Would you be OK with a surprise wedding?

Fine 4s

Fine 4s

Well-Known Member
Say your hubby to be plans a surprise wedding and engagement all in one? Under what condition would this be acceptable if no?

This could be as romantic as it can get OR a big fat red flag that your are marrying a controlling man. What is initially viewed as sweet eventually become a cover for something much more sinister.

What say you?
 
I know a couple who just did this, three grown children, I'm not sure if they were previously married but started dating again and the husband proposed/married during a family vacation.
 
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Yessss. The idea of planning a wedding sounds exhausting anyway. I'm totally the "Let's go to an island and elope" type and I care very little about impressing others... which I feel is the main point of most big weddings. It's less about the love of the couple and more about the food, the dress, the centerpiece the this the that. Every important intimate moment is interrupted for a photo pose. You have to find a venue, vendors, and then there are invites and seating charts... Ugh!

I'd rather not lol. The less plannng I have to do, the better. I'd be delighted to simply. show up, get married and get on with my life as a wife. :yep:


As for the red flag comment in the OP... I think once most people reach the point of wanting to marry each other... they should know one another well enough to know if one has control issues or not. Most controlling people give plenty of signs along the way.
 
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SmileyNY said:
Yessss. The idea of planning a wedding sounds exhausting anyway. I'm totally the "Let's go to an island and elope" type and I care very little about impressing others... which I feel is the main point of most big weddings. It's less about the love of the couple and more about the food, the dress, the centerpiece the this the that.
Click to expand...

Your post is exactly how I feel, especially the bolded.:look:

While on vacation in Hawaii one year I saw a couple get married on the beach. It was just the couple, JOP and photographer. Because they timed it with the sun setting on the ocean and neighboring islands and the tide coming in it was sooooo beautiful yet intimate.:grin: The bride wore a strapless white dress and the groom wore jeans with a white dress shirt. A small crowd did gather but I almost felt like we were intruding.:ohwell: If my fiancee said let's just screw it and go to an island and elope, I'd definitely be down.:yep:
 
Eloping is different because you have a say. A surprise wedding is you showing up somewhere and SURPRISE you're getting married today! Oh and engaged all in one.

I'm assuming he would have to know A LOT about what I want and whether I was sure I wanted to marry him, hope I didn't have a change of heart etc.
 
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Hahaha, hell no! The dress is very important for me and I doubt he'd pick the right one. I even want to be able to have a bit of input for my engagement ring. Plus I think half the excitement for a wedding is the planning. I love to plan, so nobody is taking that fun away from me.
 
Nope. I don't want a big wedding but I do want to make the decisions. And then to rush from engagement to wedding just like that?

Let me enjoy being engaged for a minute
 
I would not mind as long as my mom knows about it. I'm not into planning, I don't need to experience picking things out and planning a wedding. When the decision to be married is made, we can just do it. I think a ceremony would be more for family than anyone else. A marriage is a very intimate thing to me.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
There would be no wedding. I have been planning my wedding since I was 8 years old and I'd be darn if someone ruins it for me, groom or not. Besides, everyone that knows me knows I hate surprises. Even as a child I hated surprise; every year on my bday and Christmas I always found a way to find out what my presents/gifts were
 
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there arent any circumstances where i would be okay with that. the only way i think it would be ok is if we were dating for years and or already had a child together and just happened to somehow not get around to getting married yet. and im never going to date a man for longer than 2 years without putting the engagement on the table, so i'll never be in either of those situations.
 
No that is to controlling for me.
Also how disrespectful you would leave me out of our supposed Union into one. Nope no thanks.

I don't see how that would ever be OK.
Also, elope is different from secret. Although, I still wouldn't be into eloping. Everyone will know on my wedding day, if you start to begin to think it's about you and not God, me, and my future husband I will nicely rescind the invitation. Still put your gift in the mail though lol
 
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No way. Especially if you have not even been to premarital counseling. Even more if you have not even discussed marriage before the proposal. Extra No if you have dated each other less than a year.

IMO the time between an engagement and wedding is not just time to plan a wedding but time to prepare for MARRIAGE.

Planning a wedding can be very stressful but I also think a lot of valuable lessons come from it. You do not have to have a big, fancy wedding, but it is an important day with lots of emotion wrapped into it. You have your expectations, his and those of your close, significant family members. It is a time when people really start to show a lot about themselves and for many people the first time they actually start to have real conflict with in-laws and even huge fights with SO.

If dude just plans a surprise wedding, who did he plan it with? Whose vision for a wedding did he use? Did he just involve his family or yours as well?

IMO permanent, big, life-changing decisions should never be spur of the moment or surprises. Sounds to me like the same type of person who will surprise buy us a home. No thanks!
 
bunnycolvin said:
there arent any circumstances where i would be okay with that. the only way i think it would be ok is if we were dating for years and or already had a child together and just happened to somehow not get around to getting married yet. and im never going to date a man for longer than 2 years without putting the engagement on the table, so i'll never be in either of those situations.
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Actually this is the only situation I may even CONSIDER. Maybe. I would not put myself in this situation but yes, if I were with a guy for years already and we had kids and all and probably lived together and he knew what kind of wedding I wanted then maybe. At that point you've gone all the way in life pretty much so the wedding part is not a stretch. But I would not do all the above to begin with so...No.
 
I think it depends on perspective bc an engagement period would not matter to me. Those things imo should be discussed thou roughly prior to engagement if both seriously know that marriage is in the future.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
Fine 4s said:
Eloping is different because you have a say. A surprise wedding is you showing up somewhere and SURPRISE you're getting married today! Oh and engaged all in one.

I'm assuming he would have to know A LOT about what I want and whether I was sure I wanted to marry him, hope I didn't have a change of heart etc.
Click to expand...

True. If say my SO proposed and then said we're getting married right here right now it would be a no-go.:nono:
 
Hell no. That being said I like to plan. Planning is relaxing to me. The proposal should be a surprise. The wedding should be intentional. I'm going to have a prenup and everything.
 
A girl I went to high school with had this exact same situation happen earlier this year (or maybe last year?). He proposed one month, had the wedding planned for next month. I wouldn't mind this at all. I have no desire to plan a wedding.
 
That would not be okay!

My mom and my sisters absolutely want to be involved in my wedding planning. I couldn't do that to them. I don't necessarily want a big wedding, but I want to plan it with my people. I want to choose the dress and the food, especially the food.

And I hate surprises.
 
I'm too nosey. It would never be a complete surprise. I would at least have a full day bridal spa treatment and outfit. I would still act surprised for his benefit though.
 
Absolutely not. Don't even try that mess with me, I will walk out. I NEED to be the one to select certain things to my wedding.
 
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