When divorced do you keep married name or go back to maiden name?

[dlewis]

I never changed my name when married. Everyone knew me by my maiden name, so i kept it. I think it bothers my 9 year old son that we have different last names because he now uses my last name instead of his - even in school. Hmm.

I didn't know you could do that? What name is on his birth certificate?

 

[JustKiya]

I'm still trying to figure our why a judge have to grant a divorce but a preacher marries you. None of it makes sense to me.

Is there any church that sanctions divorce? And in the eyes of the law, if you don't have a marriage license (granted by the legal system, not the church) you aren't married, anyway. So, since that is the document that marries you (in the eyes of the law) - the same system has to dissolve that marriage. And remember, the state issues the permissions to 'allow' your pastor to marry you - he's just a functionary of the gov't, at that point - in the eyes of the law.

 

[Grow_it_out]

I don't know and I hope to never find out.

 

[Curlee_lurker]

It has to be returned with a signature from the person who officiated your actual wedding.

Oh I totally get all of that. But it's returned to whatever local gov't right? And it's the same legal certificate as if I were married in a courthouse.

I didn't mean it as if you and your husband went down to the courthouse with a witness before your ceremony. I meant the whole thing is a legal matter, this is why the judge dissolves it. It's not like I can just go to church and be a legally married woman without the law being involved. Right?

 

[Bint Yusef]

Oh I totally get all of that. But it's returned to whatever local gov't right? And it's the same legal certificate as if I were married in a courthouse.

I didn't mean it as if you and your husband went down to the courthouse with a witness before your ceremony. I meant the whole thing is a legal matter, this is why the judge dissolves it. It's not like I can just go to church and be a legally married woman without the law being involved. Right?

Ahh okay. I see what you are saying, and agree. Some folks dont see anything other than what "God" says as true marriage, so I can see that debate coming too. But I feel what you are saying.

 

[kandake]

You don't have to have a marriage license to be legally married?

Were you saying that everyone physically stands in front of a judge at the courthouse when they marry? That was my assumption.

Or are you saying that everyone is married at the courthouse because the clerk of court issues and then records marriage licenses/certificates after its been signed by the officiant.

eta: nevermind, I see that you mean the latter. I thought you meant in the physical sense.

 

[Curlee_lurker]

I hope I'm never in a divorce situation at all, the name changing thing seems too tedius for me. I'd just keep it the same. My mom had the most problems with JcPenney not wanting to change her info back without divorce papers. They still won't change it and she's been divorced more than 10 years.

so I can see that debate coming too.

Yep and it would get ugly.

 

[*Happily Me*]

I hyphenated my name and I did not change it after our divorce.

When i remarry, i'lll probably take on his name without the hyphen.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

If I were in that situation with kids I would keep my married name. I wouldn't want none of y'all heartless banshees calling me a baby mama
No in all seriousness, I would keep my married name because I would want to match my children. It would feel strange otherwise. I also would not want to deal with any extra crap that comes with random ppl assuming anything about my circumstances purely based on the different last names.

 

[teenie]

In my case me and dh coincidentally had/have the same last name (I promise we are not related) so I never really thought about it but I would think the woman would want to keep the same last name if they had kids so the last names would all be the same....if no kids change it back unless they were married for a really long time then it would be simpler to just leave it as is.

 

[Caramela]

My mother and father are divorced. She kept her married name. But she also doesn't feel as though she's divorced. She said she took vows until death and that she will always be Mrs.H

My Aunt was married 2x and after this last divorce she went back to her maiden name.

 

[SpyCats]

I kept my married name. If I was childless, I would have gone back to my maiden name.

I was about to type the same response.

If I have children then I'd keep my married name; no kids, then i'll go back to maiden name.

 

[audacity.]

My mother kept her married name until she remarried.

i would keep my married name simply because my kids will carry that name...or maybe i'd hyphenate it...

either way my married name is here to stay - unless of course i remarried...

 

[PinkSkates]

My mother kept her married name until she remarried.

I did the same as your mother.

 

[heyfranz]

I didn't know you could do that? What name is on his birth certificate?

His dad's name is on his birth certificate, but when he does his homework, classwork, art work, etc. he now puts his first name and my last name...


ETA: Since he is doing this, his father and i are thinking of adding my name legally. Not hyphenated but just putting it right before his legal last name. My boss' daughters name is legally this way, but he and the mom aren't married

 

[biancaelyse]

It depends on whether or not there are kids from the marriage. Most divorced women that I know with kids keep it so that they can have the same name, unless the divorce was messy that is!! In that case the wife can't wait to go back to her maiden name.

 

[dlewis]

His dad's name is on his birth certificate, but when he does his homework, classwork, art work, etc. he now puts his first name and my last name...


ETA: Since he is doing this, his father and i are thinking of adding my name legally. Not hyphenated but just putting it right before his legal last name. My boss' daughters name is legally this way, but he and the mom aren't married

My SIL did that but she was never married to the father.

 

[Farida]

The judge that grants the divorce. IDK sweetie, I've never been married or divorced but I've heard this. I'm still trying to figure our why a judge have to grant a divorce but a preacher marries you. None of it makes sense to me.

Technically, the preacher is just an agent. Without authorization and records by the state, your marriage is invalid under the law.

 

[Farida]

Anyone can get whatever name they please. You just go and fill out paperwork...I know there are some restrictions for "inappropriate" names but all else...

At least here, can you believe, in Kenya, to get a divorce you have to be legally separated for 7 years! 7 years!

My aunt had been separated for like 5 years and she wanted a visa to the states to go to her daughter's graduation, and the American Embassy told her that since she was legally married, she would have to bring a letter from her "husband" stating that he gave her permission to go. Ain't that something?

 

[heyfranz]

Looking back, i guess it just would've been simpler to take my husband's name but when our daughter was born, we weren't married and she has my last name. My mom thought she should've had her dad's name, but anyway we got married years later and she was already in school and was "stuck" on keeping her name the same, so to keep her from feeling like an "outsider" i kept my name. She and i have the same last name and my husband and son have the same last name. We got divorced 2 years ago this month and now my son (who is 9) feels like the outsider because my daughter is now 21 and we both have the same name and my son doesn't. So complicated...

 

[Ms_Delikate]

I hyphenated my name when I got married. I didn't want to change it because my last name is really unique and his is really popular/generic (think about the most common last name in America) after we divorced I just dropped the hyphen but my DD has her dad's last name...I don't care what people assume *shrugs*

 

[crlsweetie912]

My sister just finalized her divorce and it's in her papers that she wants to go back to her maiden name. I think in her case she just wanted to be done with ALL of it.

 

[dlewis]

Anyone can get whatever name they please. You just go and fill out paperwork...I know there are some restrictions for "inappropriate" names but all else...

At least here, can you believe, in Kenya, to get a divorce you have to be legally separated for 7 years! 7 years!

My aunt had been separated for like 5 years and she wanted a visa to the states to go to her daughter's graduation, and the American Embassy told her that since she was legally married, she would have to bring a letter from her "husband" stating that he gave her permission to go. Ain't that something?

That is a mess. Did he write the letter? Why does the husband have to give permission?

I remember when I wanted to get my tubes tied they said my husband had the sign the form and I wondered about that.erplexed

 

[ScorpionQueen]

Most of the people I know keep their married name. I think people are more likely to keep their married name when there are children involved.

One person that I know, she changed back to her maiden name as soon as the ink on the divorce papers dried. She had a very messy divorce..

 

[GoingBack]

My parents are divorced and my mom kept her married name. I am married and if I were to divorce, it wouldn't be an issue because I never changed it.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

My mother kept my dad's name until she remarried. She also said it was for my benefit and also because she wanted us to have the same last name at least until I was an adult.

 

[MissYocairis]

I kept my married name because that is my children's name. I have been divorced for six years.

 

[HoneyDew]

I never really offically changed my name.



So it was easy for me.

 

[AKA-Tude]

When my mom got a divorce, she kept the name for us- so we'd all have the same last name.

Noble of her.

But when I got my divorce from first husband, I wasn't feelin' the name anymore- so I got rid of it!

In the divorce decree, I had them change my name back to my birth name.

Our son has his name- that's all that mattered to us.

My maiden name is the same as my now married name.

If it hadn't been, I would have hyphenated.

 

[wannabelong]

My mother did the same. She said it was more for my benefit while growing up so I wouldn't get weird looks or asked stupid questions (my parents divorced when I was a year old). Otherwise, she would have gone back to her maiden name.

That's why I kept my married named until I got re-married.