Virgins and Dating.....

Skiggle

Skiggle

Well-Known Member
I met a wonderful guy
several weeks ago We started talking on the phone
not too long ago and when I dropped
the fact I was a virgin during one of
our conversations..... he stopped answering my phone calls.:perplexed
I confronted him and he responded that we would
be better as friends.....:ohwell:
I promise you I'm always in situation like this..
guys always back down after I tell them ....
I'm beginning to think
being a virgin is a burden.

Anyone in this scenario or something different..?


 
Are you planning on abstaining until marriage? if so, I would try to pursue relationships with guys who have a similar mindet and belief systems so that way your own convictions are not a shock or turn-off. :yep:
 
Skiggle said:
I met a wonderful guy
several weeks ago We started talking on the phone
not too long ago and when I dropped
the fact I was a virgin during one of
our conversations..... he stopped answering my phone calls.:perplexed
I confronted him and he responded that we would
be better as friends.....:ohwell:
I promise you I'm always in situation like this..
guys always back down after I tell them ....
I'm beginning to think
being a virgin is a burden.

Anyone in this scenario or something different..?
Click to expand...

You only knew him "several weeks" and then put the information out there? That's too much in my opinion, especially if you're not planning on having sex with him anyway.

I think you're always in situations like this because you put yourself in them. If you tell a guy you're a virgin and you're planning to stay one, the honorable thing for him to do is to stop talking to you so that he's not constantly trying to get you to have sex.

Like someone else said, if you're planning to stay a virgin until marriage then you need to 1)stop bringing it up and 2)date people who have the same goals that you do.
 
BGT said:
Are you planning on abstaining until marriage? if so, I would try to pursue relationships with guys who have a similar mindet and belief systems so that way your own convictions are not a shock or turn-off. :yep:
Click to expand...

All I know is that I'm not
in a rush to have sex and I'm not
sure if I am going to wait till marriage..

Its hard to find guys like
this in my area.

 
I don't see this as a problem. Women will get mad if a guy pretends to believe and like the same things as them and waste their time and string them along and they'll get mad if they don't. What was he suppposed to do? What were you expecting from him?

You do need to date those that have the same beliefs as yourself. It's actually not a bad thing. It's a built in filter to keep your from wasting your and someone elses time.
 
Did he ask if you were a virgin? If he did, then I dont see the reason to lie I would be honest.

But if he didnt ask I wouldnt bring it up. I would only tell a guy when it was getting serious.

Be happy he told you he wanted to just be friends. I know it kinda sucks but having a guy lead you on and being pretentious hurts even more. He's doing you a favor.
 
Skiggle said:
All I know is that I'm not
in a rush to have sex and I'm not
sure if I am going to wait till marriage..

Its hard to find guys like
this in my area.
Click to expand...

You first need to be sure of what you want so that you can properly convey it to the men you intend to date. Going into dating situations with unsettled issues in this area isn't fair to the person your dating. They need to know how the relationship is going to go or your wasting their time.:ohwell:
 
Skiggle said:
All I know is that I'm not
in a rush to have sex and I'm not
sure if I am going to wait till marriage..

Its hard to find guys like
this in my area.
Click to expand...

I'd say that when you are confronted with a guy that is coming on to you to have sex, you should let him know at that time that you are celibate. If he can appreciate that and accept you, good. If not, just keep it moving.
 
msa said:
You only knew him "several weeks" and then put the information out there? That's too much in my opinion, especially if you're not planning on having sex with him anyway.

I think you're always in situations like this because you put yourself in them. If you tell a guy you're a virgin and you're planning to stay one, the honorable thing for him to do is to stop talking to you so that he's not constantly trying to get you to have sex.

Like someone else said, if you're planning to stay a virgin until marriage then you need to 1)stop bringing it up and 2)date people who have the same goals that you do.
Click to expand...

I agree with you on the bold.
I'm not even sure if I plan to stay a virgin until marriage.
I think it's better to be up front
about my status than waiting later to bring it up.
I hate wasting my time.. I'm sure if I brought
it up after 3 months of knowing him...I would have
still received the same reaction.

 
To avoid this, I'd only date like minded individuals. I'm Christian, so even if the person HAS been sexually active, they'd be abstaining because of their faith also.

Honestly, while sex shouldn't be discussed during the first date unless you're planning to have it ON the first date (hey, some do), when you're at the point where you're talking values and expectations, it needs to be known, personally. No. You don't have to put out there you are a virgin, but let it be known that you're not in any rush to have sex and if he feels that will be a problem, you'd understand.

I don't believe in wasting people's time. It's important to you not to, and sex may be important to them.

It may be annoying, but i f they don't want to date you because you're a virgin/not giving up the goodies respect that honesty! :) They weren't for you and you weren't for them. And if they're a jerk about it, even better. Poof, be gone.

And yes, I'm a virgin, too.
 
AnnDriena_ said:
I don't see this as a problem. Women will get mad if a guy pretends to believe and like the same things as them and waste their time and string them along and they'll get mad if they don't. What was he suppposed to do? What were you expecting from him?

You do need to date those that have the same beliefs as yourself. It's actually not a bad thing. It's a built in filter to keep your from wasting your and someone elses time.
Click to expand...

I actually thought he would be different.
He has most of the attributes that I want
in a potential partner. I thought I finally got lucky
and I felt that I could possibly get in a serious
relationship with him.
But, after I told him.. it was a complete 360.


I actually have a great filter,lol.
I date people according to my standards.. and
that's why..
He's the first person that I went out
on a date this year.
I'm just frustrated that when I bring
my virginity up.. it breaks everything off.
 
Guys can be weird about virginity. Some are fine about it!

Others? The exit stage left upon hearing it thinking you're not gonna let them be the one or you'll have sex, be clingy to them and they don't want that responsibility.

OR

It becomes some personal challenge to navigate "uncharted territory" and stick their flag and claim it.
 
being a fellow virgin i had to decide what it is that i wanted. we have different guidlines than others if you plan on dating a regular heterosexual male.lol.
it is a lot harder to casually date, since that usually entails sex, in today's time. so that will be harder, unless you're like me and usually have only first dates (it makes things a lot less complicated. lol)

but if you are looking for someone special, i think you should wait until you find out if this man is legit or not. springing it on them in the beginning will confuse the little man and his first instinct is to flee from the unknown. wait until they can really get to know who you are so they will look at you as [insert your name] who is a virgin...not, the virgin, who's name happens to be [insert your name]

lol
 
I never had this problem and I was a virgin in college with some fiends. I must have been lucky because most guys respected me for it and were still interested in me.

IMO the guy did you a favor and let you know what he was about. Whether you let him know now or later getting in the panties was his top priority over you.

Kudos to you for not settling.
 
I am an upfront person too. I personally dont see anything wrong with answer a question that you're being asked. Its good you told him that several weeks into it instead of several months. You know he's not the one so you can move on. If he doesnt want to pursue you because you're not promiscious, thats a good thing.
 
That's actually a pretty good scenario. I've told guys that I was a virgin early on and I became a sexual challenge for them. I'd prefer your scenario b/c saves alot of heartache and pain.

I cosign with everyone else about not telling a guy so soon. I wouldnt have told my SO for a long time if he didnt bring up the fact he was a virgin first.
 
Last edited:
I don't see a problem with you telling that information early on. Especially if you know the person is sexually active. If you abstaining from sex is a deal breaker for them its best to know earlier on than to waste people's time (yours and his). Let him move on to someone who wants to have sex and you can move on to finding someone who shares and/or respects your virginity.

I know I don't like for people to omit details like that. I'd be pissed if I found out months later.

Anyway, I understand what you mean by "burden". But it doesn't have to be. I agree that perhaps you should try to date more like minded men. But I know thats easier said than done.

I hope everything works out for you.
 
I guess it lets you know what they wanted in the first place. In this day and age virginity past a certain age is rare and IMO something to be proud of. If a guy is really that into you it would not make a difference to him. I am 20 and have never had intercourse, my SO knows this and it doesn't bother him. Then again we are waiting for marriage, so i guess that may make the difference. All the best girl, it really is not a burden. Better to have it "too long" (imo there is no such thing) than to lose it and regret it, its something precious!

ETA: in light of other responses, please be extra careful, because of guys potentially seeing you as just a "challenge" that once they've got it, they're over you (some guys do not grow up).
 
Skiggle said:

LOL.
Thinking about it
I never really had a problem.
I hate beating around the bush,
I prefer to be honest
and say what's on my mind.
:yep:
Some guys like it,
others don't..
Click to expand...

Continue to be upfront about it. It will weed out the ones that are focusing on getting to know you physically and the ones that are interested in you as a person. Better earlier than later. It will save you some heartache. :yep:
 
Hey Skiggle, all of the ladies already gave you some great advice but just thought that I would add a male perspective to the mix. He is by no means a relationship expert but certainly has a lot of wisdom and uses spirtual concepts as he is a Christian. Hopefully this may answer or shed light to some of your questions. He's really funny and straight up real btw.


http://www.youtube.com/user/tmotofga#play/uploads/31/xecceuLTHxo
 
Janice said:
Hey Skiggle, all of the ladies already gave you some great advice but just thought that I would add a male perspective to the mix. He is by no means a relationship expert but certainly has a lot of wisdom and uses spirtual concepts as he is a Christian. Hopefully this may answer or shed light to some of your questions. He's really funny and straight up real btw.


http://www.youtube.com/user/tmotofga#play/uploads/31/xecceuLTHxo
Click to expand...


Thank you, very much!
I really enjoyed his insight
about dating with out sex.
Part 3:11-3:25 had me rolling
when he held down his lower eyelid.
But I do agree with him
that a man will make moves
he finds something that he truly wants.
*Keeping that in mind, from now
on*


Ramya;8523224[B said:
]Continue to be upfront about it. It will weed out the ones that are focusing on getting to know you physically and the ones that are interested in you as a person.[/B] Better earlier than later. It will save you some heartache. :yep:
Click to expand...

I will!
I'm just going to quietly
move on and find someone else
who is interested in me 100%....
:).
 
prettyfaceANB said:
I am an upfront person too. I personally dont see anything wrong with answer a question that you're being asked. Its good you told him that several weeks into it instead of several months. You know he's not the one so you can move on. If he doesnt want to pursue you because you're not promiscious, thats a good thing.
Click to expand...

I think it's a big jump from not being a virgin to promiscuous. Not everyone holds sex in the same regard and it's wrong to fault a man simply because he holds a different viewpoint on it. His reason for not pursuing doesn't have to be because she isn't slutting it up. It could just be that he would want a sexual relationship eventually and doesn't want to waste her time if that's not what she's after. Plus some men just don't want to be anyone's first. It's a valid objection and he did the right thing by letting her know that they should just be friends. My only gripe is that he should've been a man about it and just told her instead of making her force a confrontation.
 
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