When he refuses to call you his girlfriend....

PopLife

PopLife

Well-Known Member
but acts like you are in every other way....

We lost contact for a couple of yrs (friends for 11yrs) but recently reconnected and have been dating for 6 months. We had "the talk" months ago and agreed that we were going to be exclusive. I'm just frustrated because it feels like we're in a relationship, but he refuses to address me as his girlfriend. He knows a lot of people, so when we are out we're always bumping into someone he knows and he always introduces me as his friend. :wallbash: Honestly, I would prefer him to just introduce me without any title because it feels like he's going out of his way to let them know I am only his friend.

I just don't get it because other than the title issue he acts like I'm his girlfriend meaning...we hang out multiple times a week, he calls me everyday, hang out with his friends & family, plans trips with me, leaves me at his place alone, etc...

I have brought it up to him once and he basically could not give me a reason why he does it. My sister said maybe he's the type that doesn't use/like titles, but I find that hard to believe because he addresses each and every one of he's ex's as his "ex-girlfriend". I'm just at my wits end and ready to walk. I've already made up my mind that I am going to stop acting like his girlfriend but I'm not sure what approach I should take...completely shut him out of my life or just make myself unavailable? Please advise...
 
PopLife said:
but acts like you are in every other way....

I've already made up my mind that I am going to stop acting like his girlfriend
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thats what you should do:yep: perhaps he wants you to be a friend with benefits imo.........


you seem like a great person, but he obviously doesn't deserve you
 
Rapunzel* said:
thats what you should do:yep: perhaps he wants you to be a friend with benefits imo.........


you seem like a great person, but he obviously doesn't deserve you
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Thank you...I have never been in this situation before so I wasn't sure if I was over reacting. It's hard, but I have never had to nag a man to make me his girlfriend and I don't plan on starting now....
 
He's treating you like a placeholder until he meets his next 'girlfriend.' :ohwell:

You deserve better!
 
If you want to be acknowledge as his girlfriend, just tell him what you have expressed here. If you don't like the fact that he just calls you a friend although you feel that it is more, maybe you should reconsider this situation. Do you feel like he does it because he wants to keep his options open?

Some people truly don't care about the labeling of relationships and they don't use it as a excuse to not be committed. To be honest labeling of relationships is just a way for people to feel more secure about the situation that they are currently in. Although you may be in an official relationship, a person can still do things as if they are not in a relationship...and all that does is just set you up for pain because you are expecting so much from this one person because you are in a relationship.

But I also understand why people want labels because they want to know where they stand, especially if they want to get serious and eventually lead to marriage.
 
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You've gotten some good responses already. It sounds like a "friends with benefits" situation. So, if that's not what you want... cut him off.
 
tinkat said:
If you want to be acknowledge as his girlfriend, just tell him what you have expressed here. If you don't like the fact that he just calls you a friend although you feel that it is more, maybe you should reconsider this situation. Do you feel like he does it because he wants to keep his options open?

Some people truly don't care about the labeling of relationships and they don't use it as a excuse to not be committed. To be honest labeling of relationships is just a way for people to feel more secure about the situation that they are currently in. Although you may be in an official relationship, a person can still do things as if they are not in a relationship...and all that does is just set you up for pain because you are expecting so much from this one person because you are in a relationship.

But I also understand why people want labels because they want to know where they stand, especially if they want to get serious and eventually lead to marriage.
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I agree with what you are saying but, he adresses his ex's as his past girlfriends. It leads me to think that it's something about me that he as an issue with...
 
PopLife said:
Thank you...I have never been in this situation before so I wasn't sure if I was over reacting. It's hard, but I have never had to nag a man to make me his girlfriend and I don't plan on starting now....
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your welcome and no your not over reaching, over reaching would be to continue to take this mistreatment, you can do so much better, having a man that wants to tell everyone that hes with you. a man that wont have you questioning your relationship
icon7.gif
 
PopLife said:
I agree with what you are saying but, he adresses his ex's as his past girlfriends. It leads me to think that it's something about me that he as an issue with...
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I see. I guess the only thing you can do is ask him about it. It may not be about you, it may have more to do with him.

For me, I am still young only 24, but I was in a serious relationship all throughout college. After I got out of it, I met new people and alot of changes happen to me. Alot of what I use to believe in shifted which included my views on relationships. Although I am open to meeting new people and maybe connecting with one, I am more hesistant on labeling anything and it has nothing with keeping my options open. It has nothing to do with the person, its just how I view things now is different than before.

I know that people use the no label thing as a way to still play the field and they are not honest and upfront about what they want. I think that its important that both people have an understanding so just talk to him about it. And if you feel like something is just not right, distance yourself. Do what makes you feel comfortable.
 
PopLife said:
but acts like you are in every other way....

We lost contact for a couple of yrs (friends for 11yrs) but recently reconnected and have been dating for 6 months. We had "the talk" months ago and agreed that we were going to be exclusive. I'm just frustrated because it feels like we're in a relationship, but he refuses to address me as his girlfriend. He knows a lot of people, so when we are out we're always bumping into someone he knows and he always introduces me as his friend. :wallbash: Honestly, I would prefer him to just introduce me without any title because it feels like he's going out of his way to let them know I am only his friend.

I just don't get it because other than the title issue he acts like I'm his girlfriend meaning...we hang out multiple times a week, he calls me everyday, hang out with his friends & family, plans trips with me, leaves me at his place alone, etc...

I have brought it up to him once and he basically could not give me a reason why he does it. My sister said maybe he's the type that doesn't use/like titles, but I find that hard to believe because he addresses each and every one of he's ex's as his "ex-girlfriend". I'm just at my wits end and ready to walk. I've already made up my mind that I am going to stop acting like his girlfriend but I'm not sure what approach I should take...completely shut him out of my life or just make myself unavailable? Please advise...
Click to expand...

Tell him how you feel. Depending on his reaction you can determine if he is willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy, even if that means putting aside his hang ups on labels to ensure you know where you stand in his life.

I had this similar dilemma with a man who I'm currently ending ties with. He refused to use labels and when introduced to his colleagues/friends, I was labeled his "friend". I addressed my concerns and he gave me a whole spiel on being influenced by society on labels. According to him, labels mean nothing and I should judge him on his actions (not labels) to know where I stand in his life. But according to his Facebook page, he is still "single". :rolleyes:

Then I met someone whom, from the beginning, told me his intentions. There was no guess work or questioning of where he wanted me in his life. It just came naturally, as it should.

Steve Harvey's new book talks about this. Its usually a sign that dude ain't into you as much as you thought.

Good luck with your decision.
 
Just started reading "He's Just Not That Into You" and it sounds like this is one of those situations. When a guy is really into you, there is nothing under the sun that he would do to make you or anyone else think otherwise. Guys are posessive. If he wants you to be his- he will let you, your mama, his friends and the WORLD know it...
 
^^^ THIS. If he wanted you to be his woman, he would be very clear about it... *especially* when introducing you to other people (menfolks in particular). If he's sticking to the "friend" label, it's because he has no serious feelings/regard/intentions and is just wasting your time until he meets someone who will be his "girlfriend" by the 3rd date :rolleyes: while he had you in the "friend" category for ages. Time to KIM.
 
^^^ and to piggyback, he would definitely want to introduce you as his girlfriend to let folks know you are already taken....please believe this. He wouldn't want a chance introduction of you as his friend to lead to an opprotunity for someone else to get you....
 
MoniintheMiddle said:
^^^ and to piggyback, he would definitely want to introduce you as his girlfriend to let folks know you are already taken....please believe this. He wouldn't want a chance introduction of you as his friend to lead to an opprotunity for someone else to get you....
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Yup just like a cat peeing on you.
 
Ms Red said:
He's treating you like a placeholder until he meets his next 'girlfriend.' :ohwell:

You deserve better!
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100% agree. :yep:

I was in a similar situation. Exclusivity with no title. Hanging out constantly, friends and family, trips, plans, at his place all the time. He was not committed to me at all. Eventually he cheated and got that girl pregnant. Wasnt committed to her either because he came running back to me.

This is what I know: Its NOT you. He doesnt know what he wants and you SHOULD NOT wait for him to figure it out. You should definitely move on. You can explain why but unless he decides to express a commitment to you in words and actions, you move on immediately.

It was the best thing to happen to me. I break up with that guy earlier this year. I prayed and had faith that God had someone special for me out there. My current boyfriend found me and now we are talking engagement for 2010-2011. :grin::rolleyes:
 
prettyfaceANB said:
This is what I know: Its NOT you. He doesnt know what he wants and you SHOULD NOT wait for him to figure it out. You should definitely move on. You can explain why but unless he decides to express a commitment to you in words and actions, you move on immediately.
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Emphasis on AND. Well said!
 
firecracker said:
Chile dump him!
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:lachen: you sound like my mama....


Thanks for all of your advice, I plan on cutting him off.
Honestly, the hardest part for me is the why. I have always prided my self in being able to pick up on a person's true intentions but this one through me for a loop. Maybe because we have been friends for so long and I thought he would at least respect me enough as a friend not toy with my emotions...but I guess not.

This too shall pass...sigh
 
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Ms Red said:
He's treating you like a placeholder until he meets his next 'girlfriend.' :ohwell:

You deserve better!
Click to expand...
I agree with this!!! This happened to me last year. This guy I dated for 2 months pretended to like me. We talked for hours every night. We spent time together at his place, he took me out to eat and to the movies. He was even trying to help me start my own business. During the second month of dating, he started distancing himself from me. Then one day, he tells me he has a girlfriend (which was not me) and said he never ever wanted a relationship with me at all. Very deceiving.

To PopLife -- If you desire a true exclusive relationship with a man, he is not the one! GET OUT OF THE SITUATION WITH HIM WHILE YOU CAN!!!
 
Girl, I read your post and I swear I am reading my life.

I have always been able to pick up on people's intentions. But I got lost in the muscles, the boyish good looks, the charm, the smiles, the laughter, THE SEX.....He was no good. I deserved so much better and he even admitted that I did. You are making the absolute right choice. I promise you wont regret it. It will hurt at first but be strong. You'll even feel inadequate like he doesnt want you because youre not good enough. But when you come out bigger, badder, better, you'll wonder why you wasted your time.

***PLAYING MY GIRL POWER MUSIC****:lachen:

PopLife said:
:lachen: you sound like my mama....


Thanks for all of your advice, I plan on cutting him off.
Honestly, the hardest part for me is the why. I have always prided my self in being able to pick up on a person's true intentions but this one through me for a loop. Maybe because we have been friends for so long and I thought he would at least respect me enough as a friend not toy with my emotions...but I guess not.

This too shall pass...sigh
Click to expand...
 
PopLife said:
:lachen: you sound like my mama....


Thanks for all of your advice, I plan on cutting him off.
Honestly, the hardest part for me is the why. I have always prided my self in being able to pick up on a person's true intentions but this one through me for a loop. Maybe because we have been friends for so long and I thought he would at least respect me enough as a friend not toy with my emotions...but I guess not.

This too shall pass...sigh
Click to expand...
:look: ya know Imma senior citizen right? :lachen: Really its good he showed you how he gets down. If I were you I'd start dating others and let him find out he ain't yo man on his own.
 
He may not believe in titles but you do and in my opinion, if he cared about your feelings, he would acknowlege that.
If my guy acted that way with me, I would simply take it as him not being ready to commit.
 
Where do I begin? Run, run for you life!!! Lol, all jokes aside...He couldn't explain why he doesn't call you his girlfriend, right? Why do you think you're required to give any explanation as to why you decide to fade to black? I'll give you some Southern grandmama wisdom (my grandmother and her sister never wanted for suitors even at the age of 84, lol): When a man wants you, he will move heaven and earth to let you know. When he doesn't, well...he'll tell you that too. You just have to have the good sense to listen.

He's reaping all the benefits of everything you have to offer while giving you virtually nothing. And I really think you've become something of an old shoe for him, nice and comfortable and familiar. What are YOU getting out of this? Where is the return on YOUR investment? Sorry to sound preachy but look out for yourself--NO ONE ELSE WILL.
 
Well if he is only your friend well thats thats

Move on

he does not deserve you

You can do better
 
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