Why are single people sometimes blamed for their singleness?

[StarScream35]

Yes I know there are some people who are single because of personality disorders but I'm seeing an increase of people who blame single people for being single. Seriously, dating isn't easy. And defintely getting past dating into a relationship is another hard walk in the park. I would like to hear from you ladies concerning this topic.

 

[meesch]

i loved being single. i miss it frequently. somebody probably should blame me for my singleness

 

[SummerSolstice]

Girl. I can't tell you how many CHRISTIAN women have made me feel like me being unmarried has something to do with me...

I'm sure I am part of the issue but if it hasn't happened its just not my time

 

[DrC]

Who blamed you for you singleness OP? I'd politely tell them to fluck off.

 

[lesedi]

It doesn't have to be a bad thing IMO
IF someone was to blame me for being single, they'd be right. I left a relationship I wasn't happy in and will not get in another one until I meet someone who meets my needs. I am to blame for being single because I left. I will be happily single until the right man with the right plan comes along.

 

[Baggettcindy]

good question OP

 

[mscurly]

For me its not only the blame game but everybody has "suggestions"

If I hear....

"Maybe you should go out more"
"Have you tried match, eharmony, or craigslist" (what the hell?)erplexed
" You'll meet him as soon as you stop looking"
"You're just too picky"
"There is no such thing as a perfect man"
bla bla bla

Yes I do go out. I don't get hit on every time I go out
Dating websites..... been there done that...
No I'm not picky! I just refuse to lower my standards just so I can tell folks I got a man

People are a trip

 

[hopeful]

OP I'm sorry people have made you feel like it's your fault that you are single. It's hard to know what to say to someone who is single, especially if you are married. Sometimes it seems like nothing you say is right. I tend to just not say much anymore and say good luck or something like that. Or I try to stay focused on the positive: their career, trips they are planning, etc. Some single women are so angry and bitter that they take everything you say as an insult. I do know some people can be dismissive and/ or insensitive and like someone else said up thread f them .

 

[Fine 4s]

"singleness" sounds like a disease. I don't even understand how one would 'blame' another for a state of being that is neither good nor bad. What do they say that makes you think their blaming you? That's like blaming someone for not having a child- DUH a) it's a choice based on what's best for you and other factors and b) the word blame assumes its negative.

It's one of those things that reflects more on their ill perception than anything else.

 

[DSP]

People who are happy with their own relationships don't feel the need to belittle someone else's situation.

If you're insecure about ANYTHING in life, that's like blood in the water to miserable people. You can either let them have the power to define your life or you can consider the source and KIM.

(If you're a tiny bit evil, you might low-key gloat about your freedom and over-abundance of romantic options. It'll make their heads explode. )

 

[Oasis]

who else to blame? not saying something is wrong with ppl who are single but arent most people single because thats their choice?

 

[SummerSolstice]

who else to blame? not saying something is wrong with ppl who are single but arent most people single because thats their choice?

Well... the choice of men out here is not the best, just sayin

 

[CaliiSwagg]

Well... the choice of men out here is not the best, just sayin

Glad im not the only one who thinks the quality is subpar

 

[Fine 4s]

This generation got a bad batch lololol

 

[StarScream35]

Oh sorry, let me clarify, I'm not single but I know how single ladies are getting hit hard because they are being blamed for not having a man.

 

[mango387]

OP I'm sorry people have made you feel like it's your fault that you are single. It's hard to know what to say to someone who is single, especially if you are married. Sometimes it seems like nothing you say is right. I tend to just not say much anymore and say good luck or something like that. Or I try to stay focused on the positive: their career, trips they are planning, etc. Some single women are so angry and bitter that they take everything you say as an insult. I do know some people can be dismissive and/ or insensitive and like someone else said up thread f them .

hopeful, I am sure that some single women do become angry and bitter, but one of my recently married friends has been offering unsolicited advice to her single friends, including me. That advice makes it seem like she did "x, y, z" right and that's why she was married. My friend is a good person, but she is experiencing a lot of selective amnesia right about now just because she is now a Mrs. She made a lot of the "mistakes" that she now blasts others about and some others that even her single peers have not made. Please understand, it's one thing to say, "Don't do what I did." It's another thing for someone to be like "Jane Doe is stupid for doing XYZ. What is she thinking? That's why she's not married." To be honest, it was just meant to be that she and her husband would get married. I am honestly happy for them, but she has lost quite a few friends criticizing them. We have just been friends forever, so I'm not going anywhere.

 

[hopeful]

hopeful, I am sure that some single women do become angry and bitter, but one of my recently married friends has been offering unsolicited advice to her single friends, including me. That advice makes it seem like she did "x, y, z" right and that's why she was married. My friend is a good person, but she is experiencing a lot of selective amnesia right about now just because she is now a Mrs. She made a lot of the "mistakes" that she now blasts others about and some others that even her single peers have not made. Please understand, it's one thing to say, "Don't do what I did." It's another thing for someone to be like "Jane Doe is stupid for doing XYZ. What is she thinking? That's why she's not married." To be honest, it was just meant to be that she and her husband would get married. I am honestly happy for them, but she has lost quite a few friends criticizing them. We have just been friends forever, so I'm not going anywhere.

Thank you for sharing mango387. That is not very nice of your friend . I'm sorry your newly married friend is acting that way. What does she do when/if people tell her thanks but no thanks, don't need your advice? Or remind her that she made the same mistakes? Just curious. I understand why you stay friends with her though, I have this one friend that sometimes bothers me for other reasons, but no matter what we will always be friends. We have been friends now for almost 30 years so like you "I'm not going anywhere" either.

 

[mango387]

hopeful, I don't bring up her past, but she also doesn't go as far with me as she does with others. Some people tell her all of their relationship business, and I don't. Plus, I think she knows that some of what she did was wrong. Unfortunately, since she became a new bride, she has forgotten those conversations. Even if she hasn't forgotten, she has achieved the "end goal..." Thank God, I am surrounded by more married women than her, and most of them keep it real with me. All is well in my camp, but I thought this thread reminded me of her.