Why are men so confusing?

[HairQueen]

I don't understand it I just had a great weekend with a guy he wouldn't stop telling me how great I was, where he wants to take me next week, next month and next year, how much he likes me, how this weekend was the best weekend he has had for a long time, he even joked to his cousin that I was his future wife.

Then I hear nothing for 4 days!!!

I am not rushing it but what I don't understand is why he would be so overly keen on me and then go silent?

Any ideas?

 

[GoingBack]

One thing that I've learned about men is that they truly are not as confusing as some women believe them to be. Forget what a man says, but instead look at whether or not his actions are matching up to whatever he is saying. That will tell you a lot, imho.

 

[BabyImaStarr]

One thing that I've learned about men is that they truly are not at confusing as some women believe them to be. Forget what a man says, but instead look at whether or not his actions are matching up to whatever he is saying. That will tell you a lot, imho.

This is what I thought when I read the thread title. Men are not confusing. There are no codes. When I started to take their actions and words at face value without assigning meaning to everything, all confusion went out the window.

 

[Bunny77]

When you say great weekend, what do you mean? Is this a new guy you just met and you spent more than one day with him? Like, not just one date, but the entire weekend?

 

[envybeauty]

Yup. Ladies are on point. There is nothing to be confused by.

If that same guy was a man of little words but full of action, OP would not be "confused." If he sent her flowers, made her dinner, washed her car, etc. but said very little during their interaction, she would not be "confused." So when women say men are confusing, they really mean:

"Confusion" = I don't want to accept the cues I am being given about this man.

It is what it is.

 

[Lucie]

I understand what he said, but actions speak louder than words.

 

[HairQueen]

When you say great weekend, what do you mean? Is this a new guy you just met and you spent more than one day with him? Like, not just one date, but the entire weekend?

Hi

Yes this is a new guy I just met, we spent Friday and Saturday night together but I went home at the end of each evening.

 

[HairQueen]

Yup. Ladies are on point. There is nothing to be confused by.

If that same guy was a man of little words but full of action, OP would not be "confused." If he sent her flowers, made her dinner, washed her car, etc. but said very little during their interaction, she would not be "confused." So when women say men are confusing, they really mean:

"Confusion" = I don't want to accept the cues I am being given about this man.

It is what it is.

Yes I see your point and maybe I am in denial.

It is still confusing to me though because I felt one way when were haning out (i.e. happy) and another now that I have not heard from him (i.e. sad) so it is confusing to my emotions to go up and then down.

I do take your point though and I like your examples thanks.

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

Not trying to be harsh but if I were you I'd make sure I'm seeing other people cause he probably is.

 

[HairQueen]

I understand what he said, but actions speak louder than words.

Yes that is one of the best sayings ever because its so true. A person can say all the words in the world but if they do not actually ACT on them then their words are as good as useless.

But does that mean that the words mean absolutely nothing? i.e. the person is just spilling lie after lie out their mouth? Are they deliberately and willfuly intending to play games and hurt you? Or confused / not sure what to do next?

Either way I realise the end result is the same whether it is intentional or not but I do wonder if he is being deliberatly mean or not..

 

[Bunny77]

Hi

Yes this is a new guy I just met, we spent Friday and Saturday night together but I went home at the end of each evening.

Okay, thanks.

When I meet a new guy, I try to make the early dates limited in nature (unless it's a weird situation like we're long-distance and have to do weekends only). Sometimes, even if you are both feeling each other, there is such a thing as too much, too soon. And it doesn't even have to involve sex or spending the night -- unless you are in a relationship in which a foundation has been established to some extent, women don't need to be all up in a man's presence like that.

I'm sure he enjoyed your company and I'm sure he meant exactly what he said when he praised you and all that. Then when it was over, he probably felt smothered and realized he needed to take a step back. He might call you again, he might not.

Someone (maybe Hopeful?) made a great point in another thread about men treating women like little kids treat candy. They want a whole lot of candy and they want it RIGHT NOW, even though they KNOW they're gonna get sick later. So men can say that they want to be with you 24/7 and see you every waking hour, but the minute a woman starts doing that on a regular basis, they get sick of her.

Women have to play the mother role to the kid-in-the-candy-store men and tell them when enough is enough.

 

[tiara76]

there could be a variety of different reasons you didn't hear from him, however don't drive yourself crazy trying to figure him out even though Im sure thats hard when you have met somebody you feel you are vibing with, which from what it sounds like just from ur post that you both vibed, which had nothing to do with sex being involved either....

men may act in the same type of manners outwardly but the reasons why they act like that for different men can all be completely different, the reason itself at this point isn't so important as there is a reason and for whatever reason that is he's not reaching out to you and bet its not personal to you even if it seems its affecting you

actions def do speak louder than words, even though words can feel great when the right ones are said....

If you had a good weekend and enjoyed yourself, didn't expend or compromise yourself or lose yourself take it as a good memory and hold onto the thoughts that whoever u choose to be in the presence of will see you as great and fun to be around...if he doesn't want to be that person let it go...he could of been full of crap or genuine and just has other things going on....regardless don't waste too much time trying to figure it out...

if the things he said made u feel good...know that whoever u spend time with or end up with will be somebody who finds you great and is ready, available or wants to be with you...def don't find an opportunity in this to beat urself down or wonder if something is wrong with you because of how he is acting

 

[MissJ]

One thing that I've learned about men is that they truly are not as confusing as some women believe them to be. Forget what a man says, but instead look at whether or not his actions are matching up to whatever he is saying. That will tell you a lot, imho.

Amen, sista!

 

[Caramela]

Men tend to say a whole lot of things while they are in hot pursuit of some sex. If you gave it to him, he may no longer be interested.

 

[Blondell]

One thing that I've learned about men is that they truly are not as confusing as some women believe them to be. Forget what a man says, but instead look at whether or not his actions are matching up to whatever he is saying. That will tell you a lot, imho.

I agree. yep yep.

 

[MD_Lady]

One thing that I've learned about men is that they truly are not as confusing as some women believe them to be. Forget what a man says, but instead look at whether or not his actions are matching up to whatever he is saying. That will tell you a lot, imho.

This is what I thought when I read the thread title. Men are not confusing. There are no codes. When I started to take their actions and words at face value without assigning meaning to everything, all confusion went out the window.

You ladies are right on the money.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Great thread with great advice.

 

[ALWAYZL8]

there could be a variety of different reasons you didn't hear from him, however don't drive yourself crazy trying to figure him out even though Im sure thats hard when you have met somebody you feel you are vibing with, which from what it sounds like just from ur post that you both vibed, which had nothing to do with sex being involved either....

men may act in the same type of manners outwardly but the reasons why they act like that for different men can all be completely different, the reason itself at this point isn't so important as there is a reason and for whatever reason that is he's not reaching out to you and bet its not personal to you even if it seems its affecting you

actions def do speak louder than words, even though words can feel great when the right ones are said....

If you had a good weekend and enjoyed yourself, didn't expend or compromise yourself or lose yourself take it as a good memory and hold onto the thoughts that whoever u choose to be in the presence of will see you as great and fun to be around...if he doesn't want to be that person let it go...he could of been full of crap or genuine and just has other things going on....regardless don't waste too much time trying to figure it out...

if the things he said made u feel good...know that whoever u spend time with or end up with will be somebody who finds you great and is ready, available or wants to be with you...def don't find an opportunity in this to beat urself down or wonder if something is wrong with you because of how he is acting

Knew this, forgot it...served as a reminder. Right on time!!!

 

[locabouthair]

there could be a variety of different reasons you didn't hear from him, however don't drive yourself crazy trying to figure him out even though Im sure thats hard when you have met somebody you feel you are vibing with, which from what it sounds like just from ur post that you both vibed, which had nothing to do with sex being involved either....

men may act in the same type of manners outwardly but the reasons why they act like that for different men can all be completely different, the reason itself at this point isn't so important as there is a reason and for whatever reason that is he's not reaching out to you and bet its not personal to you even if it seems its affecting you

actions def do speak louder than words, even though words can feel great when the right ones are said....

If you had a good weekend and enjoyed yourself, didn't expend or compromise yourself or lose yourself take it as a good memory and hold onto the thoughts that whoever u choose to be in the presence of will see you as great and fun to be around...if he doesn't want to be that person let it go...he could of been full of crap or genuine and just has other things going on....regardless don't waste too much time trying to figure it out...

if the things he said made u feel good...know that whoever u spend time with or end up with will be somebody who finds you great and is ready, available or wants to be with you...def don't find an opportunity in this to beat urself down or wonder if something is wrong with you because of how he is acting

Great post!!!

I especially agree with the bolded.

Tiara I wish you woulda wrote that like 2 years ago

 

[MissJ]

Men tend to say a whole lot of things while they are in hot pursuit of some sex. If you gave it to him, he may no longer be interested.

I totally agree, and if there's one thing I've learned over the years it's that MEN LIE, PERIOD!

 

[DragonPearl]

I understand what he said, but actions speak louder than words.

Once I got that, my love life improved 1000% and men were no longer confusing to me.

 

[Nayna]

Question, have u been waiting on him to call? Or is it that you've called and he just isn't answering?

 

[vevster]

Question, have u been waiting on him to call? Or is it that you've called and he just isn't answering?

Well, if she called and he doesn't answer, she should not be confused.

OP we have all been there. Follow the preceding advice about following actions..

{{{hugs}}}

 

[HairQueen]

Men tend to say a whole lot of things while they are in hot pursuit of some sex. If you gave it to him, he may no longer be interested.

No I didn't give him any!! Only kissing went on..

 

[HairQueen]

Question, have u been waiting on him to call? Or is it that you've called and he just isn't answering?

No I have not callled. I have been waiting on him to call..

 

[HairQueen]

Well, if she called and he doesn't answer, she should not be confused.

OP we have all been there. Follow the preceding advice about following actions..

{{{hugs}}}

I would def not be confused if I had called and he didn't answer!

Its just when you hear nothing you have no idea what is going on..

 

[gabulldawg]

OP, I definitely feel you. But I will agree with those that said men are only confusing because WE try to ignore the obvious signs that they give. Speaking from personal experience, it can be easy to get wrapped up in a man's words. But if a guy likes you he will show it. Period.

But I will say this. I don't think four days is a long time to not hear from him, especially if you guys just met each other. Maybe I'm wrong, though... I'm a bit rusty on the whole dating thing. He could just be tryin to give you space. It's not like it's been a month...

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

Yup. Ladies are on point. There is nothing to be confused by.

If that same guy was a man of little words but full of action, OP would not be "confused." If he sent her flowers, made her dinner, washed her car, etc. but said very little during their interaction, she would not be "confused." So when women say men are confusing, they really mean:

"Confusion" = I don't want to accept the cues I am being given about this man.

It is what it is.

In absence of the thank you button:

 

[vevster]

In absence of the thank you button:

What happened to the Thank You anyway?

 

[Supergirl]

No I have not callled. I have been waiting on him to call..

That is smart. You say you guys only kissed, but were these you guys' first dates? That still may have been too much too soon. Don't put yourself out there physically (even if not sex) too quickly.

Oh and never give him both your Friday and Saturday in the same weekend. He can have one or the other and that's only if he asks at least a few days in advance!