Am I A Whore For This? What Should I Do?

girlonfire said:
This is such a groupie answer but he's wannabe rapper, we live in north metro Atlanta, if he takes off I want to be connected. I know I know, I'm something else.
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It is. Your current guy is a placeholder and you obviously don't care for his feelings or you're uncertain about him.I lived in Atlanta. EVERYONE is trying to be a rapper. And even if he did make it, are you just going to dump your current, for a guy you have no sexual chemistry or attraction to, because you want to be "connected"? I say this in the most loving way possible, but this sounds basic as hell :lol:
 
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OP don't prioritize other peoples feelings over your comfort and convenience, don't be afraid to be a b!tch sometimes, its often necessary and when people see that you value yourself so much that you have strong boundaries and say no when something isn't right, they'll respect you for it. I think you need to read every popular dating book thread that is recommended on this board.
 
kblc06 said:
It is. Your current guy is a placeholder and you obviously don't care for his feelings or you're uncertain about him.I lived in Atlanta. EVERYONE is trying to be a rapper. And even if he did make it, are you just going to dump your current, for a guy you have no sexual chemistry or attraction to, because you want to be "connected"? I say this in the most loving way possible, but this sounds basic as hell :lol:
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Ma'am no one said I wanted him. I have no intention of breaking up with SO for someone I have no chemistry with. I wouldn't sleep with him if someone paid me. I say connected to say okay we're on good terms.
 
OP, you started this thread. Titled it, "Am I A Whore? What Should I Do?" People are trying to give you advice based on the info you provided. You are seeing yourself as being super nice and not hurting anyone's feelings but we aren't seeing it that way because you put wanna be rapper guy's feelings above your own by giving in to him, and seem more concerned about rapper guy's feelings than the guy you are actually in a relationship with. None of this makes sense to us. You are not being very nice to yourself or your bf.
 
Honey Bee said:
Why are you so comfortable disrespecting your man and disregarding his wishes but so protective of this other dude?

If your man was my friend/ family member, I would tell him you like drama too much. And, to be fair, "drama" is one thing. But this here is drama related to leading on another man (who could potentially go crazy and kill everybody). I would have to vote nay. No offense to you, Ijs. :look:
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She enjoys the top.

you're only young once. Enjoy it.

you don't need a boyfriend, just enjoy dating and getting pleasured :look:
 
girlonfire said:
I'd rather not tell myself a lie.
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So you lied in your previous posts because that's essentially what you said.

You have every right to be a whore if you want to. But don't make it seem like you're just a clueless people pleaser when actually your agenda is to please yourself. Nothing wrong with that, but your act just looks bad considering your relationship. Really your biggest mistake in all of this is playing yourself and your dude for POTENTIAL. Atlanta rapper potential at that.
 
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If you know that your SO is not feeling any part of this relationship with the potential 'rapper', why are you still entertaining him? You had one time encounter with M because you felt bad that you didn't return his feelings? What about your feelings?

Like that old , old song says 'You can't please everyone, you gotta please yourself." What do you want? Your SO (even though you claim that he's a 'brick wall') may not wait for you to make a decision if you keep waffling on this issue. You could lose him for not being able to say no to some guy who may or may not make it as a rapper. How are you going to feel two years from now with your SO gone and M still reaching out to you and waiting for his 'big chance'?

Let M know that you are in a relationship (you have told him that right?) and he shouldn't call you anymore then block him.
He may be nice and all and may be famous some day but you shouldn't feel guilted into a relationship. M. knows that you are a people pleaser and don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. Learning to say no is such a powerful lesson; no need to feel guilty about saying it when someone is taking advantage of you.
 
@girlonfire I don't know what to tell ya girl except for to block him. I know what you mean in terms of not wanting to hurt his feelings because you may need that hookup in the future. Lawd do I know (I also know as a recovering people pleaser) but you're in a relationship now. You need to take your SO's feelings into account (even if he is a brick wall) as well as your own.

Plus M isn't respecting you either. And IF he does get big, he might cut all ties regardless and you may end up with nothing. I don't think it's worth it.
 
My first take away is you need to be guarding your heart, body, and mind. If you found yourself in a position where you let someone do something to you when you didn't want it to happen then why are you even considering him or his feelings? I'd be afraid of being put in another scenario where I'd feel pressure to comply and trust the next time will be worse because you've already gone there before and he's thinking you know what time it is.

Ghosting feels immature but you need to do it right now. And be done with him. You aren't ready to have the adult conversation where you keep it 100 and you admitted that you want to stay connected just in case he makes it big. Open your eyes to what that reality would look like. If he made it big, he's not going to treat you like a valued friend after he's been trying to hit it for so long. He'll see you as just another one who is looking for a come up. Best outcome you'd be able to hope for is being a jump off.

Second take away is you're about to lose your man. You just don't know it yet. The way he was so surprisingly stern when you disrespected or thought you disrespected him before is just how he'll be when he finds out you crossed a line with this dude. To be clear, you don't have to sex him for this to happen. You're bf knows you have a problem standing up for yourself so he'll be side eyeing you anytime you put yourself in certain scenarios. That's why he offered to go with you.
 
Only read some of the posts since posting ....but this leads me to say IN GENERAL, we as women need to do better at peeping game from these men. They are not hurt up when rejected. Men KNOW how to play on womens compassions. Dont be fooled. When he's acting hurt up and begging you for more and telling you how youre all this and all that or whatever....BEST BELIEVE there are a handful or more of other women he's saying that same JUNK to at the same time. When he hangs up with you damnnear crying about whatever, in the next breath he's speed dialing another one. Real men go about things very differently. The problem is knowing a real man when you see one.
 
Touche'
ChasingBliss said:
Only read some of the posts since posting ....but this leads me to say IN GENERAL, we as women need to do better at peeping game from these men. They are not hurt up when rejected. Men KNOW how to play on womens compassions. Dont be fooled. When he's acting hurt up and begging you for more and telling you how youre all this and all that or whatever....BEST BELIEVE there are a handful or more of other women he's saying that same JUNK to at the same time. When he hangs up with you damnnear crying about whatever, in the next breath he's speed dialing another one. Real men go about things very differently. The problem is knowing a real man when you see one.
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Black Ambrosia said:
My first take away is you need to be guarding your heart, body, and mind. If you found yourself in a position where you let someone do something to you when you didn't want it to happen then why are you even considering him or his feelings? I'd be afraid of being put in another scenario where I'd feel pressure to comply and trust the next time will be worse because you've already gone there before and he's thinking you know what time it is.

Ghosting feels immature but you need to do it right now. And be done with him. You aren't ready to have the adult conversation where you keep it 100 and you admitted that you want to stay connected just in case he makes it big. Open your eyes to what that reality would look like. If he made it big, he's not going to treat you like a valued friend after he's been trying to hit it for so long. He'll see you as just another one who is looking for a come up. Best outcome you'd be able to hope for is being a jump off.

Second take away is you're about to lose your man. You just don't know it yet. The way he was so surprisingly stern when you disrespected or thought you disrespected him before is just how he'll be when he finds out you crossed a line with this dude. To be clear, you don't have to sex him for this to happen. You're bf knows you have a problem standing up for yourself so he'll be side eyeing you anytime you put yourself in certain scenarios. That's why he offered to go with you.
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This is all the WISDOM you need, @girlonfire . Please take heed.
 
ChasingBliss said:
Oh yes. I missed her post for sure. Very insightful and WELL said. Please take heed OP. This is not a game....well in a sense it is...but you are the one who stands to lose if you go down that road.
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That's a great point. You can play games all you want, as long as it's always benefiting you. At this point two men are getting what they want but your left feeling like a whore smdh. You're the only one who can break this cycle
 
Honestly, I don't think you need to worry about this guy's feelings. He's attracted to you and he is doing what men do when they are attracted. It doesn't mean he's not into or dating other women. His attraction to you doesn't even mean he takes you seriously. If you don't like him let him know and set clear and firm boundaries that you never cross with him because the only person who stands to get hurt in all of this is you.
 
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