I thought it was taboo in the AA community. Maybe that's changing?

I can see the devout praying on this thread now! Lol

Alot is still very taboo. I have come to terms that I believe in God..and that's about it (not formalized religion). I don't have a church home and you'd be surprised at how people react to that. If you are a black woman..in the US (especially in the South)..you are a Christian..you lead by talking about your church, your pastor, what he said, what he did..end of story..anything else gets lumped in with Atheists, Agnostics, Deists. No offense to those of you who are, but my point is there is a very narrow lane bw allow ourselves to operate in and any deviation at all leads to grand assumptions and generalizations about your belief system and your moral code as well.

But back to the topic. I probably wouldn't date an Atheist..but I would an Agnostic.

 

[manter26]

I'm not AA, but WI. I come from a long line of Catholics. My Grandma spends 7 days a week in church. She comes to visit and gives out rosaries and pictures of Jesus and Mary. I have to wait till she leaves to throw them out else she'd try to drown me in holy water. I would never tell her I'm an atheist, she couldn't handle that. I don't really discuss with my immediate family either because they are so conditioned, they just wouldn't get it. My circle of peers are mostly atheists, Muslims, janists, Jews and a catholic here and there. We get along with no issues and respect each others opinions and practices.

 

[Enyo]

But back to the topic. I probably wouldn't date an Atheist..but I would an Agnostic.

A person can be both. Agnostic just means you aren't sure. I don't believe gods and the supernatural are real, but I don't bet on that 100%. I'm an agnostic atheist:

 

[PeaceFlow]

To me its a personal thing that I don't want to talk about with people I'm close to, if ever. The problem for me is not if a guy was Christian, or atheist, more that he might want to talk about thaterplexed. Regularly is a nightmare and that would be a definte no. Or worse bring the kids up not to make their own choices.

I've been with SO 6 months and haven't had any deep discussions about what I believe and what I don't. I've had a best friend for 10 years and I've never told her lol.

 

[CaliiSwagg]

As long as there is mutual understanding and respect, I do not mind what belief system someone has.

If reference to OP- I would. Religion/spirituality isnt such a deep thing to me where it is something that is a make it or break it. It is nice if we share the same belief system, but if we don't, that is ok too.

 

[silenttullip]

h to the Elmo, if you're truly Christian nope cause in thee back of your mind will be converting himx

 

[southerncitygirl]

yep, i need for christians to understand that there is a difference between being moral vs ethical and religious vs spiritual. i know many atheists that are about treating people with respect, kindness, and dignity because its the right thing to do, not because they are scared of going to hell . meanwhile i know christians that treat people like ish cause they are not christian and are only polite and well behaved on they days they go to church and the holiday season. i'm not atheist but don't subscribe to any religious restrictions.....i am a spiritual person.

 

[Oasis]

i'm seeing a Christian dood right now. this morning he was like ''i'm going to go home and shower and then go to church. will you come to church with me sometime?'' i was like ''naaah, i'm good.''

 

[FlyyBohemian]

At the end of the day it's about your relationship with God(for those that believe in Him) I like the OP and I can relate to her. However, instead of asking us if you would or would not date an atheist, then why don't you ask Him? He loves us and He has our best interest in mind, and He won't steer you wrong. I personally don't think that our ability to think, invent, love, hurt, reproduce life, and live out our daily lives came from nothing. With all the abilities that we have I know we were each created for a significant purpose. The sun to give us light and heat, the water to sustain life, the trees to help protect us and nourish the the air we breathe, and the animals all have a distinct purpose. This all can't just come out of thin air. Some Higher Being must have thought it all out. Therefore I see evidence of God all around us and it would be hard for me to share my life with someone that does not believe He exist.

 

[LunadeMiel]

I everytime I hear someone say oh, when I started learning about the sciences/thinking critically I stopped believing in God People's arrogance amuse me.

To answer the OP: absolutely not.

 

[FlyyBohemian]

Tell me about it. Most men are so quick to drop a woman (e.g., she won't have sex, she gained some weight, she has kids, she's not cute anymore, she's getting on my nerves, etc.).

I think y'all are being kind of catty here.

 

[meesch]

I everytime I hear someone say oh, when I started learning about the sciences/thinking critically I stopped believing in God People's arrogance amuse me.

To answer the OP: absolutely not.

FlyyBohemian

You thanked this post and in my opinion it's the cattiest one in the thread.

 

[CarLiTa]

absolutely not. that would be incredibly uncomfortable and pointless.

 

[manter26]

I everytime I hear someone say oh, when I started learning about the sciences/thinking critically I stopped believing in God People's arrogance amuse me.

To answer the OP: absolutely not.

Arrogance= education? okay...I guess I'm one of the arrogant ones. The purpose of religion was to explain phenomena that could not be explained at the time without the introduction of an outside force. The tide comes in everyday at the same time...that's got to be the work of Titan... Some just think it would be archaic to still believe this when it's scientifically proven via empirical evidence that the moon influences the tides of the oceans.

Things were surprisingly respectful in here, up until that comment. Hopefully the thread won't be derailed with immaturity and

 

[LunadeMiel]

@FlyyBohemian

You thanked this post and in my opinion it's the cattiest one in the thread.

Arrogance= education? okay...I guess I'm one of the arrogant ones. The purpose of religion was to explain phenomena that could not be explained at the time without the introduction of an outside force. The tide comes in everyday at the same time...that's got to be the work of Titan... Some just think it would be archaic to still believe this when it's scientifically proven via empirical evidence that the moon influences the tides of the oceans.

Things were surprisingly respectful in here, up until that comment. Hopefully the thread won't be derailed with immaturity and

I find it arrogant to assume that other believe in God because they don't know the basics of science or lack critical thinking skills (if it isn't what you meant than my apologies). Modern science is a few hundred years old at best... Science is still at it's infancy (By the way I too believe a lot of the things in the bible can be explained through science) yet people are using what we know know to try an refute what has been sustained for thousands of years <-- No I'm not saying because it's old it's right. A lot of of theories (yes, even the Big bang is a theory), have yet to be proven, yet people take them as absplutes, which is amusing in itself. Whenever I hear an atheist says that (yes, I have conversations with Atheist outside of this board and my comment wasn't only directed at what's here), it's always said with arrogance, as thought others haven't learned or pondered the same things. It's possible to learn the same thing yet come to different conclusions (even in science... see super string theory).

As far as cattiness, I will consider the source

In any case I don't like having conversations with Theist and Atheist because people who speak in absolutes make me itch. Not a one person in this world knows 100% sure what is what.

Do I believe there is a God (creator)? Yes
Do I know that there is a God: No

Do I believe that the Universe began with a singularity that went boom: Yes.
Do I know for sure: Nope, but it makes sense
Does my belief in that condractic my belief in God? Nope

**The above was written in this manner in order to avoid me having to come back into this thread and type again.

Good Day!
**gets off soap box**

Excuse the typos, I was typing this while in a meeting

 

[MsSanz92]

Yep I would then again I'm very anti-religion. In fact I probably couldn't marry anyone very/moderately religious of any form but especially not Christianity.

 

[AyannaDivine]

Yep I would then again I'm very anti-religion. In fact I probably couldn't marry anyone very/moderately religious of any form but especially not Christianity.

^^^EXACTLY THIS

 

[PittGirl06]

This is interesting. I consider myself an agnostic theist, so I believe that there is some divine force out there but I do not believe one can be certain about its nature. I would prefer to date an agnostic, an atheist, a buddhist or even someone who is very spiritual without being religious. A religious Christian would certainly be out of the question. I think you have to consider the big.picture and what you would be willing to deal with.....for example.....kids. If you ever had kids and you dont have the same beliefs, that will become an issue.

 

[menina]

yea i was reading this...sue me whether anyone cares, it's out there now.

i'm non-religious and even though i find 90% of Christians intolerable i could date one. he'd have to be a back slider though. someone who wasn't too serious about it (never goes to church, fornicates, curses, etc.)

You're a Christian? You're not a very good one if you are dating an atheist but this doesn't surprise me, as most Christians I come across pick-and-choose in various ways

i'm seeing a Christian dood right now. this morning he was like ''i'm going to go home and shower and then go to church. will you come to church with me sometime?'' i was like ''naaah, i'm good.''

oh dear.

It's interesting that religion is assumed to be the default...

For a while I was an agnostic who spoke out about the ills of organised religion- war, genocide, terrorism, hypocrisy, sloth all come out of it. Really getting into science (bio, physics, chem) and thinking critically led me to full blown atheism and I've never looked back.

some people find religion, but a lot of people were raised with a little background.

it's the same phase that 'newborn' christians go through. gotta go and tell that syndrome, lol.

because the ideas of a man living in the clouds/life after death/creationism make no sense and directly contradict science on earth. probably everyone shouldnt believe in a god once they get on an airplane and i dont think it's consistent to accept all the truths of science in everyday life but still believe in the supernatural.

the biggest nail in the coffin is the fact that christianity is in direct conflict with the existence of dinosaurs/the age of the planet. what more evidence do you need? also i was definitely done when i learned that christianity is nothing but a rip off of ancient egyptian stories.

i need you to explain this please,

people aren't in the clouds, they are supposed to be far beyond our universe. and the bible speaks of many giant beasts ans sea monsters that could've been dinosausrs. god's time is different than our time. 13 billion years to us could very well be 10 years to him. and i think that ancient people before were getting the same stories and just translated them differently. they're just too similar to be contradicting.

I devoted almost two years of my life to studying religion from a secular perspective. When your emotions and psychological needs aren't tied into what you're reading, it's very hard to take it seriously. I now feel that religion and the supernatural is something that, as we evolve, we will outgrow. Even now, we see that societies that are the most secular are often the most stable and secure. America is the only country that bucks that trend.

We often chuckle at the superstitions of people who lived a few centuries ago, and I truly believe that in a few hundred years, our ancestors will be chuckling at us for the exact same reason. It's impossible to believe in religion and gods once you start to come to see that it's not born from truth, rather, it's born from a deep emotional and psychological need to make sense of what seems senseless, to feel protected, and sometimes to feel superior to others.

i gather from this post that having certain beliefs renders one as weaker than one without. for some it's hard to take some aspects of evolution theory seriously.

it's actually true that most will turn away from the spiritual realm/religion and then go back to worshipping objects (different than previous ones obviously) unfortunately. people will always be searching for something new or better.

yep, i need for christians to understand that there is a difference between being moral vs ethical and religious vs spiritual. i know many atheists that are about treating people with respect, kindness, and dignity because its the right thing to do, not because they are scared of going to hell. meanwhile i know christians that treat people like ish cause they are not christian and are only polite and well behaved on they days they go to church and the holiday season. i'm not atheist but don't subscribe to any religious restrictions.....i am a spiritual person.

another unfortunate truth. we are to do things from our hearts and not false obligation.

Arrogance= education? okay...I guess I'm one of the arrogant ones. The purpose of religion was to explain phenomena that could not be explained at the time without the introduction of an outside force. The tide comes in everyday at the same time...that's got to be the work of Titan... Some just think it would be archaic to still believe this when it's scientifically proven via empirical evidence that the moon influences the tides of the oceans.

yea, and some would also say that a higher power is responsible for all the things that are explained through science.

I find it arrogant to assume that other believe in God because they don't know the basics of science or lack critical thinking skills (if it isn't what you meant than my apologies). Modern science is a few hundred years old at best... Science is still at it's infancy (By the way I too believe a lot of the things in the bible can be explained through science) yet people are using what we know know to try an refute what has been sustained for thousands of years <-- No I'm not saying because it's old it's right. A lot of of theories (yes, even the Big bang is a theory), have yet to be proven, yet people take them as absplutes, which is amusing in itself. Whenever I hear an atheist says that (yes, I have conversations with Atheist outside of this board and my comment wasn't only directed at what's here), it's always said with arrogance, as thought others haven't learned or pondered the same things. It's possible to learn the same thing yet come to different conclusions (even in science... see super string theory).

In any case I don't like having conversations with Theist and Atheist because people who speak in absolutes make me itch. Not a one person in this world knows 100% sure what is what.

You can not believe in something and still believe it has value, and is beautiful.

Sent from my iPhone

yes it's perfectly fine to believe in both to certain degrees. it doesn't have to be all/nothing, or one/another. then some don't believe something until it hit thems on the head. also i won't deny someone's personal expierience with the supernatural and disregard it as a possible truth just cause there's no physical 'proof'.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I didn't read the thread so I apologize if this is a repeat but since I feel very strongly that the husband is the spiritual head of the family, there is no way I would entertain the idea of dating an atheist. And it's pointless to try to convert or change someone. Only God can do that

 

[DarkJoy]

Atheisism is a dealbreaker. However, so is zealotism. My friend is divorcing bcuz her husband of 6 yrs is an atheist and she is not. Apparently he has no sympathy for her practices and beliefs and can be cruel when she brings it up or is getting ready to leave for worship. Ain't happening here.