Why did he have to lie????

[DarlingNiki1977]

So, I'm not sure if this is a question, or more of a rant. I met this guy through mutual friends about two years or so ago. We went out some, but we really were just friends. And admittedly, I dont believe it would have developed into anything more. However, last year we did start to become a bit physical. We never had sex, but, I will say that we got pretty close. I never would though because I just felt like something wasn't right.

Well, a few months ago, I heard through a friend of a friend that he had a girlfriend, so, I just stopped talking to him immediately, and we havent talked since. Well, yesterday I found out that he and this girlfriend were serious and were discussing marriage. Ever since, I have been pretty pissed. While I don't think things would have progressed with us, I believe he should have told me SOMETHING. Apparently they were off and on for years and I never knew a thing.

I believe what really makes me mad is that I would never have expected this from him at all. He seemed like a really nice guy and trustworthy. But, now I just feel like I have bad judgment in men.

Am I wrong for being so angry? Has this happened to anyone else?

 

[Sosoothing]

He lied because he is a liar.
It sounds to me as though even though you two were only friends and never became anything more, you developed feelings for him. You are "so angry" now because you have feelings for him. It wouldnt bother you otherwise. So instead of trying to understand why he lied, why not focus your energy on forgetting him and getting ready for the next good guy you meet?

You dont have bad judgement per se, we all have had our moments of bad judgement. Thats how we learn and make better choices next time. Good luck.

ETA: Im assuming at the time you asked him about his relationship status and he lied about it.

 

[NYAmicas]

So, I'm not sure if this is a question, or more of a rant. I met this guy through mutual friends about two years or so ago. We went out some, but we really were just friends. And admittedly, I dont believe it would have developed into anything more. However, last year we did start to become a bit physical. We never had sex, but, I will say that we got pretty close. I never would though because I just felt like something wasn't right.

Well, a few months ago, I heard through a friend of a friend that he had a girlfriend, so, I just stopped talking to him immediately, and we havent talked since. Well, yesterday I found out that he and this girlfriend were serious and were discussing marriage. Ever since, I have been pretty pissed. While I don't think things would have progressed with us, I believe he should have told me SOMETHING. Apparently they were off and on for years and I never knew a thing.

I believe what really makes me mad is that I would never have expected this from him at all. He seemed like a really nice guy and trustworthy. But, now I just feel like I have bad judgment in men.

Am I wrong for being so angry? Has this happened to anyone else?

Unforunately, I find that we as women are so often taken in by men because some are just that excellent in being duplicitous. Things we could never imagine doing to another, they can, will, and wont feel bad about it.
He'd probably say he was dealing with you while he was on a breakup period or something. *shrug*

 

[Irresistible]

Men believe what they dont have to tell you is not a lie when they dont

u guys werent serious, no reason for him to explain where his heart was

he was just trying to get some

this is how men are

they suck

 

[caltron]

You're better off without him. He sounds like someone who can't be trusted and I feel sorry for his girlfriend.

You sound like you have very great judgment to me because you quit talking to him immediately after you heard he had a girlfriend. There's really no way to be sure a man is lying to you until you have some hard evidence. However, no matter how good the liar, the truth eventually catches up with them. The key is to keep your open, like you have, for the signs that things are not adding up.

 

[bimbabe]

Yeah
Sounds like he was taking you for a ride. He wasn't really your friend...he wanted sex or something from you....but real friends do not withhold that kind of information for years.

I am sorry to hear about this.
Hope time will heal the betrayal.

 

[mrsmercery]

you said you guys were just friends right? The problem is, sometimes we women are faithful even to our "friends." He doesn't sound like a dog because he stayed around even if when he wasn't getting any. He probably didn't know if you were interested since he was stuck in friend zone, so he explored his options. Don't be upset with him, if you wanted him-you had the opportunity. It's probably just the feeling that he moved forward first and has someone, possibly for the long term. You should feel good-you know that you are a good enough woman that a man is willing to wait for. Move on by congratulating him (yes call him for closure), have a love affair with yourself (pamper yourself to no end, within your means) and go out with your girls. Your man is coming!

...I just re-read your post, and I just wanted to add- he was probably "just friends" with the other girl for awhile too. Men who have steady women stick and move-you didn't allow that, so he probably just went with the other girl who showed more interest. Again, I doesn't sound like he's a dog. In the future-date (a lot), with no strings attached. You will give yourself more options.

 

[DarlingNikki]

It's happened to me.

No, I did not have a right to be angry because:

1) Me and him were not in a relationship
2) He never promised me anything
3) I never asked that all-important question: if he was in a relationship w/someone. If I did not care enough to ask, what right would I have to be mad in the end?

Men are rather simple beings, so the answer is not that complicated. He obviously does not value his relationship with his fiance enough to mention it. Don't turn this into your problem. This is her problem...and she is eventually going to have to deal with. He has promised HER something, not you. Just be lucky that you are not in her shoes and press on.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I don't think you're wrong for being angry. This hasn't really happened to me for a long period of time without knowing. I would be upset that, as a friend, you allowed me to be the sexual side piece.

 

[The Girl]

Girl are you in MI b/c I swear I know that troll, lol

 

[DarlingNiki1977]

No girl, I'm in Maryland. But hey, maybe that kneegrow has a twin! LOL!

 

[PlatinumBronze]

You have the right to be "angry" or upset. He was being dishonest by not telling you that he and the other woman were still talking. It's not like you weren't going to eventually find out.

 

[Latomian]

So, I'm not sure if this is a question, or more of a rant. I met this guy through mutual friends about two years or so ago. We went out some, but we really were just friends. And admittedly, I dont believe it would have developed into anything more. However, last year we did start to become a bit physical. We never had sex, but, I will say that we got pretty close. I never would though because I just felt like something wasn't right.

Well, a few months ago, I heard through a friend of a friend that he had a girlfriend, so, I just stopped talking to him immediately, and we havent talked since. Well, yesterday I found out that he and this girlfriend were serious and were discussing marriage. Ever since, I have been pretty pissed. While I don't think things would have progressed with us, I believe he should have told me SOMETHING. Apparently they were off and on for years and I never knew a thing.

I believe what really makes me mad is that I would never have expected this from him at all. He seemed like a really nice guy and trustworthy. But, now I just feel like I have bad judgment in men.

Am I wrong for being so angry? Has this happened to anyone else?

You should be angry. My ex did that to a girl so I broke up with him. If she wants him, she can have him but I can't take that lying.