When The Woman Makes Significantly More Than The Man And Wants To Keep Finances Separate

[alexstin]

should she pay a bigger percentage of the bills since she makes more? So, this was an issue on another board I frequent. Basically the guy's fiancé makes twice as much. She wants separate bank accounts after marriage. He'd prefer joint, but whatever. He wants to split bills according to income, she says she shouldn't be penalized for making more and he wouldn't have any motivation to get a better paying job if he pays less of the household bills. She's in the hospitality field and I don't know what he does, but I know he likes the fact that he only works 35 hours a week. She may be getting a new position making $100k+.

What say you?

 

[Menina Preta]

She needs to re-evaluate marrying this man. Like if he's just working 35 hours a week and doesn't have any plans currently to either get a higher paying position or a prestigious one or one in which he is motivated to do his best, then she has to really wonder if his thoughts about personal ambition and career achievements are in line with her own.

 

[Ganjababy]

I would not marry him.

 

[TCatt86]

She may want to rethink marrying him

 

[alexstin]

She needs to re-evaluate marrying this man. Like if he's just working 35 hours a week and doesn't have any plans currently to either get a higher paying position or a prestigious one or one in which he is motivated to do his best, then she has to really wonder if his thoughts about personal ambition and career achievements are in line with her own.

Yeah, he likes the freedom of only working 35 hours a week. I agree, it says a lot because he could definitely be doing something on the side.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

I need more details for context. Is he making $45k while she's making $90k? Does he have plans to go to school? Does he work in management? Do they live in a city where the cost of living is reasonable?

 

[alexstin]

I need more details for context. Is he making $45k while she's making $90k? Does he have plans to go to school? Does he work in management? Do they live in a city where the cost of living is reasonable?

I have no idea about any of that, just know they live on west coast of FL.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

It sounds like they need to have a talk about expectations. If she wants him to be a provider then he needs to know that. On the other hand, if the living expenses are higher because he moved in with her and she chose a place based on her higher income then there needs to be an adjustment period.

 

[Ganjababy]

If she is going to marry him she better have him sign a pre-nup.

 

[GoingBack]

I watched the Suze Orman show when it was on and this kind of issue came up a lot. Below is what she always suggested.

Partner #1 makes $7k/month.
Partner #2 makes $3k/month.
Household expenses total $3k/month.

In the case above, Suze would suggest that the bills be split 70/30, rather than 50/50. This way, each partner/spouse is responsible for an equal percentage of the bills rather than an equal dollar amount. They don’t earn equal dollar amounts, so they shouldn’t pay equal dollar amounts.

After all, paying $1,500 worth of bills (a 50/50 split) drains the $3k earner a lot more, percentage-wise, than it does the $7k earner.

However, she needs seriously evaluate his earning potential and decide if this is something that she can live with....cause I could not.

 

[KimPossibli]

how old are they?

 

[winterinatl]

I think she should re think marrying him because she is not satisfied with what he makes now. She's talking about "motivating" him to make "more".

Well, how much more will make her feel satisfied?

I bet not till he brings home $100,001.00 a year.

This tells me she's not ok with their income status and will grow to resent him. Then he'll cheat with the chick at Taco Bell he "saves".

 

[LiftedUp]

I watched the Suze Orman show when it was on and this kind of issue came up a lot. Below is what she always suggested.

Partner #1 makes $7k/month.
Partner #2 makes $3k/month.
Household expenses total $3k/month.

In the case above, Suze would suggest that the bills be split 70/30, rather than 50/50. This way, each partner/spouse is responsible for an equal percentage of the bills rather than an equal dollar amount. They don’t earn equal dollar amounts, so they shouldn’t pay equal dollar amounts.

After all, paying $1,500 worth of bills (a 50/50 split) drains the $3k earner a lot more, percentage-wise, than it does the $7k earner.

However, she needs seriously evaluate his earning potential and decide if this is something that she can live with....cause I could not.

This would never roll with me. We are spouses not roommates and/or friends. I think men should pay certain bills... but I'm quite the traditionalist.

Regarding the OP, his attitude alone makes me think that she should reevaluate marrying this guy. He sounds as though he's looking for a free ride.

 

[okange76]

This won't end well. This marriage is over even before it has began. First the huge income disparity between the two and the roommate like discussion going on. If a wife is contributing to the household, it should be because she wants to and not because she has to. Now, depending on circumstances, she may need to from time to time but if the family will become automatically homeless if her income is not included then she needs to re-evaluate her choice in a mate.

 

[DarlingNiki1977]

I'm just gonna leave this right here - these are my thoughts on the fiancée.

 

[sunnieb]

Doesn't sound like they are equally yolked in the finance department - and I'm not even talking about the amount each of them earns.

Also, why is she talking about motivating him. The man needs to be self-motivated.

She don't want to marry him.

 

[DarlingNiki1977]

Snark aside, as an attorney, I feel the need to say be very careful marrying a man that makes so much less than you. If you must, get a prenup. If not, don't be surprised if you have to pay him alimony. It happens...often.

 

[SuchaLady]

Lol I love when finance threads pop up here.

 

[janiebaby]

Many people keep stuff separate nowadays. I know cuz I talk to them errday and get yelled at for asking if they have ANYTHING with both their names even a tax return geez.

 

[sj10460]

I would never date a man who made significantly less than I. Actually, he has to make more than me period but the reality is, a lot of women make more money than their partners.

I think they should have a joint or household account and each should have separate personal accounts. It also doesn't make sense paying the bills 50/50 since there is a huge disparity in income.

 

[SuchaLady]

Many people keep stuff separate nowadays. I know cuz I talk to them errday and get yelled at for asking if they have ANYTHING with both their names even a tax return geez.

I kinda have to agree. I work with a high volume of customers and people stay telling me about their house account or how this bill is my bill and that one is their husband/wife's bill

I think I want a household account with my own on the side.

 

[sunnieb]

how old are they?

This is important info. Also, do they have kids from previous relationships or together or both?

I got married young and we were both broke. All of our accounts are joint with equal access (except retirement accounts) and that works for us. However, we both agree on how we spend our money and trust that the other won't drain any account for stupid ish.

 

[intellectualuva]

She is fooling herself. Don't marry him and set him free to find a woman who wouldn't care how much he made or he makes more than her.

 

[LiftedUp]

My boyfriend wants a joint account after marriage. I was like dude, ain't no way! His argument isn't even household expenses but apart from wanting to be twinzies, he wants no issue regarding financial matters if something were to happen to him. I'll have to figure out a way to work around that.

 

[qchelle]

Many people keep stuff separate nowadays. I know cuz I talk to them errday and get yelled at for asking if they have ANYTHING with both their names even a tax return geez.

My parents. They've filed separately for years lmao. And yep, they have his and her bills lmao

 

[FemmeFatale]

I would not date, let alone marry, a man that makes less than me.

 

[alexstin]

@Black Ambrosia @Itgirl @sunnieb

Ok, found some additional info. She's 27, he's 31. He works in a jewelry store with no chance of advancement. She's advanced quite well in her career working at a hotel. He makes 45k and she makes almost twice as much.

 

[Southernbella.]

What I'm really thinking is probably offensive so I'll just say it sounds like she doesnt really want to be married to him and he should find a nice girl who makes a little less than he does and marry and join accounts with her.

 

[GoingBack]

This would never roll with me. We are spouses not roommates and/or friends. I think men should pay certain bills... but I'm quite the traditionalist.

Regarding the OP, his attitude alone makes me think that she should reevaluate marrying this guy. He sounds as though he's looking for a free ride.

I agree. It wouldn't work for me either. No way in hell I would be splitting bills with my hubby like I'm his roommate.

 

[KimPossibli]

when I asked about the age of these ppl.. I was referencing the 'immaturity' of the approach to the decision..

these ppl shouldn't get married period.

I know whats important to me.. and its less about the dollar figure my partner makes and more about the fact that my partner needs to be committed to the support of me and my children and vice versa...

(i'm not marrying any man to struggle though)

but the ppl in the OP.. they should leff out marriage... get a dog or a cat and keep it pushing