When did you realize you no longer wanted to be married or in your relationship?

[longhairlover]

I don't know how i'm feeling nowadays, I love my husband, but I just feel like I want to be alone without him in my life.

I always wanted to be married nothing fancy but just married to the man that I love and I guess I have that but maybe "it's me".

I haven't discussed this with my Mom yet or anyone close to me because they will probably be like you shouldn't have gotten married. And my mom was married before and she said it was something she would never do again.

I am confused right now and I don't know what's making me feel this way all of a sudden. I'm starting to feel like why did i get married?

Are there any of you out there that have felt this way about your marriage or relationship with your mate?

I feel bad too that I feel this way because I think I want a divorce.

 

[Country gal]

I realized it when I didn't miss spending time with my SO. I also felt the relationship was more stressful than it was enjoyable.

 

[longhairlover]

I hear ya. I guess i'm also feeling like this because i'm not working right now and then the market is really bad for the type of work that I do. It's just making me feel like I want to deal with my stress by myself and just be alone. I don't want to be around anyone right now.

 

[weaveologist]

When I went into my closet, tried on a pair of jeans, and then realized that were cut up. So I got another pair, and they were cut up too....After I realized that that fool went Edward Scissor Hands on every pair of pants I owned, I knew it was time to bounce.

 

[jaiku]

When I went into my closet, tried on a pair of jeans, and then realized that were cut up. So I got another pair, and they were cut up too....After I realized that that fool went Edward Scissor Hands on every pair of pants I owned, I knew it was time to bounce.

I so wasn't expecting that answer.

 

[jaiku]

Op I feel the same way. I don't know if it's because I'm under alot of stress right now or has this relationship ran it's course.

 

[Syrah]

- I knew when I took a moment to do a "mental inventory" and look at the things I had sacrificed in order to try and maintain a relationship.
- I knew when I consistently found myself reminded that I'm probably better off alone.
- I knew when I realized I was curious about what else was out there - not sexually, but emotionally.
- And I knew when folks would ask me if I had a boyfriend and I would say "its complicated" and not want to discuss the issue any further.

 

[longhairlover]

yeah it is true that finances and ones own stress can make you want to be alone. and it's not that i want someone else because I do love him dearly, but it's my personal stress with having a career it's making me sooo angry day to day, i'm like snappy at everyone that's close to me.

I never thought the economy would get this bad and the financial firms would sink, it's like great my experience for the past 3 yrs has been in investment banking.....now what?

I'm back in school, and looking for all sorts of jobs but times are just bad right now and everyone has put a hault on hiring.

i need a by myself vacation.

Op I feel the same way. I don't know if it's because I'm under alot of stress right now or has this relationship ran it's course.

 

[longhairlover]

h no! you let them get away with that? i love my denim and if anyone did that i wouldn't be responsible for my actions lol!!!!

that is mad catty to cut someones jeans up, it's just not right lol!

When I went into my closet, tried on a pair of jeans, and then realized that were cut up. So I got another pair, and they were cut up too....After I realized that that fool went Edward Scissor Hands on every pair of pants I owned, I knew it was time to bounce.

 

[longhairlover]

I hear you on this one, I mean if you ask i'll tell you i'm married, but i'm still newly married too so taking some getting use to.

it's like you say your in a relationship and people look at you weird

 

[Syrah]

I hear you on this one, I mean if you ask i'll tell you i'm married, but i'm still newly married too so taking some getting use to.

it's like you say your in a relationship and people look at you weird

Because they're reacting more to HOW you say you're in a relationship or married rather than what you're actually saying.

I actually had a co-worker say to me "how come you say it like it's painful" and that's when I realized...

But I also wasn't married...which adds a whole different dynamic to the situation.

 

[longhairlover]

MsNadi

lmao at saying it like it's painful. it can happen. relationships suck.

 

[blkbeauty]

I knew it was over when I didn't want him around and received bad headaches with just a slight thought of him thus when he wasn't around my mood was cheerful.

I remember there were times when I dropped him off at the bus station, so that he could go to work (he worked long distance) and I actually jumped for joy!

 

[longhairlover]

at jumped for joy..

I knew it was over when I didn't want him around and received bad headaches with just a slight thought of him thus when he wasn't around my mood was cheerful.

I remember there were times when I dropped him off at the bus station, so that he could go to work (he worked long distance) and I actually jumped for joy!

 

[Spongie Bloom]

I realised when i hung out with another guy and he leaned in to kiss me and i wanted him to and i didnt feel guilty about it

when i realised this guy and what we had was not worth me making all the sacrifices to come

when i realised when i wasnt with him i didnt miss him

when i didnt feel like admitting i had a bf and people had to remind me lol

when i realised that i would much rather be by myself because it was more trouble than it was worth

o and yeah i broke up with him last nite...and all i can think of is I AM FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

[longhairlover]

congrats stargoddess on your new found freedom lol!!! I know that is a definite sign that it's time to go when you don;t admit your in a relationship.

 

[DayStar]

this thread is making me depressed

 

[Vinyl]

I knew it was over when I'd get physically sick right before I had to see him, because I knew we'd have to have a discussion about how to make the relationship better and I was worried over his actions.

When I started entertaining thoughts of cheating on him because of the lack of affection he showed me.

When I'd confide in my friends about these thoughts and they'd say, "Well, maybe you should give this guy (the guy I thought of cheating on him with) a chance..."

When I'd spend hours thinking about what was wrong with us and how I could make it better.

When I no longer enjoyed talking to him and only really talked to him because he was my SO.

I could go on all day. I'm over it for the most part, but I don't get depressed thinking about it because it reminds me exactly why I needed to get out of that relationship. It's like, "You made the right decision, Dreamer!"

 

[longhairlover]

lol!!! sorry about this sad thread ebonybelle. I was feeling kind of sad today and it's not really my relationship, but my personal achievements and things that are making me feel like I want to be alone.

 

[Spongie Bloom]

congrats stargoddess on your new found freedom lol!!! I know that is a definite sign that it's time to go when you don;t admit your in a relationship.

girl you have no idea how im feeling i was talking to my bff last night before i broke it off and she was all concerned saying will u be ok??i knw its hard and i was like you know what?? im feeling pretty good and today im feeling even better like a huge weight has been lifted

 

[Pat Mahurr]

Longhairlover, how long have you been married?
As much as you prepare for marriage, you never really know what it's like until you get there. I had a bit of "buyer’s remorse" right after I got married because I was overwhelmed with all the togetherness. I'm a solitary person by nature, and I do my best thinking, problem solving, and creative work when I have only myself to consider. In the first year of our marriage, I never felt like myself. There was job drama, his health problems, step-kids, a few deaths in the family. It was crazy! There was always someone around, gnawing at my "me time" and I couldn't get my thoughts together to work out the problems. I thought about getting a divorce just so I could hear myself think! I stuck it out because I realized that every successful marriage is about adjustment, commitment, and, compromise. Those early circumstances in our marriage were temporary. They didn’t change the fact that I loved him. Fast forward to almost 7 years later, we’re still together and happy! All of the problems that attacked us during that first year are long gone. My husband has learned to give me space when I need it, and I’m much happier for it. But I’ve also learned to share my burdens with him. I’ve learned that I don’t have to be superwoman all the time. We are a team. We work together now. There’ve been plenty of ups and downs since that first year, but since then, I view him as a partner rather than an imposition. Now, I really believe married life is the best thing for me.

I think that what you're going through is temporary as well. Give yourself and your marriage some time. It doesn't sound like it's your marriage that's in need of fixing. Just some temporary circumstances.

 

[DayStar]

all im saying is make sure you have a clear head before you scream DIVORCE....i make a lot of dumb decisions when im fustrated and mad....then i look back like WTF? ....

lol!!! sorry about this sad thread ebonybelle. I was feeling kind of sad today and it's not really my relationship, but my personal achievements and things that are making me feel like I want to be alone.

 

[Browndilocks]

I'm not married but just from the outside looking in, times like these are what marriage is for. Not sure what your exact vows were but most include "for better or worse". Perhaps this is one of those "worse" times. Maybe you need to take advantage of that aspect . Marriage is on a completely different level than just having a SO, and being able to walk away because your mood or thought process changes. I dont know. I'm not trying to be preachy but I really hope you can work things out within your marriage, or learn how to cope with your situation without isolating yourself from the one person who has vowed to be there for you. :Rose:

 

[Vanity1]

Longhairlover, how long have you been married?
As much as you prepare for marriage, you never really know what it's like until you get there. I had a bit of "buyer’s remorse" right after I got married because I was overwhelmed with all the togetherness. I'm a solitary person by nature, and I do my best thinking, problem solving, and creative work when I have only myself to consider. In the first year of our marriage, I never felt like myself. There was job drama, his health problems, step-kids, a few deaths in the family. It was crazy! There was always someone around, gnawing at my "me time" and I couldn't get my thoughts together to work out the problems. I thought about getting a divorce just so I could hear myself think! I stuck it out because I realized that every successful marriage is about adjustment, commitment, and, compromise. Those early circumstances in our marriage were temporary. They didn’t change the fact that I loved him. Fast forward to almost 7 years later, we’re still together and happy! All of the problems that attacked us during that first year are long gone. My husband has learned to give me space when I need it, and I’m much happier for it. But I’ve also learned to share my burdens with him. I’ve learned that I don’t have to be superwoman all the time. We are a team. We work together now. There’ve been plenty of ups and downs since that first year, but since then, I view him as a partner rather than an imposition. Now, I really believe married life is the best thing for me.

I think that what you're going through is temporary as well. Give yourself and your marriage some time. It doesn't sound like it's your marriage that's in need of fixing. Just some temporary circumstances.

Thanks for this, Pat, cause I don't mean to hijack, but I feel like that sometimes too. I am newly married, and I am an introvert, so I don't know, I know I love him, but trying to nurture a relationship can be too much sometimes in addition to your own personal life.

I think he feels like I treat him like he is in the way, and sometimes I feel that he is in the way, when I need to accomplish and think about something to which he is no help.

So, OP, I totally feel you.

 

[longhairlover]

Stargoddess, when I was dating I had a bf like that I actually hated him but stayed with him and I don't know why nothing was good about him and I mean 'nothing'. It had finally got to the point where when we broke up that was the only guy I never ever wanted to call ever again!

 

[longhairlover]

thank you so much for what you said below. he is a really really good man and I know it was a blessing for us meeting.

We have only been married a little over a year, it's very new to me, the sharing of everything living with someone other than my mother. I guess sometimes it's just a shock, I knew marriage was always something that I wanted, guess I shouldn't ruin the only thing positive that has happened to me in the past 3 yrs

it's really me personally with myself that's making me unhappy.

At times I just feel like since i've been married my career and stuff has went downhill. I thought there were supposed to be blessings for married couples. I mean my husband is lucky with his career but me on the other hand

it really is a challenge being married, i just thought it was romance and happiness.

Longhairlover, how long have you been married?
As much as you prepare for marriage, you never really know what it's like until you get there. I had a bit of "buyer’s remorse" right after I got married because I was overwhelmed with all the togetherness. I'm a solitary person by nature, and I do my best thinking, problem solving, and creative work when I have only myself to consider. In the first year of our marriage, I never felt like myself. There was job drama, his health problems, step-kids, a few deaths in the family. It was crazy! There was always someone around, gnawing at my "me time" and I couldn't get my thoughts together to work out the problems. I thought about getting a divorce just so I could hear myself think! I stuck it out because I realized that every successful marriage is about adjustment, commitment, and, compromise. Those early circumstances in our marriage were temporary. They didn’t change the fact that I loved him. Fast forward to almost 7 years later, we’re still together and happy! All of the problems that attacked us during that first year are long gone. My husband has learned to give me space when I need it, and I’m much happier for it. But I’ve also learned to share my burdens with him. I’ve learned that I don’t have to be superwoman all the time. We are a team. We work together now. There’ve been plenty of ups and downs since that first year, but since then, I view him as a partner rather than an imposition. Now, I really believe married life is the best thing for me.

I think that what you're going through is temporary as well. Give yourself and your marriage some time. It doesn't sound like it's your marriage that's in need of fixing. Just some temporary circumstances.

 

[longhairlover]

your right about the D word. guess that is the child in me. I really need to grow up and I have that habit too of dumb decision making that's why my career is all screwed up.

i guess some people like myself are never happy, I guess i need to go back to dating all those losers, cheaters and bad guys to come back to reality.

all im saying is make sure you have a clear head before you scream DIVORCE....i make a lot of dumb decisions when im fustrated and mad....then i look back like WTF? ....

 

[longhairlover]

your right, i'm an a^^ i must admit, i guess that's what the vows mean by better or worse, i really need to grow up and i'm in my late 20's so when will it happen that I grow to be a mature woman that is not willing to run from things when they are not perfect. your right about it not being someone that i'm dating that it's a marriage.

your comment has me sitting here feeling like a dang fool but thank you for it.

I'm not married but just from the outside looking in, times like these are what marriage is for. Not sure what your exact vows were but most include "for better or worse". Perhaps this is one of those "worse" times. Maybe you need to take advantage of that aspect . Marriage is on a completely different level than just having a SO, and being able to walk away because your mood or thought process changes. I dont know. I'm not trying to be preachy but I really hope you can work things out within your marriage, or learn how to cope with your situation without isolating yourself from the one person who has vowed to be there for you. :Rose:

 

[Pat Mahurr]

thank you so much for what you said below. he is a really really good man and I know it was a blessing for us meeting.

We have only been married a little over a year, it's very new to me, the sharing of everything living with someone other than my mother. I guess sometimes it's just a shock, I knew marriage was always something that I wanted, guess I shouldn't ruin the only thing positive that has happened to me in the past 3 yrs

it's really me personally with myself that's making me unhappy.

At times I just feel like since i've been married my career and stuff has went downhill. I thought there were supposed to be blessings for married couples. I mean my husband is lucky with his career but me on the other hand

it really is a challenge being married, i just thought it was romance and happiness.

When you're used to doing for yourself, it's hard to see your husband's success as your own, but it is. The blessing for married couples does apply to you. There are a lot of people right now who are unemployed and single, or are unemployed and have a spouse who also is not working, so they have NO other income. You have that. You have a "really really good man" to rely on. That's a blessing, no? I agree that it truly is a challenge being married. This economy is doing damage to a lot of relationships I've seen. But don't sell out yet. The value of your marriage isn't going down with the stock market.

 

[longhairlover]

yeah i also have some maturing to do as well. we need to get it together before our husbands get tired of our drama and move on.

I'm an introvert too, and with my personal stress i just like to be alone.

But like some of the other ladies on here said we should remember we made that commitment and vows and during hard times we should appreciate we have someone there and that we are not alone.

but also I agree with you on men not being any help or supportive with things, that is one of my issues with him that has me wanting to be alone maybe not divorce but alone sometimes, i support him with his career and stand by him, but he doesn't know how to lend the same hand for me or affection.

Thanks for this, Pat, cause I don't mean to hijack, but I feel like that sometimes too. I am newly married, and I am an introvert, so I don't know, I know I love him, but trying to nurture a relationship can be too much sometimes in addition to your own personal life.

I think he feels like I treat him like he is in the way, and sometimes I feel that he is in the way, when I need to accomplish and think about something to which he is no help.

So, OP, I totally feel you.