What are you ladies thoughts on cheating?

[glamazon386]

The reason I'm asking is well last night one of my friends told me that some people we know from school are getting married. This guy (my friend is actually dating his brother so she saw a lot of this firsthand) and this girl theyve dated off and on for maybe the last 5 years or so. She was like a part of his family (his dad is a preacher and they have a real tight knit family) and there was talk about them getting married before. Well they were down here out of state in school. And the guy did pretty much everything in the book to that girl. Treated her like crap. Messed with all these girls all kind of mess. I know he got one girl (a freshman when he was a super super senior mind you) pregnant twice. I'm sure there's more drama. I just wasn't around and didn't know. He pretty much sowed his oats and acted a fool while she was in out and out of school down here. When I met him I didn't even know they were together and I knew her. She's left and come back countless times. Well apparently he confessed everything he did to her. And a few weeks later proposed and she accepted. He told his family and they're looking to get married this fall.

What would you do? I mean I've had a similar experience before but at one point I just washed my hands of the whole thing. And I certainly wouldn't have married him if he proposed. I couldn't deal with it. And I know the whole time we were married it would be in the back of my head. I hope for her sake that he finally has it together and is going to do right by her. She's a great girl and deserves to be treated right.

But do you think that once a cheater (liar and whatever else you want to throw in there) always a cheater?

 

[klassykutie]

No, I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater in general, but I don't have the emotional stability to deal with it happening even one time so with me, that concept stands true. There are people who have cheated once and have never done it again. It doesn't make it right, but it does happen.

 

[Hidden_Angel]

Mm, before i post i just wanted to know if you'd cheat on your man with me? ..........your man dont gotta know

I cann't help it

But on a more serious note, I believe that men who cheat in the first place are MORE then likely NOT going to stop in their cheating ways. So what makes you any different? I personally feel that the man has to go through the SAME pain you put the women through to truly and fully understand their errors of their ways. If they don’t understand how damaging it can be on a person then how can they change themselves? What just because everyone said you should?

 

[locabouthair]

think most of the time if a person cheats they'll do it again and again. personally i wouldnt have accepted because if he cant be faithful to his girlfriend how can he handle marriage? people like this dont suddenly change just because they have a ring on their ringer. the guy has been cheating for a while and he probaly will continue cheating.

when someone cheats for me the trust is gone. and without trust whats the point of being together because whether he's buying milk or at another females crib when he's not around you're always gonna wonder. and not being monogamous increasing the risk of both partners ctaching an STD. if the guy wants to put himself at risk for diseases and what not he can do that but leave me out of it. life is too short to be with someone who's not treating you like you deserve to be treated.

 

[glamazon386]

Mm, before i post i just wanted to know if you'd cheat on your man with me? ..........your man dont gotta know

I cann't help it

But on a more serious note, I believe that men who cheat in the first place are MORE then likely NOT going to stop in their cheating ways. So what makes you any different? I personally feel that the man has to go through the SAME pain you put the women through to truly and fully understand their errors of their ways. If they don’t understand how damaging it can be on a person then how can they change themselves? What just because everyone said you should?

Let's keep it PG in here Hidden!!

 

[camellia]

No. I believe people can change if they really want to.
But only if they want to. Not by being handed ultimatums, or threatened.

I don't think I could stay with someone who broke my trust repeatedly though.

 

[Hidden_Angel]

Let's keep it PG in here Hidden!!

i am..i am.. you just looking kinnda hot and spicey in that picture

 

[Laginappe]

I think cheaters are like drug addicts. An addict can recover, with a LOT of hard work and move on from that part of their lives. But in a way they'll always be an addict. Same with cheaters. If they put in a lot of work on themselves, their coping skills etc etc - its possible to move on, but they'll always carry that title/potential.

 

[dlewis]

I think cheaters are like drug addicts. An addict can recover, with a LOT of hard work and move on from that part of their lives. But in a way they'll always be an addict. Same with cheaters. If they put in a lot of work on themselves, their coping skills etc etc - its possible to move on, but they'll always carry that title/potential.

I agree it takes alot of hard work that most people don't want to do.

I wouldn't marry him.

An older woman who had a lot of problems with her husband told me about 5 years ago. I've been praying for 54 years that he'll be faithful and G-d answered my prayers. I said but he's impotent, so they can't get none and you can't either. I would have divorced him 53 years ago. Her point was men will be men and they will eventually change.

She's been married now for 59 years.

 

[glamazon386]

I agree it takes alot of hard work that most people don't want to do.

I wouldn't marry him.

An older woman who had a lot of problems with her husband told me about 5 years ago. I've been praying for 54 years that he'll be faithful and G-d answered my prayers. I said but he's impotent, so they can't get none and you can't either. I would have divorced him 53 years ago. Her point was men will be men and they will eventually change.

She's been married now for 59 years.

I'm sorry but that part struck me as funny. I guess you have to careful what you wish (or in this case pray) for. You just might get it.

 

[klassykutie]

think most of the time if a person cheats they'll do it again and again. personally i wouldnt have accepted because if he cant be faithful to his girlfriend how can he handle marriage? people like this dont suddenly change just because they have a ring on their ringer. the guy has been cheating for a while and he probaly will continue cheating.

when someone cheats for me the trust is gone. and without trust whats the point of being together because whether he's buying milk or at another females crib when he's not around you're always gonna wonder. and not being monogamous increasing the risk of both partners ctaching an STD. if the guy wants to put himself at risk for diseases and what not he can do that but leave me out of it. life is too short to be with someone who's not treating you like you deserve to be treated.

Amen. You said what I was thinking

 

[FunkyDiva]

I think cheaters are like drug addicts. An addict can recover, with a LOT of hard work and move on from that part of their lives. But in a way they'll always be an addict. Same with cheaters. If they put in a lot of work on themselves, their coping skills etc etc - its possible to move on, but they'll always carry that title/potential.

I never looked at it that way...thanks for that conclusion.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I believe they can change. But that's my personal experiences. I can't speak for every man or woman (because women cheat too).

I have done things in my relationship in the past and it doesn't define what kind of woman I will be in the future. I would hate for someone to put that label on my because of what I have done. We are all human and we make mistakes.

So I voted "It depends on the situation."

 

[Hidden_Angel]

I agree it takes alot of hard work that most people don't want to do.

I wouldn't marry him.

An older woman who had a lot of problems with her husband told me about 5 years ago. I've been praying for 54 years that he'll be faithful and G-d answered my prayers. I said but he's impotent, so they can't get none and you can't either. I would have divorced him 53 years ago. Her point was men will be men and they will eventually change.

She's been married now for 59 years.

Oh that funny but good at the same time.. well hey atleast she can pull out her "rabbit"

 

[FunkyDiva]

I believe they can change. But that's my personal experiences. I can't speak for every man or woman (because women cheat too).

I have done things in my relationship in the past and it doesn't define what kind of woman I will be in the future. I would hate for someone to put that label on my because of what I have done. We are all human and we make mistakes.

So I voted "It depends on the situation."

I totally agree with this. When I was reading the OP (I know you didn't mean it like that though) I was thinking "dang, am I going to be one of those people you don't want to marry because of what happened in the past." I never got caught in any situation and no one ever found out so I guess it was just my guilty conscience thinking.

I'm kind of torn though because there is a difference when some actually cheated on YOU and hurt YOU but you seem to be more lenient when the did it to someone in the past and not necessarily you. But then in the back of your mind you are always asking yourself "what makes me so differnent, if he did it to her he'll do it to me"

Ok, I'm all over the place

 

[shynessqueen]

Let me ask y'all a question who answered once a cheat always a cheat.

If you meet a man. He turns out be a really good man and y'all get married, have kids and build a home. Later on you found out that he cheated on the woman he we dating before he met you. Would you divorce him because once a cheat always a cheat right.

 

[klassykutie]

Let me ask y'all a question who answered once a cheat always a cheat.

If you meet a man. He turns out be a really good man and y'all get marred have kids and build a home. Later on you found out that he cheated on the woman he we dating before he met you. Would you divorce him because once a cheat always a cheat right.

No, that is because the woman he was with before me had absolutely nothing to do with me and what he is doing at the present.

 

[IntelligenceisBeautiful]

ay ay ay...she's a strong woman indeed, and deserves a man who loves and respects her. I hope he is willing to step up to the plate and actually BE that man.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I totally agree with this. When I was reading the OP (I know you didn't mean it like that though) I was thinking "dang, am I going to be one of those people you don't want to marry because of what happened in the past." I never got caught in any situation and no one ever found out so I guess it was just my guilty conscience thinking.

I'm kind of torn though because there is a difference when some actually cheated on YOU and hurt YOU but you seem to be more lenient when the did it to someone in the past and not necessarily you. But then in the back of your mind you are always asking yourself "what makes me so differnent, if he did it to her he'll do it to me"

Ok, I'm all over the place

I see exactly what you are saying. But I also find that women are more lenient on WOMEN than men regardless of the situation.

When a man does something it's all about neck rolls and "Oh no he didn't girl" all day every day. But a woman can do the SAME thing, and we will make up a sob story for her and tell her "girl you had to do what you had to do", give her excuses, and even use issues that are from the past to compensate for her actions.

I'm not syaing one is worse than the other, all i am saying is when making harsh accusations about ones character please put the shoes on YOUR feet. If you know you will never ever ever EVER cheat then fine, I'm okay with that. But all I am saying is you never know what life throws your way.

 

[calliope]

I do believe that people can change, but I also believe that if you know that you can do something over and over and always get away with it/be taken back by the wife/girlfriend when she finds out, then what's the point of changing? I'm not saying not to forgive, but people should probably put a little time and distance in a relationship with someone who cheats. Honestly, I've never heard of the man who just did it "once." Mabey their out there and see the errors of their ways and stop. I honestly don't know. What I do know is that women are always complaining about the guy being a "habitual" cheater, and I think you have to take some ownership in that if and only if you keep taking him back after each song and dance.

 

[shynessqueen]

No, that is because the woman he was with before me had absolutely nothing to do with me and what he is doing at the present.

So, It's not once a cheat always a cheat. Once he cheat on you he will always cheat on you. If he change his cheting ways after you, why can't he change his cheating ways while he is with you?

 

[Nightingale]

Some men will never cheat. Some men will always cheat. Some men can change from one to the other. IMO, men change when they want to change, guilt won't do it, begging won't do it, even shame won't make a man better. If a man were to cheat on me more than likely I'm out, because more than likely it's not even about me. This is coming from someone who has never been married, so this works for most of my dating situations. In a marriage or long-term commitment it's fair to say that there could be a problem in the relationship, assuming that the man wasn't a cheat to begin with.

 

[whitneysimone]

oooh...good point.

i think it depends on the person.

some people can change, while other's cannot or CHOOSE not to.

Let me ask y'all a question who answered once a cheat always a cheat.

If you meet a man. He turns out be a really good man and y'all get married, have kids and build a home. Later on you found out that he cheated on the woman he we dating before he met you. Would you divorce him because once a cheat always a cheat right.

 

[klassykutie]

oooh...good point.

i think it depends on the person.

some people can change, while other's cannot or CHOOSE not to.

yep, that was an excellent point.

IMO you will never completely know what someone has done and you will not always know what they are capable of doing. Relationships are risks and you can only use the tools you are equipped with to hopefully make choices fit for you.

 

[syze6]

I cheated on a boyfriend years ago. I hurt him really bad and in the process hurt myself. I vowed from that day on to never hurt an individual in that way again. I have never cheated since that day. It was a personal choice of mine, and it wasn't and isn't based on the other person's action. If I have to cheat...then I have to go!

 

[FunkyDiva]

I see exactly what you are saying. But I also find that women are more lenient on WOMEN than men regardless of the situation.

When a man does something it's all about neck rolls and "Oh no he didn't girl" all day every day. But a woman can do the SAME thing, and we will make up a sob story for her and tell her "girl you had to do what you had to do", give her excuses, and even use issues that are from the past to compensate for her actions.

I'm not syaing one is worse than the other, all i am saying is when making harsh accusations about ones character please put the shoes on YOUR feet. If you know you will never ever ever EVER cheat then fine, I'm okay with that. But all I am saying is you never know what life throws your way.

Girl we are >< One of my friends told me about a situation she got caught up in and she asked me what I thought. I straight up told her "Girl, you were/are dead wrong." She was like . I will never jugde her, have her back to the end, always on her side, but most importantly I will be honest. You are just as wrong as he would be if he did this to YOU!

I don't regret anything I've done in the past and I haven't always been the person I am today.

So yeah, I've come to the conclusion that it depends on the situation and people can change, they just have to want to. I don't know if I could be with someone who put me through hell though, the relationship wouldn't get that far.

 

[secretdiamond]

I see exactly what you are saying. But I also find that women are more lenient on WOMEN than men regardless of the situation.

When a man does something it's all about neck rolls and "Oh no he didn't girl" all day every day. But a woman can do the SAME thing, and we will make up a sob story for her and tell her "girl you had to do what you had to do", give her excuses, and even use issues that are from the past to compensate for her actions.

I'm not syaing one is worse than the other, all i am saying is when making harsh accusations about ones character please put the shoes on YOUR feet. If you know you will never ever ever EVER cheat then fine, I'm okay with that. But all I am saying is you never know what life throws your way.

Wow. You're so right. Now that I think of it this ALWAYS happens when a woman cheats. And I'll be honest, I'm definitely guilty of doing that myself. I remember just last week when my friend told me she was suspicious of her man cheating. We spent hours dogging him, talking bad about him, caling him selfish, a jerk, etc.

Mind you, later on that day, she confessed to me that she had cheated several times. WHY did it become a "let's-hold-hands-&-examine-your-past-cause-you're-such-a-good-person,-don't-beat yourself-up-too-much" session?!

 

[dlewis]

Plove, that's a good point. I wouldn't date anyone I knew was known for cheating.

 

[FunkyDiva]

I cheated on a boyfriend years ago. I hurt him really bad and in the process hurt myself. I vowed from that day on to never hurt an individual in that way again. I have never cheated since that day. It was a personal choice of mine, and it wasn't and isn't based on the other person's action. If I have to cheat...then I have to go!

That is so true and that's exactly what I did...go. He never found out but it hurt me just knowing what I did.

 

[glamazon386]

I do believe that people can change, but I also believe that if you know that you can do something over and over and always get away with it/be taken back by the wife/girlfriend when she finds out, then what's the point of changing? I'm not saying not to forgive, but people should probably put a little time and distance in a relationship with someone who cheats. Honestly, I've never heard of the man who just did it "once." Mabey their out there and see the errors of their ways and stop. I honestly don't know. What I do know is that women are always complaining about the guy being a "habitual" cheater, and I think you have to take some ownership in that if and only if you keep taking him back after each song and dance.

I agree with this. That happened with my ex and the girl he dated after me. He did everything he was big enough to do to that girl because he could. She allowed it. And yeah she would get mad but he would butter her up and she would come right back. It was an ongoing cycle. He was like I know what to say to her. She ain't going nowhere so I'll do as I please.