What things have you learned about relationships from MEN?

[zzirvingj]

*Excluding* men you've dated/been in relationships/marriages with, what kinds of things have you learned about relationships from male relatives/friends?

For instance, ways they think differently than women, how they approach relationships, things men have told you to look out for or to appreciate in other men, etc.?

Has a male ever told you or taught you something about men that has always 'stuck with you' that you'd like to share?

 

[ThickHair]

From my brother: "When you ask me what is wrong and I say nothing, 9 times out of 10 there is NOTHING wrong. Quit asking, it bother's me."

 

[Mai Tai]

I've learned that men ARE different from women. They think, act, and react differently then us. Not better or worse then us, just different. I have come to love and respect these differences.

 

[zzirvingj]

From my brother: "When you ask me what is wrong and I say nothing, 9 times out of 10 there is NOTHING wrong. Quit asking, it bother's me."

I like this one. I must say...I don't think it's this way 9 times out of 10 for women, though....lol

 

[chelleyrock]

Subbing....(raised by mostly women)

 

[QueenFee]

Nothing at all, not that close to any of my male relatives and the male friends I had were looking for a chance to get a pity color=(

 

[chicitygirl]

That if a man really cares about you, he'll both show you and tell you. If you have to wonder if he does, the answer is probably no.

 

[lushcoils]

Men have feelings too.

 

[Precious_P]

I have learned that men do not know how to express their emotions but it does not mean they do not have them or that they are not affected by them.

Sent from my Droid using Long Hair Care Forum App

 

[cutiepiebabygirl]

My dad told me, that if a man wants/ loves you...he'll move Heaven and Earth for you.

A real man put his family's needs first.

Always requires respect, don't ever let a man disrespect you, because if you let him do it once, he'll never stop!

**What I've learned is that women tend to make decisions with their heart and men make decisions with their head. **

 

[HollyGolightly]

My play brother taught me that men don't commit to women they don't respect. It doesn't matter how pretty they are, how much money they make, or what the woman does for them. If they don't respect a woman then they'll string her along and use her for whatever they can get.

It's not fair, but men value a woman's beauty more than anything else. Women will overlook mediocre looks if a man has more to offer, but a man will never settle and commit to someone that he's not attracted to.

Men are emo! They crave love and affection just as much as we do.

 

[brg240]

My play brother taught me that men don't commit to women they don't respect. It doesn't matter how pretty they are, how much money they make, or what the woman does for them. If they don't respect a woman then they'll string her along and use her for whatever they can get.

It's not fair, but men value a woman's beauty more than anything else. Women will overlook mediocre looks if a man has more to offer, but a man will never settle and commit to someone that he's not attracted to.

I agree with your whole statement especially this statement. My older bro, his friend and I were having a discussion and his friend asked him would he ever get with a woman that he didn't find attractive. His answer 'never' and his friend asked even if he met all his other standards. My bro was like I'd never know because if I'm not attracted to them they're automatic friends. I've heard similar things from other men, including my twin and dad. I think women have more leeway regarding looks.

things they've told me

Most men don't just want to be your friend. (I know it's not true for every woman but it's been my experience)

Men and women can't simply be friends if they're attracted to each other.

If he's not willing to treat you with respect then he's not worth it at all. No use pining over him, not worth your time.

My brothers said that since I'm a woman I shouldn't ever have to pay for anything when I go out.

Things I learned
It's not only women that get really hurt in relationships, it's men too. They might not be able to express it the same but they hurt as deeply. Also, I think they need to talk about their feelings but they often don't.

If a man can't treat me as well as my bros or my dad, they aren't worth my time.

 

[phynestone]

My play brother taught me that men don't commit to women they don't respect. It doesn't matter how pretty they are, how much money they make, or what the woman does for them. If they don't respect a woman then they'll string her along and use her for whatever they can get.

It's not fair, but men value a woman's beauty more than anything else. Women will overlook mediocre looks if a man has more to offer, but a man will never settle and commit to someone that he's not attracted to.

Men are emo! They crave love and affection just as much as we do.

A bitter pill to swallow, but I think it's oh so true. Especially with the last guy I recently dated.

 

[loolalooh]

This is kind of personal, but it really impacted me and maybe it'll impact another. This is more for the woman who's "all about independence" but wants to get married. Or the one dating a man who's on a lower pay scale, etc. I heard this one today from a relative:

"There are plenty of successful, intelligent, beautiful, single women. There are also successful, intelligent, beautiful, married women. Which one do you want to be?"

Me: Married.

"Then make him feel like he is in control sometimes. Even if he's not, make him think he is sometimes."

 

[Syrah]

This is kind of personal, but it really impacted me and maybe it'll impact another. This is more for the woman who's "all about independence" but wants to get married. Or the one dating a man who's on a lower pay scale, etc. I heard this one today from a relative:

"There are plenty of successful, intelligent, beautiful, single women. There are also successful, intelligent, beautiful, married women. Which one do you want to be?"

Me: Married.

"Then make him feel like he is in control sometimes. Even if he's not, make him think he is sometimes."

Amen Amen AMEN.

If YOU choose the right man, he will not be threatened by your success, education, title, independence.

9 times out of 10, if we met you in the club, we're not trying to learn to respect you.

Every so often let him do something for you that you know you could do yourself. Just like we want to feel wanted/needed, so do they.

It is never JUST a massage.

 

[Spiffy]

They will use and take advantage of a woman, but they don't see it that way. If you allow yourself to be taken advantage of they actually don't assume responsibility when you feel hurt because they think you understand the consequences from the beginning.

When they meet a woman that seemingly has all the makings of being that elusive one or someone really special, but she gives in to him too soon or lets him get away with something major (they test us too!), they actually feel let down.

 

[HollyGolightly]

This is kind of personal, but it really impacted me and maybe it'll impact another. This is more for the woman who's "all about independence" but wants to get married. Or the one dating a man who's on a lower pay scale, etc. I heard this one today from a relative:

"There are plenty of successful, intelligent, beautiful, single women. There are also successful, intelligent, beautiful, married women. Which one do you want to be?"

Me: Married.

"Then make him feel like he is in control sometimes. Even if he's not, make him think he is sometimes."

I wouldn't even say it's a control thing. Just make him feel like a "man". Traditionally, men are supposed to be strong, protective, and self-reliant. Even if you think gender roles are a bunch of bs, he'll love when you take notice and praise him for acting manly.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

I wouldn't even say it's a control thing. Just make him feel like a "man". Traditionally, men are supposed to be strong, protective, and self-reliant. Even if you think gender roles are a bunch of bs, he'll love when you take notice and praise him for acting manly.

So many women don't do this. I so agree with this 100%.

 

[TLC1020]

Men are not that hard to figure out...

If they are into you, you will know it... If they are not into you, you will know it..
If you're not the only one, you will know it, if you are you will know it..
Always go by actions not always by his words..
Men gossip just like women do
Men are not emotional like women but they do have feelings

 

[Guitarhero]

That the minute they've laid eyes on you, they've already sized you up as whether or not you're just a one-night stand possibility or something more.

 

[MissMasala5]

This is kind of personal, but it really impacted me and maybe it'll impact another. This is more for the woman who's "all about independence" but wants to get married. Or the one dating a man who's on a lower pay scale, etc. I heard this one today from a relative:

"There are plenty of successful, intelligent, beautiful, single women. There are also successful, intelligent, beautiful, married women. Which one do you want to be?"

Me: Married.

"Then make him feel like he is in control sometimes. Even if he's not, make him think he is sometimes."

And that, ladies, is the simple truth. I didn't want to hear that ish from my mom with my first marriage, and that failed and ended miserably because my ego, youth, personality--whatever, wouldn't allow me to follow this advice. There were many things wrong but I can see where this would have helped. Today, all I can say is, "Thank you, Mama! Aren't you glad you didn't have to tell me twice?"

 

[Dposh167]

ive been told that men are on their best behavior when u first meet them. well most....so dont take all of their first impressions for the truth. Pay attention once that fades.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

My bro-in-law : "If a man really wants you, nothing will stand in his way to be with you. NOTHING. Not distance or another man."

 

[nathansgirl1908]

What I have learned is that men just don't typically get as involved as we get emotionally. I have also learned, although most women seem to get offended by this when I say it, that men marry for different reasons than we do. Hence we are focused on love while they are focused on practical things.

And then, the big thing that I have learned is that men know what they want and will go after it. If he has been with you for years and years and you are not in school or have some serious pressing issues that would hinder marriage, then he doesn't want to marry you. In addition, men aren't shy enough NOT to go after a woman they really want. WE tell ourselves that he must be shy when the reality is that he probably just really isn't into you like that.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Always requires respect, don't ever let a man disrespect you, because if you let him do it once, he'll never stop!

Amen. I have noticed a HUGE difference now that I have started being more firm about this kind of thing.

**What I've learned is that women tend to make decisions with their heart and men make decisions with their head. **

Yep and I nearly got shot when I said this around a group of female friends once when we were talking about men. But this explains why things pan out sometimes the way they do and why we stay so hung up while men seem to be able to separate themselves easier and quicker.

 

[ThickHair]

Every so often let him do something for you that you know you could do yourself. Just like we want to feel wanted/needed, so do they.

It is never JUST a massage.

I "let" my SO straighten out my issue with a certain airline about my frequent flyer miles. He was proud as a peacock. I just called and told the airline that I had him on the line and their was something that I was confused about and he was helping. He is so dipolmatic and a gentleman and I just melted. In all honesty whenever I called I was on hold forever and we called (cus he was a little preturbed that it had been 2 weeks and I was not given my proper miles), we somehow managed to get through.

 

[caribeandiva]

*subscribing* Great thread op!

What I've learned from my brothers (I have 6 of them):

-Looks matter

-If a man doesn't ask you out it's because he's not interested enough to try. That's it. Period. Not even shyness stops them.

-Let them chase you. They only appreciate what they worked hard to get.

 

[MzPrince]

If a man tells you he does or does not want something, take him for his word. He means it.

 

[carcajada]

That a guy can cheat on you and still love you.

That most guys will stick their peens in anything given the right circumstances regardless of relationship status.

 

[Ganjababy]

Don't do stuff for him (like cooking, washing, cleaning) thinking that those things will endear you to him. In most cases, it only make you look desperate. If he falls for you, it will be because of you, not because you are a good little homemaker.

2 guys thought me this. One went out with my cousin. He used to bring his laundry to her house and she would wash his clothes and cook him dinners and stuff. She thought that he would definately marry her. He never wifed her though. He got married to someone else. She learned her lesson and only ever washed her current husbands clothes after they became married.

A guy friend of mine told me that some women appear desperate to him when they try too hard. Like wanting to always cook for him even though they just started dating. Or one lady stocking up on loads of booze and suddenly having a bar in her living room (even though she does not drink alcohol) after she found out that he liked a drink or two.
Another of his lady friends setting up a meeting with her Dad and him, after only 2 dates.