Was I wrong?!?!
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Princess4real
Well-Known Member
I believe my SO has a problem with porn, he consantly watches i mean like usually every morning. I didn't mind at first but then when he started quoting them...and following this one porn star girl..i forget her name n stuff he knew all her movies and stuff im like....nono:...this just doesnt sit right with me.
I approached him we spoke and he said he will cut it down and stop.....well yeah i was on his laptop the other day andi realized that he still watches it, he just downloads it from websites and had like 12. I instantly felt sick , i was stupid that he would actually stop when i know he has a problem. He constantly talking to other females he has more females friends than i can name, and i have never met 1. Yes i know red flag. He says they know about me since i am all over his myspace n stuff. I know his family and his mom is a darling. I feel uncomfortable with the fact that he talks to so many females i mean ...like...75% of his phone book is females and i mean new names kept appearing. Im biting my tounge at this point and when i ask he blows up saying does he question me about my male friends, does he go through my phone and yells NO i dont! so why do you! which sparked a huge argument cause , no man gonna speak to me like that.
We have the same line shared on our verizon phones and i realized i could log under his # and look who he texts and the times...there were times he was texting the entire day through work and me...once ina blue. then when i so happen to mosey on and look and see that this girl has been sending him pictures of herself and that was the same # he was texting non-stop. i stomped that sHi@ in the A$$ as soon as i saw it. He said he has friends and he talks to whoever he wants whenever. Then Last thursday i tried to log in..to my... the password was changed.
i called him last night and told him that i really cant take that he lied to me about the porn and i do not like it, and confronted about calling all these females... he went balistic he started cursing and yelling saying that he is a man and it is in his blood and he will not stop watching porn and im too insecure.....he says that i need to trust him and that he is grown and i am not his momma to be checking up on him like that. (I mean...i neverrrr did that before only because my intuition is tellin me something and so i went looking for answers.)
I asked him why does he speak to his best friends girl so much he yells and ..this time went on like a rage. I just looked at the phone like why is he reacting so harshly??? he said " you know what samantha": " Im Fu$%7^9
her" i was stunned... he then says im telling you what you want to hear
and then yells that hes F*c*ing her again. I blew da hell up i mean
THAT WAS STRAIGHT UP DISRESPECTFUL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i said okay fine then its over and i hung up. he never called back but i later sign on AIM and he has an away message up sayin she broke up with me cause i watch porn and talk to my man's girl too much. (he says she was calling so he can help with her resume...n 2 weeks before this it was she needed to talk to him about her man which is his bestfriend)...and her # is all over that bill too from 7am - 3am the follwin day...
I been with him 2.5 years and we been tho heaven and hell together and he has always been there for me but lately his behavior has changed drasticly and ii know he doesnt believe that i serious. But im sick of being stressed ima 3rd year college student Pre-Med and this has thrown me off somethin terrible. I dunno what to do anymore. I feel like we need to go our ways and i can never take him back as much as i love him. He said i cant change him and i know that but i thought he would at least compromise
WAS I WRONG FOR TELLING HIM ITS OVER AND DO YOU THINK HES HIDING SOMETHING???
Tis all
I have for now.
Makenzie
Well-Known Member
I am a firm believer in listening to my intuition. Somethings not right. A compromise was not too much to ask for.
Princess4real
Well-Known Member
i didnt mind at first because it was once ina blue...but when it became a daily routine and he nicknamed himself " Rodney Rammer " i was just like
I'm going to have to use that one! 
Find another guy, he is too into this and he may say the wrong thing to you and you will probably end up going to jail because you clocked his arse for direspecting you.
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Let me ask you this, if I was one of your close girlfriends and I came to you with that story, what would you tell me to do? This is something that I ask my girlfriends when they come to me and ask me for advice with their relationships. I find that we are so critical of other people relationships, but when it comes to our own, we act like we have the slightest clue on what to do.
You are in med school, please focus on yourself and school. You are almost at the finish line.. Life is beautiful but it also can be short if you keep stressing over unnecessary things. I pray that what ever you decide, it is the best choice for you. But only YOU can make that decision. Just remember that YOU need to be happy.
You are in med school, please focus on yourself and school. You are almost at the finish line.. Life is beautiful but it also can be short if you keep stressing over unnecessary things. I pray that what ever you decide, it is the best choice for you. But only YOU can make that decision. Just remember that YOU need to be happy.
TexturedTresses
Well-Known Member
I don't think you were wrong at all. Even if he wasn't lying and there was nothing to be suspicious about. The point is it was a stituation that was stressing you out... you felt you had a reason to be suspicious. You ALWAY have to love yourself first and it seems that this relationship was conflicting with this agenda. Good luck whatever you decide to do.
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
. then when i so happen to mosey on and look and see that this girl has been sending him pictures of herself and that was the same # he was texting non-stop. i stomped that sHi@ in the A$$ as soon as i saw it. He said he has friends and he talks to whoever he wants whenever. Then Last thursday i tried to log in..to my
Okay, I'm mad that you started this post off talking porn when this paragraph right here is all we needed to know.
Are you seriously asking if you were wrong to drop YOUR MAN whose response to having pics of some chick on his phone was he'll be friends with whoever he wants, whenever?
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Keen
Well-Known Member
you are absolutlely right.n it makes me sad ahh....o man now i need to get my own line but i doubt he will cut mine off thats an early termination fee and he needs a way he can contact me or he'll throw a fit.
Let him thrwo a fit. You are being so considerable of his feelings? Unless he is being considerable about yours, He will think you'll never leave.
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
Typical defense of someone who is out doing ish they don't have any business doing.
Not to mention that if he actually gave a damn he'd pick up the phone and talk to you like a man.
I know it's hard, trust me, but this is situation is foul on a bunch of different levels.
Blaque*Angel
Well-Known Member
NO, you were not wrong.
this story is trifiling on so many different levels...
this story is trifiling on so many different levels...
wonderstar
Active Member
You had every right to leave him....shoot he dogged you out!
Okay, I'm mad that you started this post off talking porn when this paragraph right here is all we needed to know.
Are you seriously asking if you were wrong to drop YOUR MAN whose response to having pics of some chick on his phone was he'll be friends with whoever he wants, whenever?
Yeah the porn was a side issue. The fact that he is obviously texting and having a relationship with someone else is what you should be upset about.
It's been my experience that when a man puts on his defensive armour and uses the "you're not my mama" line (I've heard it before
) it's because they are hiding something.
blkbeauty
Well-Known Member
Okay - I've been reading your post.
1. You met this man and started dating him
2. you have realized that something doesn't sit right with this man
3. you broke up with him
4. he's been texting you, although you have told him its over
5. I am going to quote you - "i know wat i gotta do its just hard"
This 5. is really the ONE thing that when we all get involved with someone we stay in this "5" and never go on to number #6, which is to move on. We do the reverse effect, give in and go back to number #1.
Guilt is this #5 and guilt is NOT a real emotion. He is going to make you feel this way to get you back or your mind depending on your personality is going to feel guilty for leaving him.
I always use references from my own experiences and in my life I have been 2nd chosen, cheated on, abused, etc went back in hopes for a fantasy life only to go through the same dreadful cycle again. Sometime repeatedly. Once the relationship has been disrespected its hard to regain it. YOU ARE ALWAYS GOING TO REMEMBER HIS WORDS, HIS TREAMTMENT!
You have a power in YOU that he will never, never be able to even come close to achieving because his mind and values are placed more on his selfish ways and porn than being a man.
Take your power and build your life; a man who posses the same power (qualities) someday will come.
itismehmmkay
Well-Known Member
dayum
Walking away is the best thing you could have done and I hope you stay there: away.
He is
that girl
Too many female friends is a flag
And calling you insecure when he's the one opening up the relationship to whatever, is a flag.
The best thing for you to do is keep your distance (you don't need to be this dude's friend, let alone gf) and focus on school.
Walking away is the best thing you could have done and I hope you stay there: away.
He is
that girl Too many female friends is a flag
And calling you insecure when he's the one opening up the relationship to whatever, is a flag.
The best thing for you to do is keep your distance (you don't need to be this dude's friend, let alone gf) and focus on school.
Encore
New Member
Je Ne Sais Quoi
Well-Known Member
Something is foul here. I won't tell you what to do in your relationship but a womans intuition is rarely wrong. Something is up 
erplexed You were born on "a day" but it wasn't "yesterday". Follow your gut and don't be scared to let him go if that's what you decide to do.
erplexed You were born on "a day" but it wasn't "yesterday". Follow your gut and don't be scared to let him go if that's what you decide to do.
Sistaslick
New Member
Girl, you are way better than me.
ntrlbeauty87
Member
Count your blessings and be thankful that he's out of your life.
Divine Inspiration
Well-Known Member
When a man shows you who he is, believe him...the first time.
I understand that moving on feels next to impossible...you have memories, history, and the familiarity of a man who you've spent time with.
HOWEVER, you have to understand that when you are moving in the wrong direction - when you are ignoring red flags, rationalizing warning signs, and turning a blind eye to plain old bad behavior - life has a funny way of forcing you to make the change you know you've needed to make all along. Wisdom comes in being strong enough and discerning enough to detach from people and relationships that are no longer serving us. Not every relationship is meant to last forever.
Consider what your life will look like a year from now with this man it. Now consider it without him in it. Which situation, honestly, do you believe gives you the best chance to succeed at being the most accomplished, happy, and peaceful nOt Pocahontas??? It is far better to be alone than in the wrong company. Negative people will tear you down amidst their own destruction, and as you have witnessed, this is a man who will self-destruct if you give him enough time and enough to rope to hang himself.
Do you honestly think that a healthy & sturdy relationship is possible with this man? As a previous poster mentioned, when we have radically different value systems from a significant other, it borders on being impossible to bridge the gap. Relationships and marriages can present their own challenges, even when the 2 people are compatible and are both emotionally healthy. You're losing battles AND the war when you agree to engage yourself in an unhealthy bond with a person who lacks integrity.
I always say that one (fill in positive trait here) person deserves another. So, if you are honest, caring, attentive, and mature, why would you dare cast your pearls before swine by investing time and energy with this man? You have been deluded into thinking that ANY of this is your fault when the issue is clearly his. You can not internalize his issues and then make attempts at solving. Like he said, you can not change him. Understand that your inability to change him is NOT a reflection of you. You have not failed by not being able to force a grown man to choose to love and respect you.
No thought lives in your mind rent free...so decide now how you will proceed. Set the pace. If you are determined to get past it, you will. Plain and simple. If, however, you listen to the unwise friend who advised that you re-enter this poor situation, you will likely find yourself in this same situation 6 months from now...or heck maybe even 6 days from now. Perhaps time alone is what you need to re-center and gather your thoughts...and to realize that PEACE is better than a PERSON.
Forgive my extra long post; I'll say this last thing and be done. Know that no winter lasts forever and no spring skips its turn. By that I mean this too shall pass. Yes, it will hurt like hell for a season, but you WILL come out bigger, better, and stronger if you commit to not allowing anything that does not serve the process of personal growth to get in the way.
On a practical note, I'd highly recommend journaling...get those thoughts OUT. Your mind can play tricks on you and send you in circles when you bottle things up.
Good luck!
I understand that moving on feels next to impossible...you have memories, history, and the familiarity of a man who you've spent time with.
HOWEVER, you have to understand that when you are moving in the wrong direction - when you are ignoring red flags, rationalizing warning signs, and turning a blind eye to plain old bad behavior - life has a funny way of forcing you to make the change you know you've needed to make all along. Wisdom comes in being strong enough and discerning enough to detach from people and relationships that are no longer serving us. Not every relationship is meant to last forever.
Consider what your life will look like a year from now with this man it. Now consider it without him in it. Which situation, honestly, do you believe gives you the best chance to succeed at being the most accomplished, happy, and peaceful nOt Pocahontas??? It is far better to be alone than in the wrong company. Negative people will tear you down amidst their own destruction, and as you have witnessed, this is a man who will self-destruct if you give him enough time and enough to rope to hang himself.
Do you honestly think that a healthy & sturdy relationship is possible with this man? As a previous poster mentioned, when we have radically different value systems from a significant other, it borders on being impossible to bridge the gap. Relationships and marriages can present their own challenges, even when the 2 people are compatible and are both emotionally healthy. You're losing battles AND the war when you agree to engage yourself in an unhealthy bond with a person who lacks integrity.
I always say that one (fill in positive trait here) person deserves another. So, if you are honest, caring, attentive, and mature, why would you dare cast your pearls before swine by investing time and energy with this man? You have been deluded into thinking that ANY of this is your fault when the issue is clearly his. You can not internalize his issues and then make attempts at solving. Like he said, you can not change him. Understand that your inability to change him is NOT a reflection of you. You have not failed by not being able to force a grown man to choose to love and respect you.
No thought lives in your mind rent free...so decide now how you will proceed. Set the pace. If you are determined to get past it, you will. Plain and simple. If, however, you listen to the unwise friend who advised that you re-enter this poor situation, you will likely find yourself in this same situation 6 months from now...or heck maybe even 6 days from now. Perhaps time alone is what you need to re-center and gather your thoughts...and to realize that PEACE is better than a PERSON.
Forgive my extra long post; I'll say this last thing and be done. Know that no winter lasts forever and no spring skips its turn. By that I mean this too shall pass. Yes, it will hurt like hell for a season, but you WILL come out bigger, better, and stronger if you commit to not allowing anything that does not serve the process of personal growth to get in the way.
On a practical note, I'd highly recommend journaling...get those thoughts OUT. Your mind can play tricks on you and send you in circles when you bottle things up.
Good luck!
MissMeWithThatIsh
New Member
I think you were RIGHT to leave. I was with a man who was just like that (minus the porn) and he would never admit to anything. I was very low after the relationship and struggle with the remnants to this day (4 years later).
His porn issue wouldn't have been a thing but we have to be careful about the attachment to porn some men have. Many watch it, but many also gloss their habits over as being normal when even you start to say something. If you didn't mind at first but something made you change your mind, then there is something. You weren't randomly insecure, something changed and to confront it is okay. Also most men will lie about the issue of porn because they think it's an easy way to do what they want.... and even if they want to stop, it's not overnight...they've been doing it since they were younger and in between and during girlfriends.
As for the female friends, you haven't met any but they know about you. It seems like he might have you as wifey but he was dabbling with anyone willing to take another man's girl. He might have had the itch. I know it's NOT acceptable for me to find out my man has been talking to another woman all day without talking to me. For him to "tell you what you want to hear" it seems like he's been trying to get his swerve on and he's just losing his damn mind.
He lost his got damn mind when he lied to you, changed your password, yelled at you and admitted to disrespecting you. I am glad you left, 2.5 years is nothing compareed to maybe 20 years of this. If you go back to him whether he begs or not, the problems won't be solved because he's blaming everything on YOU and not trying to change or grow up.
His porn issue wouldn't have been a thing but we have to be careful about the attachment to porn some men have. Many watch it, but many also gloss their habits over as being normal when even you start to say something. If you didn't mind at first but something made you change your mind, then there is something. You weren't randomly insecure, something changed and to confront it is okay. Also most men will lie about the issue of porn because they think it's an easy way to do what they want.... and even if they want to stop, it's not overnight...they've been doing it since they were younger and in between and during girlfriends.
As for the female friends, you haven't met any but they know about you. It seems like he might have you as wifey but he was dabbling with anyone willing to take another man's girl. He might have had the itch. I know it's NOT acceptable for me to find out my man has been talking to another woman all day without talking to me. For him to "tell you what you want to hear" it seems like he's been trying to get his swerve on and he's just losing his damn mind.
He lost his got damn mind when he lied to you, changed your password, yelled at you and admitted to disrespecting you. I am glad you left, 2.5 years is nothing compareed to maybe 20 years of this. If you go back to him whether he begs or not, the problems won't be solved because he's blaming everything on YOU and not trying to change or grow up.
