When The Woman Makes Significantly More Than The Man And Wants To Keep Finances Separate

[intellectualuva]

He's gonna use that second hand Rolex, as well as the rest of her money to get with trashy hoes and cheat on her. He's that type.

That's exactly what he's going to do. She gonna fighting bullet hole strippers, Checker's burger flipper chick and walmart cashiers over him every other month...he won't even have the decency to cheat with a high end top less bar, Chik Fil A or Costco girl where they treat their employees well.....


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And before someone comes for me...its a joke. I don't think women who work at Walmart or Checker's are trashy. lol.

 

[jeanghrey]

Right. But men always shoot for the moon. Dajuan with the swing signs for tax companies part time job wants a Michelle Obama and thinks he should have that. Lol.

,
Girl I work with a lot of homeless men, and one had the nerve to tell me he wouldn't get with a woman who didn't at least have section 8.....at that point I realized I should never lower my standards, men never lower theirs...

 

[Menina Preta]

45K for a sales clerk? She didn't think it was odd that a 31 yo man was content working retail??? With no plans to eventually own his own jewelry business? Please. Hot mess.

 

[hunnychile]

I agree. It wouldn't work for me either. No way in hell I would be splitting bills with my hubby like I'm his roommate.

I've seen this sentiment a lot and I'm curious about it in practice. What bills would you pay? Genuinely curious, anyone can answer.

 

[CaraWalker]

I've seen this sentiment a lot and I'm curious about it in practice. What bills would you pay? Genuinely curious, anyone can answer.

my recent retail experience has shown 100% scientific certainty that couples that are just shacking up one or the other (usually the guy but i have seen some women insist they be allowed to pay ) will insist on splitting the grocery bill. married couples do not.

 

[LiftedUp]

I've seen it a million times....they met in a mall, club, gas station and she found out what he did and said... it didn't matter. She failed to do the math until right at this point.....a few years in, engaged and/or living together and a few cases few years into the marriage she realized the vast disparity in income or better yet work ethic is a problem.

Yup. A trainer at my gym asked me out yesterday. Now he looks great (obviously) and works really hard (from what he has told me) but even if I was single, it just wouldn't work.

 

[LiftedUp]

I've seen this sentiment a lot and I'm curious about it in practice. What bills would you pay? Genuinely curious, anyone can answer.

My dad paid the mortgage, gave my mother money for food and money to take care of us.

She paid the smaller bills (utilities) and paid for her car and picked up the extra for food since she claimed my father doesn't know the real price of food lol. She also does most of the household duties.

It worked for them because my mother believes that a man should provide a home for his family. It is something his father instilled in him so he subscribes to the same sentiment and it's something I carry with me. I believe that a woman should "help" not assume the lead.

Also there are women and men who do not subscribe to the above. Whatever works for your relationship

 

[thatscuteright]

He may resent her and become complacent. Whats the incentive to do better when the wife can take care of it.

 

[TCatt86]

But but but ... can't you SEE what he makes to a certain extent? Even in normal conversation, you're talking about vacationing in Belize and he wants to eat barbecue in Kansas City. Something, lol.

$45k for a single man with no kids is actually not a bad salary in the South. I don't know where they live. I don't see an issue with joint accounts. Or at least a bill account. OP how much does she feel she should contribute? I think the bigger issue is his lack of motivation or what appears to be lack of motivation.

 

[thatscuteright]

Yup. A trainer at my gym asked me out yesterday. Now he looks great (obviously) and works really hard (from what he has told me) but even if I was single, it just wouldn't work.

A friend talked me out of taking a trainer seriously. He was ambitious, motivated, treated me great etc... but the disparity in income was too great for her liking.

 

[thatscuteright]

,
Girl I work with a lot of homeless men, and one had the nerve to tell me he wouldn't get with a woman who didn't at least have section 8.....at that point I realized I should never lower my standards, men never lower theirs...

 

[MD_Lady]

should she pay a bigger percentage of the bills since she makes more? So, this was an issue on another board I frequent. Basically the guy's fiancé makes twice as much. She wants separate bank accounts after marriage. He'd prefer joint, but whatever. He wants to split bills according to income, she says she shouldn't be penalized for making more and he wouldn't have any motivation to get a better paying job if he pays less of the household bills. She's in the hospitality field and I don't know what he does, but I know he likes the fact that he only works 35 hours a week. She may be getting a new position making $100k+.

What say you?

The bolded sounds like an excellent reason for them to rethink getting married and, IMO, they should be thankful that this red flag waved itself before they said "I do".

 

[MD_Lady]

I agree. It wouldn't work for me either. No way in hell I would be splitting bills with my hubby like I'm his roommate.

But unless 100% of the bills are being paid by one person's paycheck, you're going to be splitting them one way or another.

 

[Topsido]

I wish someone would try to get me to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with a 31 year old man about motivation, get out of here with that bul$**t. What has he been doing for the past 30 years?

Now about bill sharing, that's not going to happen because you and I will never be in a relationship in the first place.

 

[FlowerHair]

The worst part is that he isn't motivated. That's so unattractive. If he's not motivated on his own at that age, he will never be...

 

[KimPossibli]

the man in the Op seems like he is setting up a case for spousal support at the end of the marriage...

 

[Kanky]

This is a yucky idea. Broke men are gross.

 

[sj10460]

It sounds like she wants him to earn more and he's content where he's at right now in life. That doesn't translate to someone who isn't motivated. I need more information to say this man isn't motivated or lazy. What are his credentials? Is he currently in school? Does he has debt? Is it a family business? A family friend's business? Is the cost of living relatively low where they are?

45K isn't a lot of money but it can go far in Florida, especially if his car is paid off and his rent/mortgage is relatively low.

 

[Dreamn]

This is my friend's situation. Every time she mentions how she pays the mortgage and her DH pays the cable, or how he expects her to pay for their family vacations because she makes more, or how he tells her that she should be able to buy them a beach house on her salary, I just & .

 

[qchelle]

This is my friend's situation. Every time she mentions how she pays the mortgage and her DH pays the cable, or how he expects her to pay for their family vacations because she makes more, or how he tells her that she should be able to buy them a beach house on her salary, I just & .

That's so disgusting. She has sex with him?

 

[Z-kitty]

My best clear friend did this same thing. She met a divorcee with two kids at Church. He is a civil engineer but was working as a highway surveyer and did well but still made a lot less than her. Long story short he was laid off way prior to the wedding and decided to start selling his art on Tshirts and didnt find anything else. She makes bank but was 32 and ready to get married. She already owned a home and purchased another prior to the wedding. He and his kids lived in it until they were married. Three years later they are still married and happy, i guess!

 

[Transformer]

I would not date, let alone marry, a man that makes less than me.

Does this means that if you were both professionals and your business--say being a doctor, generated more income than your fiancé being a lawyer?

I'm asking because this was my situation. We were both engineers--went to school together--different engineering disciplines. However, I'm a contract worker where's he's employed by a firm.

 

[LiftedUp]

A friend talked me out of taking a trainer seriously. He was ambitious, motivated, treated me great etc... but the disparity in income was too great for her liking.

I agree. He's a very hard worker and I can see him owning his own gym(s) in the future and probably be making triple my income in the future. But that's based on many "what ifs". I do wish him the best, but he's not what I want right now.

 

[Transformer]

I totally understand the situation in the OP...that's why I say.....they aren't a match. He doesn't sound like he has much potential. So....he's telling her what he's about. She should either take it or NOT SETTLE.

 

[barbiesocialite]

,
Girl I work with a lot of homeless men, and one had the nerve to tell me he wouldn't get with a woman who didn't at least have section 8.....at that point I realized I should never lower my standards, men never lower theirs...

 

[barbiesocialite]

Does this means that if you were both professionals and your business--say being a doctor, generated more income than your fiancé being a lawyer?

I'm asking because this was my situation. We were both engineers--went to school together--different engineering disciplines. However, I'm a contract worker where's he's employed by a firm.

There us no way I'd be honest about making more.

I also think it might make me susceptible to leaving someone if I did make more. I'm a very socially ambitious person.

 

[LeftRightRepeat]

imo- The only way this would work is if all the money is put in one pot ...the bills are paid, then if desired each person has separate savings/ 401k etc.

I don't see how it's possible to split bills 50/50 when one person is making so much more than the other unless they are going to stick to what the lower earner person can afford.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

I think she should re think marrying him because she is not satisfied with what he makes now. She's talking about "motivating" him to make "more".

Well, how much more will make her feel satisfied?

I bet not till he brings home $100,001.00 a year.

This tells me she's not ok with their income status and will grow to resent him. Then he'll cheat with the chick at Taco Bell he "saves".

All of this...she shouldn't marry him.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

My boyfriend wants a joint account after marriage. I was like dude, ain't no way! His argument isn't even household expenses but apart from wanting to be twinzies, he wants no issue regarding financial matters if something were to happen to him. I'll have to figure out a way to work around that.

Im fairly certain that you would just list your spouse as the beneficiary. In community property states it's automatic.

 

[LiftedUp]

Im fairly certain that you would just list your spouse as the beneficiary. In community property states it's automatic.

That's my thinking. He had some issue with his coworker where she was getting problems getting money from her husband's account when he was hospitalized. I honestly believe that he was trying to get money from him with her sad story but it made him gung-ho about this joint account mess.