Why are men so confusing?

[hopeful]

Sounds like good advice to me. Plus, he was only responding to her text... actually, he didn't even answer her question, it was just, "Are you going out tonight?"

Not cool.

I might go back to the club in two weeks, but tonight it might be best to skip it.

No, not cool at all. Reading his response made me want to or :hardslap: him. I mean seriously? We go out on two dates, you go on and on about how great I am and then no calls, and when I text you don't even give me a fake "Oh I've been so busy, been meaning to call," no "I hope we can get together soon?" Please! Next!

And I agree with Bunny I would go to that club again and I would be looking amazing and I would not be checking for him at all.

 

[**Glamourlicious**]

Men say what they think we want to hear sometimes.

How to tell if a man is geniune? His actions. Men SHOW us how they feel. I don't listen to what he says so much anymore. I swear sometimes he just likes to hear himself talk. LOL

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Crystal, I loved your post!

Aww thanks! I always love yours. You always seem to be the voice of reason.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I know where he will be tonight, his usual Friday night hang out, I am seirously thinking of turning up there (I go there quite often myself, its where we acutually met), or will I look like a stalker? Will that look obvious??

Nooo! Don't do it!!

Maybe I'm the minority here, but I DO NOT think it's a good idea to go hang out at his "usual hangout spot" tonight. ESPECIALLY if you already texted him (I did not know about that little detail ). I don't know why, but I just get a bad feeling about it. He may think that you're a little too eager. Remember, you guys aren't even dating yet. You already showed your hand by texting him first after your nice weekend together. Let him make a little more effort to come to you. You HAVE to train these guys in the beginning...trust me. Don't make the same mistake I made with my guy friend.

So...don't go unless he invites you. Please! What if he IS there, and with another girl? It will just make you feel bad and make you look pressed for him. I'm thinking things could be awkward. Now, if you were already invited by someone else to go there, then go ahead and go! But if this is not your usual spot, and you're just going there because you think he's going to be there, don't do it!

He should be wondering where YOU are on a Friday night!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

No, not cool at all. Reading his response made me want to or :hardslap: him. I mean seriously? We go out on two dates, you go on and on about how great I am and then no calls, and when I text you don't even give me a fake "Oh I've been so busy, been meaning to call," no "I hope we can get together soon?" Please! Next!
And I agree with Bunny I would go to that club again and I would be looking amazing and I would not be checking for him at all.

I agree with Hopeful (dangg...where is that "Thank You" button??).

I'm not even sure if I would respond to his text (a DAY late!) Nooo....you can do a lot better than that. No excuse or anything? OH puh-leeeze!

Go out with some girl friends tonight HairQueen, and hopefully somewhere FAR from where he may be tonight. lol*

He needs to learn to get some manners.

 

[hopeful]

...
He should be wondering where YOU are on a Friday night!

I agree. Have a fun night and weekend far away from him.

And lol @ all of us mad about not having the thanks button.

 

[Dare~to~Dream]

Right, I'm not saying one absolutely must move, but if it is that important to someone, why not consider it? I always said I would if need be... but to another state, lol!

I already know that if want ANY KIND of decent relationship with a man, I would have to move. I'm pretty comfortable being single but I do want to move for other reasons. If it comes to that point...and I'm tired of being single and seriously want to date and/or eventually get married, where I'm at is not where I need to be. I've mentioned this before in an old thread...location sometimes plays a BIG part in the "perpetual" singles' lives.

 

[aribell]

Now I am paying for my mistake. Seems like it doesn't take much for a guy to think you are all into him and then run away as fast as he can even though HE was the one telling me how much he likes me. He even got upset at me when I said 'but we hardly know each other' he just kept saying he really likes me and it was the best weekend he had had in ages. Oh well guess it was all just one big LIE!

Oh, don't take it personally. There are so many reasons that it could be that he didn't take the initiative to pursue you again. It doesn't really matter what those reasons are, but it's nothing that you should internalize or feel bad about. But yeah, he didn't deserve the text.

 

[tocktick]

Or, once again, women are making excuses for men.

He could very well have emotional issues that prevent him from wanting to get close, but you know what? He needs to go see a dang on therapist for that....

If life sucks so much and a man is so hurt and scared of getting close to someone, how about he just leave women alone? ...

i need the damn thank you button!!

This post is beyond on point. The bold text is especially on the money. If those issues do not even excuse him from going ahead and dating in his mind, they don't excuse not being courteous enough to call then. Sounds like he is/was trying to get your guard down in some way for whatever (shady, imo) purpose.

It is easier to hear "keep it moving" when you're 23 and not 33. I'm sure it is very frustrating... and I don't know the situation in London, but I'll take your word for it.

(Can you move? )

Although I am in support of people moving if they feel it's necessary in order to increase their prospects of marriage, I personally think this is easier to do in the US because it's so big. I don't think there is as much choice in the UK. I know that I would need to move to another city if leaving London but the options aren't that fantastic. I'd instantly earn less, be in a much smaller city (thus around less people), some cities have very few non-whites (I don't mind irr but I need to live in a diverse environment), fewer jobs (especially in my chosen industry) etc. A lot of cities/towns really aren't that exciting either in terms of social activies, tbh.

I'm not saying OP shouldn't consider it if she really wants to settle down though. Personally, I know a few women here who weren't finding "good" men did the internet dating thing. If I were to move, I would probably just leave the country completely although this is much harder.

 

[brownbeauty196]

Don't do it, girl. Not a good idea.

i agree!!!erplexed he is going to know exactly what your up

 

[HairQueen]

UPDATE SINCE MY POST ON FRIDAY:

I responded to the text he sent me asking me "are you out tonight" that eve I responded at 10 pm with "yes".

I then get a random text from him that says "can't hear you" at 1am which I did not see until the next monring. (I figured he got a missed call from someone that night and assumed it was me in the club calling to find out where he was!!!)

So saturday morning I text him back saying "you sent me a text by mistake last night, you got the wrong person it wasn't me that called you".

Sat eve - 7pm he calls me but I missed the call. I was going to call him back but my friend said no! I waited but he did not call me back so I sent him a text this mroning saying "Been really busy this weekend did not have the chance to return your call"

To be honest I think he at first he was running away from me cos he thought I liked him so much and was desperate for a relationship. Even though I tried my hardest not to show it my body languagae told him I was keen on him and liked him a lot.

Now I have given him space I think he is not panicking so much which is why he called me yesterday I think, I was so piss*ed that I didn't get to the phone in time cos now that means I have to ring him back or it will be obvious I am upset at him and I don't want him to know that! The rules all say to act like u don't care!!

Wonder if I should call him tonight cos after all he has now called??? Or is this just one big waste of time??

 

[Lovelylife]

UPDATE SINCE MY POST ON FRIDAY:

I responded to the text he sent me asking me "are you out tonight" that eve I responded at 10 pm with "yes".

I then get a random text from him that says "can't hear you" at 1am which I did not see until the next monring. (I figured he got a missed call from someone that night and assumed it was me in the club calling to find out where he was!!!)

So saturday morning I text him back saying "you sent me a text by mistake last night, you got the wrong person it wasn't me that called you".

Sat eve - 7pm he calls me but I missed the call. I was going to call him back but my friend said no! I waited but he did not call me back so I sent him a text this mroning saying "Been really busy this weekend did not have the chance to return your call"

To be honest I think he at first he was running away from me cos he thought I liked him so much and was desperate for a relationship. Even though I tried my hardest not to show it my body languagae told him I was keen on him and liked him a lot.

Now I have given him space I think he is not panicking so much which is why he called me yesterday I think, I was so piss*ed that I didn't get to the phone in time cos now that means I have to ring him back or it will be obvious I am upset at him and I don't want him to know that! The rules all say to act like u don't care!!

Wonder if I should call him tonight cos after all he has now called??? Or is this just one big waste of time??

Thanks for the update, I say take it slow. Based on what you've said I don't really trust him.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Thanks for the update, I say take it slow. Based on what you've said I don't really trust him.

I agree.

I really don't think it should be this hard, and that there should be this much analyzation. I did the same thing with a guy friend I was REALLY keen for, and in the end, I just realized that it was one big waste of time...PERIOD.

When a guy REALLY likes you, (and isn't just keeping you as his "option") you won't have to worry or wonder if you calling him is going to send him heading for the hills, or be scared that if you show him that you like him TOO much that he will lose interest.

I think you should just do you and forget about whether or not he "thinks you're mad at him" or whatnot. If you really didn't like him, you wouldn't even care what he was thinking right?? TRUST ME...if a guy REALLY likes you, he'll call you again even if (even IF!) he thinks you're "mad" at him. lol* He'll want to apologize and make up with you because he LIKES you.

Trust me, I have girl friend right now who has a guy that she just cannot get rid of! She has tried to tell him in so many words that she's just not really interested in him and that she likes him as a "friend" only. He has pursued her since January. He's slowing down now (it's May ), but you best better believe he has not given up so easily!

So...I say all that to say... don't worry about it too much. If he's really interested, he'll give you a call back...promise!

I would just continue to DO YOU, and be just a little slightly elusive (not mean/rude!) and let him continue to come to you. I only say this because you feel as if you may have shown your hand a bit too soon. So, now you just have to re-train him and let him know that he's not all that. He will have to try harder if HE's really interested.

I DO find it funny (and interesting) though how he thought that you had called him that night! ROTFL! Ha! Men!

 

[HairQueen]

I agree.

I really don't think it should be this hard, and that there should be this much analyzation. I did the same thing with a guy friend I was REALLY keen for, and in the end, I just realized that it was one big waste of time...PERIOD.

When a guy REALLY likes you, (and isn't just keeping you as his "option") you won't have to worry or wonder if you calling him is going to send him heading for the hills, or be scared that if you show him that you like him TOO much that he will lose interest.

I think you should just do you and forget about whether or not he "thinks you're mad at him" or whatnot. If you really didn't like him, you wouldn't even care what he was thinking right?? TRUST ME...if a guy REALLY likes you, he'll call you again even if (even IF!) he thinks you're "mad" at him. lol* He'll want to apologize and make up with you because he LIKES you.

Trust me, I have girl friend right now who has a guy that she just cannot get rid of! She has tried to tell him in so many words that she's just not really interested in him and that she likes him as a "friend" only. He has pursued her since January. He's slowing down now (it's May ), but you best better believe he has not given up so easily!

So...I say all that to say... don't worry about it too much. If he's really interested, he'll give you a call back...promise!

I would just continue to DO YOU, and be just a little slightly elusive (not mean/rude!) and let him continue to come to you. I only say this because you feel as if you may have shown your hand a bit too soon. So, now you just have to re-train him and let him know that he's not all that. He will have to try harder if HE's really interested.

I DO find it funny (and interesting) though how he thought that you had called him that night! ROTFL! Ha! Men!

Girl you are not wrong about the bolded part. I was thinking to myself so u think u are that hot that when I said I was going out I was going to where u are and that I called you!!!

That is why when he said are u out tonight all I replied was "yes".

I agree with ur points that when a guy likes a girl she will know. I have a guy who I met THREE years ago that I am not interested in that STILL calls me and asks me out to this day, and I hardly ever answer when he rings yet he still continues to pursue me.

My situation now is far too much hard work, and it should not be like this but I do feel that it is partly my fault for unknowingly appearing so keen in the begining.

I also still find it so hard to believe that a man who sat with me talking in his car for 5 hours after the date about life, work , etc who told me he does not want to let me go can suddenly switch the very next day....

 

[HairQueen]

Thanks for the update, I say take it slow. Based on what you've said I don't really trust him.

Neither do I, he is slippery ...but I still like him - crazy huh!

 

[hopeful]

[/b]

Girl you are not wrong about the bolded part. I was thinking to myself so u think u are that hot that when I said I was going out I was going to where u are and that I called you!!!

That is why when he said are u out tonight all I replied was "yes".

I agree with ur points that when a guy likes a girl she will know. I have a guy who I met THREE years ago that I am not interested in that STILL calls me and asks me out to this day, and I hardly ever answer when he rings yet he still continues to pursue me.

My situation now is far too much hard work, and it should not be like this but I do feel that it is partly my fault for unknowingly appearing so keen in the begining.

I also still find it so hard to believe that a man who sat with me talking in his car for 5 hours after the date about life, work , etc who told me he does not want to let me go can suddenly switch the very next day....

HairQueen, this is not your fault, if he really liked you, "appearing so keen" would have made him very happy. It's not like you asked him to marry you or to live with him or have his baby. Jeesh you were just excited. His behavior is not your fault. He put a lot out there during your weekend date and spent a lot of time with you. You didn't make him talk to you for 5 hours after your date.

Neither do I, he is slippery ...but I still like him - crazy huh!

Hey, you like who you like. Just don't take the blame okay, for his behavior. He is behaving very shady.

 

[Poohbear]

HairQueen, based on what you have posted about this guy's actions, I would not take him seriously. Maybe you all can be hang out buddies or acquaintances, but do not give him any physical action, not even kissing. Kissing may not be sex but it can make you have some type of emotional tie to that person especially if you like them. If you are looking or waiting for the man of your dreams or a man that you would like to be in a relationship with, I would not consider that guy as the one. Just because he called your phone a week later doesn't mean he's necessarily interested in you. He is just responding to your actions of texting him. He's being courteous in a way but not putting in enough effort to show that he's really into you or wants to be with you. He seems like someone who is just looking for a good time with a woman, nothing more. When you texted him asking if he was okay, he totally avoided that question and just asked if you were out tonight. That should really give you a clue. And please don't waste your time on wondering if you should call or text or wondering why he doesn't call or text. Keep your mind free and at peace. Move on with your dignity, respect, and strength. And I agree with the poster who said men aren't as confusing as they seem...they show us their true colors time after time.

 

[HairQueen]

HairQueen, this is not your fault, if he really liked you, "appearing so keen" would have made him very happy. It's not like you asked him to marry you or to live with him or have his baby. Jeesh you were just excited. His behavior is not your fault. He put a lot out there during your weekend date and spent a lot of time with you. You didn't make him talk to you for 5 hours after your date.



Hey, you like who you like. Just don't take the blame okay, for his behavior. He is behaving very shady.

Thanks for the reassuring words, I just felt like an idiot for liking someone! You are right, I shouldn't have to feel that way and he should have been pleased.

Thanks.

 

[HairQueen]

HairQueen, based on what you have posted about this guy's actions, I would not take him seriously. Maybe you all can be hang out buddies or acquaintances, but do not give him any physical action, not even kissing. Kissing may not be sex but it can make you have some type of emotional tie to that person especially if you like them. If you are looking or waiting for the man of your dreams or a man that you would like to be in a relationship with, I would not consider that guy as the one. Just because he called doesn't mean he's necessarily interested in you. He is just responding to your actions of texting him. He's being courteous in a way but not putting in enough effort to show that he's really into you or wants to be with you. He seems like someone who is just looking for a good time with a woman. When you texted him asking if he was okay, he totally avoided that question and just asked if you were out tonight. And I agree with the poster who said men aren't as confusing as they seem...they show us their true colors time after time.

Thanks Poohbear, you are so right about him avoiding my question I was so shocked at that. After all, all I said was "hi how u been" not "why haven't u called" or "when are we getting married!!"

Thankyou.

 

[HairQueen]

Thanks Poohbear, you are so right about him avoiding my question I was so shocked at that. After all, all I said was "hi how u been" not "why haven't u called" or "when are we getting married!!"

Thankyou.

Oh my Goodness - I just saw a missed call from the guy that I do NOT like that has been calling me for THREE YEARS - how strange that I just talked about him in a post about 20 minutes ago!

Just goes to show when a guy REALLY likes u he just can't help himself!

I was annoyed when I saw his missed call cos it wasn't the one I wanted to hear from...so so so typical **sigh**

 

[Poohbear]

Thanks for the reassuring words, I just felt like an idiot for liking someone! You are right, I shouldn't have to feel that way and he should have been pleased.

Thanks.

Don't feel like an idiot for liking him. You had a reason for liking him which was because you had a good time the two nights you two spent together. But good times that a man and a woman spend together doesn't always mean it will lead to something more. You gotta be really careful with experiences like that where you hang out with a guy right after meeting him. You can't expect too much so soon, or anything at all. But I know how words that men say can be flattering at the time. Just don't be too believing of everything the man says, especially the part where he joked about you being his future wife. That was a little extreme for him to go there so soon. It's definitely all apart of the game he's playing.

 

[Poohbear]

Oh my Goodness - I just saw a missed call from the guy that I do NOT like that has been calling me for THREE YEARS - how strange that I just talked about him in a post about 20 minutes ago!

Just goes to show when a guy REALLY likes u he just can't help himself!

I was annoyed when I saw his missed call cos it wasn't the one I wanted to hear from...so so so typical **sigh**

I bet that was annoying! I've had that happen to me before too!

But seriously, stop thinking about this guy and waiting for another phone call from him! LOL! I know it's hard for you right now since you just met him and had a good time with him. And avoid talking about him with your girl friends as well. That can help fuel the little fire that you have for him.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

[/B]

Girl you are not wrong about the bolded part. I was thinking to myself so u think u are that hot that when I said I was going out I was going to where u are and that I called you!!!

That is why when he said are u out tonight all I replied was "yes".

Good for you! Now, aren't you glad you didn't go try to "bump into him" (completely coincidentally of course...umm NOT! ) at his usual "hang out spot" Friday night? I'm so glad you didn't do that.

I agree with ur points that when a guy likes a girl she will know. I have a guy who I met THREE years ago that I am not interested in that STILL calls me and asks me out to this day, and I hardly ever answer when he rings yet he still continues to pursue me.

BINGO!! I rest my case.

HairQueen, this is not your fault, if he really liked you, "appearing so keen" would have made him very happy. It's not like you asked him to marry you or to live with him or have his baby. Jeesh you were just excited. His behavior is not your fault. He put a lot out there during your weekend date and spent a lot of time with you. You didn't make him talk to you for 5 hours after your date.

DING DING DING!!! This is SO true Hopeful!
Emotionally HEALTHY guys who are really into you will NOT be scared off just because they can sense that you like them. If anything, if he likes you and he senses that you like him, it will be more of a TURN-ON for him. Not a turn-off. Any guy who is turned off from a girl that he likes JUST because she likes him is either emotionally not all there, or a commitment-phobe.

HairQueen, based on what you have posted about this guy's actions, I would not take him seriously. Just because he called your phone a week later doesn't mean he's necessarily interested in you. He is just responding to your actions of texting him. He's being courteous in a way but not putting in enough effort to show that he's really into you or wants to be with you. He seems like someone who is just looking for a good time with a woman, nothing more. And please don't waste your time on wondering if you should call or text or wondering why he doesn't call or text. Keep your mind free and at peace. Move on with your dignity, respect, and strength. And I agree with the poster who said men aren't as confusing as they seem...they show us their true colors time after time.

Yes, Poohbear is right HairQueen. Just keep it moving. He has your number, so he knows how to reach you if he's really interested and available for a relationship with you.

Thanks for the reassuring words, I just felt like an idiot for liking someone! You are right, I shouldn't have to feel that way and he should have been pleased.

Thanks.

No no no! Don't EVER feel like an "idiot" because you like/liked someone. Never! I used to feel that way when I was madly in love w/my guy friend too....until people kept telling me to come to my senses! I don't think he viewed me as an idiot either for liking him (if he knew how I felt... ).

There is NOTHING wrong w/liking someone. If anything it's flattering to the other person. So you did nothing wrong.

I've just learned from my own experience that if I feel like an "idiot" for liking someone, it probably means that the "relationship" with this person is NOT meant to be...at least maybe not at this particular time. So...just dust yourself off and KIM!

But never ever apologize or feel bad for caring for someone, or for having deep feelings for another person. God specifically gave humans this ability to love. This is what makes us human and different from most wild animals. So please...don't beat yourself up about it!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Oh my Goodness - I just saw a missed call from the guy that I do NOT like that has been calling me for THREE YEARS - how strange that I just talked about him in a post about 20 minutes ago!

Just goes to show when a guy REALLY likes u he just can't help himself!

I was annoyed when I saw his missed call cos it wasn't the one I wanted to hear from...so so so typical **sigh**

What are the odds?? Again, that just goes to show...when a guy REALLY likes you... !!!!


Trust me, I have the same experience most of my life. Most guys that like me I only see them as a "friend", or I'm not attracted to in the least! But the guys that I like, well...they are either lukewarm about me, wishy-washy, or barely even think two thoughts about me! It really is annoying.

But I'm starting to wonder.... Is it because we DON'T show much (if any) interest in these guys that pursue us for say...THREE years that causes them to continue pursuing?? OR...is it just that the guy is interested (PERIOD) and is doing things to pursue.

In other words... I'm wondering what would happen if you showed this "Three year" guy some interest back ,or treated him like a guy that you DID like. Would he still be "intrigued" by you? Or, would he too eventually get lukewarm??

I'm just wondering what came first? The chicken or the egg?

ETA: I hope that made sense. Ugh...It's like I know what I want to say, but I'm haivng a hard time formulating it into a sentence that makes sense for everyone.

 

[hopeful]

...
There is NOTHING wrong w/liking someone. If anything it's flattering to the other person. So you did nothing wrong.

I've just learned from my own experience that if I feel like an "idiot" for liking someone, it probably means that the "relationship" with this person is NOT meant to be...at least maybe not at this particular time. So...just dust yourself off and KIM!

But never ever apologize or feel bad for caring for someone, or for having deep feelings for another person. God specifically gave humans this ability to love. This is what makes us human and different from most wild animals. So please...don't beat yourself up about it!

You put this so nicely, it brought tears to my eyes.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Sometimes, it's the thrill of getting you riled up emotionally.

 

[HairQueen]

UPDATE NUMBER 2:

Well he finally sent me a text last night in response to my text to him that I sent in the morning. My text said: "been really busy this weekend, didn't get the chance to get back to you" (which of course wasn't true cos if i really want to get back to someone i do..).

His reply was: "don't worry, me too, things have been non-stop for me will talk soon"

Well at least he seems to have stopped panicking that I am chasing him now although he still takes hours to reply to a simple text.

Well I am sure you have all had enough of my posting every little detail of this silly story so I won't post again unless he asks actually asks me out on a date!! I'm not holding my breath...

Thanks again for all ur responses!
HQ

 

[tocktick]

^^ Personally, it seems he's only replying out of courtesy now. I would put him on the back burner completely (seems like you're heading this way though, right?). Chalk it up to it being his loss.

 

[Poohbear]

^^ Personally, it seems he's only replying out of courtesy now. I would put him on the back burner completely (seems like you're heading this way though, right?). Chalk it up to it being his loss.

I agree. HairQueen, I wouldn't text him nor call him anymore. Don't even send anymore morning text messages like "How are you?" "Haven't heard from you." "Just checking on you." Usually guys that take that long to respond to a message already have a woman or they're simply just not that interested in you.

 

[HairQueen]

^^ Personally, it seems he's only replying out of courtesy now. I would put him on the back burner completely (seems like you're heading this way though, right?). Chalk it up to it being his loss.

True, seems like its a real effort for him... *sigh*