What happened to tha sistahood of hair-growing?

[Lucia]

I've been noticing a trend lately, actually it's been a while, this is a hair board with spin-off topics and we can all express our opinions, right? Maybe not even the littlest of topics, about haircare methods, product reviews result in the OP getting attacked. I know this is not why the boards came into existence, haven't some of you noticed that alot of the original hair diva's have not been here, either every once in a while or have been totally M.I.A? It's because some negative people are ruining it for the rest of us.

Everyone posts advice or regime's, reggie's according to what works for them, and alot of times those members who have had hair success their techniques seem to work for alot of other members too, that's what I thought this was about, not about getting personal frustrations or jealousies off by attacking someone for their hard earned hair success.
I remember when you could come on here and say that you ruined your hair by going to a scissor happy stylist or got a bad perm, color etc... and you got support and postivie words even cyber hugs, now you can hardly type a word without the feeling that someone or a couple someone's will diss, harass, and ridicule you, your post, and/or your right to post how far you've come in the hair game. Even pics aren't good enough anymore as they are coming under scrutiny even though you clearly see the person's scalp before and after press, perm, etc...

I hope that this kind of climate doesn't drive away all our hair gurus and divas cause then what would be the point of having a hair board if no one's here to give advice from experience, trial and error, and celebrate every and all hair triumphs great-lengths and short-lengths. that's all....

 

[Riverwalk]

I've been noticing a trend lately, actually it's been a while, this is a hair board with spin-off topics and we can all express our opinions, right? Maybe not even the littlest of topics, about haircare methods, product reviews result in the OP getting attacked. I know this is not why the boards came into existence, haven't some of you noticed that alot of the original hair diva's have not been here, either every once in a while or have been totally M.I.A? It's because some negative people are ruining it for the rest of us.

Everyone posts advice or regime's, reggie's according to what works for them, and alot of times those members who have had hair success their techniques seem to work for alot of other members too, that's what I thought this was about, not about getting personal frustrations or jealousies off by attacking someone for their hard earned hair success.
I remember when you could come on here and say that you ruined your hair by going to a scissor happy stylist or got a bad perm, color etc... now you can hardly type a word without the feeling that someone or a couple someone's will diss, harass, and ridicule you, your post, and/or your right to post how far you've come in the hair game. Even pics aren't good enough anymore as they are coming under scrutiny even though you clearly see the person's scalp before and after press, perm, etc...

I hope that this kind of climate doesn't drive away all our hair gurus and divas cause then what would be the pint of having a hair board if no one's here to give advice form experience, trial and error, and celebrate every and all hair triumphs great-lengths and short-lengths. that's all....

I have been here a while as well, and I have noticed this too. ITA.

 

[Irresistible]

I've been noticing a trend lately, actually it's been a while, this is a hair board with spin-off topics and we can all express our opinions, right? Maybe not even the littlest of topics, about haircare methods, product reviews result in the OP getting attacked. I know this is not why the boards came into existence, haven't some of you noticed that alot of the original hair diva's have not been here, either every once in a while or have been totally M.I.A? It's because some negative people are ruining it for the rest of us.

Everyone posts advice or regime's, reggie's according to what works for them, and alot of times those members who have had hair success their techniques seem to work for alot of other members too, that's what I thought this was about, not about getting personal frustrations or jealousies off by attacking someone for their hard earned hair success.
I remember when you could come on here and say that you ruined your hair by going to a scissor happy stylist or got a bad perm, color etc... and you got support and postivie words even cyber hugs, now you can hardly type a word without the feeling that someone or a couple someone's will diss, harass, and ridicule you, your post, and/or your right to post how far you've come in the hair game. Even pics aren't good enough anymore as they are coming under scrutiny even though you clearly see the person's scalp before and after press, perm, etc...

I hope that this kind of climate doesn't drive away all our hair gurus and divas cause then what would be the pint of having a hair board if no one's here to give advice form experience, trial and error, and celebrate every and all hair triumphs great-lengths and short-lengths. that's all....

Lucia! girl I DONT KNOW what happened, but the whole tone is different! no respect whatsoever! personal attacks when speaking on a product, insults , character attacks, ambushes, Ive seen it all lately. I have never seen lhcf like this! its like its divided now into the 'in crowds' and now there are clicks , no sisterhood whatsoever! Those days seem to be gone! I have been shocked at what goes on here now! Really! and yeah I noticed when I came back around so many of the most beautiful positive ladies that had been here so long, arent around. I miss them and what lhcf used to be! yes this could change lhcf drastically! and many would not want to be here for whats been going on lately! who would?

 

[ShiShiPooPoo]

I was just wondering why I hadn't seen a posts from two specific people in a long while.

It's not only affecting the gurus by driving them away but it's also affecting those of us who ARE congenial and who really are interested in their insight, recs, guidance, etc.

 

[Nonie]

Hi Lucia

So true, Lucia. I remember when discussions were light and happy and positive. Do you remember days when only trolls made for an unpleasant discussion? Granted, it wasn't always roses, but it was definitely less caustic than these days.

After a while, you learn what threads not to bother opening. Actually, I think my laziness has worked in my favor: I can only be here for a few minutes at a time, and so usually don't have time or the energy to read a thread that is 179870980147 pages long, and by fluke, I've escaped the negative vibes that come from reading unpleasant things.

It is nice to see you back Lucia. I got as excited as the day I saw Adrianne our former poster-child post.

 

[Lucia]

Hi Lucia

So true, Lucia. I remember when discussions were light and happy and positive. Do you remember days when only trolls made for an unpleasant discussion? Granted, it wasn't always roses, but it was definitely less caustic than these days.

After a while, you learn what threads not to bother opening. Actually, I think my laziness has worked in my favor: I can only be here for a few minutes at a time, and so usually don't have time or the energy to read a thread that is 179870980147 pages long, and by fluke, I've escaped the negative vibes that come from reading unpleasant things.

It is nice to see you back Lucia. I got as excited as the day I saw Adrianne our former poster-child post.

Thanks Nonie, Iris, Shishipoo, vlm80, that just made this post worth it.

 

[LaPetiteCoquette]

Lucia! girl I DONT KNOW what happened, but the whole tone is different! no respect whatsoever! personal attacks when speaking on a product, insults , character attacks, ambushes, Ive seen it all lately. I have never seen lhcf like this! its like its divided now into the 'in crowds' and now there are clicks , no sisterhood whatsoever! Those days seem to be gone! I have been shocked at what goes on here now! Really! and yeah I noticed when I came back around so many of the most beautiful positive ladies that had been here so long, arent around. I miss them and what lhcf used to be! yes this could change lhcf drastically! and many would not want to be here for whats been going on lately! who would?

I agree with this and the OP. I'm a newbie but a longtime lurker. I feel like I know some of the old heads (inc. you two). It used to be a free board where one can give advice. Now everything seems so tight and controlled and just plain nasty at times. I wish I would have had the time and patience to do this hair thing while I was still in school and when I graduated I started working 95 hour weeks so hair got put on the backburner. I think I would have really benefitted from the more collegial atmosphere then. I posted the same thoughts in the "off track" thread. I for one appreciate everyone's views and I do not think anyone's should be stifled. That's insanity. Thank you Irrisistible for all the advice you have given everyone, but especially me -- a newbie with short hair and no pics. I really appreciate it!

 

[Irresistible]

I was just wondering why I hadn't seen a posts from two specific people in a long while.

It's not only affecting the gurus by driving them away but it's also affecting those of us who ARE congenial and who really are interested in their insight, recs, guidance, etc.

yes I imagine it is having a negative effect on many! There should not be this tone going on of thread control, and tag teaming and personal insults if anyone speaks their mind on something. it was NEVER like this before. and I'm sure less vocal people are not wanting to be around for all that making everything personal crap!

and for me , having been the target now repeatedly, while speaking on a product and getting ambushed, insulted, disrespected and told basically I should not be speaking on this product because 'they' are sick of hearing it. when I aint even speaking to 'them' yet they come after by the pack ready to attack when I am not making anything personal about any of them, nor insulting anyone, yet it keeps turning into a personal attack on me, even lies and character asassination attempts! I have never seen such hate on lhcf as I have now!

 

[Enchantmt]

The climate definitely has changed. This is not a competition, ladies! It's a celebration of our unique hair and bringing out all its potential. What works for one, isnt going to work for everyone. A negative review on a product you endorse isn't a personal attack. The more information we have, the better and more informed our choices can be, so move on instead of attacking someone for providing their perspective on a product or ingredient. You may be able to use anything, but some folx have sensitivities and health issues they have to take into consideration.

On that note, lets keep this post CIVIL. No name calling, calling out, or specific examples please. TY.

 

[Irresistible]

I agree with this and the OP. I'm a newbie but a longtime lurker. I feel like I know some of the old heads (inc. you two). It used to be a free board where one can give advice. Now everything seems so tight and controlled and just plain nasty at times. I wish I would have had the time and patience to do this hair thing while I was still in school and when I graduated I started working 95 hour weeks so hair got put on the backburner. I think I would have really benefitted from the more collegial atmosphere then. I posted the same thoughts in the "off track" thread. I for one appreciate everyone's views and I do not think anyone's should be stifled. That's insanity. Thank you Irrisistible for all the advice you have given everyone, but especially me -- a newbie with short hair and no pics. I really appreciate it!

your welcome and I really dont think this 'thread control gag order intimidation personal attack stuff belongs here! Its taking down the whole morale of this board and probably is driving many away!

Its very tight , controlled and stifled now and it was never like this before! and I'm taking the whole blame for just being and doing and standing for what lhcf has always been about in the first place! now its something personal against people! thats crazy!

 

[Irresistible]

The climate definitely has changed. This is not a competition, ladies! It's a celebration of our unique hair and bringing out all its potential. What works for one, isnt going to work for everyone. A negative review on a product you endorse isn't a personal attack. The more information we have, the better and more informed our choices can be, so move on instead of attacking someone for providing their perspective on a product or ingredient. You may be able to use anything, but some folx have sensitivities and health issues they have to take into consideration.

On that note, lets keep this post CIVIL. No name calling, calling out, or specific examples please. TY.

With you here now it wont happen! Thank God! But thank you! None of that should have ever turned personal! as none of the root behind me speaking on it was! never! I still dont understand no matter how I explained it , that was not understood and it just kept going the same way! Whoever I want to speak to about a product or whoever I want to interact with about a product should not be controlled by a select few that decide they dont want to hear it! then personally attack me because of it!

 

[AceH]

ITA ladies which is why I rarely post especially on the hair board. I miss the encouragement and positivity

 

[LaPetiteCoquette]

your welcome and I really dont think this 'thread control gag order intimidation personal attack stuff belongs here! Its taking down the whole morale of this board and probably is driving many away!

Its very tight , controlled and stifled now and it was never like this before! and I'm taking the whole blame for just being and doing and standing for what lhcf has always been about in the first place! now its something personal against people! thats crazy!

Don't view it that way at all. Everyone has a part to play in this. All you can do is just ignore those who seem intent on putting you down and keep giving the advice you give. (As I would advise those who may not agree with you to ignore you as well.) You are not dispensing advice for them, but for all the lurkers, all the newbies, all the people who appreciate differing views. I do. Thanks. Don't let them change the nature of who you are -- seemingly since I don't know you -- a very sweet and giving person. Forget it, let it go sweetie. Seriously.

 

[LaPetiteCoquette]

ITA ladies which is why I rarely post especially on the hair board. I miss the encouragement and positivity

Me too, I'm a newbie and should be posting up a storm in haircare. Instead I spend a lot of time in OT ... though a lot of the same mob mentality/meanspiritedness exists in there too, so I am just going to vanish into lurker mode altogether soon and just pop out when I can give advice or have a question. It's probably better anyway, DH thinks I'm crazy with this board.

 

[Irresistible]

Hi Lucia

So true, Lucia. I remember when discussions were light and happy and positive. Do you remember days when only trolls made for an unpleasant discussion? Granted, it wasn't always roses, but it was definitely less caustic than these days.

After a while, you learn what threads not to bother opening. Actually, I think my laziness has worked in my favor: I can only be here for a few minutes at a time, and so usually don't have time or the energy to read a thread that is 179870980147 pages long, and by fluke, I've escaped the negative vibes that come from reading unpleasant things.

It is nice to see you back Lucia. I got as excited as the day I saw Adrianne our former poster-child post.

I remember when there was freedom of speech about products, techniques and as long as it was that persons opinion or feelings, not disrespectful to another, it was recieved as such, without ambush, thread control and personal attack! So I am just here interacting as lhcf business as usual and suddenly I am being told I cant and being tag teamed by the select few that dont like that I speak my feelings/opinion on a product that decided they dont want to hear it when I am not even speaking to them!

 

[Irresistible]

Me too, I'm a newbie and should be posting up a storm in haircare. Instead I spend a lot of time in OT ... though a lot of the same mob mentality/meanspiritedness exists in there too, so I am just going to vanish into lurker mode altogether soon and just pop out when I can give advice or have a question. It's probably better anyway, DH thinks I'm crazy with this board.

it has become very meanspirited like I CANNOT believe! and its all laughs when it goes down like that for them and then there are just lines crossed with the personal attacks that are just mindblowing. I have been lost at this since it started even saying over and over. I am speaking about A PRODUCT' it is nothing personal and I am not your enemy!

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I remember when there was freedom of speech about products, techniques and as long as it was that persons opinion or feelings, not disrespectful to another, it was recieved as such, without ambush, thread control and personal attack! So I am just here interacting as lhcf business as usual and suddenly I am being told I cant and being tag teamed by the select few that dont like that I speak my feelings/opinion on a product that decided they dont want to hear it when I am not even speaking to them!

You are getting yourself worked up again. I say just let it go....

 

[pinkchocolatedaisy]

I agree with all you ladies... sadly this seems to exist on any type of boards and it's pretty sad. I hope we can make a move towards being more positive and supportive.

 

[SelfStyled]

I have been called "Pollyanna" a time or two in my lifetime, but I do feel the sisterhood. I love this site- I truly do. Whenever I have a question or a problem one of my sisters is there to offer assistance.

At the same time, I have seen a few threads just go downhill in my tenure here- but that's life. No matter what there always be a few rotten apples in the bunch.

 

[gymfreak336]

I agree with you Lucia.

The problem comes from many different things.

You got the attention seekers who manage to turn everything around to be about them
You got people throwing stones then looking up like Wasn't me, I didn't mean to hit you
You got people being hypersensitive and they are taking too much to personal
You also have people that feel the need to have something too say all of the time....we don't have too and we don't need to reply to EVERY thread.

 

[Enchantmt]

Irresistible, going foward, if something like that happens again, just use the report post button. The sooner a thread like that is reported, the sooner it can be brought under control. Its a whole lot easier to delete one or two posts, and notify and/or give an infraction to the poster and therefore keep the post alive, than to try to clean up a thread once it gets 15+ pages, with a lot of back and forth bickering. Then the post has to be locked or moved, and a lot of good info is lost. What's done is done, as far as the recent posts in the past week. You are a long time member here. In fact, you were here before I joined. People who know you know where your heart lies, the value of the knowledge you have, and what you have accomplished with your hair care. I know you only want folx to be aware of potentail health risks, but once the info is out there, they have to make their own decisions. You are just going to stress and wear yourself out trying to defend yourself every 2 minutes so just let it go.

 

[Lucky's Mom]

Well, I left another forum because the negativity was soo bad..............

Thank you for bringing this up.

I have been posting for a few months - and at the beginning - I was welcomed and my advice was welcomed - but now - I am not sure what the atmoshpere is.

I try to stay positive.... but I am definately afraid of any dissent or differing opinions.
I just hide out.....

I also think many folks are creating thier own sites, forums, etc..... to control the atmosphere... Just my opinion...

 

[Irresistible]

Don't view it that way at all. Everyone has a part to play in this. All you can do is just ignore those who seem intent on putting you down and keep giving the advice you give. (As I would advise those who may not agree with you to ignore you as well.) You are not dispensing advice for them, but for all the lurkers, all the newbies, all the people who appreciate differing views. I do. Thanks. Don't let them change the nature of who you are -- seemingly since I don't know you -- a very sweet and giving person. Forget it, let it go sweetie. Seriously.

Exactly! I even asked them to ignore and that I was not speaking to them! Welll you have seen the intensity of the ambushes, the thread control and the personal attacks , I cant lie and say it hasnt hurt me. I dont understand how they took it so far when I wasnt out to make it personal with anybody nor insult anyone. They got so lost in defending the product that there were no lines that were drawn on basic respect anymore, everything turned 'personal' it was litterally taken that if I was against this product I was against them. I would leave here if this just went on and and on as that is not what LHCF is supposed to be about in all the years I been here! There would be no further point! But someone needs to take notice , that if this keeps happening, this site's morale will go down and it will be totally different than what it always was as long as a select few are allowed to control, insult, ambush, and stifle another member over and over again!

 

[Riverwalk]

The climate definitely has changed. This is not a competition, ladies! It's a celebration of our unique hair and bringing out all its potential. What works for one, isnt going to work for everyone. A negative review on a product you endorse isn't a personal attack. The more information we have, the better and more informed our choices can be, so move on instead of attacking someone for providing their perspective on a product or ingredient. You may be able to use anything, but some folx have sensitivities and health issues they have to take into consideration

Thanks, enchantmt!

I think the great thing about the internet is that we are able to hear from people who have different perspectives on things. I also think people shouldn't feel as though they have to censor themselves before they post, or not post at all, for fear of being attacked or for fear that their words will be misinterpreted. I am not saying that people have to agree on everything, but at the same time there is no need for hostility.

 

[Irresistible]

Well, I left another forum because the negativity was soo bad..............

Thank you for bringing this up.

I have been posting for a few months - and at the beginning - I was welcomed and my advice was welcomed - but now - I am not sure what the atmoshpere is.

I try to stay positive.... but I am definately afraid of any dissent or differing opinions.
I just hide out.....

I also think many folks are creating thier own sites, forums, etc..... to control the atmosphere... Just my opinion...

The atmosphere here is join the click or be in the in crowd or be subject to anything they might see fit to dish out if you dont line up with them! and thats not ever how it was here before!

and your right many wont speak up now, because of what has went on, its overt and covert control! I just kept speaking up so I got the worse lashings!

 

[d-rock]

You are getting yourself worked up again. I say just let it go....

I agree. I sometimes get the impression that certain talkative members are trying to stir up drama. Say your peace and move on.

 

[Country gal]

I've been noticing a trend lately, actually it's been a while, this is a hair board with spin-off topics and we can all express our opinions, right? Maybe not even the littlest of topics, about haircare methods, product reviews result in the OP getting attacked. I know this is not why the boards came into existence, haven't some of you noticed that alot of the original hair diva's have not been here, either every once in a while or have been totally M.I.A? It's because some negative people are ruining it for the rest of us.

Everyone posts advice or regime's, reggie's according to what works for them, and alot of times those members who have had hair success their techniques seem to work for alot of other members too, that's what I thought this was about, not about getting personal frustrations or jealousies off by attacking someone for their hard earned hair success.
I remember when you could come on here and say that you ruined your hair by going to a scissor happy stylist or got a bad perm, color etc... and you got support and postivie words even cyber hugs, now you can hardly type a word without the feeling that someone or a couple someone's will diss, harass, and ridicule you, your post, and/or your right to post how far you've come in the hair game. Even pics aren't good enough anymore as they are coming under scrutiny even though you clearly see the person's scalp before and after press, perm, etc...

I hope that this kind of climate doesn't drive away all our hair gurus and divas cause then what would be the point of having a hair board if no one's here to give advice from experience, trial and error, and celebrate every and all hair triumphs great-lengths and short-lengths. that's all....

LHCF use to be one big clique of happy members. Now we have the follow the leader mentality, and the dynamics of the board are changing, you have more younger members. For many of us the reason, why we came to this board because we wanted to grow healthy and long hair. You have members coming to the board now because they heard about us from other copy cat sites. Some of the mentalities on those other sites pops up here. I talk to a lot of old heads off line, we are all saying the same thing. There use to be a time when we would get excited to see the FOM. We would be very encouraging and excited to see someone's new pics. The hair board had more harmony. Off topic was always the drama filled section but you didn't see it on Hair topics.

There was always naturals and relaxed heads on the board. It was no big deal. I learned tips from naturals and eventually transitioned to natural hair. There was an occasional heated thread but that was it. Now you keep seeing threads inflame the natural vs related debates.

 

[RegaLady]

I found this site in March of this year and joined. I joined because there were women coming together to take care of their hair, and grow it. I liked the support. I don't know how it used to be, and I really can't say that experienced any negative energy from anyone. I have seen threads and posts made that have made me go nono:. But, I stay away from them. I came here to grow and care for my hair, not to get beat up or to beat people up. If points need to be made, we are all ADULT WOMEN. We deserve respect whether our hair is long, short, relaxed, natural, growing it out, or just keeping it healthy. People will experiment with different things, it comes with the territory. And allowing people to make their own choices is part of the support. Everyone is lovely, and beautiful!
Now I'm off to cowash...!

 

[Irresistible]

Thanks, enchantmt!

I think the great thing about the internet is that we are able to hear from people who have different perspectives on things. I also think people shouldn't feel as though they have to censor themselves before they post, or not post at all, for fear of being attacked or for fear that their words will be misinterpreted. I am not saying that people have to agree on everything, but at the same time there is no need for hostility.

when a person speaks about a product and has a differing opinion of it and people dont like it, thats fine, but when it turns into what went on here, its a whole bigger picture going on than just the difference of opinion/thoughts/feelings on that product. this has turned nasty repeatedly and seems to be about 'tag teaming' and control of whatever member they decide to tag team to death

 

[AngelDoll]

I am officially back to lurking.