Update: Relaxing hair to Get a Hubby!!! (LONG)

SouthernGirl

SouthernGirl

New Member
Hey You Guys :wave:

OMG!!!!!!! I'm in New York on business travel (crazy hectic- haven't been able to write for a few days) and I had to rush to my hotel to write back to you all. I called my girlfriend on my cell phone while in the Duane Reed store (fun place- lotsa hair stuff) :)

Anyhoo, we were catching up about this and that and I very gingerly approached the topic.

Me: "Hey Hunnie, I was gonna ask about your comments at dinner about your hair. I know you want to relax it, and I completely support you in whatever you decide to do." I love her so much- she's so cool!

Friend: "Really, girl, that's so sweet." I"m relaxed!!!!

I completely missed this. I'm going on and on about how beautiful she is and that there are so many options if she wants a change- press-n-curl, weave, etc. Then she says again, "I'm relaxed."

:shocked: :shocked: :shocked: :shocked:

Me: What????????????

Friend: "Yes girl. I went to the place I told you about the other day, and they did my hair." Ya'll probably heard me in Duane Reed, I was astonished.

Now, here is what I realized during this entire ordeal. This was not about imposing my opinions on my friend's decision to relax her hair. I've realized that because I care about her so much, I wanted to make sure I was there for her during this time, giving advice, moral support, opinions, etc. After a few posts here, I started to feel like I was overstepping my boundaries. NOT!!! Look what happened...

Friend: "Yes, I went to this place and they BURNED the H#@% out of my scalp AND neck! She now has a burned scalp, blisters on her neck, and her hair is BONE STRAIGHT and too thin for words :mad:

Me: "Hunnie, what type of perm did they use? Was is Mizani, Affirm, (I kept naming ones used in salons that all of you have given great feedback about."

Friend: "I have no idea. She didn't tell me."

Me: "Well, how long did they leave it on your hair?"

Friend: "Well, I don't know. When my scalp started burning, I made them rinse it out."

Me: "I thought this salon came highly recommended by someone you know?"

Friend: "It did, but I don't know if the same person that did my hair did my friend's. I thought she was going to shampoo my hair, then she started slathering on the relaxer, without a base!!!!!!!!"

Okay, I'm tired of being in roleplay now. At that point, I didn't want to worry her too much. I didn't want all of the information I've learned about relaxers to backfire. I know that all (or most) of the things this stylist did were wrong, but I didn't want to worry my friend and put any more stress on her.

I reassured her, told her that I have some great product recommendations for her to baby her hair back to good health so it can hopefully become thick and healthy again. I also let her know that since her hair was virgin, the damage may not have been too bad, so we'll just make sure it doesn't get over processed when she gets touch-ups henceforth. I also volunteered to either go to the salon with her, or do it myself. I'm also going to buy her a hair book as a gift. Please send recommendations!!

Wait a minute, what are the requirements for a cosmetology license???? :)

Moral of the story?

1) YOU know your friends best, and you can't mimize your gut feelings. Something made me feel compelled to post this thread, and I'm so glad I did.

2) It's better to be vocal when a friend expresses a concern than to not say anything. Had I called her sooner, she may have still relaxed, but at least I could have gone with her or at the very least, given her the name of stylists that many of you in the DC area trust.

3) No posts are too silly or controversial. It just might help someone!!

4) Everyone here should learn to self-relax if you don't have a stylist that is taking great care of your hair!!!

Finally, I will not publicize the name of the salon. I'm sure there are some other great stylists there, and I wouldn't want them to get a bad rep. This probably could have happened anywhere, and to any one of us, so make sure you are involved in the process of getting your hair done. Even if you're letting someone else do it!!!! My friend said at the end of the call that this person left her in so much pain, that she felt she was "hating" against her. She thought maybe she purposely messed up her hair because she is so attractive. I have no comments about this.

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR INPUT!!!
SG
 
Last edited:
UmSumayyah said:
We want the sylist's name.
And then we want her head on a platter :whip:...umm, I mean her license. :look:
Click to expand...

I know girl. I don't have the stylist's name, but i'll never forget the salon name. It is just a shame.

I'm meeting with her this weekend to give her a big hug. Hopefully it's not as bad as it sounds. I asked her if she put anything on her scalp and neck. She said some type of ointment on the neck, but nothing on the scalp. She'll probably have scabs in her scalp in a few days. Any recommendations?

Thanks,
SG
 
Oh nooo :nono: Her poor scalp you'd think a stylist would at least take out time to do like a pre-consult or something with someone who has virgin hair instead of just slapping the product in & not basing and even not telling her what she's putting on her head! You did your best though SG cuz a person will ultimately do what they're set on doing. You're nonetheless a great friend.
 
Hey SG -

Hope ur having a good time in my cold behind city (catch u next time girl...I have a visitor...*cough*)

You are really good and so caring. I hope your friend knows she's lucky to have you and that you care.

I know after a couple of bad experiences and reading this...it re-affirms why I do not suggest hair salons or refer stylists to anybody. I feel bad when folks ask me because I have to say nada....cause ish like this can possibly happen.

I hope that your friend's hair (and skin!) makes it through this ordeal.

A damn shame.:ohwell:
 
Well, SG then have your friend give us her physical description. Someone in the area can drop by the salon for a consult and get her name. Or your friend can call back. We really HAVE to put these people on blast, keep our "no-patronize" list current.
When I had scalp burns lavender essential oil diluted in safflower helped me, but aloe and vit. e are also good suggestions.
 
Thanks Miss Bobbie, Blessed1, Mona, Kitchen, and Umsayyah :)

I will give her the other remedies. I just left her a voicemail message. I appreciate all of your help.

As for the "no patronize" list, do we really have one of those on this site?

Mona, I'll PM you!!
 
UmSumayyah said:
Well, SG then have your friend give us her physical description. Someone in the area can drop by the salon for a consult and get her name. Or your friend can call back. We really HAVE to put these people on blast, keep our "no-patronize" list current.
When I had scalp burns lavender essential oil diluted in safflower helped me, but aloe and vit. e are also good suggestions.
Click to expand...

Actually, sometimes we can cause our own scalp burns, with washing too close to a relaxer, scratching scalp or just too much manipulation. I agree, she should have still based her scalp, especially since her hair was virgin. But there's NO excuse for neck burns. :mad:

Honestly, I've gone to several hair salons over the years and most of them didn't base your scalp, only if you requested it. :ohwell:
 
SouthernGirl said:
Oh my gosh, thanks Kitchen!!!!!! I didn't even know :clap: Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!
What does one do when they get to 1000?
Click to expand...

They keep posting, SG :lol:!

I'm so sorry about your friend's hair. This pained me to read. I agree with the vitamin E and aloe--I hope they help her.
 
Aloe vera is a good choice. Make sure she doesn't try to comb it as there may be hair embedded in those scabs. Tell her to allow it to fall off naturally. It should soften up a bit with her next wash. Tell her not too much rubbing or scratching of her scalp either. It could make the condition worse.

She can also try Neosporin ointment (not the cream) or bacitracin.
 
Honi said:
Aloe vera is a good choice. Make sure she doesn't try to comb it as there may be hair embedded in those scabs. Tell her to allow it to fall off naturally. It should soften up a bit with her next wash. Tell her not too much rubbing or scratching of her scalp either. It could make the condition worse.

She can also try Neosporin ointment (not the cream) or bacitracin.
Click to expand...

Thanks Honi :kiss:
 
Tell her to baby her hair. Chances are, they may not have neutralized the relaxer properly either and it could have continued to react well after her visit. No heat, put some neosporin on the sores and no scratching.
 
i am soooo sorry to hear this...before finding this board i started over completely not 1, not 2, not 3, but 4 times. i would grow my hair out with braids and once i got a perm i would have bald spots and lots of breakage. the pain of going through that over and over again. you're a great friend to help her out...and yeah, get her to join!
 
SouthernGirl said:
I reassured her, told her that I have some great product recommendations for her to baby her hair back to good health so it can hopefully become thick and healthy again. I also let her know that since her hair was virgin, the damage may not have been too bad, so we'll just make sure it doesn't get over processed when she gets touch-ups henceforth. I also volunteered to either go to the salon with her, or do it myself. I'm also going to buy her a hair book as a gift. Please send recommendations!!

SG
Click to expand...


Honestly that would have been your best best as opposed to trying to get her to change her mind about relaxing.
But I'm glad you are offering to assist her now
although when I said before that if things don't turn out the way she hoped with being relaxed I wasn't refering to a relaxer gone bad, I'm sure it'll grow back. :)
 
Sorry to hear about your friend SG. This happened to me before but it was from a touch up gone bad. Neosporin helped heal the sores and not combing through the hair. Tell her to just let it heal and do not pick the scabs. Its hard not to but she will be better off if she just lets it heal naturally and also tell her not to do any heat styling for a while because the scalp is irritated and sore it is best to roller set it. Like I said this happened to me but not all over my head but she'll be okay. Good thing she has a friend like you. HTH.
 
I'm soooo sorry to hear about your friend. You really need to tell us the name of that salon. And it could be true that they were jealous and trying to sabotage your friend. This is why *no one throw rocks* I like to frequent Dominican Salons, I see a lot less jealousy and I can just get my hair done with out someone trying to scalp me.

Disclaimer: Ms. Kenesha recognizes that not all black american stylists are jealous of their clients and intend to do their hair harm. :up:
 
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