Bubblingbrownshuga
Well-Known Member
I hear women say, 'he should provide for me and the family' but what do you mean by this, especially in this day and age when women make more than men.
What IS a provider?
- Thread starter Bubblingbrownshuga
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CarefreeinChicago
Well-Known Member
My ex was a great provider, he saw a need for something and made sure it was taking care of: saw red light filter on fridge next time he came over he had the right fillter. To me it means small stuff. He handled business, he learned that from his father who he saw provided anything his mom needed for 44 plus years. We went to a ski weekend and there was some kind of mix up, I didn't have to go abw on them, he went up there and got results. When we would go on family weekend trips he made sure everyone had supplies.
LiftedUp
Well-Known Member
Be the spiritual, financial and emotional rock of the household. Of course things happen and he may falter in one or more at one time or the other. But that's the ideal.
eta: If I'm making more than him, he should get a part-time job or open a side business to help supplement his income. This is for me and my preference.
eta: If I'm making more than him, he should get a part-time job or open a side business to help supplement his income. This is for me and my preference.
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fluffyforever
Well-Known Member
I agree with this. I don't think of a provider as giving me money (especially since I make way more than him). But a provider is someone who I can leave any situation to and it will be handled, sometimes before I even know there is a situation. I can count on him to get stuff done, leaving me worry free and able to sit back and relax.
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
This is an interesting question that came up for me over the weekend. I've noticed a lot of marriages with women older than the husbands, not necessarily by a lot, but somewhat. I do not think there's anything wrong with a wife being older than her husband, but these relationships seem to be a lot more like partnerships without the expectation of the man "providing." They're both building something together.
Age might not have much to do with it. I see this more often now amongst my peers. Women seem to be looking more for companionship. I see a lot of men who are great at being responsible for themselves, but who don't give off the vibe that they would be interested in being responsible for a wife and children in a breadwinner sort of way.
When I think of providing, I think of a man taking responsibility for the woman, making sure she is taken care of, making sure his kids are taken care of--and doing so without feeling resentful. The apparent success of the relationships I saw made me re-think my own position; however, it seems like this trait will make a big difference if a woman ever desires to be a SAHM.
Age might not have much to do with it. I see this more often now amongst my peers. Women seem to be looking more for companionship. I see a lot of men who are great at being responsible for themselves, but who don't give off the vibe that they would be interested in being responsible for a wife and children in a breadwinner sort of way.
When I think of providing, I think of a man taking responsibility for the woman, making sure she is taken care of, making sure his kids are taken care of--and doing so without feeling resentful. The apparent success of the relationships I saw made me re-think my own position; however, it seems like this trait will make a big difference if a woman ever desires to be a SAHM.
Aviah
Well-Known Member
In traditional terms it just means money imo.
However I see it as anyone who has something to give and does so willingly. Love, affection, support, encouragement, experience, as well as money. Those- a woman or a man can give. Imo, its what both should give each other and any children they have.
Though women tend not to earn as much as men, its more likely and feasible that women and men provide together, especially in this economy.
However I see it as anyone who has something to give and does so willingly. Love, affection, support, encouragement, experience, as well as money. Those- a woman or a man can give. Imo, its what both should give each other and any children they have.
Though women tend not to earn as much as men, its more likely and feasible that women and men provide together, especially in this economy.
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MizAvalon
Well-Known Member
Agreed. This is what I think of when I am thinking of provider. Him being able to provide financially is wonderful of course but I need a man who can get things done. Make sure that me and my needs are always taken care of, whatever they may be.
I can not and will not have a Beta sitting at the head of my table pretending that he leads our family.
erplexed
RocStar
Well-Known Member
When I use the word, I mean it in the traditional, dictionary definition sense.
Overall, women still make less than men, so we are still at a disadvantage.
naturalmanenyc
Well-Known Member
I agree with you kinchen. In this day and age where both spouses typically work, it's not simply about men providing financially.
I came in from work yesterday to find DH doing the laundry and he had his drill out to make a home repair. He did the vacuuming and mopped the floors a couple of days ago. When I came in from work today he had done the dishes....during a break and then he went back to work. We had tire issues with all 3 vehicles over the weekend. DH got that all fixed and called me just to let me know where the cars were parked. I also send in DH to deal with random household problems since he gets faster results with vendors/complex staff.
A coworker was complaining today, again, about her deadbeat husband who won't help with anything....not even with their 2 kids. She is like his personal assistant since he cannot do anything on his own. I hear her scheduling all of his appointments during the work day although at one point he was at home with a back injury. Even today she was complaining about his not helping the kids with homework so she had to be up late helping the kids. I am not sure why she hasn't divorced him since it's been YEARS of her complaining about the guy. He seems nice enough at the holiday parties but that is only because he has no idea how bad she talks about him at the office.
I came in from work yesterday to find DH doing the laundry and he had his drill out to make a home repair. He did the vacuuming and mopped the floors a couple of days ago. When I came in from work today he had done the dishes....during a break and then he went back to work. We had tire issues with all 3 vehicles over the weekend. DH got that all fixed and called me just to let me know where the cars were parked. I also send in DH to deal with random household problems since he gets faster results with vendors/complex staff.
A coworker was complaining today, again, about her deadbeat husband who won't help with anything....not even with their 2 kids. She is like his personal assistant since he cannot do anything on his own. I hear her scheduling all of his appointments during the work day although at one point he was at home with a back injury. Even today she was complaining about his not helping the kids with homework so she had to be up late helping the kids. I am not sure why she hasn't divorced him since it's been YEARS of her complaining about the guy. He seems nice enough at the holiday parties but that is only because he has no idea how bad she talks about him at the office.
Anakinsmomma
Well-Known Member
In my case I make a lot more than DH. So he provides in other ways:
-he contributes what he can our savings. It's not much but he does it faithfully.
-makes sure I get a full eight hours sleep when I come home from work. That means watching our son every morning. The nights he's home he also puts DS to bed. He also takes DS to daycare in the morning two days a week.
-doing half the cooking and cleaning
-keeping track of car maintenance for both our cars. Doing small things like checking air pressure, oil changes, fluid top ups and taking the car to the shop for bigger things.
-he buys the milk, juices, breakfast foods and snacks for the house and I pick up everything else.
-most of all, he's super supportive and does his best to make our home life as stress free as possible. He also has my back and will go HAM on someone on my behalf. Sometimes he gets more upset about people slighting me than I do
.
Now, when he graduates school and starts bringing in more money, he's going to be expected to contribute more financially
-he contributes what he can our savings. It's not much but he does it faithfully.
-makes sure I get a full eight hours sleep when I come home from work. That means watching our son every morning. The nights he's home he also puts DS to bed. He also takes DS to daycare in the morning two days a week.
-doing half the cooking and cleaning
-keeping track of car maintenance for both our cars. Doing small things like checking air pressure, oil changes, fluid top ups and taking the car to the shop for bigger things.
-he buys the milk, juices, breakfast foods and snacks for the house and I pick up everything else.
-most of all, he's super supportive and does his best to make our home life as stress free as possible. He also has my back and will go HAM on someone on my behalf. Sometimes he gets more upset about people slighting me than I do
.Now, when he graduates school and starts bringing in more money, he's going to be expected to contribute more financially
ScorpioBeauty09
Well-Known Member
I agree. I've actually never heard of or seen the term "provider" being used in any other context until reading this thread.
erplexed
awhyley
Well-Known Member
Now, that's a provider and a KING!
(No kangs for you)
That kind of thing just burns my soul, but she stays so she must know what she's doing.
(She really needs to address that).
I can not and will not have a Beta sitting at the head of my table pretending that he leads our family.
PREACH!!!
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lilanie
New Member
My dad...
Held down the household, while my mother moved up the ranks in the VA system (tapped out at Associate Director), and while she got her masters (in suntin).
Isn't all that mechanically inclined (he's a retired librarian, lol) - but did our hair, and got us ready for school - in fact, anytime we looked super cute, he was to thank. Planned living arrangements and showered my mom with attention/affection and gifts...
Pulled his weight financially...
Held down the household, while my mother moved up the ranks in the VA system (tapped out at Associate Director), and while she got her masters (in suntin).
Isn't all that mechanically inclined (he's a retired librarian, lol) - but did our hair, and got us ready for school - in fact, anytime we looked super cute, he was to thank. Planned living arrangements and showered my mom with attention/affection and gifts...
Pulled his weight financially...
