Would you date a man if he told you he had a STD?

[TresLeches]

I met this VERY nice and handsome man who made me laugh and kept me interested in conversation. He was a true gentlemen and seemed like someone I would want to get to know. He's in his older 20s, has a job, has his own place and we really hit it off. So we started to date and after about four dates he dropped something major on me! At the end of the night of our fourth date he told me he has HERPES! And that he hoped it wouldnt change the way I view him.....I was speechless...What would you ladies do in this situation? Would you continue to date him? Or run and never look back?

 

[Syrah]

I'm gonna have to say to this one. But I applaud him for being upfront and honest. Herpes is too contagious and can lead to major complications for women.

 

[LadyPBC]

Follow your heart.

 

[Mena]

I met this VERY nice and handsome man who made me laugh and kept me interested in conversation. He was a true gentlemen and seemed like someone I would want to get to know. He's in his older 20s, has a job, has his own place and we really hit it off. So we started to date and after about four dates he dropped something major on me! At the end of the night of our fourth date he told me he has HERPES! And that he hoped it wouldnt change the way I view him.....I was speechless...What would you ladies do in this situation? Would you continue to date him? Or run and never look back?

hmm thats a toughie...you can get herpes from just drinking after the wrong person ...My initial reaction would be to run. However, what other qualities does this guy have? Is he on meds? Does he take care of himself? I would go with him to the clinic to get tested for every std and look over his medical history and yours with the doctor. Then, go from there. Be careful!

I would like to add as a public health professional. Most of the people who have herpes don't even know it or don't show symptoms. Everyone should go get tested.

 

[BrownEyez22]

Herpes? Ugh, I don't think I could do it.

I would just be consumed with worry, my state of mind wouldn't be where it should be.

 

[yvette]

Run away as fast as my chunky legs can take me.

 

[ThickHair]

No, I would tell him that you appreciate that he told you the truth but at this stage in your life this isn't something that you can handle. (If this is how you feel of course)

I like that he told you and as long as you and other woman act like mature adults he will continue to tell women his status up front. If only all adults were as mature as your friend it.

I just couldn't do it and I wouldn't want to continue seeing him socially because I would always know that he would want to get with me. (If that is the case)

 

[TresLeches]

hmm thats a toughie...you can get herpes from just drinking after the wrong person ...My initial reaction would be to run. However, what other qualities does this guy have? Is he on meds? Does he take care of himself? I would go with him to the clinic to get tested for every std and look over his medical history and yours with the doctor. Then, go from there. Be careful!

I would like to add as a public health professional. Most of the people who have herpes don't even know it or don't show symptoms. Everyone should go get tested.

I've asked him to tell me more about it and he described that it is no fun. But at the same he is also not on any meds but he said that if the right girl came along he would go on meds.

I've already came to the conclusion that we will only be friends, it just sucks because he is like....wonderful otherwise! But herpes is FOREVER

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Hayle naw! Run!

 

[nathansgirl1908]

I've asked him to tell me more about it and he described that it is no fun. But at the same he is also not on any meds but he said that if the right girl came along he would go on meds.

I've already came to the conclusion that we will only be friends, it just sucks because he is like....wonderful otherwise! But herpes is FOREVER

Wtf??! He will get on meds if the right girl comes along?! What manner of tomfoolery is that?! Does he not care about his own health?

 

[LadyPaniolo]

I saw once on a dating site, a man had right in his profile, before you even clicked his picture, "I have herpes like 1 in 5". I was like WOW.... Good for him being honest like that. But why does it have to be the FIRST thing he says about himself, though? Man. I guess he has gotten to know and really like women only for them to flee when he comes clean about his status... so he's just coming right front and center with it.

They actually have websites for people with herpes to meet other people with it too. That way you already know what's up from the beginning. Maybe dude should get on that site.

 

[Renewed1]

Hayle naw! Run!

Wtf??! He will get on meds if the right girl comes along?! What manner of tomfoolery is that?! Does he not care about his own health?

<breath>

 

[NicBenny]

Yes, herpes is forever. You don't want to have to be the person to tell someone, "Listen, I like you a lot but I have herpes."

I have a few friends that have contracted herpes from their partners and many of them don't share it with their new partners. Even though I encourage my friends to be honest, they refuse and I feel so bad for their partners. At least, he was honest - that's commendable in this day and age.

Rule of thumb, I make my partners get tested before we cross that bridge. It's necessary, it really is. Considered yourself blessed.

 

[sylver2]

Wtf??! He will get on meds if the right girl comes along?! What manner of tomfoolery is that?! Does he not care about his own health?

most people take meds only when they have outbreaks. they don't need to but taking the meds everyday is called suppresive therapy which would cut transmission down to 1%. people do that when they are in a relationship w/ a partner who doesn't have it so that person won't contract it.

 

[melissa-bee]

No. There is nothing to discuss

 

[Transformer]

I think you need to advice from someone in the medical profession. I told it's a "nuisance" disease but doesn't have to be a deal breaker.

Now I'm a compulsive hand washer so I probably don't have the right attitude to try to date someone with Herpes.....but do consider if the shoe was on your foot.

 

[username12]

Discuss it with a medical doctor, you will get an educated, informed answer.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

I am glad he's upfront with you but um...no. I'm abstinent till marriage and now I'm going to risk getting an std that you can't be protected from even with condoms? No way for me. And even if he's taking medication you're still taking a risk. And they say if they're having an outbreak you can still catch even with condoms.word some below:
http://www.webmd.com/genital-herpes/guide/genital-herpes-faq
Short of that, a latex condom offers some protection if it covers the infected area. ................

If you know that a sex partner has genital herpes, you can reduce your risk by having sex (vaginal, anal, or oral intercourse) only when he or she has no symptoms. Nevertheless, genital herpes can be contagious even when there are no visible symptoms, so you should always use a latex barrier, such as a condom or a dental dam.

----
Does it mean the person is tainted? No. Does it mean you might have a risk by having sex...yes. If you're willing to take the risk go ahead. You might be one of the lucky ones...or not.

http://www.mamashealth.com/stds/herpes.asp
Sometimes a person can have a herpes outbreak and have no visible sores at all. People usually get herpes by having sexual contact with others who don’t know they are infected or who are having outbreaks of herpes without any sores

---
another:
Yes you can because a condom does not protect the pubic area, only the penis. You can get herpes even if you're protected. The only way to have a better chance of not getting herpes is if you or your partner (which ever has herpes) takes medication to reduce outbreaks. Its not 100% and you can still get herpes. Talk to a doctor for more information.
---
Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

hmm thats a toughie...you can get herpes from just drinking after the wrong person ...My initial reaction would be to run. However, what other qualities does this guy have? Is he on meds? Does he take care of himself? I would go with him to the clinic to get tested for every std and look over his medical history and yours with the doctor. Then, go from there. Be careful!

I would like to add as a public health professional. Most of the people who have herpes don't even know it or don't show symptoms. Everyone should go get tested.

That's herpes simplex 1 which you're referring to as a fever blister not type 2 which is on the genitalia although type 1 can be transferred there from oral sex... (from my understanding. I really need to stop retaining all info I read online, in magazines, in books, but it actually is helpful sometimes).

 

[Cichelle]

The first thing I would do, if I really cared about the man, is get tested myself. LOTS of people have it and have NO CLUE. Really. Not saying the OP does. That's just a general statement.

I'm always interested in the people acting like herpes is the nasty cooties and getting all screw faced or running every which way as if gram negative bacteria infected fleas are after them--because the sad fact is that some of those same people actually have herpes and don't know it. They are completely asymptomatic and living their lives quite fine in ignorant bliss while they treat those with the same disease like they are disgusting people. Not saying anyone in this thread or on this forum has ever or would ever do that. It's just a general statement about something that happens in the world.

The problem here is it is very early in the relationship, so there isn't much pull to work through it. I certainly wouldn't ditch out on someone I was in love with just because they had herpes. I wouldn't end a long term relationship because of it, provided there was no dishonesty involved. But someone you just met or had a few dates with, that's a hard decision to make. This is why HSV positive people sometimes put off sexual intimacy and wait until later in the relationship to disclose their status.

Best advice I can give is to get educated about Herpes if it's really all that important to you. If he goes on suppressive therapy and you don't have sexual contact during outbreaks your risk of catching it is quite low. But it could happen. And like I said, it's hard to take that risk with someone you don't even know if you'll like in a few months.

There are message boards and websites you can go to and ask questions. "Shut up and Post" is one such site along with the personal website of the owner of that forum.

Good luck in your decision. That's a tough one.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

The first thing I would do, if I really cared about the man, is get tested myself. LOTS of people have it and have NO CLUE. Really. Not saying the OP does. That's just a general statement.

I'm always interested in the people acting like herpes is the nasty cooties and getting all screw faced or running every which way as if gram negative bacteria infected fleas are after them--because the sad fact is that some of those same people actually have herpes and don't know it. They are completely asymptomatic and living their lives quite fine in ignorant bliss while they treat those with the same disease like they are disgusting people. Not saying anyone in this thread or on this forum has ever or would ever do that. It's just a general statement about something that happens in the world.

The problem here is it is very early in the relationship, so there isn't much pull to work through it. I certainly wouldn't ditch out on someone I was in love with just because they had herpes. I wouldn't end a long term relationship because of it, provided there was no dishonesty involved. But someone you just met or had a few dates with, that's a hard decision to make. This is why HSV positive people sometimes put off sexual intimacy and wait until later in the relationship to disclose their status.

Best advice I can give is to get educated about Herpes if it's really all that important to you. If he goes on suppressive therapy and you don't have sexual contact during outbreaks your risk of catching it is quite low. But it could happen. And like I said, it's hard to take that risk with someone you don't even know if you'll like in a few months.

There are message boards and websites you can go to and ask questions. "Shut up and Post" is one such site along with the personal website of the owner of that forum.

Good luck in your decision. That's a tough one.

Had to bold this it can't be stressed enough!!!
You're ENTIRELY right. But really it's not cooties as you say but it IS a major std so it's not something to decide rashly. And as you say she's still taking a risk.

And I think everyone should be tested for EVERYTHING always. My fiance and I both were tested despite (waiting to have sex). As he's had previous sexual relationships I wanted to be certain about what was going on with him, and I wanted him to be confident in knowing my results as well. We went to each others appoints, and results, despite his protest that I did not need one and we could just go and do his as he believed me. I still did my tests because I feel that everyone needs to do them and not just take someone's word. The tests ran the battery including all stds and stis including blood test for herpes and hiv and were negative thank goodness on both parties. BUT I am happy we did the full run of tests.
You are so right I can't stress this enough!

 

[glamazon386]

No. At least he told you. But this is all the more reason why we all need to get tested. I knew someone who dated a man and they ended up getting married. They waited until marriage to have sex and it turned out he had herpes. She found out he had it after he had given it to her. They are now divorced for a number of reasons including that one.

 

[Renewed1]

I'm practicing celibacy until marriage. But before we walked down that aisle, we are BOTH getting a STD test.

I don't play!

 

[LunadeMiel]

Asolutely not. I will not willingly expose myself to an incurrable STD. It's great that he told you but I would have to tell him no thanks.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

My answer will be a little different.

If you all were planning on waiting until marriage to get down sexually...maybe, and by maybe I mean like a 10% chance. I know of people without herpes who are in marriages/long-term relationships with people with herpes and they just take all of the precautions they can. It is worth the risk to them because they plan on having just that one sex partner for the rest of their lives. In a dating situation, it doesn't make sense. Why risk catching this from someone who can deuce out the next week?

Many people have herpes and don't even know. How many people are really getting their partners tested before getting in bed with them? Even if we didn't plan on getting down until marriage, there is a 90% chance I'd say no. It is just something I might not want to deal with.

 

[Dee_33]

I wouldn't.

 

[Goombay_Summer]

I'm not buying into the whole lifestyle that those in the Valtrex commercials are selling, too many happy people who are seemingly leading more adventurous and productive lives than me. But I do commend him for being totally upfront and honest armed with this info you can determine if you still want to pursue a relationship with him.

 

[onelove08]

Do what you think is best. If you think this could go somewhere I would be very informed. Read everything. Compare notes and talk to your guy about staying really healthy from the inside out. Eating a healthy diet and exercise. Superfoods may be helpful too! If he has a strong immune system, the attacks may come, just not as frequent. HTH!

 

[kmn1980]

hmm thats a toughie...you can get herpes from just drinking after the wrong person ...My initial reaction would be to run. However, what other qualities does this guy have? Is he on meds? Does he take care of himself? I would go with him to the clinic to get tested for every std and look over his medical history and yours with the doctor. Then, go from there. Be careful!

I would like to add as a public health professional. Most of the people who have herpes don't even know it or don't show symptoms. Everyone should go get tested.

ITA! OP, if you were talking about Gonorrhea or HIV/AIDS, I'd say run but if I'm not mistaken, Herpes can be passed when someone is asymptomatic so it's likely that you've already come into contact with it from a previous boyfriend (if you've had one).

 

[ctosha]

First I do have to applaud this guy for telling you b/c we know some men would not have told you anything. For myself I could not do it I would let him down easy.