WHEN THE MOTHER MAKES HER SON HER "MAN"

[Ganjababy]

When I just got married my husband's mother thought she was still the Queen b in his life. I made it very clear that I was not having it. To him. It was his shyte to clear up. I would not tolerate her interference in our marriage and it was not my job to cut it in the bud. I told him at the end if the day I was willing to move on as he was the one that wanted marriage and I was not willing to put up with bull from his family.

He told her that he did not want her to say anything negative about "HIS" wife to him and it was not her place. It was very hard for him to do that but he knew he had to. She cried and said how he had changed. She never fixed her mouth to say anything negative to him again.

This man is an adult. If he cannot treat you with the importance, consideration and respect you deserve then find it somewhere else. Life is too short and his momma is too young. Thirty years of that is unimaginable.

 

[SurferBabe]

Thanks for all the responses. You all are not telling me anything I didn't already know.

He just informed me that he is moving his stuff into storage this coming weekend and moving in with Mommy dearest. He SWEARS this situation is only temporary but I know better.

The sad thing is, he threw the situation I had with my father in my face. My day is 84 with lung disease and dimentia. I had to move him into my place for a month while we found him senior living but got him out as SOON as I could find him a place. This is SOOO not the same thing. His mother is able bodied (although morbidly obese). She just doesn't want to let her baby go.

Sigh... It took me 16 months to train him (haha). Added to the 8 months he relentlessly pursued me... Now I gotta start over?

TinyBlu,

I wouldn't abruptly break up with him. I'd start doing the slow fade and seeing other guys. If he wants to continue to court you and take you out, let him take you out when you can squeeze him into your new dating schedule. Of course continue to look fly and keep it fun and sweet. Go home by yourself at the end of the date. No grown man is coming over my place for some nookie because he's living with his momma. You want cookie, you gotta have your own crib bud. You want to play this game the right way. Make it clear with your actions that's he's not hurting you, he's hurting himself, but be prepared to move on in case he doesn't get the message.

Been there, done that. Next man, make sure mom has a man and/or a life.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

The writing was on the wall when she retired at 55 with no provisions. She expects her son to take care of her until the day she dies.

Now that he's moved in, she will use every excuse in the book to keep him right up under mommy. He isn't leaving her side again to get entangled with any woman who can pull him away from mommy.

I'd start dating new men immediately. There is nothing like another man to make the man you're with realize he is losing.

I should add, I've never had to deal with mother-in-law issues. She died when DH was a teenager. Tons of women tell me that I'm lucky although based on stories I've heard, I think I would have liked MIL.

 

[JFemme]

It's only been a year get out while you can, his mother is not going to change. Or find her a man of her own.

Move on....

 

[Mai Tai]

I thank GOD for my MIL & FIL. They are both very nice people who embraced me from day one and know when to lovingly offer advice and when to step back.

OP...I see a few red flags in your situation. The biggest being that you are with a man who doesn't seem ready to possibly leave his mother, and cleave to you (if you were to get married). Second, you taking care of your sick elderly father is not the same as him enabling his able bodied mother and the fact that he threw that in your face is a stab in the back and tells a lot about who's back he has.

He's made his choice and now you need to make yours. Live your life, see the world, date other men all while looking fabulous, and if he really wants you then the ball is in his court to get his ish together.

 

[Evolving78]

Run! Or find his mother a man!

 

[Evolving78]

She hasn't dated in over 25 years. She doesn't want a man. Her baby her man. Besides, she's morbidly obese... I think partially because she wants to have an excuse not to date, TRUST me, she's got a beautiful face. She could easily find a man that would accept every curve she has. She doesn't WANT to. It's infuriating

oh well there you have it.

 

[lexi08]

Breakup with him abrubtly....this situation does not even deserve a slow fade

 

[ThirdEyeBeauty]

I'm going to lose this battle because it's his MOTHER! but I don't find the idea of dating someone who lives with his mother appealing AT ALL.

Of course he would defend his mother at all costs..

Sorry to say lady but you are right.

 

[GetHappy2014]

These ladies have offered some very sound advice...think with your head and think about the long term effects. I was in a similar situation.... It is very stressful to be in a situation that someone other than yourself is controlling. I say take the road to peace of mind. Do a slow fade....but don't nag... Maybe he will realize what he's losing and man up.