Would this upset you? Or is she just too emotional

[Bmack]

I don't knock him either - he is making his child a priority and being honest with his SO (kinda .) That said, I surely wouldn't date him - just setting myself up for frustration and angst!!

Right! She is getting hurt now.

 

[shenitab]

As someone else stated, I think she needs to have a talk about the future of their relationship. Perhaps he doesn't want to have a female around the child unless he will be marrying her. I don't see a problem with that. She needs to find out what his intentions are with the relationship and if those intentions (and time line) do not line up with hers then she needs to go ahead and roll out and find someone else.

If their intentions are the same she may/will probably need to back off for a while to let the dude and the daughter bond and set a daily routine.

Who knows, maybe dude does not want it to get back to the momma that he has a woman friend cause then the momma wouldn't want the daughter to come and stay with him. Some chicks are like that.

Her not answering the phone is a whole nother issue. She needs to tell him that he is not her daddy and he isn't going to die if he doesn't know where she is at all times.

 

[Bmack]

As someone else stated, I think she needs to have a talk about the future of their relationship. Perhaps he doesn't want to have a female around the child unless he will be marrying her. I don't see a problem with that. She needs to find out what his intentions are with the relationship and if those intentions (and time line) do not line up with hers then she needs to go ahead and roll out and find someone else.

If their intentions are the same she may/will probably need to back off for a while to let the dude and the daughter bond and set a daily routine.

Who knows, maybe dude does not want it to get back to the momma that he has a woman friend cause then the momma wouldn't want the daughter to come and stay with him. Some chicks are like that.

Her not answering the phone is a whole nother issue. She needs to tell him that he is not her daddy and he isn't going to die if he doesn't know where she is at all times.[/QUOTE]

This actually made me chuckle

 

[TayMac]

His daughter is his top priority and he really doesn't have time for a relationship at this point. It's that simple. The lil' petty arguments are just frustration from both parties. How old is your friend and this guy?

 

[Bmack]

His daughter is his top priority and he really doesn't have time for a relationship at this point. It's that simple. The lil' petty arguments are just frustration from both parties. How old is your friend and this guy?

She is 30 and he is 45. The thing is why be in a relationship if you have no time??

 

[TayMac]

Well I don't know them. Alot of people stay in barely there relationships just for the sake of having something.

It could be that he is trying to spare her feelings and would prefer her take a hint that he cannot be in a good relationship at this time and SHE can end it versus him doing it.

 

[biancaelyse]

She is 30 and he is 45. The thing is why be in a relationship if you have no time??

To get your itch scratched at your convenience .

I'm assuming your friend hasn't been married and doesn't have kids??

She seems to have more discretionary time than he does. I hope she moves on and finds someone who is more is the same place in life that she is. I don't see this getting any better anytime soon, even if the little girl goes back to her mother. Your friend will still come in 2nd, 2rd, etc. behind whichever kid needs something from daddy.

 

[Ms_Delikate]

I agree with everything you said...They have been dating a year...at some point if he plans to keep her around he needs to be integrating her in his life...That young lady is 13...I am not saying that he needs to be all over his gf in front of her but trying to keep them separate AND she is coming to live with him...if I was your friend I would be planning my exit strategy because the young lady is going to take her cues from her dad and he is treating your friend like she is not a priority therefore she is not...I am not saying that she needs to be his only priority or even his number one priority...but come on now...

I don't like how he rolls. After a year of dating he is treating her like she is very unimportant IMO. He rarely wants her around his daughter but the female co-worker can take her to get her hair done. And when he can't reach her and she explains what happens he gives her the cold shoulder. Something in the milk ain't clean, lol, got that from LHCF. Something is off with their relationship. After a year she should not be treated like a secret, she should be integrated into his life. Now that the daughter is coming to live with her daddy your friend might as well hang it up. His daughter is his priority and she is not. She can move on now or wait for things to get worse IMO.

 

[Ms_Delikate]

I hear what you are saying but I will say that no matter how much time passes...IMO she will and should always take second priority to his kids...I do think it should be a close second...and a year TO ME is a long time...but hey different strokes for different folks.

Considering people were telling single mothers that they should hide their relationships from their kids until they were 18 - - uh, I really don't see why she expects to be considered a part of his daughters life, at all.

His children don't need to know about any relationship he is having until he thinks it's going to be long-term - ie, he's shopping for an engagement ring. Esp. his 13 y/o daddy's girl. She needs time to get settled into her fathers life 24/7, before she finds out that Daddy has another girl. And the fact that he now has full custody makes me wonder what issues might be going on in his daughters life that he is also dealing with.

So, yeah, I can totally see - and respect - his desires to keep his relationship with her secret from his daughter. *shrug* And, to keep it real, after only year, she IS unimportant compared to his daughter. Full stop.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

They're just not on the same page.

1)The phone argument is tiny and petty but confusion happens so I don't think much of that.

2)I understand dad wanting daughter to settle in before introducing her to anyone (IF he wants to at all...as I don't think he should unless he is going to marry her. How many relationships may he have in the next 5 years until she's 18. They've been together a year but what if they break up and the next after another year and so on? Next thing you know his daughter has been introduced to 3-5 people in 5 years time. SO I can see why he doesn't want to do that). Actions speak louder than words if he's in it for the long hall like you say in one of your posts he'd be down on his knee and introducing her to his daughter.

Their relationship is over a year, and you did not say he has even spoken of marriage, or being headed in that direction. Just because he says in it for the long term doesn't mean anything. Is he asking her about rings, ring shopping, etc. And even if he's the surprise type I'm going to assume he's not even headed in that direction because of the reaction of introducing her to his daughter. And if they're not the type to want that type of commitment, he's not showing any type of further commitment. He's content letting things stay the way they are. I assume he's older as his daughter is 13 (though I may be wrong) so what is he waiting for if she is Ms. Right? He'd know by now. So really she's just ms right now, and he doesn't want Ms. Right now interacting with his daughter.

 

[LongTimeComing]

She needs to let this go.

The daughter always trumps the girlfriend, but him having his coworker take the girl to get her hair done? That would have been a perfect oppurtunity to start to introduce girlfriend to daughter and let them start building a relationship. *shrug* That is if he wants her to be a permanent part of the family, apparently that's not how he feels.

 

[Bmack]

They're just not on the same page.

1)The phone argument is tiny and petty but confusion happens so I don't think much of that.

2)I understand dad wanting daughter to settle in before introducing her to anyone (IF he wants to at all...as I don't think he should unless he is going to marry her. How many relationships may he have in the next 5 years until she's 18. They've been together a year but what if they break up and the next after another year and so on? Next thing you know his daughter has been introduced to 3-5 people in 5 years time. SO I can see why he doesn't want to do that). Actions speak louder than words if he's in it for the long hall like you say in one of your posts he'd be down on his knee and introducing her to his daughter.

Their relationship is over a year, and you did not say he has even spoken of marriage, or being headed in that direction. Just because he says in it for the long term doesn't mean anything. Is he asking her about rings, ring shopping, etc. And even if he's the surprise type I'm going to assume he's not even headed in that direction because of the reaction of introducing her to his daughter. And if they're not the type to want that type of commitment, he's not showing any type of further commitment. He's content letting things stay the way they are. I assume he's older as his daughter is 13 (though I may be wrong) so what is he waiting for if she is Ms. Right? He'd know by now. So really she's just ms right now, and he doesn't want Ms. Right now interacting with his daughter.

Thanks. She knows this, but it is hard to face when u have committed time to someone. One thing I need to clear up is that she never expected him to put her before his child and is the one that encouraged that the daugter come live with him. She just felt disregarded. I thinks she is right in her feeling that way.