Why Am I Still Dreaming About This Fool?!

[Melody.Monroe]

Long story cut short or y'all. A man I knew from highschool - we reconnected two years ago. I developed feelings - he didn't. He played me - I got hurt. There you have it. I don't know what I did wrong - and I never got any closure.

I pray on it all the time that I get over this man. I don't know why he had such an impact on my life. I really can't tell y'all. I ask God for strength and clarity. I just don't want to think about him - EVER. I don't want to still have feelings for him - and I do. No - he doesn't know. Last night I had a dream about him. Just that we were together. It was a chill dream. Nothing significant happened in the dream. He was there and it was understood that the relationship was in a good place.

I don't know y'all...I'm tired of feeling this way, and wasting my thoughts on him. I have so many other important things on my mind. I shouldn't be thinking of ANY man right now...I am focused on my sons. So I also feel guilty that I even care.

Please - what do y'all think?? Anything I can do?

 

[Keshieshimmer]

Umm, maybe think of what a horrid person he is for playing you? There was this guy and I was most likely in love with and I was hurt in the end. He strung me along. I was bohoo hurt for a while, but then I started to think of what a not good person he is and eventually my brain remembers that.

He is dead to me now. I know I am better off without him. I don't dream of him at all. This all took a year or so.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

because you never got closure. You really do not have feelings for him at all. don't fool yourself. You were left out in the cold without explanation and you know you didn't do anything wrong, but somewhere deep down inside you want to know why he didn't want you or why didn't things work out.

get over it. someone who has hurt you in the past shouldn't be takin up space in ur mind chile...get over it.

don't allow the man to live rent free in your mind and heart. instead, take something from that experience and learn from it. get control of your emotions because your making this about him and it's not about him.

it should always be about you.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Try not to let it take you over. They say time heals all wounds. But that's not altogether true. We have to play an active part in letting go, not just leave it up to time itself...Especially if a significant amount of it has passed.

Make it stop because it's serving no purpose in your life. His player behind is gone...it's done. He did you a favor by showing you who he was...his loss.

Did he do something specifically hurtful that you cannot get passed? Maybe it was the effect on your ego that has you feeling this way...(speaking from experience so I am just speculating)...

 

[Melody.Monroe]

Try not to let it take you over. They say time heals all wounds. But that's not altogether true. We have to play an active part in letting go, not just leave it up to time itself...Especially if a significant amount of it has passed.

Make it stop because it's serving no purpose in your life. His player behind is gone...it's done. He did you a favor by showing you who he was...his loss.

Did he do something specifically hurtful that you cannot get passed? Maybe it was the effect on your ego that has you feeling this way...(speaking from experience so I am just speculating)...

No. I think I put him on this pedestal and thought he was a good person - and he may be - just not to me ya' know. When he showed me BLATANTLY that he didn't want me without explanation - that was what hurt the most so the above posters may be right.

 

[ChasingBliss]

No. I think I put him on this pedestal and thought he was a good person - and he may be - just not to me ya' know. When he showed me BLATANTLY that he didn't want me without explanation - that was what hurt the most so the above posters may be right.

Yes, I agree. I was all in the left field But yeah, Ive been there. I do hope you feel better though.

 

[septemberbaby]

because you never got closure. You really do not have feelings for him at all. don't fool yourself. You were left out in the cold without explanation and you know you didn't do anything wrong, but somewhere deep down inside you want to know why he didn't want you or why didn't things work out.

get over it. someone who has hurt you in the past shouldn't be takin up space in ur mind chile...get over it.

don't allow the man to live rent free in your mind and heart. instead, take something from that experience and learn from it. get control of your emotions because your making this about him and it's not about him.

it should always be about you.

I hope you find a way to get closure and this wound heals soon.

I've been reading your blog too.

 

[Melody.Monroe]

I hope you find a way to get closure and this wound heals soon.

I've been reading your blog too.

Thank you so much and thanks for reading my blog too. I know time will heal this idiotic wound. I just wish it would hurry the hell up and go away. Ugh. Moving forward...one day at a time.

 

[ladylibra_30]

Sounds like your pride is wounded and you feel rejected. It's human nature/reaction to hurt but try not to give him too much power over you. Work to get to a place where you KNOW that you are worthy despite this experience.

 

[Melody.Monroe]

Sounds like your pride is wounded and you feel rejected. It's human nature/reaction to hurt but try not to give him too much power over you. Work to get to a place where you KNOW that you are worthy despite this experience.

I really like that...nice.

 

[StarScream35]

Melody.Monroe

Boo you are not alone. I feel you girl. I am currently in this same sort of situation. I think it all boils down to vulnerability. Meeting the wrong dude at our most vulnerability. This guy that I'm seeing...............I don't even know where to begin. Any other time in my life I would have let him stepped but I find myself so consumed with him and I KNOW he doesn't feel the same about me. Nobody understands, everybody keeps telling me to move on and I'm trying BUT I'm not sure why I can't. I guess I really wanted it to work and I'm also at a point where I'm so dang jaded with dating and the poor quality that exists out there in the dating world. It's been a long time since I've had a brother like him step up to me with all his ducks in a row and this brotha manipulates the english language well and knows his waist size and is holding down a decent job!!!! Girl you just don't know how it feels to have someone like this step up to you when all day long you have nothing but thugs, playas and men who need to take grammar classes stepping up to you on a regular basis. This brotha really got me and I'm trying hard to move on but it's not as easy as people think. I can't give you any words of encouragment at the moment but I just wanted to say I feel you on this.

 

[hopeful]

"I don't know what I did wrong - and I never got any closure."

Like another poster said, it's not about him, it's about you. Someone blatantly plays you and you wonder what YOU did wrong. That statement stood out to me as if it were in big, bolded, red letters. You are willing to take the blame? Why? He behaved poorly and he hurt you. Maybe it's hard to believe you fell for a jerk or a player. Maybe you are questioning your judgement, IDK. After a break up you should be babying and encouraging yourself, not taking the blame for someone else's bad behavior. You will have to find a way to get your own closure and make sense of what happened the best you can. You seem to be somewhat traumatized by what happened. The best place to start is by believing you are wonderful even if he couldn't see it or didn't care, and accepting that upsetting and bad things happen to everyone.

 

[Melody.Monroe]

Brighteyes35: Well put me down on the list of people that understand! This man is intelligent and has a bachelors (pursuing masters), very attractive, funny, can dance, has a relationship with God, loves his mom/grandmom, takes care of himself - so many positives. The reason I am taking the blame (hopeful) is because the women after me (from seeing information on his FB page, and pictures, and people telling me crap about him that I didnt ask for) he treated like platinum. So I do wonder if there was something in me that he saw that made him shy away. I can only be ME. There is no way I can be someone else. Curiosity is a BICTH. I really do try y'all. I HATE when I see him out and about. I avoid him like the plague. The time I did set up a meeting to get some closure, he didn't show up. That was the last time I contacted him. I was like you couldnt even come when YOU, picked the time and place!! Really dude?! So now I feel like I will never get closure and have to deal with this on my own but will wonder forever.

I LOVE LHCF...for reasons such as this. So many smart women...and everyone has been through things...thanks y'all.

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

You have gotten some really good advice. At this point, you are the only person who can decide to let this/him go. You deserve to be happy with someone who adores you for you......... I hope you figure out how to move on.

@Brighteyes35: Well put me down on the list of people that understand! This man is intelligent and has a bachelors (pursuing masters), very attractive, funny, can dance, has a relationship with God, loves his mom/grandmom, takes care of himself - so many positives. The reason I am taking the blame (@hopeful) is because the women after me (from seeing information on his FB page, and pictures, and people telling me crap about him that I didnt ask for) he treated like platinum. So I do wonder if there was something in me that he saw that made him shy away. I can only be ME. There is no way I can be someone else. Curiosity is a BICTH. I really do try y'all. I HATE when I see him out and about. I avoid him like the plague. The time I did set up a meeting to get some closure, he didn't show up. That was the last time I contacted him. I was like you couldnt even come when YOU, picked the time and place!! Really dude?! So now I feel like I will never get closure and have to deal with this on my own but will wonder forever.

I LOVE LHCF...for reasons such as this. So many smart women...and everyone has been through things...thanks y'all.

 

[Iluvsmuhgrass]

I was in love with a loser. Change that.... a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSERRRRRRRRR. And once I took off the rose colored glasses and saw the turd sandwich for what it really was, I couldn't go on pretending that it was succulent steak.


I took closure into my own hands and told him that I forgive him for everything he'd ever done. And then I asked his forgiveness because I genuinely felt the anger take a turn towards seething. I had to do it for ME... In order to heal, I had to open up the eyes to see uninhibited truths, forgive, learn from it, and move on.

 

[PeaceFlow]

Heya, I've been going through something similar, but from about April.

However, I've started working on it since starting with the dreams a month, or so ago. I actually reactivated my fb, saw him and thought "meh" the other day. I still like him, but it doesn't feel as bad.

Basically I think what happened is this rejection occurred and at some point you took on a belief and perception that it means something about you. Something bout your worthiness as a pespective partner in general. Obviously this feeling hurts (I know ), so its like only he has the power to tell you you are good enough, or explain the problem. Thats why you're still so focused on him to make this feeling go away. Common thing humans do sometimes is experience an event and attribute a meaning to it which they will carry around forever if unchanged. The meaning is usually false, but it sticks.

I don't think time will heal this for this reason. It's been two years and you still seem v. hurt.

It's all a matter of perception though. You say you got played...
Strictly speaking there is nothing wrong with a guy you like not liking you quite the same. It happens, that isn't personal. What is wrong is taking advantage of that sexually. This is something to do with the character of the other person, not you.

I suggest that the comparisons between you and the new one are odious. Bottom line he didn't like you on that level, or was immature at the time. Fair enough, not everyone can reciprocate strong feelings, we have to both match = nothing to do with you. He made the choice to take advantage = again nothing to do with you, he lacks the morals to have done this to other women I'm sure. He didn't bother showing up to see you = there is a place in hell for people who stand others up lol. It's a certain type of person and again that is nothing to do with you.

You weren't for each other point blank, so there is no power that he has over you unless you give him power. Only thing I would say is an apology would have been nice, but again the lack of one says something about him in general.

Men like you describe are nothing to me. I don't care if they treat a woman nicely here and there, or have a good job! I can't stand that dishonesty and cowardice. Don't take this personally!

I have a couple of audios to do with relinquishing your power and another on watching the point of view you look at things from if you would like me to send them. Good luck.

 

[Melody.Monroe]

PREACH!! PREEEEAAAACCCCHHHH! The bolded stood out to me!! I love you for this entire post!

Heya, I've been going through something similar, but from about April.

However, I've started working on it since starting with the dreams a month, or so ago. I actually reactivated my fb, saw him and thought "meh" the other day. I still like him, but it doesn't feel as bad.

Basically I think what happened is this rejection occurred and at some point you took on a belief and perception that it means something about you. Something bout your worthiness as a pespective partner in general. Obviously this feeling hurts (I know ), so its like only he has the power to tell you you are good enough, or explain the problem. Thats why you're still so focused on him to make this feeling go away. Common thing humans do sometimes is experience an event and attribute a meaning to it which they will carry around forever if unchanged. The meaning is usually false, but it sticks.

I don't think time will heal this for this reason. It's been two years and you still seem v. hurt.

It's all a matter of perception though. You say you got played...
Strictly speaking there is nothing wrong with a guy you like not liking you quite the same. It happens, that isn't personal. What is wrong is taking advantage of that sexually. This is something to do with the character of the other person, not you.

I suggest that the comparisons between you and the new one are odious. Bottom line he didn't like you on that level, or was immature at the time. Fair enough, not everyone can reciprocate strong feelings, we have to both match = nothing to do with you. He made the choice to take advantage = again nothing to do with you, he lacks the morals to have done this to other women I'm sure. He didn't bother showing up to see you = there is a place in hell for people who stand others up lol. It's a certain type of person and again that is nothing to do with you.

You weren't for each other point blank, so there is no power that he has over you unless you give him power. Only thing I would say is an apology would have been nice, but again the lack of one says something about him in general.

Men like you describe are nothing to me. I don't care if they treat a woman nicely here and there, or have a good job! I can't stand that dishonesty and cowardice. Don't take this personally!

I have a couple of audios to do with relinquishing your power and another on watching the point of view you look at things from if you would like me to send them. Good luck.

 

[NaturalRed]

I never understood why women needed closure. Think about how he played you and that should be "closure" enough. Think about how he showed his his true self before you married him. Think about how he left and lived his life with no forethought to how he hurt you. Think about how lucky you are to not have him in your life so that you're open to someone that is truly deserving of you. Is that closure enough?