Why Are Your "good" Male Friends Still Single?

Men should have children sooner rather than later though. Advanced paternal age (40+) is a factor that increases the likelihood of paranoid schizophrenia, autism spectrum disorder, and other disabilities, but their reproductive challenges aren't apart of our social psyche like the biological clock of women. Most men don't know this information so they think they have all the time in the world.
 
ArcticFemme said:
To be this picky isn't normal though. Men aren't wired that way. If they were, humanity would have ceased to exist centuries ago. This ultra-pickiness in men is a modern issue. I have a hard time believing that these men haven't found a significant amount of single women who fulfill a realistic number of their requirements. They are looking for unicorns. From childhood most women have been groomed to become the perfect mate and it continues well into adulthood. After 30 there exists more than a handful of women who are educated, successful, attractive, nurturing, and domestic... yet still single. These women are reading books on men, taking courses on how to be the perfect mate, and using jade eggs to tighten it up... yet they are still single. For so many complete package women to still be not good enough for a decent man speaks to a serious issue going on in modern-day society. There has never existed in society a better time for a man to have a woman that is the full package until now-- and yet so many women are still being passed over. What gives?
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If there is no connection, none of it matters.
People have so many walls up, it's hard to get through.
Not surprised there are many people with no mates.

With all of the devices and means of communication we have today, we are more disconnected than ever.

For many men, it really is just about this:
 
intellectualuva said:
Didn't read, but they are the embodiment of the anecdotes in Is marriage for white people? They are promiscuous, don't see the need to rush and they haven't met any bw good enough. They also want credit for wanting to marry bw.....eventually.

My male friends are all high earnerst or relatively high, so money isn't an issue. Many of them do have kids though. Only a few made to over 30 without kids. Those dude end up knocking up other professional bw and it "just didn't work out." Only 2 of my close good black male friends are married.
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This is just gross. The mindfluckery of our people is off the charts.
Have any of these guys described the type of woman they want?
 
LoveLiLi said:
These men are older than I am (late 30's to early 40's) and it all seems so pathetic to me. They see themselves as great catches because of the money they make. I see them as used up thots. I've learned it hurts their feelings when you tell them as much, but I'm going to keep calling them old and used up. It's true and entertaining.
Click to expand...

I call them names too, but sadly to be considered "good" in the black community is to attend college, avoid jail, have a high paying career and if you happen to have a kid it's just 1 with a like minded black woman who you are actively help to raise (as you should). Thats sad, but I'm just calling it like I see it. The community sees them as good and they see themselves as good. Nevermind to the rest of us they are trash who will only slow down or settle down once the peen stops working, they get a scare, get sick or start feeling the pressure. And they have no incentive to do so.
 
They're not.

Well most arent. Same ratoo to the women.

Thers one in particular tho. My male BFF is single because he's a workaholic and a public figure. At the same time, and to his credit, he's not really that selfish and self absorbed-- he'll make time or find the time for a woman that's important to him.

Funny thing is that hes very realtionshio and family oriented. Known him for 13 years, never been a player/slot or commitmentphobic and can carry decent relaationship. Hes def made to be married (which is why both his little brothers are engaged on their way down the aisle.) However, it's a practicality issue. the average woman isn't built for his lifestyle, present and future. Hes a Bill Clinton/won't be able /Barack Obama. Not a fakearse wanna be "goals" on some power power couple dream--the real deal. Truth be told, the average woman cant/won't be able to handle it it. They require more attention than romanticism on the regular than homeboy will ever be able to give. playing along, adapting, confirming, submitting won't work for very long. It's not personal. It's also not him. It's a matter of fact compatibility issues. Unless a woman already shared the same life long goals/Values on her own accorded before him it simply won't last. Most women would be miserable longterm. Which is normal but doesn't work, nonetheless. :nono:

Great guy, id love to see him married. But i dont know many woman who realistically bout dat life. I can handle busy/coming second to work better than a lot of women. Im not made for a regular working joe but im not made for the president/CEO either. even if have my limits. Most women seem to be about the Ciara/Russell or Boris/Nicole life but I wanna be Jill Biden not Michelle Obama. Lmao. Im all down for an ambitious powerful man but gimme Joe Biden, Colin Powell or Michael Sterling. I can only deal with the vice peesident or runner up kinda busy and lifestyles.lol. so idk. My boy needs a real deal Hilary Clinton/Michelle Obama in personality and ambition. So it might take a while for the right woman to come along. Hes an amazing man. He'll loves black women, wants a black family and will make a great husband/father. I hope he finds tje right one soon (current gf aint it tho :lol:):

Eta: we just had a longgg talk about this yesterday so it's fresh lol. Ninja we got goals so I saI'd it's time to find a wife :lachen:
 
LoveLiLi said:
I know some men like you've described. Too many, actually. I have a hard time labeling them as good men when they waste women's time over and over. A couple of them refuse to marry the mother of their children because they still want to go to clubs and sleep around.

They haven't had enough threesomes, had enough sex with women of other races (some of them will even name the races they haven't 'smashed' yet and say they can't get married until they have sex with these types of women), haven't been to Brazil and whatever other whorish behavior they list.

These men are older than I am (late 30's to early 40's) and it all seems so pathetic to me. They see themselves as great catches because of the money they make. I see them as used up thots. I've learned it hurts their feelings when you tell them as much, but I'm going to keep calling them old and used up. It's true and entertaining.
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:lol: Yup.
 
barbiesocialite said:
They're not.

Well most arent. Same ratoo to the women.

Thers one in particular tho. My male BFF is single because he's a workaholic and a public figure. At the same time, and to his credit, he's not really that selfish and self absorbed-- he'll make time or find the time for a woman that's important to him.

Funny thing is that hes very realtionshio and family oriented. Known him for 13 years, never been a player/slot or commitmentphobic and can carry decent relaationship. Hes def made to be married (which is why both his little brothers are engaged on their way down the aisle.) However, it's a practicality issue. the average woman isn't built for his lifestyle, present and future. Hes a Bill Clinton/won't be able /Barack Obama. Not a fakearse wanna be "goals" on some power power couple dream--the real deal. Truth be told, the average woman cant/won't be able to handle it it. They require more attention than romanticism on the regular than homeboy will ever be able to give. playing along, adapting, confirming, submitting won't work for very long. It's not personal. It's also not him. It's a matter of fact compatibility issues. Unless a woman already shared the same life long goals/Values on her own accorded before him it simply won't last. Most women would be miserable longterm. Which is normal but doesn't work, nonetheless. :nono:

Great guy, id love to see him married. But i dont know many woman who realistically bout dat life. I can handle busy/coming second to work better than a lot of women. Im not made for a regular working joe but im not made for the president/CEO either. even if have my limits. Most women seem to be about the Ciara/Russell or Boris/Nicole life but I wanna be Jill Biden not Michelle Obama. Lmao. Im all down for an ambitious powerful man but gimme Joe Biden, Colin Powell or Michael Sterling. I can only deal with the vice peesident or runner up kinda busy and lifestyles.lol. so idk. My boy needs a real deal Hilary Clinton/Michelle Obama in personality and ambition. So it might take a while for the right woman to come along. Hes an amazing man. He'll loves black women, wants a black family and will make a great husband/father. I hope he finds tje right one soon (current gf aint it tho :lol:):

Eta: we just had a longgg talk about this yesterday so it's fresh lol. Ninja we got goals so I saI'd it's time to find a wife :lachen:
Click to expand...

Is this Michelle Obama type the one he said he wanted or is it just your female observation?

What does his current girl do and what is his opinion of her?
 
Not sure if it has been addressed here but another thing I find about these Unicorn seekers is that they will date woman after woman often leaving her before she or as she begins to show any sign of imperfection. Some of these men admit that they tell women that they are are not looking to settle down until they are finished "living". They say this because they are not interested in anything long term with the one they are currently seeing.

She may have a good job, a career, college educated, her own home, business etc, BUT they will see some "flaw" in her like she has a child OR she's been married before OR she dated too many men and she's a freak hence cant be trusted.

Sometimes he get her comfortable enough to share all her dirty secrets then use it against her when she wants to persue a relationship. You see, he's a unicorn himself so nothing less than the best for him will do..Remember Men ALWAYS know their worth. As Lambert said something to this effect as well.

Then on to the next one.​

Anyway, he accumulates enough of this type of situation until he has built up years of just dealing with women only while they are at their very best. He never gets to experience the real ups and downs of a solid relationship with its perfections AND IMPERFECTIONS.

By the time he meets his 1, he feels estatic because he thinks he has chosen his unicorn. There is finally a woman good enough to snag a man like him. He's all in now. Everything is going wonderfully until she shows her first flaw, but now he realizes that he's committed/married. He wont bounce now but... the rest of this post is another thread entirely. ..and sorta piggybacking off my previous post.
 
@ChasingBliss

I have a male friend like you describe. I just usually shake my head at his stories and I really don't care to give him my thoughts. His ideal woman is IMO not going to happen, possible not probable. His comments after dumping the last girl were "I see it as going to pick out a dog at the pound. Why would I pick up a sickly dog when there's plenty of healthy ones out there? There's no reason for me to choose her when I can just wait until someone else better comes along." He dumped her after being serious with her for over 6 months because she had a chronic illness - one that he knew about from day 1. He sees him self as such a unicorn that there's no way for anyone to convince him otherwise.
He's early 40's, divorced after a very short marriage with one child and he's short (5'5). Decent income (90k in the south)/career/trajectory, but will not date someone unless she is in good physical shape, has no more than 1 child and has an income of at least 60k and at least a bachelor's degree.

I used to think he was a good guy and a good catch, but not anymore. He's so indecisive and I've seen him lead on 2 women like the one above. I've told him that I think he will eventually settle then find "the 1" and want to divorce.
 
This depends on what you define as "decent" OP :look::lachen:

My former roommate is nice, makes a decent living which is really good considering he lives in San Francisco. He should be around 40 now. His problem is he's boring. He has few interests and isn't open to trying new things. He's pretty introverted. Also, he's Filipino and even though he prefers to date non-Filipino or Asian women, his mom wants him to end up with a Filipina woman and he doesn't have balls to tell her to back off. One of his exes was Portuguese and she broke up with him for exactly that reason. His best relationships are with more aggressive women but he tends to be into women with a temperament more like him. :ohwell:

I'll include a childhood friend even though I'm almost certain he's back with his girlfriend after yet another break. :rolleyes: Such a toxic relationship. Anyway, he's one of the sweetest men I know. He definitely deserves better than the woman he can't let go of. He still lives at home which is pretty common for millennials in the Bay Area because rent is through the roof. He has an okay job but his passion is anime/animation. I think he's in school for that. Unless he makes it big I don't know how much money he's going to make. He's also overweight.

I was going to discuss the first man I ever fell for but I don't consider him decent anymore.

It looks like many men are still single because they a) haven't met the right person yet or b) pass up women they might be compatible with to go after women they aren't compatible with.
 
CurlyMoo said:
This is just gross. The mindfluckery of our people is off the charts.
Have any of these guys described the type of woman they want?
Click to expand...

Lots of descriptions, but even when they meet a woman thats close...she ain't it. They all seem to agree on educated and in shape. Major complaints about black women not cooking enough or good enough, not being domestic enough, expecting alot from boyfriends/husbands, but can't articulate what they bring to the table, not exercising enough, some about natural hair, but less of that these days. Just overall, they think they could do better than the women currently in their face.

I think they chase Mrs Right Now chicks because if not they'd find out they are insecure, emotionally immature and/or emotional inavailable. Getting in these situationships keeps the heat off them and more on the women "not measuring up." They few who do date the women who fit all their criteria still end up losing for other reasons anyway. A woman simply can't win romantically with these dudes and sadly lots of women hang around serving up whatever these dudes from meals, laundry and regular unprotected sex (from what these guys tell me) hoping they'll get picked as the girlfriend. I meet these women and its hard because I know these dudes are just wasting their childbearing years.

--

I have one friend who just says they're all boring and dates women he finds ok (but they're educated, good careers, childless like him and simple) because its easy. He says they aren't interesting women after a few dates, but he's a serial monogamous guy so they usually stick around a year or so. He doesn't go after the women he wants and admits it. That guy is my actual friend. Those dudes in the above category are more like associates as my career keeps me in circles largely made up of men...and black folks just find each other and connect.
 
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michelle81 said:
@ChasingBliss

I have a male friend like you describe. I just usually shake my head at his stories and I really don't care to give him my thoughts. His ideal woman is IMO not going to happen, possible not probable. His comments after dumping the last girl were "I see it as going to pick out a dog at the pound. Why would I pick up a sickly dog when there's plenty of healthy ones out there? There's no reason for me to choose her when I can just wait until someone else better comes along." He dumped her after being serious with her for over 6 months because she had a chronic illness - one that he knew about from day 1. He sees him self as such a unicorn that there's no way for anyone to convince him otherwise.
He's early 40's, divorced after a very short marriage with one child and he's short (5'5). Decent income (90k in the south)/career/trajectory, but will not date someone unless she is in good physical shape, has no more than 1 child and has an income of at least 60k and at least a bachelor's degree.

I used to think he was a good guy and a good catch, but not anymore. He's so indecisive and I've seen him lead on 2 women like the one above. I've told him that I think he will eventually settle then find "the 1" and want to divorce.
Click to expand...

Sounds like the friend of friend of mine in Atlanta. He's very specific about what he wants and found that specific and still....nothing happened. I'm convinced that dude wants to be single and complain about black women not meeting his requirements because its easy.
 
intellectualuva said:
Sounds like the friend of friend of mine in Atlanta. He's very specific about what he wants and found that specific and still....nothing happened. I'm convinced that dude wants to be single and complain about black women not meeting his requirements because its easy.
Click to expand...

Maybe a coincidence, but this guy is also in Atlanta. He claims he wants to be married (and only to a black woman), but he just seems to seek women way out of his league IMO.
 
LoveLiLi said:
I know some men like you've described. Too many, actually. I have a hard time labeling them as good men when they waste women's time over and over. A couple of them refuse to marry the mother of their children because they still want to go to clubs and sleep around.

They haven't had enough threesomes, had enough sex with women of other races (some of them will even name the races they haven't 'smashed' yet and say they can't get married until they have sex with these types of women), haven't been to Brazil and whatever other whorish behavior they list.

These men are older than I am (late 30's to early 40's) and it all seems so pathetic to me. They see themselves as great catches because of the money they make. I see them as used up thots. I've learned it hurts their feelings when you tell them as much, but I'm going to keep calling them old and used up. It's true and entertaining.
Click to expand...

The bolded is why I discount almost all tales of the countless 'good men' folks say they know and I never believe a man who proclaims his 'goodness' to all who will listen.

These dudes ain't picky. They are running game. Single men are always tryna keep women in their back pocket. The women who have friend zoned them are always going to hear the 'nice guy blues' when I'd bet dollars to donuts the female body count in dudes rear view mirrors don't match up to all their alleged niceness.
 
ChasingBliss said:
Not sure if it has been addressed here but another thing I find about these Unicorn seekers is that they will date woman after woman often leaving her before she or as she begins to show any sign of imperfection. Some of these men admit that they tell women that they are are not looking to settle down until they are finished "living". They say this because they are not interested in anything long term with the one they are currently seeing.

She may have a good job, a career, college educated, her own home, business etc, BUT they will see some "flaw" in her like she has a child OR she's been married before OR she dated too many men and she's a freak hence cant be trusted.

Sometimes he get her comfortable enough to share all her dirty secrets then use it against her when she wants to persue a relationship. You see, he's a unicorn himself so nothing less than the best for him will do..Remember Men ALWAYS know their worth. As Lambert said something to this effect as well.

Then on to the next one.​

Anyway, he accumulates enough of this type of situation until he has built up years of just dealing with women only while they are at their very best. He never gets to experience the real ups and downs of a solid relationship with its perfections AND IMPERFECTIONS.

By the time he meets his 1, he feels estatic because he thinks he has chosen his unicorn. There is finally a woman good enough to snag a man like him. He's all in now. Everything is going wonderfully until she shows her first flaw, but now he realizes that he's committed/married. He wont bounce now but... the rest of this post is another thread entirely. ..and sorta piggybacking off my previous post.
Click to expand...

Is this when the cheating starts? So these men are actually just commitment phobic, deeply flawed and unrealistic with walls up.
These dudes y'all are describing don't sound like good catches.
They have major issues and surely will not make a woman happy and they know it.
 
CurlyMoo said:
Is this Michelle Obama type the one he said he wanted or is it just your female observation?

What does his current girl do and what is his opinion of her?
Click to expand...


Nah. He would never consider Michelle Obama his type.

However...
He's not a Trump or P. Diddy--no airheaded Stepford bots or trophy wives, looks dont mean ish if he cant respect a woman'a morals & intelligence

He's not a Joe Biden or JFK either. While Jackie O, Caroline Bessete and Jill Biden have the brains, they are too classicly feminine and fragile in teperment in a way that's completely foreign to him. This is probably why we've never dated yet managed to hold and maintain a genuine friendship as adults. When we first met he used to be soooo in love with me. Nah, dawg. I knew better, EARLY. I'm way too girly and passive aggressive in temperament in ways he simply has no experience with. While he grew up in a solid 2 family home, he's the oldest of brothers and his mom is a very regular degular salt of the earth working woman. He's also only ever dated African American women. Im the closest thing hes ever experienced firsthand up close thats a genuine girly girl. Not looks, but dominately stereotypical Uber femme temperment & ways. Yeah I'm educated n all data wit a few accomplishmentse but I'm fragile, sensitive & needy as a mugg. Lol. Forget the extreme strong independent black woman Cliche, no way would ever use the words strong or independent as a random descriptor of me. Never heard it. Lol. My boy would be afraid of a woman that's too much woman. A chick could be sitting on a throne with a diamond tiara on but the words "QUEEN"OR"PRINCESS" might as well be braille because he's never seen it let alone experienced that before. :lol:

I think he might deep down be strongly attracted to that woman above, hence our friendship. But truth be told, he'd make that woman an alcoholic or suicidal drama queen. She'd end up reseniting and cheating, and those girly emotions would make him lose all respect. He occasionally jokes how i never gave him a chance. He needs a less spoiled/pampered version of me. Lol. So that's that.....

He genuinely needs a Hilary, Michelle or Amal. Someone who's not used to be emotionally catered to and low maintenance because that's genuinely who who she is. A busy body do-gooder who's introverted and simple. Down to earth and regular. The type of chick who thinks Birkins are a waste of money and prefers weekly date night instead of a grand surprise 2 week vacay in Bali she doesn't have time for. My boy needs that girl. Lol.... I won't envy her because I'd rather have a diamond bracelet aND a bi-monthly date or suprise that girly girls like bc it makes that feel like a princess. Lol...current gf is cool I guess. She's his type. Shes ok. She's chill. Nothing to write home about. They'll probably work great for a while but I'd be surprised if she can hang long term to marriage. She doesnt strike me as a politician or public figures wife in intent or persona. Certain things he'll never be able to give. I think he'd be great for a female surgeon or partner of a law frm.
 
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Everyone pretty much touch on the type of guys I know that are single. They tend to be very picky and like women who they are incompatible with. However, I will give 1 example of a guy I know who is a "good" guy.

I'll call him Marcus. Marcus graduated from Ga Tech, smart, works in IT, 6ft tall, in his early 30s, single & lives in DC. Also, he only wants to date bw. On paper he sounds like the perfect guy.

Unfortunately, he has the personality of a doorknob. I mean brotha does not know how to interact with women. He's like a robot. I told my cousin about him and she thinks he might have some type of social disorder. I've known for over 10 yrs (since I was 21yo) and he hasn't changed. I visited DC a few yrs back and he saw on FB that I was there and invited me out to dinner. Cool. So we in the restaurant and I'm being my usual smiling bubbly self "Hey Marcus! How ya doin?! How's life?!" and he replied back with a stoic face 'fine' :look:. Just no emotion. I tried to make a lil joke and he doesn't even fake laugh or do a smirk or anything. Just stare at you. It's so strange and off-putting. I proceeded to ask him questions to try to generate an actual conversation and it just felt like I was doing a job interview or something. I feel so bad for him.

I'm just going to assume he's a virgin b/c I can't imagine any black girl sleeping with him. I asked if he was dating anyone and he did like one girl. Now let me tell you about Marcus.. He will purchase a vacation for 2 and then try to find a girl who will go with him *le sigh*. Ya know there is some girl that will go just for a free vacay. Anyhoo, so the chick he liked said that she would go and then last minute she changed her mind. He won't go by himself so basically it was just wasted. (I'm not sure if he was able to get his money back). I just feel so sorry for him. I think he needs to find a nerdy quiet black girl, but he likes the pretty, outgoing sorority type ( he loves AKAs) girl and I just don't see that happening. :nono:
 
CurlyMoo said:
WOW, is he Black?
Click to expand...

Yep.

He is such an amazing man. He is now married, but his wife never wants to have sex with him and will find any excuse she can not to have sex with him. I think she married him thinking she could work past it, but it's like a thumb.

I just change the subject.

ETA: I am not sure if this counts as he is married now apropos the subject of this thread.
 
Lucie said:
Yep.

He is such an amazing man. He is now married, but his wife never wants to have sex with him and will find any excuse she can not to have sex with him. I think she married him thinking she could work past it, but it's like a thumb.

I just change the subject.

ETA: I am not sure if this counts as he is married now apropos the subject of this thread.
Click to expand...
Awww that's terrible. Hmmm, I wonder if a penis is that small is it considered a deformity or underdevelopment.
This scares me.

Just a few precautionary questions Lucie:
How tall is he?
How big are his feet?
How big is his is nose?
How big are his hands?
Ears?
 
Lucie said:
Nope. Reliable source told me. And when I noticed the decline of dumping after sex with women I realized it was the truth.
Click to expand...

I heard through a reliable source that one of my male friends was on the small side too... he got mad at me for not telling him that he was small... how exactly do you say, "she stopped liking you because your stuff was small?"
 
ATLcutey20 said:
Everyone pretty much touch on the type of guys I know that are single. They tend to be very picky and like women who they are incompatible with. However, I will give 1 example of a guy I know who is a "good" guy.

I'll call him Marcus. Marcus graduated from Ga Tech, smart, works in IT, 6ft tall, in his early 30s, single & lives in DC. Also, he only wants to date bw. On paper he sounds like the perfect guy.

Unfortunately, he has the personality of a doorknob. I mean brotha does not know how to interact with women. He's like a robot. I told my cousin about him and she thinks he might have some type of social disorder. I've known for over 10 yrs (since I was 21yo) and he hasn't changed. I visited DC a few yrs back and he saw on FB that I was there and invited me out to dinner. Cool. So we in the restaurant and I'm being my usual smiling bubbly self "Hey Marcus! How ya doin?! How's life?!" and he replied back with a stoic face 'fine' :look:. Just no emotion. I tried to make a lil joke and he doesn't even fake laugh or do a smirk or anything. Just stare at you. It's so strange and off-putting. I proceeded to ask him questions to try to generate an actual conversation and it just felt like I was doing a job interview or something. I feel so bad for him.

I'm just going to assume he's a virgin b/c I can't imagine any black girl sleeping with him. I asked if he was dating anyone and he did like one girl. Now let me tell you about Marcus.. He will purchase a vacation for 2 and then try to find a girl who will go with him *le sigh*. Ya know there is some girl that will go just for a free vacay. Anyhoo, so the chick he liked said that she would go and then last minute she changed her mind. He won't go by himself so basically it was just wasted. (I'm not sure if he was able to get his money back). I just feel so sorry for him. I think he needs to find a nerdy quiet black girl, but he likes the pretty, outgoing sorority type ( he loves AKAs) girl and I just don't see that happening. :nono:
Click to expand...
When is Marcus's birthday hun?
 
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