Why am I jealous?

[Vinyl]

Yeah, I know I've started three threads about this within five days... I'm just hoping that if I get some perspective on how I'm feeling, it'll hurt less.

I don't want to be with my ex anymore, and I've been spending pretty much all of my time with one of my close friends. Yet, when my ex told me that he was spending all of his time with this girl and that she made him happy, and that he was sad that the day had to end, I felt jealous/hurt.

Why?

 

[Farida]

The feeling is not new. It is human, it is an ego thing.

Part of it is remembering all the good times, the other part, is you wanting to believe that you are so fabulous that he cannot be happy without you and he shouldn't be.

It is for the same reason, a man likes you and you can't stand him, but the moment he has a woman and moves on you miss the attention.

Sometimes, it is because it really is the straw that tells you your relationship is really over, that you won't have a magical reunion.

 

[LBoogie]

More important questions:

Why are you entertaining him?

Why do you waste time caring (you know you'll never get those minutes/hours back right?)?

Do you not realize that he's laughing AT you?

Did you not think that he tells you these things because you'll STILL talk to him and end up feeling rejected,stupid,etc and run to your friends,family and strangers to moap about HIM?

Why are you giving him so much power?

When are you going to take your own power back?

When are you going to take charge of and responsibility for YOUR emotions and where you put them?

Did you know, that NO ONE else can help you with your feelings?

I mean, I'm just sayin'.



Think about it.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

Once you start dating someone you like, all those feelings of jealousy will go out the window. Are you ready for dating?

 

[drasgrl]

You still care about him. If you didn't care you wouldn't give a flip what he does or who he does it with.

 

[janiebaby]

More important questions:

Why are you entertaining him?

Why do you waste time caring (you know you'll never get those minutes/hours back right?)?

Do you not realize that he's laughing AT you?

Did you not think that he tells you these things because you'll STILL talk to him and end up feeling rejected,stupid,etc and run to your friends,family and strangers to moap about HIM?

Why are you giving him so much power?

When are you going to take your own power back?

When are you going to take charge of and responsibility for YOUR emotions and where you put them?

Did you know, that NO ONE else can help you with your feelings?

I mean, I'm just sayin'.



Think about it.

What she said. Also, I think that people tend to care more when they haven't found someone yet to take the ex's place but the ex has found someone to take their place. (I haven't read your other threads so I'm not sure if this was discussed)

At any rate, you should cut all communication with him because he shouldn't be telling you this anyway-and you shouldn't be telling him stuff-and yall shouldn't be discussing these things period. IMO

 

[Makenzie]

More important questions:

Why are you entertaining him?

Why do you waste time caring (you know you'll never get those minutes/hours back right?)?

Do you not realize that he's laughing AT you?

Did you not think that he tells you these things because you'll STILL talk to him and end up feeling rejected,stupid,etc and run to your friends,family and strangers to moap about HIM?

Why are you giving him so much power?

When are you going to take your own power back?

When are you going to take charge of and responsibility for YOUR emotions and where you put them?

Did you know, that NO ONE else can help you with your feelings?

I mean, I'm just sayin'.



Think about it.

Well aright then! Preach!

 

[blazingthru]

I feel this way a little. I have to say a little because the truth is I really want someone for me, and to know he has someone else really hits me how lonely I am, he was not a keeper but I hate for her to have any of the good stuff. or worst to be treated better then I was. But really that is how it goes. There is nothing to fight for he was unkind more then he was kind. He didn't have anything to give. I heard that now he does he likes to travel and go to shows and plays, I could not get him to do any of this stuff unless I went and got the tickets to the shows. he paid his share. It was really always 50/50 for him. I didn't make as much and so it was hard and he would pay but say pay me back and i never would. Still I never call him to chit chat. I never joke with him. I dont' tell him I miss him or anything like that but I did tell him that I loved him and didnt' want him to leave that was one of my crazy moments. I so regret that ----he never responded back to me. That was 16 months ago. Havent' spoken about it since. but I was worst then than I am now. Much worst. I was sick all the time and just miserable and Now I am fine just sad that after all this time I don't even have a guy friend to talk to on the phone. Thats the jealousy part. I never ever will take him back not ever but I hate that he has moved on quicker then I have. Oh well I am looking for something better I know there is something out there.

 

[Country gal]

What she said. Also, I think that people tend to care more when they haven't found someone yet to take the ex's place but the ex has found someone to take their place. (I haven't read your other threads so I'm not sure if this was discussed)

At any rate, you should cut all communication with him because he shouldn't be telling you this anyway-and you shouldn't be telling him stuff-and yall shouldn't be discussing these things period. IMO

yep. I have had similar feelings of jealousy because the ex had want I wanted. It wasn't about him but about me not being happy.

 

[Country gal]

I feel this way a little. I have to say a little because the truth is I really want someone for me, and to know he has someone else really hits me how lonely I am, he was not a keeper but I hate for her to have any of the good stuff. or worst to be treated better then I was. But really that is how it goes. There is nothing to fight for he was unkind more then he was kind. He didn't have anything to give. I heard that now he does he likes to travel and go to shows and plays, I could not get him to do any of this stuff unless I went and got the tickets to the shows. he paid his share. It was really always 50/50 for him. I didn't make as much and so it was hard and he would pay but say pay me back and i never would. Still I never call him to chit chat. I never joke with him. I dont' tell him I miss him or anything like that but I did tell him that I loved him and didnt' want him to leave that was one of my crazy moments. I so regret that ----he never responded back to me. That was 16 months ago. Havent' spoken about it since. but I was worst then than I am now. Much worst. I was sick all the time and just miserable and Now I am fine just sad that after all this time I don't even have a guy friend to talk to on the phone. Thats the jealousy part. I never ever will take him back not ever but I hate that he has moved on quicker then I have. Oh well I am looking for something better I know there is something out there.

Hit it on the nail. I felt like this in the past but it is so unhealthy. I wish my exs nothing but the best.

 

[new-life]

More important questions:

Why are you entertaining him?

Why do you waste time caring (you know you'll never get those minutes/hours back right?)?

Do you not realize that he's laughing AT you?

Did you not think that he tells you these things because you'll STILL talk to him and end up feeling rejected,stupid,etc and run to your friends,family and strangers to moap about HIM?

Why are you giving him so much power?

When are you going to take your own power back?

When are you going to take charge of and responsibility for YOUR emotions and where you put them?

Did you know, that NO ONE else can help you with your feelings?

I mean, I'm just sayin'.



Think about it.

OMG, I didn't read the whole thread but I was just getting ready to write the bolded. OP please stop talking to him, 4real.

 

[FlawedBeauty]

its normal. i dated the douchebags of all douchebags once, i think he may have even been bi polar. he had absoloutely no self control and was extremely immature. all that being said it still didn't stop me from being jealous when i heard thru the vine he was seeing someone else. but this will pass, especially when you meet someone new. just give it some time

 

[Mija]

This website has some great break-up & getting over him advice!

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/

 

[MD_Lady]

Yeah, I know I've started three threads about this within five days... I'm just hoping that if I get some perspective on how I'm feeling, it'll hurt less.

I don't want to be with my ex anymore, and I've been spending pretty much all of my time with one of my close friends. Yet, when my ex told me that he was spending all of his time with this girl and that she made him happy, and that he was sad that the day had to end, I felt jealous/hurt.

Why?

Because you're human It's practically impossible to come up with rational reasons for why you feel the way you do about someone you used to care about (and most of us have probably been there ), but my guess is that it hurts to hear about him having the type of relationship with someone else that you wanted with him.

 

[cmperez]

More important questions:

Why are you entertaining him?

Why do you waste time caring (you know you'll never get those minutes/hours back right?)?

Do you not realize that he's laughing AT you?

Did you not think that he tells you these things because you'll STILL talk to him and end up feeling rejected,stupid,etc and run to your friends,family and strangers to moap about HIM?

Why are you giving him so much power?

When are you going to take your own power back?

When are you going to take charge of and responsibility for YOUR emotions and where you put them?

Did you know, that NO ONE else can help you with your feelings?

I mean, I'm just sayin'.



Think about it.

A lot of this is so much easier said than done. Kuddos to any of the ladies who were able to do this right off the bat. We're all made differently and for most it is just not that easy.

I feel ya... I have an ex who to this day I still get a little irked when I hear similar things and we haven't been together for a long time now. I don't care to be with him anymore and I don't have feelings for him. I'm with a wonderful man who treats me better than I've ever been treated. I don't know what your situation was and why/how your relationship ended but my ex just up and broke up with me for no reason (at least not any good ones) It was like we had a great relationship and then one day he just decided we shouldn't be together. I was really good to him and I guess when certain things bother me it's because it's sort of like a slap in the face. It's almost like a reminder -- making me feel that I wasn't "good enough". I know better but I'm only human... and you are too.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

First, I hate to be repetative, but it is human nature to be jealous. And for that reason, I strongly suggest you move on, however, because we are women, we are EMOTIONAL creatures, where as men aren't in some ways. And along with those jealousies, we tend to get low self esteem, you know insecurity issues, etc.

I totally understand where you're coming from, but trust me, if you can, please do not allow him to leave rent free in your mind and your heart because he is not worth the emotional baggage. And always be YOURSELF. You can't change what and who you are. That is most important. So he found someone who makes him happy. For all you know, he's probably miserable. But contrary take care of yourself....it'll work itself out.

Oh, and one other thing. I don't care what anyone says.....they ALWAYS call back. May not be now, but they always do....they will hit you up with the .."hey, wassup...just called to see how you're doing since I haven't heard from you in a while...." (this is so CLASSIC) But by that time, you would have met someone else and have moved on. Then, when he does call, it will annoy you because you are disinterested..... Yup...they always call back.

 

[LBoogie]

A lot of this is so much easier said than done. Kuddos to any of the ladies who were able to do this right off the bat. We're all made differently and for most it is just not that easy.

I feel ya... I have an ex who to this day I still get a little irked when I hear similar things and we haven't been together for a long time now. I don't care to be with him anymore and I don't have feelings for him. I'm with a wonderful man who treats me better than I've ever been treated. I don't know what your situation was and why/how your relationship ended but my ex just up and broke up with me for no reason (at least not any good ones) It was like we had a great relationship and then one day he just decided we shouldn't be together. I was really good to him and I guess when certain things bother me it's because it's sort of like a slap in the face. It's almost like a reminder -- making me feel that I wasn't "good enough". I know better but I'm only human... and you are too.

Oh it IS easier said than done...but its alot easier done when believed.

I'm not dismissing how OP feels at all. God KNOWS I have had my share of "gave him my all, and got dropped on my ***." We've all been there, and those that haven't at some point, unfortunately will. It's said that the roughest time is the first year post break up. I agree with that. But the sooner the hurt person comes to terms with whats real about it and that is, at the end of the day, you have to dust yourself off, learn from it and move the hell on....the sooner the easier said than done becomes an mere hurdle.

Nothing can be done without realization, confrontation of self and a plan. Wallowing and wonderment do nothing but enlongate the process.

When OP realizes that she's far too worthy of the stress, life is too wonderful to care and she's just closing herself off from the amazing opportunities ahead of her the sooner she'll come across this post down the road and laugh like "wow, I was trippin'!" lol

 

[SoUKnoMe]

More important questions:

Why are you entertaining him?

Why do you waste time caring (you know you'll never get those minutes/hours back right?)?

Do you not realize that he's laughing AT you?

Did you not think that he tells you these things because you'll STILL talk to him and end up feeling rejected,stupid,etc and run to your friends,family and strangers to moap about HIM?

Why are you giving him so much power?

When are you going to take your own power back?

When are you going to take charge of and responsibility for YOUR emotions and where you put them?

Did you know, that NO ONE else can help you with your feelings?

I mean, I'm just sayin'.



Think about it.

Glad I stopped into this thread. This and your other post is on point!

 

[chicacanella]

What she said. Also, I think that people tend to care more when they haven't found someone yet to take the ex's place but the ex has found someone to take their place. (I haven't read your other threads so I'm not sure if this was discussed)

At any rate, you should cut all communication with him because he shouldn't be telling you this anyway-and you shouldn't be telling him stuff-and yall shouldn't be discussing these things period. IMO

I def. agree. Once you find someone to replace him you won't care that he has someone else that makes him happy. I think the fact that you don't have an SO right now that makes you happy is why you are mad at him for finding someone.

 

[chicacanella]

Oh it IS easier said than done...but its alot easier done when believed.

I'm not dismissing how OP feels at all. God KNOWS I have had my share of "gave him my all, and got dropped on my ***." We've all been there, and those that haven't at some point, unfortunately will. It's said that the roughest time is the first year post break up. I agree with that. But the sooner the hurt person comes to terms with whats real about it and that is, at the end of the day, you have to dust yourself off, learn from it and move the hell on....the sooner the easier said than done becomes an mere hurdle.

Nothing can be done without realization, confrontation of self and a plan. Wallowing and wonderment do nothing but enlongate the process.

When OP realizes that she's far too worthy of the stress, life is too wonderful to care and she's just closing herself off from the amazing opportunities ahead of her the sooner she'll come across this post down the road and laugh like "wow, I was trippin'!" lol

Or have her open to being a jump off when any of his other relationships don't work, a booty call or some type of friends with benefits.

 

[MissRissa]

yeah to start this "moving on" process, you need to cut all ties if you can. this little chit chatting is not helping ANYTHING. and i know this because i'm doing the same thing. chit chatting with an ex (i actually still want to be with him) and steadily stressing myself the f**k out every day over what happened, what he's doing with his life, etc.

now the jealousy part, i mean u can't help that. its going to happen (even if you can't bout stand him) but it will lessen if ol boy is not all up in your face (ear) on the regular.

 

[cmperez]

When OP realizes that she's far too worthy of the stress, life is too wonderful to care and she's just closing herself off from the amazing opportunities ahead of her the sooner she'll come across this post down the road and laugh like "wow, I was trippin'!" lol

...and that will be the best feeling in the world.