Whoa Is me, Feeling

nychaelasymone said:
I feel this way sometimes and what makes it worse is that my Pastor just completed a series on relationships and said that some of us single women need to give it up. There is not enough men to go around and some of us will not get married. This is horrifying to me. I just don't think God would give me the desire without being able to meet it. Then I had to examine why I wanted to get married to make sure I just wasn't being superficial or just doing what is "expected". I don't know....I'm getting old, my eggs are old....I'm trying to be faithful and positive and although I'm dating....there are no guarantees it will end in marriage. The only thing I can do is stay active, be positive, and believe God has someone molded especially for me and when its time...it will be perfect.
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Ask you pastor would it be okay to get with a woman since there aren't enough men?:lachen::lachen:
 
I broke off a relationship so I want to fly solo for a minute. I have learned to not waste time in dead end relationships anymore. I do feel that when I meet Mr. Right we won't waste anytime just being in a relationship. I wouldn't be surprised if I got engaged after knowing someone for only 3 months.
 
chocolate01 said:
Yes girl! I thought I was the only one!! I try to just stay positive and know that my time will come because I feel like if I continue to be negative and feel like "whoa is me" i'll be blocking the blessings that are supposed to come my way.
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^^^My feelings exactly.
 
Country gal said:
Ask you pastor would it be okay to get with a woman since there aren't enough men?:lachen::lachen:
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I can see myself asking that question out of spite just to rattle that pastor.

Every time I hear of someone...anyone, be it a celebrity or someone I know personally-- getting in a new relationship or getting married it stings. Even though I know that currently I'm better off being alone than wishing I'd left well enough alone (yet again), I'd give anything to be in love and be loved and share my life with that special person you'd go through hell and back with and they'd still be THE one for you and forever by your side.

In the meantime, I focus more on making the changes I know I need to make for a better ME, and enjoying and living every day to the fullest, because as you get older life gets that much shorter, kwim? Much too short to spend it doing everything but being happy whether I'm alone or with someone.
 
MizAvalon said:
Don't want to hijack your thread CG and maybe I should start a spin-off but how are you ladies being proactive about meeting someone? I just joined Meetup.com so that I can get out more and be more social. I realized that sitting in every weekend with Netflix isn't helping my cause at all.:nono:
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Go and check my Single Girls Thread and add to it!
 
Country gal said:
Do you get the Whoa is me feeling whenever you go to a wedding, baby shower, bridal shower? I try to be happy and upbeat for the happy couple. It makes me look at my own life and think whoa is me. I went to a bridal shower today. I didn't feel this feeling until I got home. I was wondering will it every be my time.
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Yes, i do get this feeling when I'm at a baby shower. I've just stopped going to them if I know I'm already in one of those moods.
 
nikki1971 said:
I joined meet up.com but have not been to an event yet. I am in grad school part time and I work full time, so I am pretty burned out. I know, I know I just need to make myself get out more even if I am a little tired.
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I haven't been to an event yet either but I'm signed up to a bunch of groups and I plan on getting out and having fun.
 
nychaelasymone said:
I feel this way sometimes and what makes it worse is that my Pastor just completed a series on relationships and said that some of us single women need to give it up. There is not enough men to go around and some of us will not get married. This is horrifying to me. I just don't think God would give me the desire without being able to meet it. Then I had to examine why I wanted to get married to make sure I just wasn't being superficial or just doing what is "expected". I don't know....I'm getting old, my eggs are old....I'm trying to be faithful and positive and although I'm dating....there are no guarantees it will end in marriage. The only thing I can do is stay active, be positive, and believe God has someone molded especially for me and when its time...it will be perfect.
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Wow, I can't believe a pastor said something like that! :eek:

Granted, some women won't get married but I don't think a man shortage has anything to do with it.
 
Country gal said:
I broke off a relationship so I want to fly solo for a minute. I have learned to not waste time in dead end relationships anymore. I do feel that when I meet Mr. Right we won't waste anytime just being in a relationship. I wouldn't be surprised if I got engaged after knowing someone for only 3 months.
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I feel the same way. I'm not an impulsive person at all but I really feel like when I do meet someone things will move quickly.

That dating for years stuff?:nono:
 
Connie said:
In the meantime, I focus more on making the changes I know I need to make for a better ME, and enjoying and living every day to the fullest, because as you get older life gets that much shorter, kwim? Much too short to spend it doing everything but being happy whether I'm alone or with someone.
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This is exactly what I'm trying to do. I have plans for the next 4 weekends in a row just to try and enjoy myself.:yep:

Might even take myself to an amusement park so I can ride some rides and have a laugh.
 
well, if it's just going to be me, myself and I, I want to make sure that WE are well taken care of, lol.
 
nychaelasymone said:
I feel this way sometimes and what makes it worse is that my Pastor just completed a series on relationships and said that some of us single women need to give it up. There is not enough men to go around and some of us will not get married. This is horrifying to me. I just don't think God would give me the desire without being able to meet it. Then I had to examine why I wanted to get married to make sure I just wasn't being superficial or just doing what is "expected". I don't know....I'm getting old, my eggs are old....I'm trying to be faithful and positive and although I'm dating....there are no guarantees it will end in marriage. The only thing I can do is stay active, be positive, and believe God has someone molded especially for me and when its time...it will be perfect.
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Have you considered interracial dating?
 
I definitely feel like "woe is me" sometimes, but I usually snap out of it. I just try to keep myself busy. The think is, though, like MizAvalon said, it's seeing couples when I'm out that's the problem. I don't go to a ton of baby showers or weddings, but I melt when I see kids. I start thinking about if I will get to have that experience one day. :ohwell:
 
I just got back from a weekend long bridal shower (it was a sleepover party) and while it was fun and I am very happy for the bride, it definitely brought on the "woe is me" feeling. Hence the reason I bumped this thread. I am going to take one page from the bride's book, though . . . . I swear, she is the most postive person I know . . . I need some of that in my life :yep:
 
Glib- I would suggest reading Heal your Life by Louise L. Hay. It really got me to rethink my thought patterns. If we focus so much on what we don't have we will continue to not have it.
 
I am really feeling it right now. I am single and dealing wth two wedding back to back.

It seems to add insult to injury that every one of my friends is either attached or getting there. I feel it particularly hard because i have never had a serious relationship and i am not far from 25. It kinda messes you up a little to think that none has found you attractive/nice/good enough to date serious.* that is a personal issue*( as much as we want to get our self esteem solely from ourselves, a LARGE amount of our sexual self esteem/gender identity comes from how the opposite sex views us)

Sometimes I wanna look up and ask God/Creator/Nature if this is all a joke. Because if this is what i have to work with, I am gonna give up now. It seems like i can't even get to the "why men love bishes/he's just not into you" because they don't talk to me at all. No one approaches me and as a consequence of that i dont date...

It is frustrating
 
nychaelasymone said:
I feel this way sometimes and what makes it worse is that my Pastor just completed a series on relationships and said that some of us single women need to give it up. There is not enough men to go around and some of us will not get married. This is horrifying to me. I just don't think God would give me the desire without being able to meet it. Then I had to examine why I wanted to get married to make sure I just wasn't being superficial or just doing what is "expected". I don't know....I'm getting old, my eggs are old....I'm trying to be faithful and positive and although I'm dating....there are no guarantees it will end in marriage. The only thing I can do is stay active, be positive, and believe God has someone molded especially for me and when its time...it will be perfect.
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wooowww.. that is pretty bold.
 
nychaelasymone said:
I feel this way sometimes and what makes it worse is that my Pastor just completed a series on relationships and said that some of us single women need to give it up. There is not enough men to go around and some of us will not get married. This is horrifying to me. I just don't think God would give me the desire without being able to meet it. Then I had to examine why I wanted to get married to make sure I just wasn't being superficial or just doing what is "expected". I don't know....I'm getting old, my eggs are old....I'm trying to be faithful and positive and although I'm dating....there are no guarantees it will end in marriage. The only thing I can do is stay active, be positive, and believe God has someone molded especially for me and when its time...it will be perfect.
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Okay, somehow I missed this thread and this post.

Your PASTOR is DEAD WRONG and he should be ashamed of himself for even saying that NON-Biblical, un-Godly MESS (I'd say more, but I'm a Christian :lol:) to all of you!

Shame on him! If he sees there aren't enough men to go around (which is not true... unless he's ONLY talking about black men... maybe), then he should do his duty as a man of God and help find some Godly men for the single sisters in his church... of course, that would be too much like right, wouldn't it? :ohwell:

I'll again recommend my two favorite Christian books that give a more GODLY and Biblical perspective on marriage and that say that it is in God's will that ALL of us who desire marriage will indeed be married. It is MAN and the world that is stopping that from happening, not God!

www.helpgetmarried.com (Get Married by Candice Watters)

Getting Serious about Getting Married by Debbie Maken

P.S.: To Nychaela and anyone else... stop examining WHY you want to get married... you want to get married because it's a God-given desire. If someone wants to be married, it's hardly ever for a superficial reason... it's because God made us that way and because marriage is A GOOD THING. Embrace it and pursue it! :)
 
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I had a friend tell me it would be very hard but not impossible to get married because I have a child.:perplexed He also tells me 9 out of 10 men cheat. He is concerned with getting married because he thinks after 5 years, he may cheat or not be attracted to his wife anymore. I just shake my head at him. You can't predict my future based on your own hangups or insecurities.
 
Country gal said:
I had a friend tell me it would be very hard but not impossible to get married because I have a child.:perplexed He also tells me 9 out of 10 men cheat. He is concerned with getting married because he thinks after 5 years, he may cheat or not be attracted to his wife anymore. I just shake my head at him. You can't predict my future based on your own hangups or insecurities.
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And I'm sure your friend is an expert on how every man in the world thinks and what every man wants, right?

See, some men kill me... coming in here with all these "theories" that they spout as truth and then try to throw shade on women's hopes and desires.

Even if they are our friends, we need to put a lot of these dudes on ignore a lot of times!
 
*sigh*

I was feeling like this last week. I found out about 2 engagements and a baby on the way in the same day. And the person whose wife is expecting is a guy that I always had a little crush on that I was just never able to connect with. He got married while I was in Arizona.

I don't know. I just tired of getting all the single woman cliches thrown at me. I don't wanna hear that my time will come, etc....... It just doesn't help, sorry.
 
MzLady78 said:
I don't know. I just tired of getting all the single woman cliches thrown at me. I don't wanna hear that my time will come, etc....... It just doesn't help, sorry.
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Ditto! Instead of worrying about the "truth" behind any of those cliches - whether positive (it will happen in due time) or negative (the odds are against you because of x, y, and z) - I am just focusing on me. (Okay, maybe that is a cliche too but really I'm like, "You know what? I have my health, a job, good friends, a nice apartment - life is good!")
 
Honestly, honestly I've already resigned myself to the fact that I may never get married. I'm an obese black woman with a professional degree, my odds of getting hit by a mack truck are greater than my odds of getting married. I still have the woe is me feeling from time to time but I try to focus on me, and bettering my life. If marraige and kids comes, then it comes, if it doesn't it doesn't.
 
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rhlong said:
Honestly, honestly I've already resigned myself to the fact that I may never get married. I'm an obese black woman with a professional degree, my odds of getting hit by a mack truck are greater than my odds of getting married. I still have the woe is me feeling from time to time but I try to focus on me, and bettering my life. If marraige and kids comes, then it comes, if it doesn't it doesn't.
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This post makes me sad. :(
 
MzLady78 said:
*sigh*

I don't know. I just tired of getting all the single woman cliches thrown at me. I don't wanna hear that my time will come, etc....... It just doesn't help, sorry.
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This is exactly how I used to feel. A few years back, after another failed date, I was venting to my friend about it and she said "I have 2 Aunts in their 50's that live together and they are happy with not being married or having any kids. They don't even bother to date anymore" "Some people will just never get married and that's o.k".
I guess she was right, but I was horrified! :blush:
I was'nt trying to move in with my sister so we could give up on men and live out old age together.
 
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