Moving slowly
- Thread starter LiftedUp
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bklynbornNbred
Well-Known Member
Someone can be a good man and still not be the man for you.
You've been dating "alpha" types for a reason. Getting with another type and then being disappointed that he's not acting like an alpha is a set up for failure. Ya'll been texting/talking everyday but the conversation hasn't turned to actually seeing each other more than once? Do you really want a life time of snail paced BS?
Having bad experiences with an alpha doesn't mean you delete all alphas from your dating pool. It means you identify the true aspects that were bothersome and press forward from there. You need to be dating multiple people before you promote any one to "the one" status. Texts and calls from someone that you were friends with isn't going to cut it. The expectations from a friend and a beau are different.
I wish black women would learn how to date and stop latching on the first thing that you think is good. Ya'll just rolling in the store and running out with the first thing you try on when there are other departments and floors you have never explored.
You can keep him on the bench if you want to but start to building your team and let the best man win.
LiftedUp
Well-Known Member
Late 20s SuchaLady 
lol
I've been doing the same thing and dating the same type man all my life, so I decided to do something different.
I get the impression that he's either afraid of me or subconsciously "friendzoning" me or just don't know how to get it moving.
We were friendly first so it's hard not be all of a sudden become unavailable even though I believe that I'm being too available.
This is the second time I've been trying to do things different and it's going all wrong 
I have the opposite issue to this. I'm picky. I mentally check off things in my mind and if one thing is off I don't give it a try.
Funny thing is, that I said I will no longer go for those socially popular guys anymore and now I feel like I've gotten the total opposite of that.
eta: I think I overreacted a little.
lolI've been doing the same thing and dating the same type man all my life, so I decided to do something different.
I get the impression that he's either afraid of me or subconsciously "friendzoning" me or just don't know how to get it moving.
We were friendly first so it's hard not be all of a sudden become unavailable even though I believe that I'm being too available.
This is the second time I've been trying to do things different and it's going all wrong
I have the opposite issue to this. I'm picky. I mentally check off things in my mind and if one thing is off I don't give it a try.
Funny thing is, that I said I will no longer go for those socially popular guys anymore and now I feel like I've gotten the total opposite of that.
eta: I think I overreacted a little.
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Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
Wait a second.... Maybe I'm confused.... What are you feeling annoyed about exactly?
You two aren't exclusive yet (I assume), so you should definitely be keeping your other options OPEN.
I know you're interested in him, but don't get caught up TOO soon! Right now, he doesn't really owe you anything much. You two still talk over the phone and through text. If I were you, I think I would cut down some on the texting and talking over the phone if you want to see where his interest lies. Sometimes you can talk so much over the phone/texting that there's nothing to talk about when/if you see the man in person... I would just stay easy-breezy and continue seeing other men OP.
Keep him in your back pocket, but don't put all of your eggs in ONE basket. Oh, and if he calls/invites you out again, don't act like: "Well it's about time!!" lol! Just be like "okay, sure...that sounds nice".
We don't know what's going on in his life right now. This is why it's good for women to have a pair and a spare...at least in the beginning lol That way you don't get too caught up in ONE man.
LiftedUp
Well-Known Member
Crystalicequeen123 I'm not a date multiple people type of girl. If I start seeing someone else it's because I'm not interested.
My dating is more courting. I should stop saying dating.
I think I was being a bit dramatic (which I have the tendency to be). We went out again and he asked me out again a couple of days in advance and I got the wining and dining I wanted.
I tried my best not to be itchy, I watched my tone. He is a nerd who's good looking but doesn't seem to know that because he identifies with being a nerd so much. So I think that he was stressing about it a little as well lol.
My dating is more courting. I should stop saying dating.
I think I was being a bit dramatic (which I have the tendency to be). We went out again and he asked me out again a couple of days in advance and I got the wining and dining I wanted.
I tried my best not to be itchy, I watched my tone. He is a nerd who's good looking but doesn't seem to know that because he identifies with being a nerd so much. So I think that he was stressing about it a little as well lol.
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
LiftedUp I understand....
Most women aren't. We're just not built for it lol.... 
My main point was not getting all of your eggs in one basket and filling up your whole head space with just ONE guy. If another guy shows interest and the other original guy is just sitting on his duff...then I have no qualms in letting ANOTHER guy show interest in me. I'm glad you got the wining and dining that you wanted though!
See, sometimes men just need a little bit of time. LIke I said, you don't know what's going on in people's lives, what they're working on or getting over, etc. Kudos to you on NOT being mean/attitudy when he finally did reach out/engage you in a date. 
Hope things work out! 
RoundEyedGirl504
Well-Known Member
Hmm is wanting a man to actually take you out on more than one date asking for too much? Or setting expectations he doesn't know about? I don't think so. Alpha, beta, gamma, whoever grown men know what's up. I wouldn't be calling him up to tell him hey you need to ask me out. That's bullisht.
