She still cooks for him and offers you a plate...

[dlewis]

You are a mess!

 

[TCatt86]

I can't belive you said that hopeful. But I understand



I think it's great to. They seem to get along well.



yep




I know. I see both sides but I'm trying to focus more on the positive. Why can't she cook for him, why can't they get along and hang out? My BFF exhusband and his wife come and spend the weekend with her and they get along pretty good. I have never seen this with blacks.

I have never dated a man with kids so this wouldn't be me but I'm just sayin.

I hear you!!! But I think alot of times people tolerate things for the kids in the beginning and they get comfortable with it. It was NOT easy in the beginning when my dad started dating my stepmom, well from what I heard, but they made it work for me and now it's all love. Now they ain't kicking it and going to the club together nor is my mama cooking food for my daddy, he has a wife for that, but they happily eat her cooking when I bring them a plate, and vice versa. I think the issue is homeboy is coming up in the mom's house all comfortable like he lives there, I would take issue up with that more than anything.

 

[Kurlee]

could she have just been cooking and offered him and her a plate? I mean she has to eat too

 

[DMJ's Mom]

Well number one if there was no proof that she cooked just for him...If I knew for a fact that she was still cooking for him like he was her man and he was just walking in and eating like she was his woman I'd probably back off from dating his but in the mean time until I knew the real situation I could probably almost certainly say I would likely sit down and eat too but I'm the kind of person as long as I know my man is all about me any other craziness from a female doesn't even cause a blip in my radar

 

[Kurlee]

]Well number one if there was no proof that she cooked just for him...If I knew for a fact that she was still cooking for him like he was her man and he was just walking in and eating like she was his woman I'd probably back off from dating[/B] his but in the mean time until I knew the real situation I could probably almost certainly say I would likely sit down and eat too but I'm the kind of person as long as I know my man is all about me any other craziness from a female doesn't even cause a blip in my radar

@ the bolded

 

[vkb247]

D, you of all people should know . Correct me if I'm wrong but I think what itsme is saying is that people use cooking as a way to express their love for someone.

I remember my father saying a lot of times when he cooked something for me that he "put a lot of love into it" meaning he wanted to make it really good so that I would enjoy it and show that he took the time and care to prepare something for his little baby to enjoy.

I don't see anything wrong with a man having love for the women who gave birth to his child and vice versa. In fact I think that they should have some love for each other

I really don't think this is a big deal...but I come from a culture where we cook and share plates. This is the norm. I actually think that it is much weirder that she went with him to the baby's mom's house. Was she trying to check up on them? I have dated men with kids and honestly - until I get a ring on my finger - then his kids and his baby's mom is his business to deal with.

 

[hrtbndr21]

It's hard to say without knowing what their relationship was like before they split. Who knows they might still even enjoy each others company. Or they decided to preserve the friendship for the sake of the child. I would only get suspicious if he was trying to hide these little dinner gatherings from his current gf. No they aren't a standard family unit but they are connected by that child. It would be in their best interest to get along. There's no need to be cold about it and "keep it moving." He's not just coming over to "kick it", he's not staying the night, he's picking up the baby.

 

[january noir]

I have a friend who met a man last summer who has a daughter (now 14 months) and for the first time this past weekend, she went with him to go pick her up. Sooo, they both show up on the mother's doorstep and walk in. He proceeds to the table to sit down and eat and the ex asks my friend if she wants a plate and she said no thanks. She hasn't told him how she feels yet because she doesn't want to make a big deal out of nothin. I told her apparently, for her man to just go and sit at the table to eat means that this is normal for her to cook when he comes to pick up his daughter. What would you do in this situation?

Stop dating men with children. I'm serious.

I think the man should have picked up his child on his own and met up with your friend later. As for the ex cooking for the father of her child, I think she's allowed especially if brother man isn't married.

 

[rayness]

Kind of strange but when my father was alive he would send plates with me for my mother. And one time my mother made a big dish of macaroni for a party my dad was having because he loved her macaroni. So I don't know. I don't think I would be comfortable with it.

 

[drasgrl]

I don't see anything wrong with a man having love for the women who gave birth to his child and vice versa. In fact I think that they should have some love for each other

I really don't think this is a big deal...but I come from a culture where we cook and share plates. This is the norm. I actually think that it is much weirder that she went with him to the baby's mom's house. Was she trying to check up on them? I have dated men with kids and honestly - until I get a ring on my finger - then his kids and his baby's mom is his business to deal with.

ITA

Stop dating men with children. I'm serious.
I think the man should have picked up his child on his own and met up with your friend later. As for the ex cooking for the father of her child, I think she's allowed especially if brother man isn't married.

Yup, yup.

If she was already cooking and offered them a plate that's no big deal but what was your friend's reasoning for declining the food? Did she think she put something in it? What did the friend do just sit and watch her man eat?

 

[ScarletPhoenix]

I believe that you should talk to him about it. Maybe that something that has been going on. It does happen that two people make a baby, realize they aren't meant for each other but are still nice and friends with each other.

 

[SelahOco]

I think the fact that he brought the girlfriend with him to the door was a good sign. He's not keeping any secrets and he's not letting her change the dynamic between him and his child's mother.

This child was here before her, and it's seems the man and this women are cordial. Luckily for her, she has a choice in how she wants to fit in (or not). She likely can ask him questions and he'll give her honest answers.

If I were her, I'd ask without judging, just to understand. Then I'd trust my gut.

 

[Kurlee]

this is a good way to look at it. So many of these situations are filled with drama. If things seem relaxed between the two, maybe it will be a blessing for her, if she goes forward with the relationship

I think the fact that he brought the girlfriend with him to the door was a good sign. He's not keeping any secrets and he's not letting her change the dynamic between him and his child's mother.

This child was here before her, and it's seems the man and this women are cordial. Luckily for her, she has a choice in how she wants to fit in (or not). She likely can ask him questions and he'll give her honest answers.

If I were her, I'd ask without judging, just to understand. Then I'd trust my gut.

 

[blasianbeauty]

ITA



Yup, yup.

If she was already cooking and offered them a plate that's no big deal but what was your friend's reasoning for declining the food? Did she think she put something in it? What did the friend do just sit and watch her man eat?

I don't remember if she even sat down with him at the table, but she said she didn't feel comfortable so she refused.

 

[dannie]

Heck no!!! Thats why I dont date men with kids. Your child is 14 months and I see he has no problems with picking up and moving along like nothing happened. Baby was fresh out the womb and I see his focus is elsewhere.

Nope, I wouldn't be having beef-a-roni with his baby momma. Why the heck did he even take her? Thats begging for drama! SouSome people get down like that, but I dont. I dont even like hearing about ex's let alone breaking bread with them.

 

[Ramya]

I don't see the problem. Baby mama got to eat too. Food was hot, she offered him AND her a plate. No disrespect, no being out of pocket, no drama. I'm more concerned with old boy for bringing his flavor of the month with him to pick his child up but that's a whole nother thread.

 

[vestaluv1]

Heck no!!! Thats why I dont date men with kids. Your child is 14 months and I see he has no problems with picking up and moving along like nothing happened. Baby was fresh out the womb and I see his focus is elsewhere.

Nope, I wouldn't be having beef-a-roni with his baby momma. Why the heck did he even take her? Thats begging for drama! SouSome people get down like that, but I dont. I dont even like hearing about ex's let alone breaking bread with them.

!
But you have a point! It does make me wonder how much homeboy values family and relationships... hmmm.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I think that it's wonderful that he and his ex can be cordial....and enough for her to allow his new girlfriend into her home. That is VERY unusual these days. I'm happy for him.

I personally would not eat a thing that she served me though until I got to know her well enough to know that she was 1) Very clean (I just can't eat at everyone's house) and 2) not trying to poison me & get her ex back. lol lol lol

 

[itismehmmkay]

Why is that a problem?

(all late)

IDK, I just don't like it Too much room for possible inappropriateness.

 

[Kurlee]

(all late)

IDK, I just don't like it Too much room for possible inappropriateness.

So is the problem with it, insecurity-driven?

 

[itismehmmkay]

^^I'd say more drama-prevention-driven

 

[LivingDoll]

I am cordial with my daughter's father but I'm not feeding him. Once I start getting "too friendly" he starts taking things too far. I learned very early on to hold him at an arm's length. Even if he didn't take things too far, there's just a boundary that I wouldn't cross.

 

[glamazon386]

Can your friend cook BB?

 

[madamdot]

Well it depends. What is the ex-like. Was it matter of fact? What she angry etc. This is the first meeting so I can understand why this is uncomfortable. She doesnt know what's up.

They've been dating for a few months, so its good that he has started to incorporate her into his life so that she knows what she might be in for.

I have a friend whose parents are like that. They've been divorced for years while. The dad remarried. The mom remarried and divorced and I swear they get along really well.

When the mom comes to the country to visit, she sometimes stay with them. Its like one big happy family. Demi, Bruce and Ashton anyone?

 

[nappystorm]

My mom would do that and I don't ever remember he and my dad being together. As a matter of fact, I sometimes wonder how they made me. My parents just always made it a point to get along for my sake

 

[sunnydaze]

I am cordial with my daughter's father but I'm not feeding him. Once I start getting "too friendly" he starts taking things too far. I learned very early on to hold him at an arm's length. Even if he didn't take things too far, there's just a boundary that I wouldn't cross.

This is exactly how I feel about my ex-husband. I will always have to keep those boundaries in place.

 

[Zaynab]

I don't know, sounds like something I would do. They have to have a very close relationship

This is reason #998766000 me and dh can't get a divorce, he would have to have a very understanding gf, because I could see us being like that cause we're such good friends. I'd be still giving him the bootie too though--which is kinda what I think might be up with them

 

[Zaynab]

Can your friend cook BB?

This could be it too. DH would be like I'm eating at my ex'wif'es house because she can get down

My aunt has been divorced from her first husband like 25 years but he still comes over on Thanksgiving. I was tell her, Aunt __ You are one bad woman, got two husbands on Thanksgiving. Dh's uncle---when we have family gatherings, all of his ex-wives come like four of them. IDK, I think its weird too but hey some folks are just different.

 

[hopeful]

I don't know, sounds like something I would do. They have to have a very close relationship

This is reason #998766000 me and dh can't get a divorce, he would have to have a very understanding gf, because I could see us being like that cause we're such good friends. I'd be still giving him the bootie too though--which is kinda what I think might be up with them

You did not say that .

 

[Zaynab]

You did not say that .