Women are now paying for their own engagement rings

Agreeing with everyone else.

I make more than double my SO. I'd be perfectly happy with him getting what he could offer now then he upgrading it later if I wanted.

My friend was engaged without a ring for a minute. But she didn't just go buy her own. She waited. Happily married now.
 
That's a mess! I wish a dude would even fix his lips to say something like that! :lachen:

But then, a lot of these desperate women are going for it so... :perplexed
 
Well, some women find the practice barbaric and a waste of money so.. We give men way too much ammunition against us. We are buying our own or we think the practice is out dated because of equality.

Quotes from the article:
"It’s a sort of down payment on a virgin vagina."

"In short: given equality laws and effective birth control, what in the world is going through people’s minds when a man decides to give a woman an engagement ring?"

"In an era when most people marry as fully formed adults, and when their reasons for joining in matrimony have little or nothing to do with economics, I would agree with the author that the engagement ring could easily be retired."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/...aric_n_4072650.html?utm_hp_ref=women&ir=Women
 
Reading the article it seems like this wouldn't be happening if the women weren't so pressed about having a certain size ring. So... I think there are few issues at play here. The wedding industrial complex is a beast. It's only a matter of time before it just implodes on itself.

In regards to one of the posts above, I'm one of those people who side eye engagement rings. Its a matter of personal ethics and general disgust with the diamond industry and Western materialism. I'm not invested in the whole ring thing, so I can't see myself helping to pay for one. But I only have those conversations with the guys I'm seriously involved with, and usually they completely ignore what I'm saying, a lot of guys seem to think it reflects poorly on them if their girl doesn't have a nice ring, so whatever.

It's a reflection of the culture we live in.
 
No! No! No! Shoot...when my DH proposed to me he was so broke he didn't even have a ring to give me. And had the nerves to still get down on one knee. LOL! I think for about 3 months I didn't have one which was fine with me because he said he'd buy one as soon as he could and I knew he would. There was never a suggestion that I chip in! He bought a cute little diamond, because he still wasn't making much. His business was struggling. A couple of years later or so he upgraded me to a beautiful new wedding set!

Now, here's the thing... when he finally COULD afford a large diamond for me he took me shopping and I tried on all kinds of 1 and 2 caret diamonds. NOT ONE of them even looked right. Way too gaudy for my little fingers. We ended up finding a 1/2 (or less) caret surrounded by other tiny stones that I'm very happy with! So yeah, diamonds and rings to me are over rated, but I still wouldn't buy my own though. I don't believe in that.
 
i dont like rings or jewelry in general so hopefully the man i marry gets me something a little more worth my while. however if i did want a ring i would NEVER pay. not half, not 27%, not a dime.:nono: no no no.

luckily i dont attract losers.
 
I didn't read the article but I have one friend that didn't like her ring so she bought an "enhancer" which may have been more expensive than the original ring to give it "the look" she wanted.

I have another friend whose fiancee is in graduate school and proposed to her, she knew it was coming and had her heart set on a specific ring and told her she would "help'' him get it if he couldn't afford it.

Just looking at the title of this thread, does that count as buying your own ring to a certain extent?
 
An excerpt from one of the comments on the article:

The ring used to be a symbol of intent. Part of the promise. And, in the case the guy changed his mind, something of value that the bride-to-be had to cash in.
Click to expand...

Bearing that in mind, what do you all think about men who change their minds--then ask for the ring back? Assuming he paid for it himself (:lol:), is he cheap? Is it "only fair" since the promise of commitment is null and void? Do you relent and give it back to be done with him once and for all, or do you tell him to kick rocks and keep it anyway?
 
I would give it back. Diamond jewelry really doesn't have much in terms of resale value, and if its a broken engagement there won't be much sentimental value either. If he wants it back he can have it.
 
I don't need an expensive engagement ring. I'd be waiting a long long time if I did. SO can't afford something huge and fancy on his teacher's salary. I'll gladly take what he can afford. I can always upgrade the ring at the alter. :look:
 
A woman I work with told me that she said to her then SO "It makes no sense for you to lay with me every night and not marry me." He said "Whatever" so she worked 3 days overtime (we work 12 hr night, 3 or 4 days a week) for a year to pay for her ring and the wedding....

Oh, this was a couple of months after he had a baby with someone else.
 
Brownie518 said:
A woman I work with told me that she said to her then SO "It makes no sense for you to lay with me every night and not marry me." He said "Whatever" so she worked 3 days overtime (we work 12 hr night, 3 or 4 days a week) for a year to pay for her ring and the wedding....

Oh, this was a couple of months after he had a baby with someone else.
Click to expand...


:perplexed:perplexed:perplexed

this can't be life. this woman is off her rocker.
 
Lawd.
Is nothing sacred?
I watched a young couple buy a wedding set at Wal-Mart today. The set cost about $200 tops. I can respect that. Having to purchase my own ring(s)? What in the world?
 
Absolutely NOT!

Like other posters, my dh couldn't afford a huge engagement ring at the time he proposed. Matter of fact, my engagement ring doesn't even have a diamond. It has diamond "chips".

I thought it was the most gorgeous ring I'd ever seen in my life. Dh told me that I would get an upgrade later and he followed through (big time! ;)) However, I still have my original engagement ring and will keep it always.
 
I guess it could make sense if a woman INSISTS on a Tiffany ring when their man has a Zales budget.

Otherwise there are rings at ALL price points and I like to know some sacrifice and planning was made for my ring. If I buy it or help...takes away the symbolism for me.
 
nubiennze said:
An excerpt from one of the comments on the article:



Bearing that in mind, what do you all think about men who change their minds--then ask for the ring back? Assuming he paid for it himself (:lol:), is he cheap? Is it "only fair" since the promise of commitment is null and void? Do you relent and give it back to be done with him once and for all, or do you tell him to kick rocks and keep it anyway?
Click to expand...

No, it's a gift. I don't return gifts.
 
The problem is that if a woman buys her own ring it sets a tone for the future of her marriage. It would be great if it really was just about the ring and her getting exactly what she wants. Unfortunately right out the gate it says that the woman is not pleased with what the man brings financially so she must help him which is insulting whether she or the man realizes it. A man who is happy with this is likely the type to want split things 50/50 like a business arrangement or is willing to let her carry the financial and other burdens throughout the marriage. When you help a man like this it is treating him like a little boy, like when mommy buys extra popcorn from his Boy Scout troop to help him win the highest sales. IMO a grown up man will say no and find a woman who is satisfied with him. He will take great pride in purchasing the ring and seeing her joy. I know women want it to be helping on just this one thing but it sets a precedent. I get it, she makes more, she doesn't mind, but somehow as the years pass most women will mind that he's out of work again, that she has to figure out most of the hard problems. Most women will grow weary and most women will regret starting things off on the wrong foot, saying to her future dh and the world that she is strong and independent to a fault, that having a certain size ring is more important than having a certain kind of marriage. That her ego is more important than her husband's pride. Patience really is a virtue. The right guy for most women will upgrade you big time. It will be worth the wait.
 
hopeful said:
The problem is that if a woman buys her own ring it sets a tone for the future of her marriage. It would be great if it really was just about the ring and her getting exactly what she wants. Unfortunately right out the gate it says that the woman is not pleased with what the man brings financially so she must help him which is insulting whether she or the man realizes it. A man who is happy with this is likely the type to want split things 50/50 like a business arrangement or is willing to let her carry the financial and other burdens throughout the marriage. When you help a man like this it is treating him like a little boy, like when mommy buys extra popcorn from his Boy Scout troop to help him win the highest sales. IMO a grown up man will say no and find a woman who is satisfied with him. He will take great pride in purchasing the ring and seeing her joy. I know women want it to be helping on just this one thing but it sets a precedent. I get it, she makes more, she doesn't mind, but somehow as the years pass most women will mind that he's out if work again, that she has to figure out most of the hard problems. Most women will grow weary and most women will regret starting things off on the wrong foot, saying to her future dh and the world that she is strong and independent to a fault, that having a certain size ring is more important than having a certain kind of marriage. That her ego is more important than her husband's pride. Patience really is a virtue. The right guy for most women will upgrade you big time. It will be worth the wait.
Click to expand...

great post hopeful!
 
This has been going on for centuries especially among Caucasians. I found this out years ago when I was working outside the home. These Jewish and Italian girls would come to work flashing their big diamond engagement rings and we'd be so enthralled by the size of their rings. One girl finally told us that her parents bought her engagement ring.

Like a lot of you my DH could not afford much of a ring when we got engaged but he has upgraded me twice over the years . I now have a beautiful canary yellow diamond that I love.

I also totally agree with hopeful. I tell all my unmarried friends , the way you start out with a man will be the way you end up with him.
 
msdeevee said:
This has been going on for centuries especially among Caucasians. I found this out years ago when I was working outside the home. These Jewish and Italian girls would come to work flashing their big diamond engagement rings and we'd be so enthralled by the size of their rings. One girl finally told us that her parents bought her engagement ring.

Like a lot of you my DH could not afford much of a ring when we got engaged but he has upgraded me twice over the years . I now have a beautiful canary yellow diamond that I love.

I also totally agree with hopeful. I tell all my unmarried friends , the way you start out with a man will be the way you end up with him.
Click to expand...

:yep: I've been upgraded twice too!
 
msdeevee said:
This has been going on for centuries especially among Caucasians. I found this out years ago when I was working outside the home. These Jewish and Italian girls would come to work flashing their big diamond engagement rings and we'd be so enthralled by the size of their rings. One girl finally told us that her parents bought her engagement ring.

Like a lot of you my DH could not afford much of a ring when we got engaged but he has upgraded me twice over the years . I now have a beautiful canary yellow diamond that I love.

I also totally agree with hopeful. I tell all my unmarried friends , the way you start out with a man will be the way you end up with him.
Click to expand...

wow. :ohwell:

msdeevee did she live in their house? :look:
 
nubiennze

If he changed his mind, yes, he gets his ring back. Legally, it's not officially yours until you marry. It's fair. And no, I wouldn't consider him cheap.

nubiennze said:
An excerpt from one of the comments on the article:



Bearing that in mind, what do you all think about men who change their minds--then ask for the ring back? Assuming he paid for it himself (:lol:), is he cheap? Is it "only fair" since the promise of commitment is null and void? Do you relent and give it back to be done with him once and for all, or do you tell him to kick rocks and keep it anyway?
Click to expand...
 
cwmarie said:
Agreeing with everyone else.

I make more than double my SO. I'd be perfectly happy with him getting what he could offer now then he upgrading it later if I wanted.

My friend was engaged without a ring for a minute. But she didn't just go buy her own. She waited. Happily married now.
Click to expand...

Exactly. This is me right now. Been engaged a while (6 mos), but I'm happily waiting until DF can buy me what he chooses. I'd rather him get his ducks in a row and get settled in his new job situation before putting the kind of stress on him of a pricey ring.

He has switched jobs several times, and instead of him dumping crucial savings on a ring, I told him to wait until he was stable and could buy what he wanted for me. And we discussed a reasonable price limit so as not to have him trying to get something ridiculous just so other people would approve. Naw I don't operate like that. Some guys do indeed try to buy a certain ring to impress other people. I'm not a people-pleaser.

To me, it is not about the size or price, but it is symbolic. I don't care if it didn't have any diamonds in it at all. So long as it doesn't turn my finger green (once I put it on, it won't come off until it is replaced or retired to the jewelry box), and I will cherish it always. He knows this. I know he is the type of man who will upgrade me later. He knows that I am not a materialistic woman, either. (Not saying a woman is materialistic for wanting a certain type of ring).

I prefer yellow gold as the metal (it looks better on my skin tone), but otherwise he can choose any thing under the sun. Not a big issue to me...I've got bigger fish to fry than to be fussing and huffing over a ring. :-)
 
missjones said:
If you can't afford to get me a ring with your own funds, I don't want your broke...self Vain moment :look:
Click to expand...

This is how I feel 1000%. If you can't afford a ring with her own $$$ then you do not need to be proposing to me. Next!

I'm not even a big jewelry person like that and have never understood the ogling some do over certain rings, but yeah I could never imagine paying for your own ring. Is that a joke right?
 
This would he understandable if the couple was already in a common law marriage, complete with joint accounts. Then, the lines between his and hers have already been blurred. But a woman with her own bills giving her boyfriend money to ease the burden of fulfilling her unrealistic (for him) expectation for a ring does' t sit well with me. Sounds like the envy in her friends eyes is more important than allowing him the opportunity to take pride in the ring HE bought her. This is not about fairness because the woman traditionally has more financial burden in the wedding because she and her family pay for the whole thing. Are they spliting all the costs?

This article was not very well written because it does' t give the full story and I'm not convinced the author understands the purpose of feminism or what goes into a wedding.

Sent from my SCH-I535 using LHCF
 
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