Would u date a guy that...

[Poohbear]

...is about to be a father???

I met this wonderful guy that is from the Navy. I have known him since January and finally got to see him this month. He's 23, caramel skin, and has a nice body. He has a certain glow in his eyes and smile that makes me excited as well.

I have never dated someone that was 3 years older than me. All the other guys I have met or dated were too immature for me; this guy is so mature and wants to do so many fun things with me. He even called me when he was overseas. Then I cringed when he told me that he found out that he was about to be a father in August.

He had gotten a girl pregnant while he was in the Navy. He said they are just really coo' with each other, nothing more...

Right now, I am not in love or anything and Im not looking for a serious relationship yet just from experience with the last guy I was with who I became very serious with. The guy I met seems like a very fun person to be around. He let me drive his car yesterday too and told me I could drive it when he goes outta town...

I also want to add that I am someone that does not have sex with guys and Im waiting until I am married...

What should I do?

 

[SweetNic_JA]

Stay away from this man!! I'm sure the baby's mother was just as smitten as you are and I'm sure he was just as charming to her.

Wouldn't touch it with a 100.9 foot pole.

 

[Chyna Red]

I would hang out and have fun. You say you aren't looking for a serious relationship and you don't plan on having sex until mariage... I don't see anything wrong with it.

 

[ms_kenesha]

Do you want to have fun with a guy who engages in casual sex? Because if the girl who is preggo now he was just "cool with" then he believes in casual sex as well as casual unprotected sex. Now, personally some of my friends who are waiting for marriage to be sexually active wouldn't want to date a guy with these views, but I don't know why you're waiting so that may shape whether or not he's someone you'd want to date.

 

[Tami]

since your not wanting to start something serious with him there is know need to waste each others time and he needs to get his situation straight and you definitely don't need any unwanted drama from someone that is not even your man

 

[Pepperanne2]

I would avoid that situation. It is all find and dandy now because the baby is not here but when it arrives, that will be an entirely new situation for him and her. Yeah they are "cool" but I am sure whatever feelings they had that brought them to make that baby may arise again. He may feel he is 'ready to settle down' with this woman or whatever.

We read too many books and hear too many stories on here that could have been avoided if we would have been in the right state of mind. You are in the right state of mind because you posed the question and deep down you may know the answer. He may be a nice guy, but wait..you WILL find a better guy with no attachments (or attachments in the womb)

 

[model_chick717]

He may honestly be telling you the truth that he and his future BM may just be "cool", but I know people who've been in the exact situation and even though at the time the person was not with the BM--things changed after the baby was born. I think people get a little sentimental after such a big event and it crosses their mind to try to be together. At least, that's what happened to a friend of mine. She dated the guy for 4 months--and after the baby came, it changed things.

 

[Guapa1]

I don't think there's any point, and it sounds as if his idea of fun is VERY different to yours............

 

[simplycee]

Pooh:

Sounds to me that you have set certain moral standards for yourself by waiting till marriage before sex. It also sounds to me that this is not the type of man you should waste your energy on. He may look very nice but you have to kinda look past that.

You aren't looking for anything serious but sometimes that's how things get started. When I met my husband I wasn't looking for a serious relationship either and we have been married now for 9 years!

If you decide to "hang out" with him be VERY careful with your feelings. Be sure he is worthy of your trust!

 

[Poohbear]

[ QUOTE ]
ms_kenesha said:
Do you want to have fun with a guy who engages in casual sex? Because if the girl who is preggo now he was just "cool with" then he believes in casual sex as well as casual unprotected sex. Now, personally some of my friends who are waiting for marriage to be sexually active wouldn't want to date a guy with these views, but I don't know why you're waiting so that may shape whether or not he's someone you'd want to date.

[/ QUOTE ]

every guy that i have dated has been sexually active. doesnt mean i have to be the same way they are. i am also someone that looks pass people's faults.

I have high standards for the guy I want to marry. but for right now, i wanna have fun with guys. its hard to find a virgin guy to date.

 

[Poohbear]

[ QUOTE ]
Pepperanne2 said:
I would avoid that situation. It is all find and dandy now because the baby is not here but when it arrives, that will be an entirely new situation for him and her. Yeah they are "cool" but I am sure whatever feelings they had that brought them to make that baby may arise again. He may feel he is 'ready to settle down' with this woman or whatever.

We read too many books and hear too many stories on here that could have been avoided if we would have been in the right state of mind. You are in the right state of mind because you posed the question and deep down you may know the answer. He may be a nice guy, but wait..you WILL find a better guy with no attachments (or attachments in the womb)

[/ QUOTE ]

hey, thanks for your helpful input! i agree!

 

[Poohbear]

[ QUOTE ]
simplycee said:
Pooh:

Sounds to me that you have set certain moral standards for yourself by waiting till marriage before sex. It also sounds to me that this is not the type of man you should waste your energy on. He may look very nice but you have to kinda look past that.

You aren't looking for anything serious but sometimes that's how things get started. When I met my husband I wasn't looking for a serious relationship either and we have been married now for 9 years!

If you decide to "hang out" with him be VERY careful with your feelings. Be sure he is worthy of your trust!

[/ QUOTE ]

Okay thanks...that's what i will have to work on...guarding my feelings. I see what you're saying about the seriousness of a relationship growing. Thats what happened with my now ex-boyfriend. we were together for 1.5 years and i just told him i dont wanna be in a relationship right now with school and all. i always take things slow when it comes to guys anyway. dont wanna rush...

 

[Prettytoes]

Better safe than sorry. What if your feelings get all wrapped up in him? Just back away now.

 

[Poohbear]

[ QUOTE ]
Pepperanne2 said:
I would avoid that situation. It is all find and dandy now because the baby is not here but when it arrives, that will be an entirely new situation for him and her. Yeah they are "cool" but I am sure whatever feelings they had that brought them to make that baby may arise again. He may feel he is 'ready to settle down' with this woman or whatever.

We read too many books and hear too many stories on here that could have been avoided if we would have been in the right state of mind. You are in the right state of mind because you posed the question and deep down you may know the answer. He may be a nice guy, but wait..you WILL find a better guy with no attachments (or attachments in the womb)

[/ QUOTE ]

Hmmm...i never really thought of this...right now, he says how he is in no way thinking about marriage to that girl but it may all change...they are both in the navy...she is in Italy right now and his home town is the same as my home town and right now, he's home from the navy. He goes back in August (which is the time she is suppose to have a baby). Anyway, Im not going to get serious with this guy because my best friend has dated several guys that has kids and I dont wanna go thru what she goes thru even if his baby's mama is far away.

 

[ms_kenesha]

[ QUOTE ]
Poohbear said:
[ QUOTE ]
ms_kenesha said:
Do you want to have fun with a guy who engages in casual sex? Because if the girl who is preggo now he was just "cool with" then he believes in casual sex as well as casual unprotected sex. Now, personally some of my friends who are waiting for marriage to be sexually active wouldn't want to date a guy with these views, but I don't know why you're waiting so that may shape whether or not he's someone you'd want to date.

[/ QUOTE ]

every guy that i have dated has been sexually active. doesnt mean i have to be the same way they are. i am also someone that looks pass people's faults.

I have high standards for the guy I want to marry. but for right now, i wanna have fun with guys. its hard to find a virgin guy to date.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm not saying to neccesarily only seek out virgins, but he's not just a virgin, but a casual non-protected sex having person. And I'm all for looking beyond people's faults and I know that people can change, but he should really be concerned about supporting his new child rather than dating some new girl.

 

[ms_kenesha]

[ QUOTE ]
Poohbear said:
[ QUOTE ]
Pepperanne2 said:
I would avoid that situation. It is all find and dandy now because the baby is not here but when it arrives, that will be an entirely new situation for him and her. Yeah they are "cool" but I am sure whatever feelings they had that brought them to make that baby may arise again. He may feel he is 'ready to settle down' with this woman or whatever.

We read too many books and hear too many stories on here that could have been avoided if we would have been in the right state of mind. You are in the right state of mind because you posed the question and deep down you may know the answer. He may be a nice guy, but wait..you WILL find a better guy with no attachments (or attachments in the womb)

[/ QUOTE ]

Hmmm...i never really thought of this...right now, he says how he is in no way thinking about marriage to that girl but it may all change...they are both in the navy...she is in Italy right now and his home town is the same as my home town and right now, he's home from the navy. He goes back in August (which is the time she is suppose to have a baby). Anyway, Im not going to get serious with this guy because my best friend has dated several guys that has kids and I dont wanna go thru what she goes thru even if his baby's mama is far away.

[/ QUOTE ]

It sounds as if he just wants some hometown action before he goes back to Italy where his child's mother is... <font color="red"> RED FLAG, RED FLAG!!!! </font>

 

[pressncurl]

I would recommend avoiding a relationship with this guy that goes anything beyond platonic friend. He sounds like a charmer, and guys have been known to tell females what they think the girl wants to hear (I'm referring to the "cool" relationship he has with his future baby's mama.)

 

[Poohbear]

Thanks for your input ladies...i need all the help u can provide...

 

[Poohbear]

[ QUOTE ]
pressncurl said:
I would recommend avoiding a relationship with this guy that goes anything beyond platonic friend. He sounds like a charmer, and guys have been known to tell females what they think the girl wants to hear (I'm referring to the "cool" relationship he has with his future baby's mama.)

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah...Ive dated charmers before...and i know one when I see one...and this guy I met does seem like one...

but im not giving into any of his BS.

 

[iwantlongerhair]

No, cause he's going to be over there after the baby's born and you never know what could happen between him and the moma again.

 

[myco]

I would look at how he's handling the situation of impending fatherhood. Is he involved in making sure that the baby will be provided for financially and emotionally? What kind of relationship does he have with the other woman? Is he calling her "crazy" and things like that? Chances are, she was crazy when he met her. That would tell you a lot about how he views relationships and responsibility in general. If your standards and his are not on the same level, save yourself all the drama.

Also, this might be pretty early in the game,(but forewarned is forearemed), you are not sexually active and he doesn't seem to have the same reservations - how much of an issue will that become in the near future?

Be careful of what my mother calls the "goldfish syndrome": Some men are like goldfish, very pretty to look at. But they don't make a very satisfying meal.

I wouldn't say write him off completely, but take your time and listen to that little voice that was speaking loudly enough to make you even start this topic. Pay attention to what he actually says and does, and don't interpret things how you hope he meant them.

 

[Poohbear]

[ QUOTE ]
ms_kenesha said:
It sounds as if he just wants some hometown action before he goes back to Italy where his child's mother is... <font color="red"> RED FLAG, RED FLAG!!!! </font>

[/ QUOTE ]

Well he aint gettin any hometown action from me buddy!

 

[Poohbear]

[ QUOTE ]
myco said:
I would look at how he's handling the situation of impending fatherhood. Is he involved in making sure that the baby will be provided for financially and emotionally? What kind of relationship does he have with the other woman? Is he calling her "crazy" and things like that? Chances are, she was crazy when he met her. That would tell you a lot about how he views relationships and responsibility in general. If your standards and his are not on the same level, save yourself all the drama.

Also, this might be pretty early in the game,(but forewarned is forearemed), you are not sexually active and he doesn't seem to have the same reservations - how much of an issue will that become in the near future?

Be careful of what my mother calls the "goldfish syndrome": Some men are like goldfish, very pretty to look at. But they don't make a very satisfying meal.

I wouldn't say write him off completely, but take your time and listen to that little voice that was speaking loudly enough to make you even start this topic. Pay attention to what he actually says and does, and don't interpret things how you hope he meant them.

[/ QUOTE ]

He has never put down his future baby's mama in no way. Yes he does volunteer his support and responsibility for this child. He's a mature guy. Ever since he told me about his situation, I have been doing all the things u said in your last paragraph.

 

[myco]

[ QUOTE ]
ms_kenesha said:

It sounds as if he just wants some hometown action before he goes back to Italy where his child's mother is... <font color="red"> RED FLAG, RED FLAG!!!! </font>

[/ QUOTE ]

I didn't see that part before.

I have to cosign on the red flags.

I thought everybody was going to be stateside.
As an Army Brat whose grown up around young soldiers stationed away from home, the stateside girl and the overseas girl is part of the game for some of them. There's a whole continent between the two of you, it doesn't get much easier.

 

[vevster]

You are young and you can be choosy at this point. I say no.

 

[Poohbear]

When I say should I "date" the guy...Im not talking about getting into a relationship with him...I would just like to hang out with him or go places with him...no sex or anything of that nature...any comment on this?

 

[PrettyBrownEyes]

[ QUOTE ]
Poohbear said:
When I say should I "date" the guy...Im not talking about getting into a relationship with him...I would just like to hang out with him or go places with him...no sex or anything of that nature...any comment on this?

[/ QUOTE ]

You still shouldn't date him. You never know you could get caught up. As much as you say you wouldn't do this or that to prevent any chance of disappointing yourself you should pass on this one in my opinion.

 

[Supergirl]

[ QUOTE ]
ms_kenesha said:
[ QUOTE ]
Poohbear said:
[ QUOTE ]
ms_kenesha said:
Do you want to have fun with a guy who engages in casual sex? Because if the girl who is preggo now he was just "cool with" then he believes in casual sex as well as casual unprotected sex. Now, personally some of my friends who are waiting for marriage to be sexually active wouldn't want to date a guy with these views, but I don't know why you're waiting so that may shape whether or not he's someone you'd want to date.

[/ QUOTE ]

every guy that i have dated has been sexually active. doesnt mean i have to be the same way they are. i am also someone that looks pass people's faults.

I have high standards for the guy I want to marry. but for right now, i wanna have fun with guys. its hard to find a virgin guy to date.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm not saying to neccesarily only seek out virgins, but he's not just a virgin, but a casual non-protected sex having person. And I'm all for looking beyond people's faults and I know that people can change, but he should really be concerned about supporting his new child rather than dating some new girl.

[/ QUOTE ]

Right

The keyword I hear is casual.

Poohbear, I wouldn't want to be with a guy who desserted his future child's mother so quickly.

 

[Supergirl]

[ QUOTE ]
PrettyBrownEyes said:
[ QUOTE ]
Poohbear said:
When I say should I "date" the guy...Im not talking about getting into a relationship with him...I would just like to hang out with him or go places with him...no sex or anything of that nature...any comment on this?

[/ QUOTE ]

You still shouldn't date him. You never know you could get caught up. As much as you say you wouldn't do this or that to prevent any chance of disappointing yourself you should pass on this one in my opinion.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes, you never know what could happen. I learned from a very wonderful pastor once "Your date could be your mate and your mate could determine your fate..." In other words--be selective even when choosing someone that you're "just going to date."

 

[Poohbear]

Thanks for all of your responses...they are helping me so much...I am leaning toward not dating this guy...seems like more trouble than fun...