Why He wont recognize his son ?

[Kindheart]

This friend of mine who lives in Spain got pregnant from a guy from NY ,they didnt know each other very well ,i think a couple of weeks ,however he seemed excited about the prospect of becoming a father ,as the months passed by he started to detach himself ,during her pregnancy my friend went to visit him a couple of times and he seemed to be cool with the "situation" .Delivery time approached and he was nowhere to be seen he said he couldnt make it and left her alone with HIS newborn to look after ,her first child by the way ,it was quite a hard time for her . He never gave his name to this child ,only sent random checks .
Forward 3 years and the little fella is saying he misses his daddy , that broke my heart ,what sadden me even more is that she feels responsible for this and quite depressed about the whole situation .
She never took a DNA test .I dont want to suspect the baby might not be his but it could be a possibility (in his mind).

Do you guys think this is the reason why he wont accept him as his son or because of financial burden?How can I help my friend emotionally?

 

[meesch]

No, it's because he's a deadbeat who knocked up some random chick and doesn't care about her or the child.

 

[jdvzmommy]

No, it's because he's a deadbeat who knocked up some random chick and doesn't care about her or the child.

Yeah. There's not much more to it. The "financial burden" is a cop out.
I wouldn't be surprised if he had a wife and an entire family when he got the friend pregnant.

 

[libertysince05]

Just be there for her, and reassure her that she is a good mother (if true) when she needs it...
This guy is an ***...

 

[kila82]

That is such a sad story.

Ladies please protect yourselves with birth control. A baby is always a possibility when u have sex with someone EVEN IF THEY PULL OUT smh...

Hopefully she'll learn from this experience and not beat herself up about it

 

[hopeful]

Remind her that both of them made the decision to have sex without really knowing each other and without protecting themselves. So yes, she was silly, but so was he. At this point it is not really personal because they never had a real relationship. I would tell her to go to an attorney and have them proceed with paternity tests and seeking child support. I would go through the legal system and not contact him personally. Or just drop it, get some counseling for the depression, and focus on taking care of her baby. She's depressed because she's taking the blame, carrying the burden for both of them, when this man should be carrying his share of the responsibility for bringing the child into the world and caring for him financially, physically, and emotionally.

 

[southerncitygirl]

what an a-hole!!! if he has any doubts bout the paternity he should request a dna test. most men i know that are doubtful do this and express that if the child is theirs they will offer full support to their child. because she seems weak based on the details you gave, he knows he's free and clear.

 

[ThickHair]

No, it's because he's a deadbeat who knocked up some random chick and doesn't care about her or the child.

Was she not involved with getting pregnant? She shares some responsibility on who she chose to conceive with.

They need a paternity test and go to child support court and be done with it. I doubt dude was into her, after all she was the one traveling to see him all the time. It doesn't seem like he even made an effort and I doubt he ever will. She just needs to love her child and be the best mom because that guy has no incentive to step up. He has a child with her, if that isn't incentive enough then NOTHING WILL BE.

 

[Kindheart]

Yeah. There's not much more to it. The "financial burden" is a cop out.
I wouldn't be surprised if he had a wife and an entire family when he got the friend pregnant.

He 's not ,He's single ,that's why she was hoping they could be together after the child was born ,she said it herself ,she 's in love with the idea of love and she wasn't aware of the rates of deadbeat dads in the US .

 

[firecracker]

Well your friend sound pretty young and naive. I am so sorry but she needs legal counsel and if nothing else tell her depressed butt to find out all the info she can on him. She can either contact child support services in his state or call Maury.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Was his name Swizz Beatz? ikid ikid


Anyway, I mean what did she expect? Folks don't want to hear it but that's why you should wait until you are MARRIED to get pregnant. Getting pregnant by some random dude rarely is a situation that ends well.

I don't feel sorry for these women anymore. Don't they learn by watching other folks suffer through the same crap?

 

[*CherryPie*]

How is the child missing his daddy if the daddy has never been around? That's odd. Usually children don't say that about a parent they never met. They would probably say "I wish I had a daddy".

 

[DragonPearl]

It's very risky to allow yourself to be impregnated by someone you only know for a couple of weeks...There is no really deep answer as to why he won't recognize his son. How about, because he can? Dude is just being trifling, like the millions of other trifling dudes all over the world.

Well, it's all water under the bridge now. She can get DNA test like the other suggested to try to collect some child support and also she should get herself some counseling for her depression... And get her life back on track. Even in Spain, I am sure single mothers are not unicorn. She can still make a good life for herself and try to use her head more, instead of wishful thinking in relationships.

 

[meesch]

Was she not involved with getting pregnant? She shares some responsibility on who she chose to conceive with.

They need a paternity test and go to child support court and be done with it. I doubt dude was into her, after all she was the one traveling to see him all the time. It doesn't seem like he even made an effort and I doubt he ever will. She just needs to love her child and be the best mom because that guy has no incentive to step up. He has a child with her, if that isn't incentive enough then NOTHING WILL BE.

Where did I say anything about responsibility? She asked why he doesn't care. He doesn't care because he doesn't know her or the kid, so it doesn't hurt him to think about their lives or their feelings.

 

[LiftedUp]

she feels responsible for this and quite depressed about the whole situation

She is responsible and she needs to admit it in order to start the process of moving on.

The most she can do is to try to get the dad on child support and hopefully that would encourage him to play an active role in their child's life. He's not right but what did she expect? She barely knew the guy .

In the meanwhile maybe she can have some male relatives be a father figure in her child's life.

It's unfortunate that he is not more than just a biological father to the child but it's not something you can necessarily force upon another person. I feel that he doesn't feel any commitment or obligation to either her or the child but at the end of the day she put herself in the position. Hopefully him paying court mandated child support may encourage him to spend time with the child.

 

[goldielocs]

This friend of mine who lives in Spain got pregnant from a guy from NY ,they didnt know each other very well ,i think a couple of weeks ,however he seemed excited about the prospect of becoming a father ,as the months passed by he started to detach himself ,during her pregnancy my friend went to visit him a couple of times and he seemed to be cool with the "situation" .Delivery time approached and he was nowhere to be seen he said he couldnt make it and left her alone with HIS newborn to look after ,her first child by the way ,it was quite a hard time for her . He never gave his name to this child ,only sent random checks .
Forward 3 years and the little fella is saying he misses his daddy , that broke my heart ,what sadden me even more is that she feels responsible for this and quite depressed about the whole situation .
She never took a DNA test .I dont want to suspect the baby might not be his but it could be a possibility (in his mind).

Do you guys think this is the reason why he wont accept him as his son or because of financial burden?How can I help my friend emotionally?

Alright, the bolded and the rest are what your friend needs to focus on...

1. He has no relationship with your friend so he does not care about her well-being.
2. She decided to have her child. There is nothing wrong with that. She is/was entitled to that decision. Unfortunately, she made that decision under the assumption that he was going to he in the picture.
3. All of his actions support his lack of interest in and support of his child: he detached himself, he allowed her to travel while pregnant, he was not there for the delivery, he has not acknowledged the child at all.

You're friend needs to take a rational look at her situation and accept that she cannot depend on her child's father to help take care of him. That's it. Even if she does sue for child support, she needs to accept that she is the sole support that she can depend on for her child.

It hurts like hell to do so, but it is duable. I did it and my DD and I are doing great. I went to far as to sever all legal ties with her sperm donor. He didn't want to be a father so "Goodbye!" My husband adopted her when we married and he's her daddy.

A man shows his character by what he DOES. He ain't doing anything so your friend needs to stop grasping at her hopes and focus on reality.

As a friend, I suggest you encourage her to focus on things to help her and her son. My BF always kept opportunities to improve my finances, smart bugeting, job opportunities in my ear. She also kept me informed about things to do with my child so I could socialize with other moms. This really helped me through some depressed periods. Be the friend that keeps her focused on encouraging her progress and her child. Be an ear when she needs it, but don't allow pity parties. Also, whenever she starts complaining about the baby daddy, just get quiet. That's what my BF did and it reminded me that he's not worthy of my complaints. It just makes depression worse. Suggest counselors, offer to baby sit so she can get some time to herself.

An earlier poster made some great suggestions about not contacting him and referring to the legal system. Sounds perfect to me.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

She needs to put on her big girl panties and get child support enforcement involved. She cannot ever make that man care about her or the child they created. She admittedly did not know this man but decided to procreate with him. You really cannot expect much from the situation, except child support.

She needs to focus on finding a father for her son if marriage is something that she truly wants. This guy has proven that he is not the one.

 

[Kindheart]

Well your friend sound pretty young and naive. I am so sorry but she needs legal counsel and if nothing else tell her depressed butt to find out all the info she can on him. She can either contact child support services in his state or call Maury.[/QUOTE
She ll be 36 this year ,maybe naive yes,she never mentioned this guy to me until shE revealed her pregnancy .What i feel is unfair its her having to sacrifice her life without his support,i m a mother myself and even if my hubby helps i still find it quite difficult t times.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

They are both deadbeats in my opinion. She's just the one stuck holding the evidence. It takes two to tango and she should have been smart enough not to open up her self and basically hand over her life/lifestyle/future/financial independence to a man she knew for only two weeks.

The only person that loses here is the little boy.