Whoa Is me, Feeling

[vevster]

Honestly, honestly I've already resigned myself to the fact that I may never get married. I'm an obese black woman with a professional degree, my odds of getting hit by a mack truck are greater than my odds of getting married. I still have the woe is me feeling from time to time but I try to focus on me, and bettering my life. If marraige and kids comes, then it comes, if it doesn't it doesn't.

{{{{{BIG BIG HUG}}}}}}

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

I don't think "Woe is me" but whenever I see happy couples and go to weddings (my best friend in the whole world is going to have a blow out wedding in September), I do wonder if and when it will happen for me. And I do wish for someone to share things in life. However, the woe is me feelings don't last for very long. Just because you are married or in a relationship does not mean that you're guaranteed to have happiness or be in a better state. Sure, if you are in a HEALTHY, GOOD relationship, then you have something that is a source of happiness and fulfillment that you don't have when you are single. However, being HEALTHY, HAPPY, and SINGLE is far preferable to being in a mediocre or bad relationship which just really saps your soul and well being. Sadly, a lot of folks are in mediocre or sad relationships. In all honesty, I think some unhappily attached people tend to pick on single folks because being in a relationship is something they can lord over a single person to make themselves feel better about the relationship they feel they are stuck in.

 

[Country gal]

I don't think "Woe is me" but whenever I see happy couples and go to weddings (my best friend in the whole world is going to have a blow out wedding in September), I do wonder if and when it will happen for me. And I do wish for someone to share things in life. However, the woe is me feelings don't last for very long. Just because you are married or in a relationship does not mean that you're guaranteed to have happiness or be in a better state. Sure, if you are in a HEALTHY, GOOD relationship, then you have something that is a source of happiness and fulfillment that you don't have when you are single. However, being HEALTHY, HAPPY, and SINGLE is far preferable to being in a mediocre or bad relationship which just really saps your soul and well being. Sadly, a lot of folks are in mediocre or sad relationships. In all honesty, I think some unhappily attached people tend to pick on single folks because being in a relationship is something they can lord over a single person to make themselves feel better about the relationship they feel they are stuck in.

Lot of truth in your post.

 

[Pussinboots]

I hardly ever post, but this thread tugs at my heart. I guy I have been spending time with recently told me he had to intentions of dating me. Now this man checked of on my list, and knowing that godly, black men are hard to come by I was devastated. It still stings and yes I do get the woe is me feeling ever now and then. I'm the oldest of my siblings and they are both happily married with beautiful babies. My sister has another on the way, and frankly I do not want to hear about the joy's of pregnancy, not right now.
Anyway ladies, marriage is an institution created by God, and He has promised to give us the desires of our heart. He would not place the desire to be married in our hearts if He did not intend to fulfill that need, however we have to realize that He will do so at His destined time. Yes there is a shortage of good men, but I want to believe that with my God anything is possible, I don't place limits on Him. If we focus on the statistics we will be discouraged. Let us live hopefully, let us live an abundant life, and when Mr. Right comes along, he will complement NOT not complete us. Better to be single and happy, then to be married and miserable? Just trying to encourage you ladies, the best is yet to come.
Sorry for the long post, back to lurking I go

 

[Country gal]

I hardly ever post, but this thread tugs at my heart. I guy I have been spending time with recently told me he had to intentions of dating me. Now this man checked of on my list, and knowing that godly, black men are hard to come by I was devastated. It still stings and yes I do get the woe is me feeling ever now and then. I'm the oldest of my siblings and they are both happily married with beautiful babies. My sister has another on the way, and frankly I do not want to hear about the joy's of pregnancy, not right now.
Anyway ladies, marriage is an institution created by God, and He has promised to give us the desires of our heart. He would not place the desire to be married in our hearts if He did not intend to fulfill that need, however we have to realize that He will do so at His destined time. Yes there is a shortage of good men, but I want to believe that with my God anything is possible, I don't place limits on Him. If we focus on the statistics we will be discouraged. Let us live hopefully, let us live an abundant life, and when Mr. Right comes along, he will complement NOT not complete us. Better to be single and happy, then to be married and miserable? Just trying to encourage you ladies, the best is yet to come.
Sorry for the long post, back to lurking I go

Did he say why? You can PM me if you don't want to give the reason on the board. We need to stop thinking about it so much. I started this thread before my new spiritual journey. We have to be confident and have faith that our desires will be met. We need to do affirmations so we can be in a position of power.

 

[Classic]

I have to say that I feel comforted to know that Im not the only one who feels this way. Me and my sister pooled our money together to purchase a home and it really scares me to think we'll become two old ladies living together with our cat. erplexed

Baby showers and weddings are hard to attend...I know most people mean well but its hurtful when people constantly pester you with questions trying to figure out whats wrong with you and why you havent met anyone. Im at that age where I feel I should have accomplished more with my life...marriage and children being at the top of the list.

 

[Pussinboots]

Did he say why? You can PM me if you don't want to give the reason on the board. We need to stop thinking about it so much. I started this thread before my new spiritual journey. We have to be confident and have faith that our desires will be met. We need to do affirmations so we can be in a position of power.

Country Gal,

I sent you a pm. I totally agree with you. Affirmations do work, or at the very least they can be a source of strength. Threads like these can also be encouraging, because then we know we are not the only ones struggling and we can encourage each other.

 

[facets]

I had a friend tell me it would be very hard but not impossible to get married because I have a child.erplexed He also tells me 9 out of 10 men cheat. He is concerned with getting married because he thinks after 5 years, he may cheat or not be attracted to his wife anymore. I just shake my head at him. You can't predict my future based on your own hangups or insecurities.

ITA w/ the green bolded...I don't buy that at all(the regular bolded)... I know personally(& know of) so many moms who married...Most so-called 'hopeless'...One with 4 young children - her dh is not the father of any of them and another with 5 children who just married one of my distant cousins. Not his children either.

*Maybe try expand your dating pool somehow...take any available travel opportunities?... I don't think internet dating is necessarily a bust(I met my dh online). You can meet a crazy guy anywhere so you have to be careful no matter what.

*I actually liked going to showers/weddings/engagement parties etc. usually they gave me a sense of hope even though I was officially single for 10 years after my divorce.

....This sounds crazy but the thing that bugged me for some reason was going to the movies. I used to go with gfs or a lot with my parents and I'd be like grrrrrr (inside) or all mopey about the couples walking in. I'd even cry sometimes after the lights went out.

***Yes to visualizations, putting yourself in places to meet new people outside of your usual, and most of all, knowing that G-d has someone for you
& deeply fully expecting to find each other.

 

[Country gal]

Bunny- I wasn't buying what he was trying to sell me. He has inservurities and issues. We really had a very frank conversation. God is removing men out of my life by revealing to me their true character. He is also showing me some hope too. I am very confident that I will meet the one.

My co-worker and I had a good laugh yesterday. I was telling her I don't bite my nails anymore because I want my engagement ring to look really nice with long healthy nails. She was like are you engaged? I was like nope and no prospects at the moment. When the "one" is ready to propose I want him to put that big ole diamond on my left ringer finger and not be embarrased by my chewed up nails. We both were laughing. She was like you are right we have believe that it will happen.

 

[MissRissa]

I am really feeling it right now. I am single and dealing wth two wedding back to back.

It seems to add insult to injury that every one of my friends is either attached or getting there. I feel it particularly hard because i have never had a serious relationship and i am not far from 25. It kinda messes you up a little to think that none has found you attractive/nice/good enough to date serious.* that is a personal issue*( as much as we want to get our self esteem solely from ourselves, a LARGE amount of our sexual self esteem/gender identity comes from how the opposite sex views us)

Sometimes I wanna look up and ask God/Creator/Nature if this is all a joke. Because if this is what i have to work with, I am gonna give up now. It seems like i can't even get to the "why men love bishes/he's just not into you" because they don't talk to me at all. No one approaches me and as a consequence of that i dont date...

It is frustrating

omg this is so me. i don't know what is wrong with me or what im doing wrong but NOBODY EVER approaches me. alot of times it has me questioning am i really that repugnant?

Now see I never had that "oh i want/need to get married" until just recently. i just turned 28 and for like the past two weeks I cannot shake this feeling like i need somebody right now. and I know this type of thinking is just gonna get me into some type of trouble. i literally dont know what to do. plus all my homies are in ltr (6 years, 3.5 years, 3 years). i was in a 3 year relationship that i thought was going pretty well until he broke up with me about 10 months ago and i literally have not been right ever since.

seems like the ONLY place i can meet someone is online (which makes me feel like such a loser) and even when you try to weed the good ones out, so many of them are lame or wolves in sheeps' clothing. man i was just thinking bout this while i was sleep last night. tired of feeling sorry for myself and doomed to being lonely.

 

[MissRissa]

I had a friend tell me it would be very hard but not impossible to get married because I have a child.erplexed He also tells me 9 out of 10 men cheat. He is concerned with getting married because he thinks after 5 years, he may cheat or not be attracted to his wife anymore. I just shake my head at him. You can't predict my future based on your own hangups or insecurities.

yeah ive been told that, its going to be hard to find a good man to marry because i have my daughter. i think there's some truth to that because alot of the men have mentioned to me that they wont seriously date a woman who already has kids. but yet on the other hand i have friends/associates with MULTIPLE children being in long term relationships or getting engaged.

 

[Jas123]

Okay, somehow I missed this thread and this post.

Your PASTOR is DEAD WRONG and he should be ashamed of himself for even saying that NON-Biblical, un-Godly MESS (I'd say more, but I'm a Christian ) to all of you!

Shame on him! If he sees there aren't enough men to go around (which is not true... unless he's ONLY talking about black men... maybe), then he should do his duty as a man of God and help find some Godly men for the single sisters in his church... of course, that would be too much like right, wouldn't it?

I'll again recommend my two favorite Christian books that give a more GODLY and Biblical perspective on marriage and that say that it is in God's will that ALL of us who desire marriage will indeed be married. It is MAN and the world that is stopping that from happening, not God!

www.helpgetmarried.com (Get Married by Candice Watters)

Getting Serious about Getting Married by Debbie Maken

P.S.: To Nychaela and anyone else... stop examining WHY you want to get married... you want to get married because it's a God-given desire. If someone wants to be married, it's hardly ever for a superficial reason... it's because God made us that way and because marriage is A GOOD THING. Embrace it and pursue it!

This is my sentiment exactly... how dare he speak such BS... there's roughly 6 billion people on this earth, 1/2 men...there's somebody for everybody

 

[sky_blu]

yeah ive been told that, its going to be hard to find a good man to marry because i have my daughter. i think there's some truth to that because alot of the men have mentioned to me that they wont seriously date a woman who already has kids. but yet on the other hand i have friends/associates with MULTIPLE children being in long term relationships or getting engaged.

I have one too but I have no problem with guys not wanting to date me seriously. But I am so protective of mine that it will probably be a year (if he can last that long) before they meet my child. I keep everything totally separate and my child has never been around a guy Ive been dating with the exclusion of her daddy. Years of growing up around my mother and her numerous boyfriends Ive decided to just take a different route because otherwise it just gets confusing. But Ive dealt with guys who didnt care if I had a child or not and were willing and offering to be serious.

 

[MissRissa]

I have one too but I have no problem with guys not wanting to date me seriously. But I am so protective of mine that it will probably be a year (if he can last that long) before they meet my child. I keep everything totally separate and my child has never been around a guy Ive been dating with the exclusion of her daddy. Years of growing up around my mother and her numerous boyfriends Ive decided to just take a different route because otherwise it just gets confusing. But Ive dealt with guys who didnt care if I had a child or not and were willing and offering to be serious.

oh no i definitely agree, my ex didn't meet my daughter until a little over a year and prior to meeting him i explained to her about our friendship. thats not an issue at all for me. nobody is interested.