White girl calling my hair nappy

[MAMATO]

Are ya'll serious?

Ya'll ready to bam over someone calling your hair nappy? No offense to any of you but I am a grown behind woman and I will be damned if I get upset over what someone says about my hair. I wouldn't have cared what she said, she cold have called it ugly or whatever, I have better things to do than waste my time on someone trying to bring me down, I already left high school and left the drama there.

I am really beginning to think some of you take your hair a little too seriously, really. Not everyone is looking down on black people, I really think most people don't even care what our hair looks like. We are just so paranoid, that we think everyone is being negative. It's not that deep.

Like another poster said, WHATEVA!

My first reaction was like yours, I could not see the offense. But after reading some of the posts, I am quite confused. I am from a different culture (French Canadian), and honestly I did not know hair texture was that serious. Here, I don't think my white neighboor even notice my hair texture. At the most, he would comment about natural hair by saying "Wow, it is so soft and feels like cotton", and moved on. Not a big deal for me. There's no such concept like good or bad hair, but only different hair texture. But after reading some of the posters, it sounds like historically it's been a very serious and painful debate in USA though, which I was not aware of.

Honestly, I don't have an opinion on how to handle this issue, but I just wanted to share my feelings. I think you should open your heart to your friend and tell her how she hurts you by calling your hair nappy. Attitude or violence is not a solution. Smart people always end up with excellent results by staying polite and focused.

For sure, I'll make sure to never ever say the word nappy on this board, even though it is not offensive at all for me. Respecting every one's feeling is very important to me.

 

[Country gal]

I would of checked her.

 

[Nonie]

Humor me guys for a bit....

When Massa brought black people over here, our hair may have reminded him of a carpet or sheep's wool. And in English, the word that describes that look in the English language is nappy. Now anytime Massa described us, he didn't say it with love. The way he may have talked about our hair which he didn't understand, may have been with such disdain that made us view the word as an insult. I went through 15 dictionaries online and all but two said nappy means nothing more than curly, kinky, tightly curled. Of the two that didn't give such a clear cut description one said it is used derogative way and the other said it is used to describe something horrible. (BTW the second definition was from a Wiki source and we all know we Wiki sources aren't exactly solid sources.) You can take a look for yourself www.onelook.com

All that stuff about good hair/bad hair is brainwashing from Massa. Just like nappy being bad is brainwashing from Massa. If you were not born with wavy hair, then your nappy head picked cotton. So having nappy hair meant being at the bottom of the barrel. Hence no one wanted to have nappy hair.

You have to remember no one explained what these words meant. All we know is they were used to describe something Massa disliked. So when hair wasn't pressed straight and got all kinky again, we knew it was nappy and in need of fixing so we'd be a little less disgusting to Massa. And I imagine, even when they "gave us free", the straighter your hair, the more likely you were to get jobs and the time of day. And no one really cared to figure out where the word came from or what it meant. We all just accepted that hair that wasn't pleasing was nappy. And we did everything to make it less nappy. And even when we started to accept our nappy hair, we still couldn't bear to call it what it is because we have bought into the lie that nappy is bad.

I know it will not be easy for all to see a word whose use in history brings pain as neutral. But just like many have learned that being natural isn't as bad as it may have seemed to our ancestors and still is in some areas, thanks to Massa's ignorant influence, perhaps we will one day come to feel proud to be nappy and see that word as meaning tightly curled and nothing more. Or maybe the word will not seem so bad if only black people use it to describe their naps? Maybe if we take it and make it our own it loses its power to hurt us? I dunno. But I'm so sad it hurts people.

 

[MrsWatson]

Humor me guys for a bit....

When Massa brought black people over here, our hair may have reminded him of a carpet or sheep's wool. And in English, the word that describes that look in the English language is nappy. Now anytime Massa described us, he didn't say it with love. The way he may have talked about our hair which he didn't understand, may have been with such disdain that made us view the word as an insult. I went through 15 dictionaries online and all but two said nappy means nothing more than curly, kinky, tightly curled. Of the two that didn't give such a clear cut description one said it is used derogative way and the other said it is used to describe something horrible. (BTW the second definition was from a Wiki source and we all know we Wiki sources aren't exactly solid sources.) You can take a look for yourself www.onelook.com

All that stuff about good hair/bad hair is brainwashing from Massa. Just like nappy being bad is brainwashing from Massa. If you were not born with wavy hair, then your nappy head picked cotton. So having nappy hair meant being at the bottom of the barrel. Hence no one wanted to have nappy hair.

You have to remember no one explained what these words meant. All we know is they were used to describe something Massa disliked. So when hair wasn't pressed straight and got all kinky again, we knew it was nappy and in need of fixing so we'd be a little less disgusting to Massa. And I imagine, even when they "gave us free", the straighter your hair, the more likely you were to get jobs and the time of day. And no one really cared to figure out where the word came from or what it meant. We all just accepted that hair that wasn't pleasing was nappy. And we did everything to make it less nappy. And even when we started to accept our nappy hair, we still couldn't bear to call it what it is because we have bought into the lie that nappy is bad.

I know it will not be easy for all to see a word whose use in history brings pain as neutral. But just like many have learned that being natural isn't as bad as it may have seemed to our ancestors and still is in some areas, thanks to Massa's ignorant influence, perhaps we will one day come to feel proud to be nappy and see that word as meaning tightly curled and nothing more. Or maybe the word will not seem so bad if only black people use it to describe their naps? Maybe if we take it and make it our own it loses its power to hurt us? I dunno. But I'm so sad it hurts people.

ITA. Couldnt have said it better....

 

[Mystic]

It's a term that is used to describe our hair. I am sure she didn't say the word in a negative way to hurt you, and if it does and you guys are friends, then tell her.

 

[divya]

I dunno. I've always viewed the term nappy as a slang term, and it's never been part of my vocabulary. No one in my home ever used it either. I've heard the term used both in a negative manner and also as a description. Only that woman will know what she meant by the comment. No sense bothering with it...

 

[Kirei]

Humor me guys for a bit....

When Massa brought black people over here, our hair may have reminded him of a carpet or sheep's wool. And in English, the word that describes that look in the English language is nappy. Now anytime Massa described us, he didn't say it with love. The way he may have talked about our hair which he didn't understand, may have been with such disdain that made us view the word as an insult. I went through 15 dictionaries online and all but two said nappy means nothing more than curly, kinky, tightly curled. Of the two that didn't give such a clear cut description one said it is used derogative way and the other said it is used to describe something horrible. (BTW the second definition was from a Wiki source and we all know we Wiki sources aren't exactly solid sources.) You can take a look for yourself www.onelook.com

All that stuff about good hair/bad hair is brainwashing from Massa. Just like nappy being bad is brainwashing from Massa. If you were not born with wavy hair, then your nappy head picked cotton. So having nappy hair meant being at the bottom of the barrel. Hence no one wanted to have nappy hair.

You have to remember no one explained what these words meant. All we know is they were used to describe something Massa disliked. So when hair wasn't pressed straight and got all kinky again, we knew it was nappy and in need of fixing so we'd be a little less disgusting to Massa. And I imagine, even when they "gave us free", the straighter your hair, the more likely you were to get jobs and the time of day. And no one really cared to figure out where the word came from or what it meant. We all just accepted that hair that wasn't pleasing was nappy. And we did everything to make it less nappy. And even when we started to accept our nappy hair, we still couldn't bear to call it what it is because we have bought into the lie that nappy is bad.

I know it will not be easy for all to see a word whose use in history brings pain as neutral. But just like many have learned that being natural isn't as bad as it may have seemed to our ancestors and still is in some areas, thanks to Massa's ignorant influence, perhaps we will one day come to feel proud to be nappy and see that word as meaning tightly curled and nothing more. Or maybe the word will not seem so bad if only black people use it to describe their naps? Maybe if we take it and make it our own it loses its power to hurt us? I dunno. But I'm so sad it hurts people.

I still don't see the big deal in the word.

We choose to let things hurt us. We choose to allow certain things to sting us. I just can't wrap my head around getting upset over someone saying something about your hair.

I also don't see all the pride surrounding hair, it's just hair. Don't get me wrong, I love my hair, I love taking care of it but it doesn't make me who I am.

 

[AfroKink]

Nobody probably cares about my opinion, but I believe it was an insult. Whenever a black person called my hair nappy, it was an insult. I looked up nappy to see where it came from, and it described a carpet and cloth as well as other things. And it said nappy refering to hair, is often used as a derogatory term refering to blacks. Yes my hair is kinky, coily, whatever, but not nappy. I think we have been trained to accept this word just like other words. Also, she has a biracial child. Well alot of "other" women believe that biracial babies are cute and have the pretty curly hair. My sister and I have heard this from them. They want a biracial baby just for the curls. But they don't refer to those curls as nappy. This is very common in Toronto, 1 out of 3 couples is interacial.

I have been natural for most of my life, and barely anyone had the nerve to call me nappy except family insulting me. I've been told I have rough hair before. But nappy is an insult. She could have said, "your kind of hair". But it's plain she was being rude, because you did not ask her that.

Also on the comments about white people refering to their own hair as being nappy. It seems they are refering to the state of their hair at that moment, not their hair type.

When you say 1 out of 3 couples is interracial, that stretches across races right? You're not just talking abut black & white couples? Because I see FAR more Asain (east and south) with white men than anything else here in T.O.

Anyways. It is for reasons like the OPs post that I don't believe in "reclaiming" a word. It was created to be derogatory. There are other ways to describe our hair that aren't inherently insulting. If the OP's friend had said "I don't know if the stylist knows how to do super coily hair" or "I don't know if the stylist knows how to do afro-type hair", I doubt this thread would have been created. There is something about that word "nappy"

Lys

 

[Platinum]

Anyways. It is for reasons like the OPs post that I don't believe in "reclaiming" a word. It was created to be derogatory. There are other ways to describe our hair that aren't inherently insulting. If the OP's friend had said "I don't know if the stylist knows how to do super coily hair" or "I don't know if the stylist knows how to do afro-type hair", I doubt this thread would have been created. There is something about that word "nappy"

Lys

I agree....

 

[CheLala13]

I feel like the word "nappy" has a negative meaning to it. I would feel offended by someone calling my hair that, whether black or white. I'm transitioning and I had to set this boy straight when he said I need to comb my nappy hair. And he was black. Trust

 

[Kirei]

How can you compare the word "n1gg@" to "nappy", one is insulting a person's character the other is talking about someone's hair. How can you compare the 2?

 

[dinaaike]

I thought nappy meant tangled. I never understood it to mean anything else.

On another note, if you thought she meant to insult you, call her on it, because there's only one way to be sure. Enemies are much better in front of you (where you can know where to hit) than behind (when you think they have your back).

If she didn't mean anything by it, just remember not to expect people to be smarter than they can prove. This way you won't be disappointed.

 

[Piscesgirl718]

I think that the word nappy is a negative way to describe someone's hair. She could have said your hair was too thick or too curly or whatever. Never in my life has anyone said my hair was nappy and meant it as a compliment. No one has ever said to me "Girl, I wish my hair was nappy like yours." However, I have heard my fair share of "You need a touch up because your hair is looking real nappy" and "Go comb your nappy head" and "Your edges look all nappy, when was the last time you had a perm?"

 

[Inches411]

The point is although yes we all should not care if someone uses that word when referring to our hair,It was originally used as a negative word... honestly i dont think its a negative word cause my definition of nappy is tightly coiled or curled hair... However, not everyone sees it this way. In a case like this it all depends on how it was said. I do believe some ppl intentionally use the word to make ppl feel bad but i also believe that some ppl are naive to the true meaning of the word and use it based on what they think it means which may not necessarily have anything to do with insulting someone. In light of this i know were suppose to be grown women who dont care what ppl say or think about us but lets be real words do hurt and yea eventually well get over it but as i said before confront the person in a polite manner and you will know whether her intentions were to embarrass you or not.

 

[Nonie]

I think that the word nappy is a negative way to describe someone's hair. She could have said your hair was too thick or too curly or whatever. Never in my life has anyone said my hair was nappy and meant it as a compliment. No one has ever said to me "Girl, I wish my hair was nappy like yours." However, I have heard my fair share of "You need a touch up because your hair is looking real nappy" and "Go comb your nappy head" and "Your edges look all nappy, when was the last time you had a perm?"

Pisces and you don't see just how that understanding is from a point of view where nappy was used to describe hair that wasn't straight and hence not seen as pretty? Haven't you heard of places where you could have nicely combed natural hair but because it isn't pressed someone is quick to offer to press it for you? Don't you see that this mentality is the from the same place that good hair/bad hair categorizing comes from?

I remember someone telling me that calling her hair kinky was also insulting. Come on guys! So if you live around people who think being natural is disgusting or worthy of fixing, are you going to buy into that too? Haven't we read threads where people decide to transition and get no support from their family? It all boils down to the belief that coily, kinky hair will always seem bad to some people. In other words, nappy hair will always be bad.

I dunno why it seems to me that we have turned into a joke: "Give them a word that describes them and convince them that it's bad and they will hate it and thus indirectly hate who they are, and never even realize the irony." Unless we want to give the word a new slang meaning, the proper meaning for that adjective when applied to hair is kinky, tightly curled--nothing else. I'm so glad that as much as white has been used to mean "pure" and "clean" and "good" we haven't deduced that to mean that being called black means we're "impure" and "full of filth" and "evil". *sigh*

And on that note, I'm done with this topic.

 

[Silver]

When you say 1 out of 3 couples is interracial, that stretches across races right? You're not just talking abut black & white couples? Because I see FAR more Asain (east and south) with white men than anything else here in T.O.

Anyways. It is for reasons like the OPs post that I don't believe in "reclaiming" a word. It was created to be derogatory. There are other ways to describe our hair that aren't inherently insulting. If the OP's friend had said "I don't know if the stylist knows how to do super coily hair" or "I don't know if the stylist knows how to do afro-type hair", I doubt this thread would have been created. There is something about that word "nappy"

Lys

I'm talking about black male, and other female. I don't actually live in Toronto. I live in Scarborough/GTA. It's very common in my area. But yes I see the Asian and white male thing alot in North York. My parents are from different countries, so I'm not saying anything against it, just talking about the hair. Back to the hair I agreed, the term nappy should not have been used in the conversation. She could have just said "your type of hair". "Doesn't do black hair". It was just unecessary.

 

[AfroKink]

I'm talking about black male, and other female. I don't actually live in Toronto. I live in Scarborough/GTA. It's very common in my area. But yes I see the Asian and white male thing alot in North York. My parents are from different countries, so I'm not saying anything against it, just talking about the hair. Back to the hair I agreed, the term nappy should not have been used in the conversation. She could have just said "your type of hair". "Doesn't do black hair". It was just unecessary.

hmm. Maybe it is area specific. Where I go to school downtown, I see mostly Asain and White people. It makes sense that I would see those pairings as more common.

What she said in the bold!

Lys

 

[LadyKaypnyc]

i agree you should have in a polite way tell her that you were offended.. dont let her get away with that. I mean some ppl dont see the word as negative but some ppl do and that should be explained to her.

Cosigning...don't let her get away with that!

 

[PinkPeony]

I initially misread your post, hehehehe...I fell sorry for her biracial child

I agree.
So she has a bi-racial child and she is dating another blk man that obviously loves to dip into the vanilla?
I see,I would be careful around here maybe she see's black woman as a treat b/c she obviously is into blk man... maybe exclusively even??

eta:
I don't think the word nappy is a bad word but the way some ppl use it is meant to be negative and I think this might have been the case here
Either way op if you're friends pull her to the side and let her know how you feel

 

[cmw45]

Sorry....to Nonie and Ms. Sunshine...

...you're right. Not all people mean "nappy" as negative...but the OP has jumped in several times during this post to interject that the woman did mean it as negative. It is what it is. She's not saying that every white person or EVERY black person who says the word "nappy" mean it negatively, but THIS particular woman did and the OP was just venting.

 

[janeemat]

Like some of the others posters stated, I don't see the big deal. We ourselves refer to our hair as nappy. Shoot my hair is nappy and I surely don't consider it negative. It is what it is, nappy.

 

[kweenameena]

Why is it that we are making excuses for this poor white girl? Boo freaking hoo!!! It doesn't matter whether or not she meant for the word to be offensive. If the OP was offended when she said it then it was offensive!
If I said to my white coworker "Hey White Girl, Come here" is that offensive? I mean, according to some of you, I was stating the truth or the obvious. But in all reality that doesn't matter. If she was offended then it was offensive. So OP, please talk to this chick and let her know that ish was not cool in your book. Maybe she can clear things up and try to explain that she didn't mean it in an offensive way. But either way, you put it out there and she will know not to go there again. And if she does, then come back here for plan B.

 

[Fine 4s]

I suspect this is not the first time she's made an inapropriate statement thoughout your friendship. She's tested...
So heck, one more can't hurt! LOL

 

[Mook's hair]

I agree.... I know she is your friend, but she is going to say something like that to the wrong sister and get her feelings hurt.

Uhh-ehh She is going to say something like that to the wrong sister and get her face hurt.:hardslap:

I agree that if you consider her a friend (which you obviously do by the lack of face smacking) it's a good idea to explain some things to her about us and our hair.

Like some of the others posters stated, I don't see the big deal. We ourselves refer to our hair as nappy. Shoot my hair is nappy and I surely don't consider it negative. It is what it is, nappy.

The girl went in a negative direction with it and showed true ignorance. She could have stopped with the statement about the stylist not knowing how to do your kind of hair. The next part was just uncalled for.

 

[Mrs.Green]

Yall be letting some of these polar bears get away with murder!!!

PREACH it Whip!

 

[20Pearls_Girl]

Agreed....

Yall be letting some of these polar bears get away with murder!!!

 

[Xavier]

Very interesting thread.

I thought naturals embraced the word nappy.

So has nappy become one of those words that black folks can use but if another race uses it, then it is seen as unacceptable?

I think it depends on the context at which the word is being used. Nappy is NOT always used in a negative manner. I see pently of AA women and men using the word as a way to describe their hair, which is beautiful just the way God made it. I also see pently of AAs and other races of people using the word to insult others.

The the case of the OPs friend only the friend knows in what way she meant to use it.

As far as schooling her...I think it is funny to even think that you are going to school someone on a word, that even the race of people who are connected with the word can not even agree on what the word actually means.

 

[crumbling_images]

Yall be letting some of these polar bears get away with murder!!!

LMAO!!! You are so right!!:axehunter::axehunter:

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

Yall be letting some of these polar bears get away with murder!!!

Gotta use that one...

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

Well, yes, but he didn't JUST say nappy. Like I said, it's all about how it's used. It was obvious that he was trying to be offensive. It's not clear in the OP's post that her friend was trying to be offensive.

True, but if he would've only called them hos and not used the term nappy, he wouldn't have lost his job at all.