I don't think the "pursuing", "chasing" rules apply before you are actually in a relationship. Those first couple dates are necessary just to see where you both stand on the issue. AFTER you decide "ok, I want to be his girlfriend" then you fall back and let him take the lead. But just going out a few times, it doesn't matter to me because it may not even go anywhere. If chicks are sitting home with a guy they just met, silently hoping he'll ask her out but not daring to be assertive about it, then that's a problem. Not only because it's silly, but because she has already decided she wants to push the relationship already when there is unlikely to even be any evidence that she should have chosen him as a potential partner, so why are you jumping the gun already?
While I don't advocate women sitting idly at home twidling their fingers, I also feel that being TOO aggressive (especially before you even know how a guy feels about you) CAN be detrimental.
I actually think chasing/pursuing
DOES apply to people NOT in a relationship. If the person were in a relationship already, the woman wouldn't have to chase the guy!
I understand what you are saying, and agree to a point... But I think what the OP was talking about was women who are interested in a man from afar and want to "get something rolling" with him, get to know him and end up pursuing him or initiating contact with him first. If you're already going on dates 1 and 2 with a man, or he's kicking it at your house, 9 times out of 10 HE's probably the one who asked you out and has already shown an interest in you from the beginning. Yes, I don't advocate a woman just sitting on her couch with the man hoping he'll make a move or whatever. But when it comes to guys who are "just friends" or who are strangers, I really do think it's best for the woman to show interest in a feminine way and see if he responds before chasing him down and showing "masculine energy" by be too assertive w/her interest.
Someone brought up Kate Middleton. Diana Spencer pursued Prince Charles. She pursued the mess out of that man and went out of her way to try and find out where he was going to be and BE THERE. If its what you want and its something you believe you can have, why not?!?
Yeah....and no offense...but look at where that got her....
Prince Charles and Princess Diana had a tumultous marriage, ended up divorcing, and Charles ended up finally marrying the woman he was
REALLY in love with...Camilla Bowles.
I agree that we shouldn't just sit around waiting, hoping and praying for a man to come, but I think that there are ways to SHOW a man that you might be interested and open to his pursuit that do not involve a woman behaving in desperate ways and making a mockery of herself.
I didn't think this way until I started talking with a lot of guy friends, and you'd be
SURPRISED at the kinds of things THEY consider to be "pursuing" from a woman.
Bottom line however: If a man likes you, then NOTHING you do will be seen as too "aggressive", "desperate", or "pushy". If a man DOESN'T like you however, then any little thing you do could be seen as "desperate". Go figure!
So, that's why I say....always be nice, open and friendly, but at the same time...figure out where HIS interest level is on the spectrum. Because once you figure THAT out, then you can proceed and get away with murder if his interest/attraction is high lol.