Would you be okay with long a distance relationship

T

tibb1908

Well-Known Member
If you're married? She would get an apartment out of town and the husband would stay in their current city. She would come home on weekends only, personally I told her I wouldn't do it because this could possibly cause trouble. By the way, her husband is very attractive and is constantly hit on, he's a partner in at a prestigious law firm and she's accepted her dream job.

What would you do? She'd be gone from Sunday night to Friday night each week unless she has a business meeting/dinner on Friday evening she'll comeback on Saturday.
 
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Only if it was a short-term arrangement with plans to be in the same city within the year or sooner. And assuming he will commute to where she lives as well -- not her doing all of the commuting. That doesn't sound fair.

ETA: If children involved I wouldn't do it for more than a few months.
 
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They both have a child from pervious relationships that are college freshmen. This is a permanent situation for now and sometimes he works on the weekends especially if he has a big case but I'm sure he'll visit her when possible.
 
tibb1908 said:
They both have a child from pervious relationships that are college freshmen. This is a permanent situation for now and sometimes he works on the weekends especially if he has a big case but I'm sure he'll visit her when possible.
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Well if it's a permanent situation then sounds cray to me on both parts. Since the kids are in college that's not a problem. But I think they will both regret it. But maybe once they realize it's a bad decision they will rectify it. Or maybe they need a break from one another? Who knows. I'd just wish her luck and keep it steppin'.
 
Generally no, but it depends on the situation.

I don't think that I'm cut out for that type of situation and my husband's career will take priority of mine anyway, so I'd move where he is. Career doesn't take that big of a priority in my life. I am employed to get money period, not fulfilment.
 
I wouldn't like that but how does her husband feel? They are the ones that will have to deal with this. How far apart are the cities?
 
There might be stuff you don't know about the relationship. Maybe they are struggling already. Otherwise, having the situation you described as a permanent situation is weird.
 
Are they older? I can see older couple s doing this.

I am forced to do it for work reasons we try not to let it be for long stretches honestly it makes our relationship more lover-like than married which is fun most times but can get tiring too. No issues in terms of third parties or trust. Hoping to have a more "settled" lifestyle in the next year.
 
I don't think I'm cut out for that, but have heard this on many occasions. Including 2 recent acquaintances. One flies home (abroad) every month. The other says his wife and children are now moving to where he is. That takes... something. I don't know what exactly.
 
They've been married for three years he was 42 and it is his first marriage. He was a ladies man but I haven't heard of any problems in the marriage. I know friends of friends who've dated him before he settled down.

I didn't give her my opinion, I only asked if she was sure that she wanted to do this. I knew he wasn't going to move because of his career.
 
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My friend does something like this. One week home and one week at work. They make it work.
 
Nope. Only one reason to get married and weekend sex ain't gonna cut it for me.

I wouldn't offer opinion even when asked. Outside of LHCF I'm surprised at the frigid type lives do many if my married friends are living.
 
Traveling consultants do that. They are gone Monday to Thursday or Friday. But they don't consider themselves living in the other city. They stay in hotels. It works well as far as I know.
 
I hope this all goes well, she's been my best friend since we were 5, I just want her to be happy.

By the way, she's renting an apartment because this is were she'll be living essentially and the plan is for them to travel on the weekend.

I was just wondering what others thought about this but I don't plan on relaying any information to her.
 
tibb1908 Is she worried at all? Or does she think this a great idea and has no trepidation? Does she think absence makes the heart grow fonder? Is she just a workaholic and so ambitious that she just can't pass up on this opportunity? I am kind of confused how doing this on a permanent basis sounds like a great idea for any marriage, not to mention a fairly new marriage.

ETA: I also understand your concern especially since you have known her for so long.
 
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claudzie said:
Me too!! (Ie Different continents) I must admit it gets harder each day though especially weekends. How do you find it/deal? (If you don't mind me asking)
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this isn't my first LDR. But with him it's different. With both of our jobs it's hard to talk all the time. I tell him to make time to just talk to me. I just moved back to the states. We were both in Europe. Him mainland and me on the island. That one was better bc he was only an he ahead.

I'm rambling, but we talk everyday by text. On the weekends he stays up so we can talk longer. I've seen him 4 times in the last 5 months and I'm going to see him this month, jan and feb. We planned our tdys around each other.
 
I know people who spent YEARS in a long distance marriage. They are now divorcing but the writing was on the wall.
 
hopeful said:
@tibb1908 Is she worried at all? Or does she think this a great idea and has no trepidation? Does she think absence makes the heart grow fonder? Is she just a workaholic and so ambitious that she just can't pass up on this opportunity? I am kind of confused how doing this on a permanent basis sounds like a great idea for any marriage, not to mention a fairly new marriage.

ETA: I also understand your concern especially since you have known her for so long.
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All of those questions and more are going through my mind. She told me that this was an opportunity of a lifetime and that she'd be a fool not to take it. I think she's so excited about the promotion that she's blinded about the strain that this could put on her marriage. She said it wasn't ideal but she wasn't going to pass up this opportunity. I know his past and so does she, I'm thinking about the temptation, and he may start to feel like this relationship isn't important to her or start to resent her. I've thought about the possibilities but she's reeling with excitement. She's also creating a life for him that he might not have agreed too if they weren't already married.Most people don't get married to live apart, unfortunately I think she'll regret her decision.

*****My first job required me to travel extensively and eventually I was tired of being on the road all the time. They both have to commit to being on the road, if they want to see each other.
 
No that doesn't make sense it's not like it's an internship she will be done with in a few months. This is a permanent job does she think they can live that way forever? One of them has to compromise. Either he starts a firm where she will move to or she doesn't take the job
 
I'm actually surprised at my own answer because I've always said ldr would probably work best for me due to the fact I'm accustomed to having things my own way (the reason I don't do well with roommates) and I'm an introvert and can go days without human contact. But translating that into a ldmarriage doesn't seem to work for me lol.
 
If she decides it's not for her marriage then she can leave the job. But I get where she is coming from with a lifetime opportunity. She may regret passing it up and resent having to put his career first. If she tries it and decides she would rather live with him, no harm no foul.
 
I feel like I read this just in time...I gave up a fancy job to get married to my husband and miss the accolades. I'm not finding the jobs I want here and feel like I have to choose between my career and my hubby...sigh.
 
tibb1908 said:
I know his past and so does she, I'm thinking about the temptation, and he may start to feel like this relationship isn't important to her or start to resent her. I've thought about the possibilities but she's reeling with excitement. She's also creating a life for him that he might not have agreed too if they weren't already married.Most people don't get married to live apart, unfortunately I think she'll regret her decision.
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I'm actually happy that she's not feeling this way or worrying about this. Fear of infidelity should not play a hand her her emotions or marriage.

If he wanted to cheat, he would do it even if they were living in the same house, like other men.
 
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