Long Distance Dilemma

[KEWLKAT103]

Rastafarai, have you heard from him yet?

Yeah, any updates?

 

[Rastafarai]

Hi ladies! Thanks for checking in.

Yes, I did hear from him. I was fuming so I made the initiative to contact him. We spoke Monday night and he pretty much said he has to "reconsider things" when it comes to the matter of the heart. Of course in the same sentence he tells me he loves me and wants me but needs time to "fix himself".

So here's the run down on why he said this:

When we were together, he had confided in one of his acquaintances (we'll call him Bob) who knew more about our relationship than should have been revealed. Bob is also from Trinidad but lives in DC. Bob was always interested in me and the SO was eventually made aware of this. Anyway, when the SO and I were no longer on speaking terms or in a relationship, I met up with Bob for drinks and dinner. Bob and I also shared a kiss that night and no more. Bob confided his feelings and interest in me and said that what "remains in NYC stays in NYC". Fortunately, we never met after that one time because I realized I was never really over my feelings for SO.

That same week I told the SO what had happened. That was back in October 2008. He was disappointed, hurt, etc etc. seeing that I "got involved" with someone who challenged his ego. We thrashed it out and it supposedly was a done deal. Supposedly.

Anyway, fast-forward to last week and Bob spoke to the SO (on his birthday of all days) about what had happened, saying that I cannot be trusted, and also concocted a lie that I slept with him.
Even though the SO already knew about it, Bob had him fuming that he had the nerve to tell him about what he should do when it concerns me. This resulted in the weekend trip.

He emailed me today saying how he "let his guard down" when it came to me and how he loves me and wants me but "is not sure if he can give himself the way he did before".

So after not even a month of planning our future, he suddenly needs his space, and time to fix himself because good ol' Bob regurgitated what I thought was in the past.

At the end of the day its an ego thing, but yet he expects me to wait around hoping that he'll be fixed and we can then start where we left off? And if I move on my feelings aren't genuine? PLUHEASE!

I deleted all his contacts and best believe he will be calling. He's an Aquarius which means he's a walking contradiction and of course in the next conversation he'll say all these lovey dovey things to 'keep hope alive'. I'm not buying that ish again.

I've also ended all ties with Bob and I'm sure he'll be calling too to see how things are between Mr. Need-a-Break and I. You know, for checking in purposes.

At the end of the day, Bob accomplished what he wanted to accomplish and the SO is in limbo. One minute he's hot, the next cold.

Oh yeah, and he said he invited the woman in question because he wanted everyone to come to his 28th birthday party to help him "forget about what happened." Of course it was demanded I cut ties with Bob (for good reason) but yet he can accept gifts and not cut ties with her?

I swear I'm done with men. SWEAR IT.

 

[Rastafarai]

.
In my experience, dudes who go away to "clear their heads" always come back ready to move on. They were actually ready to do so in the first place, but instead of just saying so, they have to make a big production and to-do about it by taking these so-called "soul searching" trips.

Ain't that the truth. And this one is asking for more time too and expect me to just be all okey dokey with it.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

So, an update:

He didn't call as promised. But yet he found the time to mention on FB how he had "the best weekend ever."

I am sure he did. I could just wring this nig nogs neck!!!!!!!!!!!

So I wait. Maybe silence is the best solution to this madness.

stop going to his fb, its not solving anything and only making you more upset.

 

[Rastafarai]

stop going to his fb, its not solving anything and only making you more upset.

Girl, I cut all ties with him. He's on my FB block list.

 

[hopeful]

So this Bob is a friend/acquaintance of your SO? Did they know each other before you came into the picture? If my boyfriend kissed someone I knew (even though we were broken up) I would be very hurt. There are so many people in the world to date and kiss, to be going out with the person that he knows just wasn't right. I do now understand why he is so hurt and doesn't trust you. I'm sorry, I was really rooting for you, but I don't understand why you went out with someone he knew. Forgive me if I am misunderstanding something or if I'm coming off harsh.

 

[Rastafarai]

So this Bob is a friend/acquaintance of your SO? Did they know each other before you came into the picture? If my boyfriend kissed someone I knew (even though we were broken up) I would be very hurt. There are so many people in the world to date and kiss, to be going out with the person that he knows just wasn't right. I do now understand why he is so hurt and doesn't trust you. I'm sorry, I was really rooting for you, but I don't understand why you went out with someone he knew. Forgive me if I am misunderstanding something or if I'm coming off harsh.

No need, hopeful.

Bob was just an acquaintance with the SO before I came into the picture. They share an interest in motorsports and so the SO, Bob and several other individuals would meet up and either race cars, compete, talk about cars, etc. They were not good friends, but, Bob would continuously ask about him and I when we were together and when we had our issues. Bob knew of the history.

I had known of Bob when I met the SO which was sometime in Spring 2006 and did not meet up with him until two years later, in October 2008. That was 10 months after the SO and I were not on speaking terms and he was dating other people.

I met Bob because I was curious. And the rest is history.

But honestly, does it give the SO a right to hold that against me when we went our separate ways? Bob was not a good friend of SO and they were only on cordial terms when SO found out about his interest in me.

Moreover, why the sudden need to be given time/space to heal? Why not do that in Oct. 2008 when I told him what went down?

 

[KEWLKAT103]

Thanx for updating us Rasta.
Good to see you are done with this situation. The whole thing seems to have gotten to be quite messy.

 

[hopeful]

No need, hopeful.

Bob was just an acquaintance with the SO before I came into the picture. They share an interest in motorsports and so the SO, Bob and several other individuals would meet up and either race cars, compete, talk about cars, etc. They were not good friends, but, Bob would continuously ask about him and I when we were together and when we had our issues. Bob knew of the history.

I had known of Bob when I met the SO which was sometime in Spring 2006 and did not meet up with him until two years later, in October 2008. That was 10 months after the SO and I were not on speaking terms and he was dating other people.

I met Bob because I was curious. And the rest is history.

But honestly, does it give the SO a right to hold that against me when we went our separate ways? Bob was not a good friend of SO and they were only on cordial terms when SO found out about his interest in me.

Moreover, why the sudden need to be given time/space to heal? Why not do that in Oct. 2008 when I told him what went down?

But see this is someone he spends time with. Someone with a big mouth who likes you and who may in turn tell the other guys that he kissed and slept with you. That is very embarrassing. I know I know it's a lie but once you went out with him and kissed him, the door was open. You may not think they aren't really friends but they hang together and your SO has told him things about the two of you, so they have some type of relationship. Bob betrayed their friendship, he should have backed the heck up. It's just a no no to go out with your sweetheart's friends/associates/whatever unless you are sure you are completely through with him. And he seemed to get over it but didn't he just hear "the lie" recently? That opened it all up again. He probably just doesn't know what to think.

If you had just gone out with a "guy" no big deal, the guy he hangs out with on weekends sometimes, big deal imo. And I'm not trying to beat up on you, just want to be honest. We all make mistakes, I'm saying this to you so that you can understand his point of view and so that in the future you will understand that dating an SO's friends/associates is crossing a boundary that shouldn't be crossed. Just leave their people alone out of respect.

I do hope things work out for you though.

 

[bimbabe]

Good
Don't feed into his lies.
Don't answer his calls either!

ETA: I did not see your before post...just the FB post.
NO NO NO
BOB and this dude are garbage.

You need a clean break from this nonsense!

 

[tiara76]

men can hold onto things for years...they can tend to not be good at really processing matters of the heart, and they already let their minds run wild regardless....so in his head even though u may have told him the truth....they still have their own renditions of what they feel happened...esp if the ego is twisting it around....my ex still has a version of a situation that happened back in 07 that is so ridiculously off, however he can pull it up and be mad at it (his version) whenever he feels like it......so on top of them creating their own version, now here comes somebody else in the picture adding fuel to the fire and adding all sorts of extras on top of it....

However...you said he heard this on his birthday from other dude and at this time other female was already in the picture and on the island...if im not mistaken u said there were pics of them together from that night.....he could of easily just needed a really good reason to get away and spend time with the other girl and this just came right in handy

he could still be holding onto what u said back in Oct.....or he could have already established connections with the other girl since they had already been communicating before she even came out there, ....regardless he has stepped out to see whats up with the other chick

but he sounds like alot of men when it comes to having unresolved issues and emotions, egotistical actions and not so great developed emotional maturity levels

definitely a situation that if u are not wanting to be in or can't handle that you may definitely need to be out of

no need to swear off all men....most of them have no clue and are still learning and doing off the wall things in their ignorance, selfishness, stubborness and hurt (alot of them carry it around, and pride won't let them cop out to it, and if they were hurt by somebody they were open too, its really all bad if that pride steps in and stays in the way...no matter what they say their actions will still lash out at you)

some do got it together though, they are out there