PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
I never got a chance to watch this movie! I think I might check it out tonight.
What Are Hypothetical Questions To Ask Future Husband?
- Thread starter PrissiSippi
- Start date
Petal26
Well-Known Member
My pleasure
Thetruth.com. This is why we need to listen to our intuition. Sometimes all the answers are right, but something still feels wrong and we know to run (if you trust your instincts).
Wow...
kxlot79
Kitchen Mixtress
**sorry for the novel, in advance**
TL;DR: the question itself doesn’t matter. What matters is that: 1) you have a solid grasp of how you would answer 2) you’re able to deliver the question in a very easygoing manner 3) you’re able to maintain a poker face no matter how dicey the conversation gets 4) you have the comprehension to read between the lines of what people are ACTUALLY saying. There’s a “nice” way of saying something, then the truth of what was actually said (an obvious one: “you’re pretty for a dark-skinned girl.” Superficially a compliment, but low key an insult that reveals colorist values)
My 3 cents:
I would say the nature of the questions have to get at something subjective (to reveal true value system, perspective, real beliefs), and they have to be conversational. You should also think about how you feel/what you would think about the questions/conversation you’re discussing. So it’s more to discover how much your perspectives mesh. You can use this method in platonic relationships as well— like with friends and business partnerships.
Now Deadpool, imo, is low key a romantic comedy— granted, a violent, gorey one. So there’s a “time passes lovey-dovey” montage and it prompted me to say “Aw. That’s so sweet. There really is someone for everyone! Deadpool got his girl. What kind of parents do you think they’d be?” This is because at some point they were talking about getting married and starting a family but Deadpool gets an aggressive cancer.
This line of questioning outed that he felt like Vanessa was “too good for” Deadpool. But that he felt her nurturing and “ride-or-die”-ness was indicative of her potential to be a good mother.
“So the prostitute is not equally yoked to the murderous mercenary?” And that’s when he argued with me about Vanessa being a prostitute! The conversation was very lively and playful but I friend-zoned him based on it and later observation of his dating habits give me the firm belief that I dodged a bullet.
It doesn’t matter WHAT the question is specifically, just that it’s open-ended, delivered in a very lighthearted and conversational way, and that you already have very firm beliefs or feelings about what your answer would be. So really, you’re trying to evaluate how closely your beliefs and worldviews are aligned.
I’m sure there must be women who didn’t notice Vanessa was a prostitute either, or who don’t think of prostitution negatively, so their conversation would probably unearth that the person they’re talking to is also more sexually open-minded/liberal (to not see anything wrong with selling your body, or to not actually SEE that a solicitation turned into a first date that the dude ACTUALLY frfr paid for)— or conversely it could unearth that one of you is “prudish/repressed” by the other’s standard.
I’ve asked before, “Rick must truly love Lori to be able to see the big picture and let bygones be bygones. Does it really take an apocalypse to bring things into perspective?” Like, Lori is Rick’s wife, this zombie apocalypse happens, and she winds up with Rick’s best friend Shane, and then Lori gets pregnant and the baby may or may not be Rick’s.
Dudes have gone on some crazy long rants about Lori being a h-o etc etc everything but a child of G-d. And how they’d pay her dust. Often, they’re furious with the wife but lenient with the best friend. The reality is that nobody did any wrongdoing. It’s the freakin’ apocalypse!
At least that’s my perspective...
For Beale Street, one question I asked was, “I don’t know if I could wait that long if my lover was in jail. What about you? I think maybe she was just dyckmatized. Do you think she ever had another romantic relationship?” Now this is a more advanced kind of question, if you ask me, because it reveals some of my value-system in the question. An adept liar could navigate this and just start to copycat my line of thinking. But either this dude wasn’t adept, or the way that I asked was lighthearted enough, or he felt so strongly about these questions that he didn’t successfully temper/hide his real feelings.
His response was a rant about me, women in general, the Black women “coming down on” other Black women who actually “support a brotha,” and a host of other problematic rhetoric the least of which was that he “probably wouldn’t wait” if his lover went to jail— but damn sure expected her to.
It’s not just the question, but also delivery: cadence, body language. Flirty, playful, open, lighthearted... I suppose you’d have to actively improve your acting skills for this method too.
So the most important thing is to know yourself, how you feel, what you think, what your beliefs are, what your perspective is. And sometimes those can be big, messy questions to even ask yourself, let alone someone else. So start small, and relatively simple, and especially with things you have STRONG, PASSIONATE feelings about. The stronger, more passionately you feel about something, the clearer it will be when someone doesn’t agree/align with you, and especially so if it’s a wild deviation. But at the same time, the more of a poker face you need to have. If you make the space safe, the conversation lighthearted, people will feel a lot more comfortable opening up, and will be a lot more likely to reveal their truth because the stakes seem very low or non-existent. If the person is talking and your face starts giving you away (think side-eyes, blushing, eyebrow hiking etc), they’re either gonna start lying or they’ll clam up. So you have to maintain a neutral, even agreeable face/body language.
Honestly, it’s not the easiest thing to do, especially if you do deep dives into topics that are deceptively superficial. But practice makes perfect. Once you get good, girl, you can get people to tell you ANYTHING. I do mean anything.
And I’ve found that I don’t need to match up 100% or even 80% with some people. Some views, while problematic, don’t necessarily impact me or the nature of my relationship with a person. But it’s good to feel like you know where a person stands and then give yourself the option to be vulnerable with them anyway— to understand the risk you’re taking in your vulnerability and do it anyway.
Side note on that last: the women who casually observe a dude being trash with other women, or who unearth his problematic attitudes about women, but then ignore them and proceed with an intimate relationship with him, but then turn around acting brand new, like they didn’t know, and surprised he treats them the same way he’s treated others.
The reality is that most of what I wrote we all do on varying levels subconsciously. Some people call it “intuition.” So it’s not REALLY a matter of getting people to tell you how they really feel, but believing them and taking them at their word when it’s something negative— no matter how much the positive things about them may try to distract us.
TL;DR: the question itself doesn’t matter. What matters is that: 1) you have a solid grasp of how you would answer 2) you’re able to deliver the question in a very easygoing manner 3) you’re able to maintain a poker face no matter how dicey the conversation gets 4) you have the comprehension to read between the lines of what people are ACTUALLY saying. There’s a “nice” way of saying something, then the truth of what was actually said (an obvious one: “you’re pretty for a dark-skinned girl.” Superficially a compliment, but low key an insult that reveals colorist values)
My 3 cents:
I would say the nature of the questions have to get at something subjective (to reveal true value system, perspective, real beliefs), and they have to be conversational. You should also think about how you feel/what you would think about the questions/conversation you’re discussing. So it’s more to discover how much your perspectives mesh. You can use this method in platonic relationships as well— like with friends and business partnerships.
Now Deadpool, imo, is low key a romantic comedy— granted, a violent, gorey one. So there’s a “time passes lovey-dovey” montage and it prompted me to say “Aw. That’s so sweet. There really is someone for everyone! Deadpool got his girl. What kind of parents do you think they’d be?” This is because at some point they were talking about getting married and starting a family but Deadpool gets an aggressive cancer.
This line of questioning outed that he felt like Vanessa was “too good for” Deadpool. But that he felt her nurturing and “ride-or-die”-ness was indicative of her potential to be a good mother.
“So the prostitute is not equally yoked to the murderous mercenary?” And that’s when he argued with me about Vanessa being a prostitute! The conversation was very lively and playful but I friend-zoned him based on it and later observation of his dating habits give me the firm belief that I dodged a bullet.
It doesn’t matter WHAT the question is specifically, just that it’s open-ended, delivered in a very lighthearted and conversational way, and that you already have very firm beliefs or feelings about what your answer would be. So really, you’re trying to evaluate how closely your beliefs and worldviews are aligned.
I’m sure there must be women who didn’t notice Vanessa was a prostitute either, or who don’t think of prostitution negatively, so their conversation would probably unearth that the person they’re talking to is also more sexually open-minded/liberal (to not see anything wrong with selling your body, or to not actually SEE that a solicitation turned into a first date that the dude ACTUALLY frfr paid for)— or conversely it could unearth that one of you is “prudish/repressed” by the other’s standard.
I’ve asked before, “Rick must truly love Lori to be able to see the big picture and let bygones be bygones. Does it really take an apocalypse to bring things into perspective?” Like, Lori is Rick’s wife, this zombie apocalypse happens, and she winds up with Rick’s best friend Shane, and then Lori gets pregnant and the baby may or may not be Rick’s.
Dudes have gone on some crazy long rants about Lori being a h-o etc etc everything but a child of G-d. And how they’d pay her dust. Often, they’re furious with the wife but lenient with the best friend. The reality is that nobody did any wrongdoing. It’s the freakin’ apocalypse!
At least that’s my perspective...For Beale Street, one question I asked was, “I don’t know if I could wait that long if my lover was in jail. What about you? I think maybe she was just dyckmatized. Do you think she ever had another romantic relationship?” Now this is a more advanced kind of question, if you ask me, because it reveals some of my value-system in the question. An adept liar could navigate this and just start to copycat my line of thinking. But either this dude wasn’t adept, or the way that I asked was lighthearted enough, or he felt so strongly about these questions that he didn’t successfully temper/hide his real feelings.
His response was a rant about me, women in general, the Black women “coming down on” other Black women who actually “support a brotha,” and a host of other problematic rhetoric the least of which was that he “probably wouldn’t wait” if his lover went to jail— but damn sure expected her to.
It’s not just the question, but also delivery: cadence, body language. Flirty, playful, open, lighthearted... I suppose you’d have to actively improve your acting skills for this method too.
So the most important thing is to know yourself, how you feel, what you think, what your beliefs are, what your perspective is. And sometimes those can be big, messy questions to even ask yourself, let alone someone else. So start small, and relatively simple, and especially with things you have STRONG, PASSIONATE feelings about. The stronger, more passionately you feel about something, the clearer it will be when someone doesn’t agree/align with you, and especially so if it’s a wild deviation. But at the same time, the more of a poker face you need to have. If you make the space safe, the conversation lighthearted, people will feel a lot more comfortable opening up, and will be a lot more likely to reveal their truth because the stakes seem very low or non-existent. If the person is talking and your face starts giving you away (think side-eyes, blushing, eyebrow hiking etc), they’re either gonna start lying or they’ll clam up. So you have to maintain a neutral, even agreeable face/body language.
Honestly, it’s not the easiest thing to do, especially if you do deep dives into topics that are deceptively superficial. But practice makes perfect. Once you get good, girl, you can get people to tell you ANYTHING. I do mean anything.
And I’ve found that I don’t need to match up 100% or even 80% with some people. Some views, while problematic, don’t necessarily impact me or the nature of my relationship with a person. But it’s good to feel like you know where a person stands and then give yourself the option to be vulnerable with them anyway— to understand the risk you’re taking in your vulnerability and do it anyway.
Side note on that last: the women who casually observe a dude being trash with other women, or who unearth his problematic attitudes about women, but then ignore them and proceed with an intimate relationship with him, but then turn around acting brand new, like they didn’t know, and surprised he treats them the same way he’s treated others.
The reality is that most of what I wrote we all do on varying levels subconsciously. Some people call it “intuition.” So it’s not REALLY a matter of getting people to tell you how they really feel, but believing them and taking them at their word when it’s something negative— no matter how much the positive things about them may try to distract us.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
A friend of mine told me she uses this to see how people think towards disciplining children. She’ll play Supernanny and say something like “Wow those kids are out of control!” What would you do to discipline them? Have you ever had to discipline a child? She said when she used to ask do you believe in spanking they would usually just pick whatever side she did.
Petal26
Well-Known Member
**sorry for the novel, in advance**
TL;DR: the question itself doesn’t matter. What matters is that: 1) you have a solid grasp of how you would answer 2) you’re able to deliver the question in a very easygoing manner 3) you’re able to maintain a poker face no matter how dicey the conversation gets 4) you have the comprehension to read between the lines of what people are ACTUALLY saying. There’s a “nice” way of saying something, then the truth of what was actually said (an obvious one: “you’re pretty for a dark-skinned girl.” Superficially a compliment, but low key an insult that reveals colorist values)
My 3 cents:
I would say the nature of the questions have to get at something subjective (to reveal true value system, perspective, real beliefs), and they have to be conversational. You should also think about how you feel/what you would think about the questions/conversation you’re discussing. So it’s more to discover how much your perspectives mesh. You can use this method in platonic relationships as well— like with friends and business partnerships.
Now Deadpool, imo, is low key a romantic comedy— granted, a violent, gorey one. So there’s a “time passes lovey-dovey” montage and it prompted me to say “Aw. That’s so sweet. There really is someone for everyone! Deadpool got his girl. What kind of parents do you think they’d be?” This is because at some point they were talking about getting married and starting a family but Deadpool gets an aggressive cancer.
This line of questioning outed that he felt like Vanessa was “too good for” Deadpool. But that he felt her nurturing and “ride-or-die”-ness was indicative of her potential to be a good mother.
“So the prostitute is not equally yoked to the murderous mercenary?” And that’s when he argued with me about Vanessa being a prostitute! The conversation was very lively and playful but I friend-zoned him based on it and later observation of his dating habits give me the firm belief that I dodged a bullet.
It doesn’t matter WHAT the question is specifically, just that it’s open-ended, delivered in a very lighthearted and conversational way, and that you already have very firm beliefs or feelings about what your answer would be. So really, you’re trying to evaluate how closely your beliefs and worldviews are aligned.
I’m sure there must be women who didn’t notice Vanessa was a prostitute either, or who don’t think of prostitution negatively, so their conversation would probably unearth that the person they’re talking to is also more sexually open-minded/liberal (to not see anything wrong with selling your body, or to not actually SEE that a solicitation turned into a first date that the dude ACTUALLY frfr paid for)— or conversely it could unearth that one of you is “prudish/repressed” by the other’s standard.
I’ve asked before, “Rick must truly love Lori to be able to see the big picture and let bygones be bygones. Does it really take an apocalypse to bring things into perspective?” Like, Lori is Rick’s wife, this zombie apocalypse happens, and she winds up with Rick’s best friend Shane, and then Lori gets pregnant and the baby may or may not be Rick’s.
Dudes have gone on some crazy long rants about Lori being a h-o etc etc everything but a child of G-d. And how they’d pay her dust. Often, they’re furious with the wife but lenient with the best friend. The reality is that nobody did any wrongdoing. It’s the freakin’ apocalypse!
For Beale Street, one question I asked was, “I don’t know if I could wait that long if my lover was in jail. What about you? I think maybe she was just dyckmatized. Do you think she ever had another romantic relationship?” Now this is a more advanced kind of question, if you ask me, because it reveals some of my value-system in the question. An adept liar could navigate this and just start to copycat my line of thinking. But either this dude wasn’t adept, or the way that I asked was lighthearted enough, or he felt so strongly about these questions that he didn’t successfully temper/hide his real feelings.
His response was a rant about me, women in general, the Black women “coming down on” other Black women who actually “support a brotha,” and a host of other problematic rhetoric the least of which was that he “probably wouldn’t wait” if his lover went to jail— but damn sure expected her to.
It’s not just the question, but also delivery: cadence, body language. Flirty, playful, open, lighthearted... I suppose you’d have to actively improve your acting skills for this method too.
So the most important thing is to know yourself, how you feel, what you think, what your beliefs are, what your perspective is. And sometimes those can be big, messy questions to even ask yourself, let alone someone else. So start small, and relatively simple, and especially with things you have STRONG, PASSIONATE feelings about. The stronger, more passionately you feel about something, the clearer it will be when someone doesn’t agree/align with you, and especially so if it’s a wild deviation. But at the same time, the more of a poker face you need to have. If you make the space safe, the conversation lighthearted, people will feel a lot more comfortable opening up, and will be a lot more likely to reveal their truth because the stakes seem very low or non-existent. If the person is talking and your face starts giving you away (think side-eyes, blushing, eyebrow hiking etc), they’re either gonna start lying or they’ll clam up. So you have to maintain a neutral, even agreeable face/body language.
Honestly, it’s not the easiest thing to do, especially if you do deep dives into topics that are deceptively superficial. But practice makes perfect. Once you get good, girl, you can get people to tell you ANYTHING. I do mean anything.
And I’ve found that I don’t need to match up 100% or even 80% with some people. Some views, while problematic, don’t necessarily impact me or the nature of my relationship with a person. But it’s good to feel like you know where a person stands and then give yourself the option to be vulnerable with them anyway— to understand the risk you’re taking in your vulnerability and do it anyway.
Side note on that last: the women who casually observe a dude being trash with other women, or who unearth his problematic attitudes about women, but then ignore them and proceed with an intimate relationship with him, but then turn around acting brand new, like they didn’t know, and surprised he treats them the same way he’s treated others.
The reality is that most of what I wrote we all do on varying levels subconsciously. Some people call it “intuition.” So it’s not REALLY a matter of getting people to tell you how they really feel, but believing them and taking them at their word when it’s something negative— no matter how much the positive things about them may try to distract us.
This is an amazing post 
That reminds me I gotta work on my poker face. I am good most of the time, but when I get angry or very annoyed, I kinda lose control of my eyebrows
My hubby says I have this "I'm pleased to know you're a moron" smirk + eyebrow thing he finds amusing. I need to find a way to stop that 
The quoted is one of those things I will NEVER understand, and it makes me so mad because it's so alarmingly common. These men out there that only (pretend to) respect the women they're attracted to. We all see this. You think he's a gentleman because he is nice to you, but he treats the cashier, waitress, etc. like crap, won't even hold a door open for a lady walking behind him, etc. all in your presence, and you're cool with that? This is how he'll treat you when the infatuation stage is over, sis
We need to be smarter. It also applies to the women in his family. If he's calling his sister a heaux or talking smack about his mom or aunts just run 
luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
So what does the Rabbi expect the answer to be? Or is it just that they "match" in their ideas of what to do?
Crackers Phinn
Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
The rabbinical answer is whoever brought enough water to survive should drink their water, don't share and live. The rationale is if you share your water then instead of one dead person in the desert now there will be two. Now think about that in terms of a man who would ask the love of his life or his best friend to die in the desert with him.
luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
Oh I've already thought of the answer for the man
in reference to your last sentence 
. I was already thinking no dude better fix his mouth to say that he is going to keep that water for himself. 
But I wasn't sure if the rabbinical answer would be similar or about "fairness" or something else.As for me tbh for a woman or child, I'm down with that answer. A man who has water needs to share it darn it! We need to hope to find some vegetation or a water source that will extend his time so that he can survive the drought
. I was already calculating how long one can live without water and thinking of all the possibilities because I don't want my man to just die even though I do want him to give up his water 
Does that make me horrible to assume a man should try to take care of his wife with hopes that they can all make it out alive? To me it's a part of his promise to cover me. We can hope and look for some miracle for him down the line
.I remember when I heard that Jet lee jumped into a typhoon to rescue his daughter. That to me is a man. To me it's the same thing: Love, Protection, self sacrificing for those he's promised to protect and love, and being noble: all qualities that I think a hubby/father should have. Some of my male relatives were like no way when they heard about Jet Lee doing that. I'm like off you go dude for your wife or child, off you go! Or else how are you a man? I know that we are supposed to be equals and girl power and all, but you still need to cover me and protect me (and our future kids). It's the reason I loved hotel Rwanda. Now I'm not certain if that really happened in real life (some things are stretched for heightened drama in film versus real life) but when dude put a gun to his (Paul's) head and he still insisted on getting his wife, basically told dude to get it over with or let him go get his wife I was like, salute dude. Because I bet 99 percent of men would be in another country as a refugee talking about, "awe man. I tried dude. I tried but they had a gun on me. I think about her every day" cue sad wistful look. But Paul was like I will get my wife, and I will risk it all to protect her. And because Hotel Rwanda is based on a real life couple, I looked it up and in real life they are married and in another country as refugees (from what I researched) and now giving back to their country. That to me is a man. And of course it was a risk for both Jet and Paul and it could've gone terribly wrong (which is why I mention these two real incidents) but that's what you do when you are the protector of the family. And I want a man who wouldn't hesitate.
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luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
Idk about engineering a line of questions. I think I'd just come out and ask if I really wanted to. I'm used to just filtering by instinct. A guy will open the door for you and then close it in another woman's face behind you. That pretty much indicates that everything is for show and/or he is only considerate when he feels it's important. Etc. I am not interested in manufacturing questions when people usually reveal themselves in obvious ways just through the courting process. But if I were to gather questions I think I'd just ask them in authentic ways as they come up as I have in the past. For instance, I'll read a dear blah blah column and discuss it with said guy like, "can you believe this 
what do you think of that?" But really I'm not looking for anything, this is just general discussion stuff that I do as I like to communicate with the person of interest. I'm not just interested in sitting pretty, I want to know your thoughts, hopes, dreams and I hope you feel the same way. BUt as a consequence, if you say something wack, then you're getting filtered just as a natural consequence. Other authentic questions just come up. Say, for instance the R Kelley thing. I'd ask what did he think of the flailing arms at gail thing, and let him also reveal his thoughts about R Kelley. Well that was authentic because I really just saw that interview and I want to discuss it with friends/family because I'm interested in their thoughts. Well his thoughts will reveal who he is anyways. And if I'm turned off or concerned by those thoughts, he's going to be filtered anyways.
So instead of engineering questions, I'm thinking that authentic questions will develop themselves from politics, pop culture and our lives. For instance the rabbinical question by @CrackersPhinn, I might bring that up because it was fascinating but it would be a straight, can you believe that Rabbis ask this question? I read about it on lhcf. What do you think of it? What would you do? And from there again, you now know more about the person. So instead of engineering questions , you are just communicating with your man authentically about issues and situations that concern or interest you. If there is something off: Like he starts defending R Kelley or sympathizing because of XYZ you just filter (if you're smart lol). But again, it becomes a natural way of just learning about each other and communicating versus a series of questions you need to check off a list in an inauthentic way. That would be more of my approach.
what do you think of that?" But really I'm not looking for anything, this is just general discussion stuff that I do as I like to communicate with the person of interest. I'm not just interested in sitting pretty, I want to know your thoughts, hopes, dreams and I hope you feel the same way. BUt as a consequence, if you say something wack, then you're getting filtered just as a natural consequence. Other authentic questions just come up. Say, for instance the R Kelley thing. I'd ask what did he think of the flailing arms at gail thing, and let him also reveal his thoughts about R Kelley. Well that was authentic because I really just saw that interview and I want to discuss it with friends/family because I'm interested in their thoughts. Well his thoughts will reveal who he is anyways. And if I'm turned off or concerned by those thoughts, he's going to be filtered anyways.So instead of engineering questions, I'm thinking that authentic questions will develop themselves from politics, pop culture and our lives. For instance the rabbinical question by @CrackersPhinn, I might bring that up because it was fascinating but it would be a straight, can you believe that Rabbis ask this question? I read about it on lhcf. What do you think of it? What would you do? And from there again, you now know more about the person. So instead of engineering questions , you are just communicating with your man authentically about issues and situations that concern or interest you. If there is something off: Like he starts defending R Kelley or sympathizing because of XYZ you just filter (if you're smart lol). But again, it becomes a natural way of just learning about each other and communicating versus a series of questions you need to check off a list in an inauthentic way. That would be more of my approach.
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Crackers Phinn
Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
Most people will operate under the assumption that a miracle will happen and 9 times out of 10 everybody will die. If you're lucky number 10, you will inspire hope to the masses.Does that make me horrible to assume a man should try to take care of his wife with hopes that they can all make it out alive and/or give his water to the person he has promised to cover in hopes that they find some miracle for him down the line
Crackers Phinn
Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
<wrong thread>
luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
Oh you're right, but I would still have hope for him...as I drink the water
cause I'm going to look for water for him to the end, but he still needs to give it up to cover me ...cause it's the right thing to do .I'm pretty impressed that the Rabbi's see that. Good looking out Judaism. One thing I appreciate is that there seems to be prep for marriage. There are things like you mentioned (the year thing for instance) that a man needs to do to make his wife happy upon marriage, etc. And the concept of ensuring her happiness sets a tone for a marriage because other religions are not concerned with the happiness of the wife...at least not in the sense to counsel the hubby in the beginning to establish a bond, and of course a mindset of trying to make her happy. And of course there are things women should do,, but there are just too many books talking about our "role" and few ensuring or counseling men. So it's good that at least it's done somewhere with set guidelines.
I approve this message
luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
Wayya minute! I just re read this. Whoever brought the water should drink it without sharing. Translation if the wife forgot, she's out of luck? Ah darn it, I thought the Rabbi's were on it with this one. So the wife can only save her life by providing her own water ahead of time just like the man?
I guess.
I'm still down for the man sacrificing for his family but hey what do I know?
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kxlot79
Kitchen Mixtress
The questions have to be a lot more open ended and conversational... and they can’t be textbook obvious. They have to be a lot more subjective. And if you’re gonna start with a topic so dicey as child discipline, you’d have to be skilled at getting truthful answers at the much lower level questions.
Playing “Supernanny” is already a cue about what the conversation might be on and that interview-mode is about to activate. It has to seem natural. Lol. I mean, I guess it would be different if your friend was an avid watcher of Supernanny? Or maybe if she WAS a nanny?
Think of how people act when they go to an employer. I’ve been in a hiring position and I don’t expect people to be truthful to a question like “Will you remain in this position for at least a year? Why do you want to work here?” OF COURSE they’re gonna lie. It might be as truthful as possible of a lie, but it’s not gonna be the truth. So questions about their hobbies, their family, their lifestyle, relationships with previous employers etc are a lot more insightful than those. Granted, it’s still an interview and harder to get a person to let their guard down at their interview, especially if they actually want the job. So an improvement to your friend’s method would be to put herself in the person’s shoes and see if she wouldn’t smell the interview a mile away.
I would say your friend’s method is a great way to gauge whether her relationship with a person is close enough that they would risk disagreeing with her or intimate/safe enough to be honest with her. So she can get on the opposite position of how she really feels, and this will reveal 1- people who don’t share her beliefs 2- people willing to lie about inconsequential things 3-people who aren’t close enough to her to have this kind of conversation 4- people who don’t have enough conviction about the topic at hand to not waffle whichever way the wind blows.
Playing “Supernanny” is already a cue about what the conversation might be on and that interview-mode is about to activate. It has to seem natural. Lol. I mean, I guess it would be different if your friend was an avid watcher of Supernanny? Or maybe if she WAS a nanny?
Think of how people act when they go to an employer. I’ve been in a hiring position and I don’t expect people to be truthful to a question like “Will you remain in this position for at least a year? Why do you want to work here?” OF COURSE they’re gonna lie. It might be as truthful as possible of a lie, but it’s not gonna be the truth. So questions about their hobbies, their family, their lifestyle, relationships with previous employers etc are a lot more insightful than those. Granted, it’s still an interview and harder to get a person to let their guard down at their interview, especially if they actually want the job. So an improvement to your friend’s method would be to put herself in the person’s shoes and see if she wouldn’t smell the interview a mile away.
I would say your friend’s method is a great way to gauge whether her relationship with a person is close enough that they would risk disagreeing with her or intimate/safe enough to be honest with her. So she can get on the opposite position of how she really feels, and this will reveal 1- people who don’t share her beliefs 2- people willing to lie about inconsequential things 3-people who aren’t close enough to her to have this kind of conversation 4- people who don’t have enough conviction about the topic at hand to not waffle whichever way the wind blows.
kxlot79
Kitchen Mixtress
Girl!!! This is Beale Street!!!
I just cannot wrap my head around the people who think this movie is romantic!!!!
I just cannot wrap my head around the people who think this movie is romantic!!!!
Crackers Phinn
Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
The question isn’t specific to couples. I just made it so for the thread. It’s normally told as any two people. Another element to this is that nobody’s life is more important than your own so don’t sacrifice yourself for people especially the kind of idiot who can’t be bothered to bring water into the desert.Wayya minute! I just re reads this. Whoever brought the water should drink it without sharing. Translation if the wife forgot, she's out of luck? Ah darn it, I thought the Rabbi's were on it with this one. So the wife can only save her life by providing her own water ahead of time just like the man?
I guess.
I'm still down for the man sacrificing for his family but hey what do I know?
Crackers Phinn
Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
It’s Love and Basketball too.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
kxlot79
Kitchen Mixtress
Crackers Phinn
Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
Mad because she didn't risk her everything for him knowing he was going pro and leaving her behind.Ooouuuu! How so?
Q. drank his water and he would gladly drink Monica's even if he didn't want it or need it. She was a fool to be with this man in the end.
Petal26
Well-Known Member
I'm with you, sisWayya minute! I just re reads this. Whoever brought the water should drink it without sharing. Translation if the wife forgot, she's out of luck? Ah darn it, I thought the Rabbi's were on it with this one. So the wife can only save her life by providing her own water ahead of time just like the man?
I guess.
I'm still down for the man sacrificing for his family but hey what do I know?
I'm the bring extra water and everything else just in case type and I would share, so I'd expect my man to want to save my life if it's in his power to do so.
kxlot79
Kitchen Mixtress
I never really thought of that!!
A lot of dudes I’ve known have loved to use this movie as a cinematic example of how a man can grow from this selfish dude (Q going pro & breaking up with Monica as dramatically and cruelly as he slyly could— the BK date as some extra salt, the manipulation/projection of her not sacrificing enough or being too selfish when that’s actually him) to one who’s supportive of his wife pursuing her dreams.
BUUUUUUUTTTTTT. Q had already injured himself and was no longer pro. Monica would’ve been the breadwinner too, having gone pro. And how often do women wind up paying palimony when they outearn the dudes?
Man! The social conditioning is real!
I’ve never used Love & Basketball as one of my secret interviews. Too much of that story rubbed me wrong but I didn’t know why.
Idk. Everyone counts it as so romantic, but it was another of those movies I thought just went over my heart. They’re in college in that clip, but I don’t see how her question was any less valid as adults... how does she know that whenever he’s feeling emasculated or ignored he won’t just step out on her? My memory might be bad but this seems like a loose end they never really wrapped up. I don’t remember him having an emotional journey or making any promises to be more communicative... So he had a difficult rehab and got humbled physically... that translates to emotional maturity and integrity? Ha!
I guess, in essence, if it’s not a relationship I admire, I don’t want to be bothered
Thanks for sharing CP!
Sorry for the slight derail, OP.
A lot of dudes I’ve known have loved to use this movie as a cinematic example of how a man can grow from this selfish dude (Q going pro & breaking up with Monica as dramatically and cruelly as he slyly could— the BK date as some extra salt, the manipulation/projection of her not sacrificing enough or being too selfish when that’s actually him) to one who’s supportive of his wife pursuing her dreams.
BUUUUUUUTTTTTT. Q had already injured himself and was no longer pro. Monica would’ve been the breadwinner too, having gone pro. And how often do women wind up paying palimony when they outearn the dudes?
Man! The social conditioning is real!
I’ve never used Love & Basketball as one of my secret interviews. Too much of that story rubbed me wrong but I didn’t know why.
Idk. Everyone counts it as so romantic, but it was another of those movies I thought just went over my heart. They’re in college in that clip, but I don’t see how her question was any less valid as adults... how does she know that whenever he’s feeling emasculated or ignored he won’t just step out on her? My memory might be bad but this seems like a loose end they never really wrapped up. I don’t remember him having an emotional journey or making any promises to be more communicative...
So he had a difficult rehab and got humbled physically... that translates to emotional maturity and integrity? Ha!I guess, in essence, if it’s not a relationship I admire, I don’t want to be bothered
Thanks for sharing CP!
Sorry for the slight derail, OP.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
My cousin said her friend accidentally left her email open on my cousin’s computer. Her inbox was FULL of emails from her and some guy who she is cheating with unbeknownst to her husband of 12 years. You think my cousin should tell her friend cheating isn’t cool or mind her business and just log out the account?
Lol I don’t know if that’s a good hypothetical question or not but I thought about this thread this morning.
Lol I don’t know if that’s a good hypothetical question or not but I thought about this thread this morning.
My first thought after reading the op was that men are not that stupid. They would see through it and lie. But that’s not necessarily true. They are stupid. I got someone to unwittingly admit that he was bi on our first date by using this strategy. He was not a dumb dumb either. Vice principal with graduate degrees.
Black Ambrosia
Well-Known Member
I need more details on this one. Please and thank you.
Ms. Tarabotti
Well-Known Member
Is this her primary email account- one her husband can access? I might tell her that she should always remember to log out of her email when using someone else's computer, especially if there are sensitive personal emails that no one else should see. That way you are not admitting that you sat down and read some of her emails. Depending on how close she is to her friend, she might want to ask her what is going on (on the off chance that the friend left her email open so that your cousin could find out about the affair and initiate a conversation).
awhyley
Well-Known Member
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
Lol ewwwwww I want details lol
I don’t remember what I said to him exactly but I made him think that I was okay with homosexuality and talked about people being on the spectrum and Kinsey and lots of psycho babble about sexual fluidity and how societal norms were too restrictive for black men. Boosted his ego a bit. “You are so cute I bet you have had guys come on to you?”
Then asked him if he ever had any experience. Said he went on holiday and rented a villa and he woke up to the grounds keeper giving him fellatio. He said it felt so good he let him finish. He said he never told anyone.
I was like “how fascinating! I wish I was there to join in!”
He then went on and told me stuff he used to do as a kid.
Dude was bi.
He had his pick of women and I had the best dates with him. Very alpha in charge took care of everything, best restaurants best suits, dressed and smelled nice. Body builder in his spare time. wine and food connoisseur. Too good to be true and he was
friend zoned him.
Then asked him if he ever had any experience. Said he went on holiday and rented a villa and he woke up to the grounds keeper giving him fellatio. He said it felt so good he let him finish. He said he never told anyone.
I was like “how fascinating! I wish I was there to join in!”
He then went on and told me stuff he used to do as a kid.
Dude was bi.
He had his pick of women and I had the best dates with him. Very alpha in charge took care of everything, best restaurants best suits, dressed and smelled nice. Body builder in his spare time. wine and food connoisseur. Too good to be true and he was
friend zoned him.Ohhhhhhhh my goodness! So True!
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