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White girl calling my hair nappy
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hottestdiva19
New Member
Honey, girlfriends say anything out of their mouths black or white or whatever. If you think she was trying to belittle you by calling your hair nappy then put her in her place quick. I personally don't find the term negative but if you do then let her know that. If she was black and called your hair nappy would you have felt equally insulted. I know when people of other races say certain things they can evoke a totally different emotion than if someone of your own race says it.
I agree. I hear alot of blacks use this term off and on the forum when they speak of black hair. IMHO it seems like many don't take offense unless someone outside of our race uses it to describe our texture. I personally don't prefer the term because I feel like the word "nappy" is a negative way of addressing black hair no matter what race uses it. Our hair is beautiful
To some white people nappy is just like saying bushy, it is not offensive to them. I remember when the Imus comments came out, some of my co-workers didn't understand why nappy was so offensive because they used nappy to describe their hair when they didn't comb it. They did they the ho comment was way out of line, they just couldn't understand nappy.
Why does my hair have to be nappy? The word Nappy has such negative connotations ......... sorry yall I had to vent!!!!
**warning***Opinionated Noob****
Hmmm...I don't think nappy is a bad word. My hair is NAPPY! I've had white people refer to my hair as that and I'm sure, they meant it as an insult, but I never took it as that. I've assigned my own connotation to the word and it hereby means beautiful!
Those are the type of people who chose to use the word "nappy" as an insult because they don't have the balls to be more openly racist. They deserve only to be ignored. They definitely don't deserve an entire thread on a forum. If you think she said that to be ugly, don't waste another second on this topic.
However, if you two are really close, then it seems to me that she may have merely stated the truth. A lot of white AND BLACK stylists do not know how to do NAPPY hair. I can say this from experience. The most ignorant acting stylists I have encountered in my natural experience have been Black stylists. That's what makes this so sad.
tiffers
Whisper "bleep boop" to yourself when you're sad.
I don't think she meant it ''like that''
My dh's family says nappy with a whole other meaning than what I grew up hearing. When someone's hair is messed up, frizzy, unkempt, etc. They call it nappy.
I'll never forget the day dh's aunt came over and my dd had just woken up from a nap, so her hair was a frizzy and messy. She told my daughter ''Ooooh girl, your hair is nappy''
I was about to show my a**, but dh explained with the quickness, cause he knew someone was bout to get hudded
Anywho, yeah. I don't think she meant to insult you. Like a pp said, she probaby doesn't even know what nappy means!
My dh's family says nappy with a whole other meaning than what I grew up hearing. When someone's hair is messed up, frizzy, unkempt, etc. They call it nappy.
I'll never forget the day dh's aunt came over and my dd had just woken up from a nap, so her hair was a frizzy and messy. She told my daughter ''Ooooh girl, your hair is nappy''
I was about to show my a**, but dh explained with the quickness, cause he knew someone was bout to get hudded
Anywho, yeah. I don't think she meant to insult you. Like a pp said, she probaby doesn't even know what nappy means!
WhipEffectz1
Well-Known Member
Exactly!!!!! That polar bear was off the chain for real!!!!
I would've said, "I wonder if my hair is gonna look nappy to you with one black eye!!!":heated: 
Nonie
Well-Known Member
Sunshine, I was reading this thread thinking that I must be very insensitive coz while some people view the word "nappy" as negative, I have NEVER seen it that way. Kinky = nappy = tightly curled and that's how I've ALWAYS viewed the word. Even when I joined the forum and found that the word was viewed as negative to some people, I couldn't see that point of view no matter how hard I tried. Because nappy does not mean unkempt or matted or whatever else others might think that makes them let that word upset them. If the white girl said it meaning to insult, her insult would be wasted on me. Put another way, if a white person said to me, "I don't know if she knows how to work on your hard African hair" the same way I'd not feel a thing is how I'd feel about that statement. Indeed my hair does feel coarser than hers and I am from Africa, so *shrug*.
Now if she'd said something that wasn't true, I might've had a problem with it. But while I would not have gotten offended, I do understand why you did. You have been led to believe nappy is offensive. It isn't. Indeed, nappy/kinky hair is beautiful. Don't let the ignorance of those who don't understand the true meaning of words get to you.
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Ok so I am at work and comment on my white friends new hair color. You know I was asking where did she go and who did it. I also mentioned I would like to get my own hair highlighted . Well she takes it upon herself saying " well I don't know if she knows how to do your kind of hair " , " I don't think she will know how to deal with your nappy hair" . I had to catch myself, cause 1. I was at work, and 2. this coworker and I are close outside of work where as her Dad calls me his other daughter. What also shocked me is she has a biracial child!!!!!
Did I say I wanted this lady to style my hair ..... no , and if i did get it colored I would style it myself since I have yet to meet someone white black or green, who could do my natural hair.
Why does my hair have to be nappy? The word Nappy has such negative connotations ......... sorry yall I had to vent!!!!
Im so sorry that happened to you. That stuff makes me mad. It happened to me a few years back when I use to color. I hear the salon near my job in Brooklyn was great with coloring. I went with my white co-worker we made appts. The woman was mad uncomfortable because she could not tell me that she does not do black hair. She kept umming and ahhing. Then I was like "You ok" If you don't know how to do black hair just say it" She was relieved. And was apologizing left and right that she did not want to mess up my hair. I did appreciate her honesty (well whatever you called that). It still left me mad.
Girl they are just too uninformed. Love your nappy hair, thats what god gave us and its beautiful. Don't let the foolishness get to you.
envybeauty
New Member
Sunshine0801
New Member
Well, to me the word nappy is not necessarily negative. It depends on how it is being used. If someone says "your hair is nappy" with an ugly look on their face, then yes, I am probably being insulted. But if someone is playing in my hair and saying how beautiful and nappy and kinky it is, I wouldn't get an attitude and tell them not to insult me! It's all about how it's used!
Personally, I use the word as a compliment because kinky or nappy black hair is beautiful to me. My hair is 4 a/b. It sure ain't straight or curly, it's nappy, kinky, coily in spots, and I love it.
gone_fishing
New Member
In the term, nappy headed hoes, "hoes" bothered me nappy? ehhhhhh...whateva
Sunshine0801
New Member
Of course. I'm not saying that because I wouldn't be offended then the OP can't be. I'm just saying that I don't think the girl was trying to offend her because nappy is not universally understood to be an insult.
Ms.Honey
New Member
I guess it's how you see it. Kinky and nappy aren't insulting terms to me but it used to be when I relaxed my hair. It was taught by black folks that unless a girl's or woman's hair was naturally silky you better press or relax it because otherwise it was ugly. Now that my hair is natural I find the terms endearing. Now if someone said "Ugh, you hair is nappy/kinky" THEN I would have an issue, implying that something was wrong with my hair because it's not relaxed. I loved my hair relaxed and I love it natural and it was beautiful both ways.
Sunshine0801
New Member
Yes, but I don't think nappy is one of those words. Some people DO have nappy hair.
MrsWatson
Well-Known Member
Maybe she didn't mean it in an insulting manner. For my first three years as an undergrad, my roomie was a white chick who til this day, I love to death. Sometimes we would be in the bathroom combing our hair and getting ready to go out somewher and she would say something like "I hate my hair when it gets all nappy like this"....I used to just look at her and laugh. In her mind the word had a totally different meaning from what I (a 4b) thinks of when i hear the word.....
SparklingFlame
New Member
I agree. Just let her know. Then if she says it again body slam her.
Ms.Honey
New Member
And besides we aren't talking about some random white chick in your office or off the street. This is your girlfriend. If you love her and believe she loves you then forgive her and give her the benefit of the doubt. And if you find that she was being snotty put her in her place and forgive her and move on. Don't let this be an issue in your relationship.
Silver
Member
Nobody probably cares about my opinion, but I believe it was an insult. Whenever a black person called my hair nappy, it was an insult. I looked up nappy to see where it came from, and it described a carpet and cloth as well as other things. And it said nappy refering to hair, is often used as a derogatory term refering to blacks. Yes my hair is kinky, coily, whatever, but not nappy. I think we have been trained to accept this word just like other words. Also, she has a biracial child. Well alot of "other" women believe that biracial babies are cute and have the pretty curly hair. My sister and I have heard this from them. They want a biracial baby just for the curls. But they don't refer to those curls as nappy. This is very common in Toronto, 1 out of 3 couples is interacial.
I have been natural for most of my life, and barely anyone had the nerve to call me nappy except family insulting me. I've been told I have rough hair before. But nappy is an insult. She could have said, "your kind of hair". But it's plain she was being rude, because you did not ask her that.
Also on the comments about white people refering to their own hair as being nappy. It seems they are refering to the state of their hair at that moment, not their hair type.
I have been natural for most of my life, and barely anyone had the nerve to call me nappy except family insulting me. I've been told I have rough hair before. But nappy is an insult. She could have said, "your kind of hair". But it's plain she was being rude, because you did not ask her that.
Also on the comments about white people refering to their own hair as being nappy. It seems they are refering to the state of their hair at that moment, not their hair type.
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tocktick
Well-Known Member
this was my thought. if you guys are that tight, this was (and still is) an opportunity to educate her on why you deem the word offensive. she probably knows "nappy" is typically not a positive word but she needs to be corrected because she thinks it's ok to say it. that won't fly with every bw she encounters...as demonstrated by the responses in this thread
.eta: on hair boards, the word "nappy" is typically positive. now, irl that's a whole other issue. imo, the majority of people have not cottoned on to the idea that nappy hair can be beautiful too. it's origins (when used to described hair) come from a horrible place and the word is still used to insult others.
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HoneyDew
Well-Known Member
Ms.Honey
New Member
Bigghair
New Member
She probably didn't mean it as an insult. I don't find the word nappy offensive. My hair is nappy and nappy hair is beautiful. Different people view the word nappy in different ways. I have also heard white people refer to their own hair as nappy and thought to myself, you haven't seen nappy!
Lucky's Mom
New Member
Ok so I am at work and comment on my white friends new hair color. You know I was asking where did she go and who did it. I also mentioned I would like to get my own hair highlighted . Well she takes it upon herself saying " well I don't know if she knows how to do your kind of hair " , " I don't think she will know how to deal with your nappy hair" . I had to catch myself, cause 1. I was at work, and 2. this coworker and I are close outside of work where as her Dad calls me his other daughter. What also shocked me is she has a biracial child!!!!!
Did I say I wanted this lady to style my hair ..... no , and if i did get it colored I would style it myself since I have yet to meet someone white black or green, who could do my natural hair.
Why does my hair have to be nappy? The word Nappy has such negative connotations ......... sorry yall I had to vent!!!!
Maybe she felt like it was ok - because she has a bi-racial child.... and maybe she thought she was close enough to you to say that.
glamazon386
Well-Known Member
Exactly!!!!! That polar bear was off the chain for real!!!!
Kirei
New Member
Are ya'll serious?
Ya'll ready to bam over someone calling your hair nappy? No offense to any of you but I am a grown behind woman and I will be damned if I get upset over what someone says about my hair. I wouldn't have cared what she said, she cold have called it ugly or whatever, I have better things to do than waste my time on someone trying to bring me down, I already left high school and left the drama there.
I am really beginning to think some of you take your hair a little too seriously, really. Not everyone is looking down on black people, I really think most people don't even care what our hair looks like. We are just so paranoid, that we think everyone is being negative. It's not that deep.
Like another poster said, WHATEVA!
Ya'll ready to bam over someone calling your hair nappy? No offense to any of you but I am a grown behind woman and I will be damned if I get upset over what someone says about my hair. I wouldn't have cared what she said, she cold have called it ugly or whatever, I have better things to do than waste my time on someone trying to bring me down, I already left high school and left the drama there.
I am really beginning to think some of you take your hair a little too seriously, really. Not everyone is looking down on black people, I really think most people don't even care what our hair looks like. We are just so paranoid, that we think everyone is being negative. It's not that deep.
Like another poster said, WHATEVA!
Platinum
Well-Known Member
Maybe she's suffering from a case of Imus-itis. I think she MEANT to be offensive. Put her in check about it because if you don't, she will continue to say stuff like this. I lived in a majority white area (north of Atlanta) back in the 80's. Believe me, I heard the N word, along with nasty references about Black people alot. Some people meant to insult, others didn't know any better. I ignored it at first because I didn't want to stoop to their level of ignorance. But after a while, I finally had to speak up and let it be known that I didn't appreciate the offensive comments. Telling teachers wasn't enough, especially since the Principal was a card carrying member of the KKK.
erplexedMy brother and I weren't used to this because my Dad was military and we grew up around many ethnicities. Even now, I have no problem telling someone when something said or done offends me.Sorry I got a little carried away. Call me "Sensitive" if you want to but that's my opinion.
HappyHairDreams
New Member
Ok so I am at work and comment on my white friends new hair color. You know I was asking where did she go and who did it. I also mentioned I would like to get my own hair highlighted . Well she takes it upon herself saying " well I don't know if she knows how to do your kind of hair " , " I don't think she will know how to deal with your nappy hair" . I had to catch myself, cause 1. I was at work, and 2. this coworker and I are close outside of work where as her Dad calls me his other daughter. What also shocked me is she has a biracial child!!!!!
Did I say I wanted this lady to style my hair ..... no , and if i did get it colored I would style it myself since I have yet to meet someone white black or green, who could do my natural hair.
Why does my hair have to be nappy? The word Nappy has such negative connotations ......... sorry yall I had to vent!!!!
Since it seems you guys are close, I think you should really talk to her about what she said. Some people just seem to lack understanding about the negative meaning of their words. I educate my non-black friends about black hair all the time, and sometimes they ask stupid questions and say dumb things, but I feel as if it's my responsibility to correct them. In this case, particularly because she has a Black child, someone really needs to talk to her.
tt8
New Member
When I saw the title of this thread, I was like "Oh, he!! naw!!!"
I was thinking the same thing. I passed it, and passed it cause I had gotten that upset reading the title I couldn't even come in a read the post. I pray we all get "the comeback" tongue Lord. Not to act ******ish and loud-muck mouth God, but to reprimand and educate at the same time. It's like the first time I was called a ****** to this day I wish I had said something witty. I pray for all ethnic girls anytime something stupid like this happens we give our best "comeback tongue" and make them shrivel and feel small at their lack of poise, home-training, and open-mindedness Lord God. Amen!
SparklingFlame
New Member
Yeah man, you got to tell people or how else will they know they are offending you? They will just keep doing it over and over unaware and all the while you'll just get more and more pissed. Just tell it and get it out in the open. 9 times out of 10 the person will be glad that you did b/c most people dont like to offend others.Maybe she's suffering from a case of Imus-itis. I think she MEANT to be offensive. Put her in check about it because if you don't, she will continue to say stuff like this. I lived in a majority white area (north of Atlanta) back in the 80's. Believe me, I heard the N word, along with nasty references about Black people alot. Some people meant to insult, others didn't know any better. I ignored it at first because I didn't want to stoop to their level of ignorance. But after a while, I finally had to speak up and let it be known that I didn't appreciate the offensive comments. Telling teachers wasn't enough, especially since the Principal was a card carrying member of the KKK.
Sorry I got a little carried away. Call me "Sensitive" if you want to but that's my opinion.
