Very long post, enter with caution!

[monie20032007]

So my ex boyfriend left on Monday to go to the Navy. About 2 weeks before he left we started hanging out as much as he could before he left for the Navy. This guy seemed so perfect. He respected the fact that i wanted to wait until marriage to lose my virginity and things of that nature. He would tell me that no matter how long he had to wait he would and things like that. We weren't going out, but the ways things were going we were probably going to when he got back in March of next year. I had broken up with my other boyfriend because of that whole issue about sex before marriage, so he had me thinking that i finally found someone who would be willing to wait for me.

Before he left, we went to celebrate my sisters b-day which was the Saturday before he was to leave. We went to Red Lobster and rode in a nice limousine and just had a real good time. The next day, Sunday we went to church together along with my family and then headed for the fair, but first we had to take him to his hotel to get signed in and settled. We had a good time at the fair, holding hands, eating, and walking around. He leaves for the Navy and of course we have our moment to say goodbye. We said goodbye and off he went. About 4 days later, his ex calls me asking me are we going out. I tell her no, and we get to talking. He had his phone and other stuff sent back to his moms house and his little brother, being nosy goes through it and sees pics of me and him. He calls the ex and tells her and thats how we end up on the phone.

Long story short (not really lol) she tells me how bad he made me out to be. She was telling me that he said when we went out I cheated on him and that he caught me with my other ex in the bed together. BOLD FACE LIE. I have never had sex w/ anyone so I knew that was a lie. He also told me that his ex was a hoe and all this stuff about how she embarrassed him by the way she dressed and danced. He told me that they did not do anything w/ each other besides oral sex. So i ask her about it and she straight up declared that a lie saying that they did it so many times she lost count. I was crushed . And i get a letter from him today saying everything is ok with him and how he loves me so much and remember to write him. The things that makes me mad is that he got close to my family and she said the same things about hers. This just seemed to come out of no where, I was not expecting this at all. Now I dont know who to believe.

Maybe she is making it up so I will be mad at him and they can be together. Maybe he is a liar that needs serious help. I dont know. i was up all night thinking about all the other things he could have been lying to me about. im just confused and hurt but i know I will get through it. Thanks for listening and sorry this was extremely long.

 

[Rastafarai]

He also told me that his ex was a hoe and all this stuff about how she embarrassed him by the way she dressed and danced.

You can always tell about a man based on how he speaks of/about his previous relationships. Step away from the situation. He's not worth the drama.

 

[MixedBerry]

I would never date anyone who still has a live and active "ex". Meaning, if the ex is up-to-date on all my boyfriends whereabouts and escapades, time to say bye bye to him.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I'm scratching my head over so many things here but will just ask - why did you talk with the ex? she had no right calling you. Why did you discuss your relationship?

 

[FemmeCreole]

First off, you should not have entertained any conversation re your relationship with the guy's ex. As far as you know she may very well want him back and trying for you to end things with him. I've been through a situation like that where a woman went at lengths to find out who I was and find out how to reach me.... just to let me know BS.

You need to speak to the person the your are in the relationship with.

 

[monie20032007]

First off, you should not have entertained any conversation re your relationship with the guy's ex. As far as you know she may very well want him back and trying for you to end things with him. I've been through a situation like that where a woman went at lengths to find out who I was and find out how to reach me.... just to let me know BS.

You need to speak to the person the your are in the relationship with.

Yea I guess you're right. I need to try to contact him and ask him if its true

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I agree with Rasta, but I would have an open-ended type of conversation with him if/when possible and give him an opportunity to tell me what the deal is. However, I have to say that I would probably just be done with it. I recently learned the hard way that some folks take patience and grace for weakness.

 

[ThickHair]

Why did you even talk to her? How old are you? An ex calling will never EVER tell you everything was all cotton candy and lemon heads. WTH girl, think.

 

[PureSilver]

Yea I guess you're right. I need to try to contact him and ask him if its true

I would take a face to face approach, then you could see his expressions and reaction when you ask him. I don't know how soon it will be before you see him again but i would in the mean time take things slowly and don't send him mixed signals or make any promises to him. He seems like a genuine person and his ex may just wanna start some trouble, by all means avoid her.

I admire your loyalty to yourself in abstaining from sex until you get married, i truly hope the grace of god will carry you through.

 

[monie20032007]

Ok guys, so I know most of you guys are questioning why I would talk to her about anything, but actually talking to her helped me realize the truth. We came to the conclusion that this guy really needs professional help. There is no way that what she is saying is a lie. I text her yesterday asking how I was supposed to know she wasnt just lying so she and he could be together.

She called me back and we talked for about 4 hours telling each other all the stuff that happened. We realized that he was telling both of us the same thing, taking us to the same places and things of that nature. For example I was telling her how he had me feeling sorry for him when we went to the cemetery to see his father who passed away. She was like "gurl he took me there too" I was like for real? Then she asked me "did he take you to where his dad used to live?" and surely enough he did. I have no reason not to believe her now after she could basically tell me all of this.

The thing is now I just dont know how to address the issue with him because he is in Chicago for nine weeks and I wont get to see him face to face until then and thats what I prefer. Also if I write him in a letter that just gives him time to think of another lie so I truly wont get any answers. If I dont respond to his letters I feel that I will be wrong for that because as far as he knows he thinks I love him and wants to be with him so that will take him by surprise and distract him from what he needs to be doing. All I can do is pray about it and wait for God to give me the right answer.

Me and his ex both really believe that this guy has a problem with trying to please everyone. He lets the people he hangs around with define who he is and thats why it feels he was constantly backstabbing us because when he was with one, he was talking about the other. And also when he was with he recruiter, she also noticed he was being influenced in a negative way.

Just wanted to give you an update on the situation.

 

[Danene5]

Girl, leave him alone. No more contact is needed with her or him. He does need some serious help and you don't need that type of drama in your life. I just wouldn't respond to him. If you really feel bad, send him a letter. A DEAR JOHN LETTER. Let him know that the time was nice but you feel that you need to focus on other things in your life. With him being in the military that is a hard relationship to have from the beginning. Trust me. I would just let it go, looks like another love TKO.